The Dreamseller: The Calling (2 page)

One more person hoped to cut short his brief existence. In a time steeped in sadness, more people died at their own hands than through war or murder. The numbers were astonishing to anyone who thought about them. Pleasure had become as wide as an ocean but as shallow as a pond. Many of the financially and intellectually privileged lived dull, empty lives, isolated in their world. Society afflicted the poor and the well-to-do equally.

The San Pablo jumper was a forty-year-old man with a
well-chiseled face, strong eyebrows, taut skin and overgrown well-kept salt-and-pepper hair. His air of sophistication, though, sculpted through long years of study, was now reduced to dust. Of the five languages he spoke, none had helped him understand the language of his internal demons. Drowning in depression, he lived a meaningless life where nothing moved his spirit.

At that moment, only the end of his life seemed to matter. The monstrous phenomenon called death, which seemed so terrifying, was also a magical solution to his tortured soul. He looked upward, as if wishing to redeem himself for his last act, looked at the chasm below and took two quick, careless steps forward. The crowd gasped, fearing he was about to jump.

Some of the onlookers bit their fingernails under the mounting stress. Others didn’t dare blink for fear of missing a single detail. Human beings hate pain but have an extreme attraction to it; they detest misfortune and poverty, but such things seduce the eye. Even knowing that watching the outcome of that tragedy could cost them countless sleepless nights, they still could not look away. Meanwhile, drivers caught in the snarling traffic could not care less about the impending doom above, and leaned impatiently on their horns. Some stuck their heads out the windows and bellowed, “Jump and get it over with!”

The chief of police followed the firemen to the top of the building, each trying and failing to reason with the would-be jumper. Defeated, the authorities reached out to a renowned psychiatrist, who was hastily called to the scene. The doctor, too, attempted to gain the man’s trust, trying to make him see the consequences of his actions—but he couldn’t even get close. “One more step and I’ll jump!” the man shouted. He seemed certain that only death would finally silence his thoughts. Audience or no, his decision was made. His mind replayed his misfortunes, his frustrations, feeding the fever of his grief.

Meanwhile, down on the street below, a man tried to make his way through the crowd toward the building. He looked like just another curious on-looker, only more poorly dressed. He wore a wrinkled black blazer over a faded blue shirt, long-sleeved and stained in places. He wasn’t wearing a tie. And his wrinkled black pants looked like they hadn’t been washed in a week. His longish, uncombed hair was graying at the temples. His full beard had gone untrimmed for some time. Dry skin with prominent wrinkles around his eyes and in the folds of his face showed he sometimes slept out in the open. He was between thirty and forty, but seemed aged beyond his years.

His unstructured appearance contrasted with the delicacy of his gestures. He gently touched people’s shoulders, smiling as he passed. They couldn’t describe the sensation of being touched by him, but they quickly made room for him.

He approached the crime scene tape but was stopped from going any further. Disregarding the barrier, he stared into the eyes of those blocking his way and said flatly, “I need to go in. He’s waiting for me.”

The firemen looked him up and down and shook their heads. He looked more like someone who needed help rather than someone who could provide it.

“What’s your name?” they asked, without blinking.

“That doesn’t matter at a time like this,” the mysterious man answered firmly.

“Who called you here?” the firemen asked.

“You’ll find out. But if you keep me here any longer, you’ll have to prepare for another funeral,” he said, raising his eyes toward the top of the building.

The firemen were starting to get nervous and the mysterious man’s last phrase shook them. He hurried past them. “After all,” they thought, “maybe he’s an eccentric psychiatrist or a relative of the jumper.”

When he got to the top of the building, the stranger was stopped again, this time by the police chief.

“Hold it right there. You can’t be here,” adding that he should go back down at once.

But the man stared at them for a moment and answered calmly, “What do you mean I can’t be here? You were the ones who called me.”

The police chief looked at the psychiatrist who looked at the fire chief. They gestured to one another to find out who might have called this man. In that moment of confusion, the stranger hurried past the officer. There was no time to stop him. Any commotion could spook the jumper into carrying out his plan. They bit their lips and waited to see what happened.

This man who had come out of nowhere, uninvited and apparently unshaken by the possibility of this jumper plunging to his death, moved toward the ledge until he was dangerously close, about three feet away. Surprised, the jumper stammered, “Get away from me or I’ll kill myself!”

The stranger didn’t flinch. Nonchalantly, he sat down on the ledge, took a sandwich from his coat pocket, and started eating it with gusto. Between bites, he whistled a cheery tune.

The jumper didn’t know what to think. He took it as an insult and shouted:

“Stop that whistling! I’m going to jump.”

Annoyed, the stranger turned from his sandwich. “Could you not interrupt my dinner?” he said and took several more healthy bites of his meal, swinging his legs over the ledge. He then looked at the confused jumper and offered him a bite.

Looking on, the officials were stunned. The police chief’s lips trembled, the psychiatrist’s eyes widened and the fire chief could only furrow his brow.

The jumper just stared and thought, “This guy’s crazier than me.”

T
O WATCH SOMEONE ENJOY EATING A SANDWICH JUST
inches from a man about to jump to his death was surreal, like something out of a movie. The would-be jumper narrowed his eyes, tightened every muscle in his face and breathed fiercely, not knowing whether to jump, scream or pummel this stranger. Panting, he yelled at the top of his lungs, “Get out of here, already! I’m going to jump.”

And he came within a hair of falling. This time, to those down below, it seemed, he really would smash into the ground. The crowd buzzed in horror and the police chief covered his eyes, not bearing to watch.

Everyone expected the stranger to pull away. He could have said, as the psychiatrist and the policeman had, “No, don’t do it! I’m leaving,” or simply offered advice like, “Life is beautiful. You can overcome your problems. You have your whole life ahead of you.” But, to everyone’s surprise, especially the man on the ledge, he hopped to his feet and began reciting a poem at the top of his lungs. He spoke toward the sky and pointed at the would-be jumper:

Let the day this man was born be struck from the record of time!

Let the dew from the grass of that morning evaporate!

Let the clear blue sky that brought joy to strollers that afternoon be withheld!

Let the night when this man was conceived be stolen by suffering!

Reclaim from that night the glowing stars that dotted the heavens!

Erase from his infancy all his smiles and his fears!

Strike from his childhood his frolicking and his adventures!

Steal from him his dreams and his nightmares, his sanity and his madness!

When he was done, the stranger let a sadness wash over him. He dropped his voice and his gaze and said softly, “one,” offering no further explanation. The crowd, amazed, wondered whether it might all be some sort of street theater. Neither did the police officer know how to react: Would it be better to interfere or wait to see where this all led? Hoping for an explanation himself, the fire chief looked at the psychiatrist, who said, confused:

“I don’t know a thing about . . . He must be just another nut.”

The jumper was stunned. The stranger’s words echoed in his mind. Trying to make sense of it, he lashed out: “Who are you to try to assassinate my past? What right do you have to destroy my childhood? What gives you the right?”

Even as he said it, the jumper thought, “Can it be that I’m the one committing this murder?” But he tried to shrug off the thought.

Catching the jumper deep in thought, the stranger provoked him further.

“Be careful. Thinking is dangerous, especially for someone who wants to die. If you want to kill yourself, don’t think.”

The man was dumbfounded; the stranger seemed to read
his mind. He thought: “Is this man encouraging me to jump? Is he some kind of sadist? Does he want to see blood?” He shook his head as if to cut short his trance, but thoughts always undermine impulsive desires. Seeing the jumper’s mental confusion, the stranger spoke softly, to drive home his point.

“Don’t think. Because if you do, you’ll realize that whoever kills himself commits multiple homicides: First, he kills himself and then, slowly, he kills those left behind. If he thinks, he’ll understand that guilt, mistakes, disappointments and misfortune are the privileges of living. Death has no privileges.” The stranger’s personality shifted from confidence to sorrow. He said the word “four” and shook his head indignantly.

The jumper was paralyzed. He wanted to disregard this stranger’s ideas, but they were like a virus infecting his mind. Trying to resist the temptation to think, he instead challenged the stranger.

“And who are you to try antagonizing me instead of saving me? Why don’t you treat me like what I am: a sick, pitiful mental case?” He raised his voice. “Leave me alone! I have nothing left to live for.”

Undaunted, the stranger lost his patience and pressed forward.

“Who says you’re this wilting flower? A man who has lost his love of life? Some poor, underprivileged soul who can’t bear the weight of his past? To me, you’re none of that. To me, you’re just a man too proud to be affected by misery greater than your own, a man who has locked his feelings away deep inside.”

The man on the ledge felt as if he had been struck in the chest, unable to breathe. Angrily, he growled, “Who are
you
to judge me?”

The stranger had pegged him perfectly. Like a bolt of lightning, his words had pierced the deepest reaches of his memory.
At that moment, the man on the ledge thought about his father, who had crushed his childhood and caused him so much pain—his emotionally distant father, who would never let anyone in. It was extremely difficult for the man to deal with the scars from the past. Rattled by those haunting memories, he said in a softer tone, now with tears in his eyes:

“Shut up! Don’t say another word. Let me die in peace.”

Seeing that he had touched a deep wound, the stranger also softened his tone. “I respect your pain and cannot judge it. Your pain is unique, and you are the only one who can truly feel it. It belongs to you and to no one else.”

These words nearly brought the man to tears. He understood that no one can judge another’s suffering. His father’s pain was unique and therefore could not be felt or judged by anyone other than his father. He had always blamed his father, but for the first time he began to see him through different eyes. At that moment, to his surprise, the stranger said something that could have been taken as praise or criticism.

“And in my eyes, you’re also something else: courageous. Because you’re willing to smash your body in exchange for a restful sleep, even if it is inside of a tomb. That is, without a doubt, a beautiful illusion . . .” And he paused so the man could fully realize the consequences of his actions.

Again, the man wondered about this stranger who showed up just in time with words that cut to the quick. A night of eternal sleep in a tomb? The idea suddenly sickened him. Still, insistent on carrying out his plan, he fought back:

“I don’t see any reason to go on with this worthless life,” he argued, vehemently, furrowing his brow, tormented by the thoughts that ran uninvited into his head. The stranger confronted him poignantly:

“Worthless life? You ingrate! Your heart, at this very moment, must be trying to burst from your chest to save itself
from being killed.” He pleaded, in the voice of the man’s own heart: “No! No! Have pity on me! I pumped your blood tirelessly, millions of times. I lived only for you. And now you want to silence me, without even giving me the right to defend myself? I was the most faithful of servants. And what is my reward? A ridiculous death! You want to stop my beating only to end your suffering. How can you be this selfish? If only I could pump courage into your selfish veins.” Challenging the man further, he asked, “Why don’t you pay attention to your chest and hear the desperation of your heart?”