The Edge of Juniper (15 page)

He looked relieved.  “Okay, then.  No matter what happens with your uncle or anyone else, now we know that.”

“Malcolm?  Is this a date?  Can we call traipsing through a field full of weeds a date?”

“From now on, any time we’re together, let’s call that a date.”

“Where are we going, anyway?”

“Remember the pond I showed you from the Ferris wheel?”

“Yeah.”

“We’re going there.  It’s more private than the town pond.”

I slipped into the warm water like a noodle, disappearing under the surface.  I swam a good distance as hard as I could, enjoying the burn in my legs and lungs, before surfacing for air.  I wiped my eyes, and a deluge washed over me as Malcolm jumped in and nearly landed on me.  “Fay, I’m sorry!” he said, panting, as he clumsily rushed closer to make sure I was okay.  “I saw where you went under and thought I was a safe distance away.”

I laughed and splashed him back.  “I’m fine.”

“You’re quite a swimmer,” he said, wiping his hand through his hair, which had turned dark brown from the water.

“I’m on the swim team.”  I treaded water, as we were far enough out that I couldn’t touch.

“Oh yeah?  What do you swim?”

“Hundred meter free, relays, butterfly, anything they need me to, really.  I’m not sure if I’ll do it this year though.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know.  This year just feels off.  I don’t feel like doing the usual stuff.”  I flipped onto my back and floated.  Malcolm watched me.

“Maybe it’s because of your parents.”

I tipped my head to look at him.  “Could be.  It’s like my life’s in limbo.”

“I know you were pretty sure things would work out between them,” he said, his voice cautious.

“I’m a hopeful person.  Anyway,” I said, wanting to change the subject, “do you play any sports?”

“Football.”

I dropped out of my float so I could gape at him.  “I’m on a date with a football star!”

“I said I played football, I didn’t say I was a football star.  I play center.”

“I know nothing about football except that I’d like to watch you play it.  I like how football players wear capri pants and show off their calf muscles.”  He laughed, just like I wanted.

“I’m not in it for the fashion.  I’m actually not even in it for the game.  I like playing fine, but I mostly like being on the team.  Those guys are like brothers.”

“I like swimming for that reason too.  Teammates understand something about each other that other people don’t.”

“Yeah.”

“Can we go closer to the edge so I can touch?”

Facing me, he put his hands around my waist.  “Okay if I give you a lift?”

I was struck mute.  In a flash of daring, I had chosen to wear a bikini.  I had been nervous about that decision when I walked into the water earlier, but now I was glad.  His calloused hands felt rough on the sensitive skin of my sides, his broad thumbs against my stomach.  He closed in on me, and I watched water droplets slide down his face and get caught in the stubble on his jaw.  I nodded my head, and he lifted me a little and walked me toward the edge.

When my feet brushed against the muddy bottom of the pond, I stood. I walked backward until the water came up to my belly button, but he didn’t remove his hands.  He pressed his fingertips into me and all I wanted in the world was for him to press our bodies together just as tight.  He didn’t.  He closed his eyes, and then let go, before sloshing away a few feet to sit in the shallows.

I joined him, letting my fingers dig down into the soft mud and muck.  “Probably there are all sorts of nasty creatures in this mud,” I said, as I lifted out a handful to show him.

“Not probably, certainly.  Are you worried about the creatures?”

“No, I like creatures.  Must be why I’m here with you.”  I grinned, and let the mud disappear into the water.

He chuckled.  “I used to have a pet snake named Albert.”

“What happened to him?”

“Wolf let him go.  He said it was cruel of me to keep him in the house.  He was probably right, because it was just a garter snake I caught in the yard.  But still, I was angry when he set him free.”

“I bet.  So is Wolf a nature lover kind of guy?  Are you close?  Do you miss him?  I wish I had a sister, but I think it would be better to be the older sister so I wouldn’t get left behind when she went away.  Do you feel left behind?”

“Fay.  So many questions.  Yes, Wolf is a nature lover like my mom.  He’s kind of a mama’s boy actually, and does anything she wants, to please her.”

“She doesn’t seem especially hard to please.”

“Yeah, she loves everybody.  Anyway, Wolf and I are close.  He calls all the time.  Too much.  We’re so close we fought every second we weren’t best friends.  I miss him, but I don’t feel left behind.  Like I said, he calls too much.  I wish for you that you had a younger sister.  There, does that answer all your questions?”

“Yes, but now I have more.”

He laughed, I asked more questions, and he answered them.  He asked questions and I answered them.  An immeasurable amount of time passed, and I wanted to stay in the rippling warm water forever.  “I feel like we could talk for weeks on end and never run out of things to say,” I told him.

“Weeks?  More like years.”  He had a certain glint in his eye that sent swirling heat through me.  That, combined with feeling antsy from sitting too long, caused me to pop up and swim off into the water.  He chased me, catching my foot once, and I screamed and swam faster.  I loved that I was faster than he was.

I swam until we were in the center of the pond.  “What we need is an island out here.”

He caught up with me, huffing and puffing.  “Yeah, an island with a lifeguard who could save me.  In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not a very good swimmer.”  He treaded water, and I noticed it was an effort for him to stay above the surface.

“I could save you.  I thought about being a lifeguard this summer, but I’m here in Juniper instead.   Want me to show you how to tow a drowning person?”

“Sure.”

“Float on your back.”  He moved into the float position, and before he sank, I swam behind him and reached under his armpits and wrapped my arms around his shoulders, our heads touching.  I towed him backwards for a while, letting go when I thought he’d be able to touch the bottom again.

He turned to me and reached out and grabbed my hands.  “You would’ve made a great lifeguard.”

We splashed and chased and talked a little more, until I got nervous about what time it must be and told him I should get back home.  He turned for the grassy bank.  My toes squished into the muddy bottom of the pond, and something came over me.  “Malcolm, wait.”  I reached out and touched his arm.  I moved a little closer to shore, until I stood flat-footed, facing him.  The water came to the tops of my shoulders, but Malcolm’s whole chest was revealed.

He watched me, waiting for me to explain, but I couldn’t.  I just stood there watching him back.  The air between us grew thick.  I moved an inch closer to him.  He copied me, inching forward.  When there was no more space between us, I felt his hands on my back, under the water, crushing me to him.  I raised my arms and placed them around his neck.  We hugged, and I had no idea hugging could feel like that.  I rested my forehead on his chest, and let him hold me tighter, letting those Clydesdales gallop through me.  He pulled his head back and I copied him this time, lifting my face to his.  We bathed in moonlight and pond water, and when he touched his lips softly to mine, we bathed in fire.

I pulled away quickly, and looked at him, stunned by all the things I was feeling and wanting to see if he felt them too.

“Fay, I’m sorry.  I know you wanted to wait longer and I didn’t plan to kiss you tonight.  I didn’t know I was going to until I did.”

“It wasn’t that I wanted to wait longer.  I wanted to wait until the time was right.”

“Was the time right?”

“It was perfect.  I’ll remember it forever, because that was my first kiss.”

He blinked.  His mouth curled up in a crooked smile.

“Why aren’t you saying anything?”

He just looked at me.  Finally, “That was your first kiss?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t know why, but I really like that I was your first kiss.  I like that you’ll remember it forever.”

I smiled at him.  “I like it too.”  I felt his hands run up and down my back, and he held me tight to him again.  With my mouth against his chest, I murmured, “Have you kissed a lot of girls, Malcolm?”

He stiffened.  “No, not a lot, I don’t think.  How many is a lot to you?”

“One feels like a lot right now.  One feels like all the happiness in the whole entire world fitting right into my heart.”

He was quiet a moment.  My head rested on his chest, and his breathing lifted and lowered it. “You’re a poem, Fay.”

“No, I’m not.  I’m just a girl who is no longer a kiss virgin.”  I could feel him smile; his chin pressed down into my head.  “You don’t have to answer my question if you don’t want to.  I know it was nosy.”

“Four girls before you.  Now five.”

“Hmm.”

“That makes me nervous.  What does
hmm
mean?”

“I’m just thinking about it.  The only explanation I have for why I didn’t catch on fire when you kissed me was because I was up to my neck in this water.  I’m wondering how you survived this long after kissing five girls.”

He laughed again and let go of my body.  He kept my hand though, and led me out of the water and to the grass.  He picked up one of the pink towels and wrapped it around my torso.  He grabbed the edges of it, and pulled me toward him so that our bellies touched again.  “Fay, I want to do it again.”

“Do it.  Do it again and again and again.”

He did, and it was my first kiss on dry land.  I didn’t catch fire, but it was a near thing.

11

“I
was just
asking
,” Celia retorted, crossing her arms over her chest and turning away.

I looked away too.  I did not want to witness this argument between Celia and Ronan, but Todd and Donna had kicked all the children out of the house for the evening, yet again, this time so they could watch a movie in peace, as Todd put it.  We had settled in the back yard.  I thought about leaving, finding somewhere better to be, but glanced over at Abe, who was digging up fishing worms at the edge of the woods.

“I don’t have to explain myself to you,” Ronan said, his volume rising.  “It’s not your business where I was.  If I thought you should know, I’d tell you.”

“You’re an asshole, sometimes, you know that?” Celia said, her voice besting his in volume.

“I ought to know it, you tell me often enough.”

I stood up so abruptly my lawn chair tipped backward.  I walked to Abe and pulled him up by the elbow.  “Hey, want to come with me to get some ice cream?”  It was the only place I could think of for us to go.  I poked my hand into my pocket, thankful for the three dollars in tips I’d made earlier and hadn’t put away yet.  People don’t usually tip the dishwasher, but Malcolm’s parents had been in, and had asked Heidi to give it to me.

“I don’t know.  I didn’t ask my parents.”  Abe crossed his arms over his middle.

“I don’t think we should interrupt their movie.  They won’t mind at all,” I told him.  In truth, I still hadn’t figured out what sorts of things would make my aunt and uncle angry.  It seemed mostly random.  Regardless, Abe didn’t need to see a stupid fight between two teenagers.

I didn’t say anything to Celia as we left.  She was still glaring off in the distance and Ronan was sitting with his head in his hands.

We walked slowly along the sidewalk.  Abe kept his head down, kicking rocks and scuffing his shoes.  “Abe, are you okay?”

“I just hope we don’t get in trouble for leaving without telling them.”

The thought of him in trouble made me feel sick to my stomach.  Surely he was worried about nothing, though.  Having your cousin take you for ice cream was not troubling behavior.  “It’s fine.  Try not to worry about it, and just enjoy.”

When we arrived at Dream Cone, I was not surprised by the crowd.  It was a hot evening, and this place was always crowded.  At a back table on the patio, on the side of the building, I noticed Malcolm sitting with his mom and dad, a banana split sitting before each of them.  There was an ease about them, a closeness that sent a wave of longing over me.  My family used to be like that, not even all that long ago.  We hadn’t had a family outing in ages.

I wanted to join them, to be a part of that happiness and closeness in whatever small way I could.  I craved it.  This was the first time I’d seen Malcolm since two nights ago at the pond—since all that kissing.  He’d kissed me again when he dropped me off two blocks from Celia’s house.  He left me breathless, and then he’d complained again about my lack of a cell phone.  He offered to buy me one.  He’d said, “Fay, I want to call you after the rest of your house is asleep, and learn everything about you in the middle of the night.  I want you to be closer than eight blocks away.”  I told him no way was he buying me a phone, romantic ideas about late night calls notwithstanding.

The only thing keeping me from rushing over to them was Abe.  Celia had resigned herself to the fact that I was going to be with Malcolm, but she wouldn’t want Abe involved.  I didn’t want him to get in trouble because of my decision, with either his sister or his parents.  I sighed and steered Abe toward the line to order.

But Abe noticed Malcolm, and gave him a small, secret wave.  “Fay, there’s Malcolm,” he whispered to me.  “He’s with his dad, so we probably shouldn’t talk to him, I guess.”

Malcolm waved back.  “Yeah, probably not.”

We moved forward in the line, when I felt a presence behind us.  I turned and looked into the face of Lyle Dearing.  He smiled, and there was no trace of discomfort or awkwardness on his face.  “Hello, Fay.  Abe.  Let me treat you to some ice cream.”

I fingered the money in my pocket.  He’d be treating us either way.  “That’s very kind of you, Lyle, but I can pay.”  When I watched the movie with Malcolm and his family the other night, he had insisted I call him Lyle.  The way the Youngs talked about him, he seemed too formidable to simply be Lyle.  But his smiling, kind face revealed a different truth.  Lyle it was.

“Of course you can, but I always buy ice cream for my son’s friends.  It’s tradition.  What will it be, banana splits?  Parfaits?”

“I’d love a parfait!” Abe said, but I shoved him in the back and he understood immediately.  “I mean, a small chocolate cone,” he said quickly.  “I’d definitely prefer just a cone, Mr. Dearing.”

“You can call me Lyle, too, Abe.  And Fay, what would you like?”

“Same as Abe, if you insist.  Thank you.”

“I do insist.  Go sit with my family and I’ll bring it right over.”

“I’m not sure…” I trailed off, not knowing how to phrase what I needed to say.

He seemed to understand.  “Everything is fine, my dear.  Go have a seat.”

He had a certain authority about him.  I didn’t feel like I could say no.  I pursed my lips and walked with Abe over to Malcolm and Marigold’s table, glancing around and hoping no friends of my aunt and uncle were here.  I slid onto the bench next to Malcolm.  “Why is your dad buying us ice cream?” I whispered into his ear.

“He wanted to,” he whispered back.

It didn’t escape my attention that Abe had seated himself next to Marigold and they were both watching us closely.  Marigold reached her hand out and covered mine with it.  She had slender, smooth fingers with soft, cool skin. Her jagged nails with a bit of dirt under the tips told me she’d been in her garden today.  “I saw what happened over there.  He insisted on buying your ice cream and you have the same stubborn pride that so many around here do?”

I couldn’t help but smile.  “I guess that’s the short version.”

“Fay, Lyle loves this community.  It’s why he has worked so hard to build the plastics company back up the way he has.  He puts in long hours, not for the money or for the love of the job. 
Certainly
not the love of the job, let me tell you.  He does it for the love of the people in this town.  And he suffers a great deal for the way the relationship is between your uncle and him.  Let him buy the ice cream.  It will give him one night off from worrying.”  She squeezed my hand, and then went back to scraping the last bits of ice cream from her dish, leaving me to hope that Lyle’s night off from worrying was worth any trouble it might cause Abe.

Mr. Dearing returned then, holding two huge hot fudge parfaits.  Abe took his with saucer eyes, and dug in with gusto.  After thanking Lyle again, I followed Abe’s lead, wondering what the big deal was about pride anyway.  Pride never led the way to friendship.  All my friends were made by throwing pride out the window and revealing my real, messy self.

Mr. Dearing sat on the other side of Abe, boxing him in and asking him questions about fishing and video games and what books he was reading.  Abe smiled, seeming to enjoy the attention.  Malcolm placed his palm on my thigh, under the table, and I enjoyed
his
attention.  After grilling Abe and me about our interests and hobbies, Mr. and Mrs. Dearing stood to leave.  “We’d love to walk you home, Abe.  We could give these two a little time alone.”

I stood up quickly.  “No, it’s fine.  I should be going anyway.”  I hoped Donna hadn’t noticed we were gone.  I threw our trash away and put my arm around Abe’s shoulders, trying to look normal, so the Dearings wouldn’t worry.  “Come on, Abe.  We should head back.  Thanks again for the ice cream.”

Malcolm stood up and walked around the table to me, stopping me from stepping off the concrete patio and away from him.  “Hang on, Fay.  Can I get a second?”

I nodded, and he walked with me a few feet away, until we had a tiny scrap of privacy. “Not seeing you or talking to you all day yesterday and today was torture.  Can you come out with me after you take Abe home?”

“I don’t know.  My aunt and uncle weren’t in the best moods tonight.  Even Celia stuck around, with Ronan.  I should be getting back.”

“What about tomorrow?  I don’t have any mowing to do.  We could even go out of town and do something new.”

“Everything is new with you, Malcolm.  I have to work in the morning, though.”

He reached out and grabbed the ends of a lock of my hair between two fingers.  The crowd of unruly children, laughing teenagers, and watching adults faded away.  “I’m going to kiss you now.”

“In front of all these people?  Do you think we should?”

“Definitely.”  He leaned down and brushed his lips lightly on mine, for a fraction of a second.  Not nearly enough of a kiss to quiet the storm inside me.

When he stepped away and I knew that was all I was going to get, I shook my head at him and smiled.  “I’m appalled.  You play dirty.  I’ll meet you by the stop sign at Colfax around ten if I can.  Don’t spend too much time waiting though, because the chances are low.”

He walked away backwards, looking pleased and not taking his eyes off me.  He stumbled when one of his feet hit the patio, and we both laughed.  He left with his parents, and Abe and I watched their backs for a moment before heading toward home.

“Get in the house this instant!” Aunt Donna snapped as we walked into the front yard.  Abe rushed up the steps of the porch, and Donna grabbed his upper arms.  “I’ve barely been able to keep your father from coming after you.  What on earth were you thinking?  I told you to stay in the yard.”

She hadn’t told him that.  She’d told us to get out of the house and not to bother them.  “Aunt Donna, it was my fault.  I took him for ice cream and didn’t give him a choice in the matter.”

“Everyone always has a choice.”

I knew I shouldn’t speak; that silence would be the best course of action.  That knowledge wasn’t enough to stop me, though.  “Actually, he did tell me he didn’t think we should go.  But Celia and Ronan were at each other’s throats and I didn’t want him around to see any more fighting than he has to.”

She looked at me for a moment, something fierce and afraid in her eyes.  Then she turned to Abe.  “Your father is out back.  I was able to get him calmed down for the moment.  Go brush your teeth and get into bed quietly, and we’ll see if maybe he’ll forget about this.”  She turned back to me and pointed to the swing on the porch.  “Sit.”

I sat.  “Aunt Donna, I’m sorry.  I just felt like I should take him somewhere peaceful.”  Her nostrils flared and her eyes widened and I knew I’d said the wrong thing again.  “I didn’t mean it like that, just, Celia and Ronan, you know.”

She took a deep breath.  “Celia was fighting with Ronan?”  She looked defeated.

“Loudly, and with curse words.”

“Do they do that often?”

“I don’t really know.”

She swung us slowly on the swing.  “Fay, I’m going to tell you something and I want you to listen.  Try to understand this.  I have many jobs around here.  Many.  One of them is managing your uncle.  That means I hide the beer.  That means I throw the kids out of the house when I see that he’s in a bad mood.  It means I sneak my own kids into their own house and tell their father they aren’t home and just hope he wakes up in the morning with no memory of the previous night.  I do what I do for good reason, Fay.  You need to let me do what needs doing.”  She leaned back in the swing and ran her fingers through her shiny black hair, so much like Celia’s and Abe’s.

I sat back too, weighed down by this load of new information.  I’d already figured out that Aunt Donna was stressed to the max and that was why she acted the way she did.  I hadn’t realized she went so far to keep Uncle Todd’s life in order for him.  It made sense why Celia did the same on a miniature scale.  “I’m sorry, Aunt Donna. You hide the beer?”

She let out a small chuckle.  “Yes, I hide the beer when I can, when he won’t notice a bottle missing here and there.  If I didn’t, he’d run through it faster than we could afford it.  And when he has too much, well, you know what happens.  Tonight he had too much.”

“But why would you want all of us have to stick around here?  What was the point in having us just sit there and wait for bedtime?  It’s too confusing.  Sometimes we’re supposed to leave, sometimes we can’t.  I don’t know how to do what you want me to.”

“He doesn’t like to be alone when he’s feeling bad.  He wants friends over, or he wants his family around.  If he wants everyone to leave, then I know it’s gone from bad to worse.”

“Doesn’t he see what it does to Abe and Celia?”

She scowled, and I regretted what I’d said.  “Not when he’s in the grip of the drink, he doesn’t.  I know it’s not a perfect situation.  But we’re a family, and you’re part of it, for this summer more than usual.  Your mother has given me enough grief about it over the years.”

I wondered how much my mom actually knew.  She wouldn’t have sent me here for the entire summer if she knew what I knew.

“I’ve only done what I can.  That’s all anyone can do.  No family is perfect, Fay.  Not mine, and not yours.”  She eyed me and sat back, satisfied that she’d hit the mark—I’d wounded her so she wounded me back.