The Determining (20 page)

“Hi.” She worked to exude confidence.

“Charlotte, this is your mother.” The calm in Margaret’s voice sounded eerie.

“I know.” Charlie replied as she settled herself on one of the stools, anticipating a long and difficult conversation.

“Charlotte, what the hell were you thinking?” Margaret’s voice remained even.

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately.” Charlie kept her voice just as even and monotone.

“You know what I mean.” Margaret faltered, unable to control her irritation. “What were you thinking when you married that man?”

“I was thinking that my father attacked me. I’m not sure if you remember that or not. And that the man
you
wanted me to marry would, in a likelihood, have beaten me, too.” She wanted to jump through the phone and strangle Margaret. How could her mother not understand the desperation that drove her to marry a total stranger?

“Do you know what your selfishness has cost your father? His company?” Margaret snarled.

“When did self-preservation become selfish?”

“Because of you, the merger with Novack Enterprises is on hold. That merger would have guaranteed the company’s continued success and your future. Now we have to fix your mess.”

“The
merger
? Are you even listening to yourself?” Charlie demanded, fighting to keep the tremor from her voice. “He could have killed me, Mother, and then I wouldn’t even have a future for you to barter with. And you call
me
selfish? You don’t—”

“Stop it, Charlotte. Your actions could have ruined everything,” Margaret hissed. The sound crackled in Charlie’s ear.

“You predicted this, Mother. My first dance did become my husband.”

“It was supposed to be Mason. You were
meant
to marry him. Marrying Thayer McLean is a huge mistake.”

“And you have yet to tell me why.” Charlie sighed heavily. “It’s too late now, anyway. Just give this up.” She leaned forward, resting her head in her hand.

“No. Come home now and your father will fix this.”

Her mother’s demand caught her off guard. “There is nothing to fix. I’m exactly where I want to be. Anyway, Richard can’t undo this.”

“Yes, he can. If you come home now, we can say the video was a fake.” A nervous edge has entered Margaret’s voice and her words were rushed. “Your father will erase the marriage from your chip and all this will be over. But you have to come home. You must acknowledge the marriage as false.”

Charlie scoffed. “Richard isn’t interested in fixing anything, ever. He wants to break me down until there’s nothing left of me that can stand. I won’t crawl back just to be broken again.”

“Then stay there and hide. Either way, your father will get his way. Your marriage to Mason is inevitable,” Margaret threatened.

Charlie blanched, remembering her dance with Mason at her coming-out.
We are an inevitability.
“If he tries to invalidate this marriage, I’ll tell anyone who will listen what he did to my Determining and my Compatibility test with Drew. I’ll tell the city Guard about the attack Everyone will know his dirty little secrets. I didn’t have a choice in my Determining, but I won’t let you and Richard make this decision for me. I’m not coming home. Nothing you do will make me.” Charlie’s breath came out in heavy puffs when she finished her rant.

Margaret responded in a strained whisper. “You will regret this.”

“No, I don’t think I will.” She hung up before Margaret could utter a word. Clenching her hands into fists, she wished she had the strength to break the phone in two.

Slamming the phone down on the counter, Charlie jumped off the stool and stomped over to the sink. She plunged her hands into the now cold water. With more force than necessary, she turned on the hot water, refilling the sink. She reached into the soapy water but pulled her hands back with a hiss when the hot water scalded her.

“Damn it!” She let out a string of curses.

Tears stung the back of her eyes, threatening to break free. The more she fought to control them, the harder it became to keep them at bay. Finally, she just let them fall. She hadn’t cried over the attack, Drew, or any of the other things that had happened to her since the Determining. Now it seemed like every bruise and every piece of her broken heart fought to be expelled from her body.

Frustrated by her weakness, Charlie shoved her hands back into the scalding water. Ignoring the pain, she forced herself to finish washing the dishes. Unable to see anything through the constant flow of tears, she worked by feel. When she thought of Richard’s abuse, Mason’s comments in the elevator, and her mother’s indifference, she gripped the sponge tighter, scrubbing with more force.

By the time she finished, her arms ached and her hands stung. Her tears slowed enough for her to see. She looked at the pile of clean dishes, not knowing where any of them belonged, and threw her hands up in exasperation.

“I give up,” she said to herself, drying her hands on her pants and using the heels of her palms to rub her eyes.

Behind her, Thayer cleared his throat. She jumped, quickly wiping away any evidence of her breakdown. She turned to face him, knowing she must look puffy and red.

He stood in the doorway with his hands in his pockets. When he saw her red eyes, a little wrinkle formed between his brows. “You didn’t have to clean up. I would have done that,” he spoke gently.

“It’s the least I could do.” She cringed at the nasally sound of her voice. “Anyway, I need to get familiar with the kitchen.”

“Right.” She expected him to say or do something, but he just stood in the doorway, watching her.

“Did you need something?” Charlie wished he would leave. She didn’t like being so vulnerable in front of him.

“My conference call ended.” He walked toward the pile of clean dishes, grabbing one of the mugs from the top. “I need more caffeine if I expect to get through the rest of my day.”

Rather than stand and watch him, Charlie started opening cabinets, searching for the proper place for each clean dish.

“Here.” Thayer reached from behind her, taking the skillet she held. His fingers brushed against hers. She turned to face him, surprised at his nearness. They stood toe to toe, his chest merely inches from hers. She looked up at him, keeping a neutral expression plastered on her face.

“I need to learn where everything goes.” Determination filled her.

“I can show you.” His eyes held hers with a steady look.

The spicy scent of his soap filled her nose. “I can figure it out.” She tried to ignore the alluring fragrance as she stared back at him.

“I know.” His proximity made her nervous.

She took a step back but didn’t refuse his help. She handed him the dishes, watching him put them away. Again, she couldn’t help noticing how comfortable he seemed. She found herself watching him rather than noting where all the dishes went.

“I should get back to work,” he said, placing the final dish in its cupboard. He turned, eyeing her. “Will you be alright on your own for the rest of the day?”

“Of course. I have some loose ends to tie up.” She turned, heading back to the guestroom.

“See you for dinner?” Thayer called after her.

“Mmhmm.”

Her room had simple grey walls, a black futon, and a matching black desk. Shelves were built into the wall behind the futon in random increments. Most sat empty, but one near the nightstand held a small bamboo plant. Charlie looked at the green plant, one of the only colorful things in the angular room. The other shelves displayed expensive pieces of art or remained empty.

Walking inside, Charlie sat at the desk where she’ left her tablet the night before. With a few clicks, she accessed her school email account. She typed a general email to all her professors, explaining her sudden marriage and the week of classes she would miss. She prayed they would understand as she clicked send.

With nothing left to do, she logged onto her personal email account. She let out a frustrated groan when she saw over two hundred unopened messages. That couldn’t be right. She’d just emptied her inbox the day before.

Beginning the arduous process of sorting through the messages, she noticed a common theme in the emails. Almost each one was from a reporter asking for an exclusive on her marriage to Thayer. Some had even sent her multiple messages. It seemed that as soon as she deleted one, another popped up to take its place.

She was tempted to empty her inbox, but she spotted a few personal messages in the quagmire she needed to read. So she scrolled through, reading the personal messages as she came across them and erasing everything in between. Soon the words on the screen melded together into a mass of incomprehensible letters. She stopped thinking about her task and started clicking the delete button without any thought.

Her phone rattled on the desk, pulling her attention away from the swarm of unwanted emails. She looked at the screen. Ruth’s name and picture flashed next to the text symbol.

Charlie’s heart hammered as she opened the message.

-I just saw the news. I’m trying to understand all this but you have to tell me, what the hell is going on? Don’t respond to this unless you’re willing to tell me everything. I don’t want to hear any more of your lies.

Charlie immediately typed out a response but stopped before sending it. Could she tell Ruth everything? About her father, Drew, and the Lottery? Even if Ruth believed her, she doubted the truth would make a difference. Either way, this wasn’t a conversation she wanted to have over text.

She dialed and waited for an answer, her breath whooshing in her ears.

“Why did you do it?” Ruth snapped without a hello.

Charlie paused, trying to gather her thoughts. She needed to tread with caution if she wanted to preserve this relationship. “I know that nothing I say is going to make this better, but I want you to know that I didn’t do this on purpose. I wasn’t lying when I told you I have no interest in Thayer.”

“You haven’t answered my question,” Ruth replied tersely.

“So much has happened since the party, I don’t even know where to start.” Charlie stood up from the desk, walking to the futon. She laid down on her back and stared up at the ceiling.

“Just start and we’ll go from there,” Ruth commanded.

Charlie swallowed. “After the party, my parents brokered a deal with Councilman Novack. I was being married off to Mason as the final piece to solidify the merger between his company and my father’s. The only way to get out of the marriage was to marry someone else.”

“Why didn’t you just marry Drew?” Charlie could hear the emotion crackle in Ruth’s voice.

“We tried. Our test was…” Charlie stopped. She desperately wanted to tell Ruth how Richard had rigged the test but thought better of it. “It came back incompatible.”

“So the next best option was to steal my last hope for a proper marriage.” Ruth’s voice rose in a shrill demand.

“No! I entered my name in the Lottery; it was my last resort. Thayer was the one it paired me with. I had no control over who the Lottery selected. I didn’t even know he’d entered his name.” Charlie tapped her fingers on the desk in frustration.

“That’s ridiculous,” Ruth scoffed. “You need to come up with something better than that, Charlotte.”

“It’s the truth.” Charlie fought to keep her voice even.

“I doubt that. You’ve always been a selfish little princess.” Ruth’s words were biting and intended to wound. “I don’t know why we’re friends at all.”

Between her parents and Ruth, she’d had enough. “I’ve told you the truth. I can’t do anything to change what’s happened. You can call me selfish and get mad at me, but I’m not sorry that I acted to save myself from an abusive father and an abusive marriage.”

“I’m done with your lies, Charlotte. I’m done with you.” A click and a definite silence followed the pronouncement.

Charlie dropped the phone onto her stomach. She stared up at the ceiling as emptiness overwhelmed her. In one day she’d lost her boyfriend and now her one friend.

She felt completely alone.

Charlie stared at her tablet. Her mind was useless, like her brain had begun to liquefy. Her professors had responded to her email within a few hours. Each congratulated her and provided the work she’d needed to keep up with her classes. Her to-do list included two ten-page essays, four online tests, one research project, and over three hundred pages of reading and notes. At first she’d welcomed the distraction, but as the afternoon wore on, the list grew more daunting. It took most of the day, but she managed to complete the work for two of her easier classes. Now, she didn’t think she could handle anything more.

She propped her head in her hands and yawned. Glancing at the clock, she realized lunch had passed by without her notice. She’d been working for hours. No wonder her brain felt full to overflowing. Though she had no appetite, she needed a break.

Padding down the stairs, she headed to the deserted living room. She sprawled out on the couch and turned on the TV. She flipped through the channels, avoiding any station that might still be covering her elopement. She settled on a channel showing a movie.

Charlie hadn’t seen this particular film before, but she’d heard all about it. Rather than follow the trends, the director decided to pay homage to Old World films by shooting the entire movie in black and white. Critics hadn’t responded well to the idea. Rather, they deemed the attempt at simplicity boring and unoriginal.

Watching the film now, Charlie disagreed with the critics. The lack of color did nothing to diminish vibrancy on screen. Rather than relying on color, the director used light and dark to accentuate the actors and their performance. To her, the emotion the actors produced seemed more realistic in black and white than it would have in color. She lost herself in the actors’ expressions and the meaning in their simple movements. Though her knowledge of the Old World was limited, she found herself longing for the time pre-chip.

Charlie let out a satisfied sigh when the credits rolled. She allowed herself to remain on the couch, enjoying the chance to relax. Closing her eyes, her body melted into the cushions beneath her. Another movie started in the background, but she didn’t hear it as she drifted off to sleep.