The Drop of the Dice (Will You Love Me in September?) (38 page)

‘That is the sort of bet you can always make with certainty,’ I said.

I was indeed happy during those early days of my pregnancy. It was only now and then when I thought of Jeanne that the shadow would fall; and every time I looked at the bezoar ring I imagined her going boldly into that shop with the tale she had prepared about hurrying to France and needing the money urgently.

Sabrina was not sure whether she wanted a baby or not. Sometimes she talked about it excitedly and what she would do when it came. She would teach it to ride and tell it the stories I used to tell her, she decided.

‘It will be a long time before the baby is able to ride,’ I warned her.

‘Oh, you can’t start too young,’ said Sabrina with an air of wisdom.

Then at times she was jealous of it. ‘I believe you like this baby more than you like me. And it’s not here yet.’

‘I love you both.’

‘But you can’t love two people the same.’

‘Oh yes you can.’

‘No. You have to love one more and this one is your own.’

‘So are you, Sabrina.’

‘But I wasn’t born yours.’

‘It makes no difference.’

‘I wish this one wasn’t coming. I know it will be silly… sillier than Jean-Louis.’

‘He’s not silly.’

‘And I don’t like her, either.’

‘Who is that?’

‘His grandmother. I don’t like her.’

‘I thought you liked to listen to her.’

‘Not any more.’ She brought her face close to mine. ‘I don’t like her because she doesn’t like me.’

‘Of course she likes you.’

‘And she doesn’t like the new one either.’

‘You’re not telling the truth, Sabrina.’

‘It is the truth. I know it.’

‘She didn’t say so.’

‘She
looks
it. I don’t like her. I don’t like Aimée and I don’t like Jean-Louis.’

‘Oh, you are in a disliking mood.’

‘Uncle Lance likes Aimée, though.’

‘Of course he does. We all do… except you, of course.’

‘He likes her… kind of special.’ She hunched her shoulders and looked mysterious.

‘Who told you?’

‘I saw them.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I saw them talking.’

‘Why shouldn’t they talk?’

‘I saw them. I knew. He likes her and she likes him… a lot.’

It was silly to listen to Sabrina. She told wild stories, and if she saw that she had caught my attention her stories would become wilder. All she was doing was calling attention to herself, for she had an idea that now the baby was coming she was being set aside.

I tried to be extra loving to her. She responded, but the suspicious jealousy was there, and I felt it growing.

After the first two months of pregnancy I began to feel quite ill. Aimée soothed me. It had been the same with her, she told me. She had been wretchedly ill during the first months. But it passed. What was that tisane Jeanne had made? She thought she remembered. She would ask her mother, for she was sure she would know. She believed it was a well-known remedy in France for morning sickness.

Madame Legrand was only too delighted to make the tisane. She wasn’t sure that it was the same as Jeanne’s, but there was a recipe in her family which had been handed down for generations, and if she could lay her hands on the right herbs she would make it for me.

She did, and I felt worse after it. I thought it didn’t agree with me.

‘That can’t be,’ said Aimée. ‘It often makes you worse for a time and then it cures you. You see.’

Madame Legrand was disappointed. She had believed it to be a certain remedy. She immediately prepared another, and I felt considerably better after taking it.

‘I think we have hit on the right thing,’ said Madame Legrand. ‘The first one was too strong.’

Lance was deeply concerned. ‘You’ll have to rest more, Clarissa,’ he said. There’s no help for it.’

I did not ride but I did like walking. Lance said we should go to the country, which would be so much better for me. I supposed it would be, but I missed my walks through the teeming streets of London.

However, we went to the country, and Lance said he thought I should stay there until the child was born. He would have to be in London some of the time, of course, but he would accompany me and stay with me for a few weeks.

So we went to the country. Madame Legrand declared herself delighted with Clavering Hall.

‘It is beautiful,’ she said. ‘The old English country house! Never would I wish to leave it.’

‘You’re welcome to stay as long as you like,’ Lance told her in his generous way.

‘Your husband is a reckless man,’ she told me with a smile. ‘Listen to what he say to me! Why, you might be hating me in a few months’ time.’

‘I am sure, Madame Legrand, I could never hate you, however much I tried,’ said Lance.

‘Oh, he is a charmer,’ she replied.

I did not feel any better in the country, in spite of the tisanes which Madame Legrand continued to make for me.

I remember one occasion when Sabrina was with me. She used to come and sit on my bed when I felt it necessary to be there.

‘You see what a lot of trouble this baby is causing,’ she said. ‘You have to rest in bed because of it. You never had to rest in bed because of me.’

‘Oh dear, Sabrina,’ I replied, ‘don’t be jealous of this little baby. You’re going to love it as much as I do when it comes.’

‘I am going to hate it,’ she told me cheerfully.

One of the servants brought in the tisane on a tray and as soon as we were alone Sabrina picked it up and sipped it.

‘Ooo, it’s nasty. Why are things to do you good always nasty?’

‘Perhaps we imagine they’re nasty.’

Sabrina pondered that. ‘Nice things do you good sometimes. You’re wearing your ring. That’s the one Jeanne stole. It’s rather a funny ring. It belonged to a Queen.’

‘That’s right.’

‘Granny Priscilla told me about it. Kings and Queens had them because people were trying to poison them and if you put the ring in the drink the poison goes into the ring.’

‘Something like that.’

She had the ring from my finger, and with a laugh dropped it into the tisane.

‘Let’s see what happens,’ she said.

‘Nothing will happen. That was not poison.’

Sabrina’s eyes grew round. ‘Suppose it was? Then we’d see it go into the ring.’

She held it up to the light. ‘I can’t
see
anything,’ she said.

Nanny Curlew came in. ‘Time for bed, Miss Sabrina. What are you doing?’

‘She’s testing my ring, Nanny. My bezoar ring.’

‘Whatever next!’

‘I can see it going in!’ cried Sabrina.

‘What nonsense! You can’t see anything.’

‘I can. I can.’

I took it from her. The ring and the liquid were quite unchanged. I picked out the ring. ‘Now it’s wet,’ I said, ‘and I really don’t fancy drinking that now.’

‘I’ll get another one made for you, my lady,’ said Nanny Curlew.’

‘Oh thanks,’ I said.

Sabrina put her arms round my neck. ‘Don’t get killed,’ she begged.

I laughed. ‘Dear Sabrina, I have no intention of doing so.’

Nanny Curlew brought a towel and wiped the ring which I slipped on to my finger, and Sabrina went off with her.

A little while later Madame Legrand came into the room with another tisane.

‘Nanny Curlew explained,’ she said. ‘She tells me Mademoiselle Sabrina have too much imagination. She look for poison with your ring in the tisane.’

I laughed. ‘Sabrina likes drama.’

‘And to be the centre of it, eh? I know that one.’

I had noticed that one of the young men who came to Lance’s gambling parties was interested in Aimée. Not that other men had not been, but with Eddy Moreton it was different. He was a tall, rather gangling young man with very fair hair, pale blue eyes, a rather prominent nose and a weak chin. He was an inveterate gambler and I heard that he had once won fifty thousand pounds in one night at the gambling tables in one of the London clubs and lost it before the week was out. He was the younger son of a rich father, but he had quickly got through his inheritance and the rest of the family frowned on his activities. All the same he was a likeable person, always good-natured, happy-go-lucky and always ready to take a gamble.

I mentioned him to Aimée, for I had always thought it would be a good idea for her to settle down and marry. She was young, attractive, and she needed someone who would be a father to Jean-Louis.

‘I like Eddy,’ she said, ‘but he has nothing but his winnings. If I had had your luck with the Bubble, I wouldn’t have to consider these things. As it is… what would we live on?’

‘I believe he is fond of you and if you loved him…’

‘You can’t live on love, sister.’

All the same I think she liked Eddy. She certainly led him to believe she did.

He came to dine with us in the country. This was significant, because during dinner the conversation turned to my bezoar ring.

I think it was Madame Legrand who brought it up. She was always present at our dinner parties and sometimes would join the players. Lance had told me that she had good luck. ‘It might have been beginners’ luck,’ he added, ‘for she had not played very much before.’

They were talking about the past and somehow the subject of the Borgias came up.

‘It was easy in the old days,’ said Eddy, ‘if you wanted to get rid of people you didn’t want around. You asked them to dine and… hey presto!… they partook of the delicious dish of—what shall we say? Lampreys? Sucking-pig? It didn’t matter which, for that took care of them. Those people developed poison to a fine art. No taste. No smell. Nothing suspicious, therefore.’

‘It is why they had the bezoar rings,’ put in Madame Legrand. ‘Clarissa has one. Do you wear it today, Clarissa? You do. Oh, then you are safe.’

Everyone laughed.

‘You know what it is?’ I said. ‘It’s formed in the stomachs of certain animals. It absorbs poison. That’s why Queen Elizabeth had one. Quite a number of monarchs had them in the past.’

Everyone was enormously interested, and the ring was passed round the table.

‘It was stolen by that unscrupulous maid of Clarissa’s,’ said Lance. ‘She found it by a miracle. Tell them about it, Clarissa.’

So I told how I had seen the ring in a shop window.

‘A chance in a million,’ said Eddy, awestruck.

‘What a pity that you did not bet on my finding it!’ I said.

They laughed and the ring was handed back to me.

The tables were set up in the usual manner and after seeing them all settled I went upstairs. Madame Legrand accompanied me.

‘They will play into the early hours of the morning,’ she said. ‘I wish that Aimée had not such a taste for this gambling.’

‘It’s a pity,’ I agreed. ‘They win, then they lose. It all seems such a waste of time.’

‘And dear Lance, he has this love of the gamble, has he not?’

I nodded ruefully, and she lifted her shoulders, kissed me and said good night.

Lance came up eventually. I was half-asleep. He came in, went to the dressing-table and went out again. Now I was fully awake, wondering what this meant.

Shortly afterwards he came back.

He was in a rather sober mood so I guessed that his losses must have been great to have that effect on him.

‘Is everything all right, Lance?’ I asked.”

He was silent for a few moments and I sat up in bed to look at him more closely.

‘Don’t worry,’ he said. ‘Just a bit of bad luck. I think we drank too much wine at dinner… and we were drinking afterwards. Drink makes you do foolish things.’

‘Have your losses been so great then? Tell me. What have you lost?’

‘Let me explain,’ he said. ‘I want you to see it as it happened. We were all very merry… as I said, the wine… and we played poker. The stakes were getting rather high when Eddy said he was finished. He could bet no more for if he lost he would be so deeply in debt that he would never get out of it.’

‘It seems he has come to his senses at last.’

‘No. He couldn’t bear to stop so he staked the diamond pin in his cravat. I won it. He was wearing a signet ring with the family’s crest engraved on it. Heavy solid gold, of some value. He wanted to throw it against some possession of mine and suddenly he said, “That ring we saw at dinner. That’s what I want. We’ll play for that.” I said, “No. That’s Clarissa’s ring.” He shouted: “What’s hers is yours. Come on, I want to play for the bezoar ring.” I told him the bezoar ring was priceless. I said. “It’s worth more than your signet ring, Eddy, and you know it.”

‘He said: “All right. My country house for the bezoar ring.” Everyone had become excited because of the unusual stakes. We were urged on. Someone said Eddy was crazy. A house for a ring! Aimée was sitting beside Eddy urging him on. She loves a gamble, that girl…’

Lance’s eyes were shining, the excitement still with him.

‘So you gambled with my ring,’ I said.

‘Yes,’ he answered soberly.

‘And you lost.’

He was silent.

‘Lance,’ I cried, ‘are you telling me that my bezoar ring has gone to Eddy Moreton!’

He looked shamefaced. ‘I’ll get it back,’ he said.

It was rarely that I was angry with Lance, but I was then. I had always deplored his reckless gambling but that he should have risked something which was mine filled me with rage. I was as furious as I had been on that occasion when he had used my money to buy shares in the South Sea Company without consulting me. I was tired, and this was the last straw.

‘How dare you!’ I cried. ‘It’s tantamount to stealing. What right have you? Risk your own goods if you want to be so foolish… but leave mine alone.’

‘I will find another ring, I promise you. I will get you that one back. Clarissa, I’m sorry. It was wrong of me. But you must try to imagine what it was like down there. The excitement of it… the different type of bet. It was momentarily… irresistible.’

‘It’s despicable,’ I said.

‘Oh, Clarissa,’ he murmured. He came to the bed and tried to put his arms about me. I pushed him aside.

‘I am tired of your incessant gambling,’ I said. ‘I don’t know anything about your affairs but it wouldn’t surprise me if they’re in a bad state. You are so foolish… like a child who can’t say no, even when it comes to taking what is not yours. I do not forget what you did with my money in the South Sea Company.’