The Education of a Very Young Madam (16 page)

If you are accepted as a client, it typically works like this: You can go to our Web site and check out the photos of the girls who are working that week along with their basic stats: height, weight, measurements, ethnicity, hair and eye color, and, often, what their pubic hair looks like (as in "completely bald," "natural," "landing strip"). Then, of course, there are the personality profiles, which are a little bit of fiction. I create the stories myself and consider it one of my best talents. None of the girls use their real names, of course, so we make up a stage name for each of them and then create a personality from there.

Some of them are teachers who know how to take control of any situation. Others are foreigners with sexy accents who are new to this country and perhaps a bit lost and in need of help. Some are sweet and innocent students who are looking to be schooled. We've had acrobats and masseuses, nurses and mommies, librarians and all sorts of others. Other times, we just offer a particularly juicy description of a girl's best assets, particularly for our regular girls, like this profile of Ginny from Nevada:

Back by popular demand, Ginny of Nevada is visiting the Northern

New Jersey area! For those who have not yet had the pleasure of

meeting this beautiful Vixen, she is an absolute charmer and a natural to the Girlfriend Experience. As a well-known and reputable provider, she will accommodate you with genuine enthusiasm, pleasuring you with a complete, never rushed, and oh-so-amazingly romantic experience. Afterward, you'll feel like you've just woken up from a dream.

Ginny is 5'9", 130 lbs, 36D, with long silky dark hair and bright blue eyes. Her body is firm and athletic with incredible curves in just the right places. She complements her Perfect proportions and model features with such an eager need to please. She is willing and wanting to lose all inhibitions and to attend to your every wish or Desire ... perhaps even show you another meaning of the word.

Once you've found the girl you want, you simply call or e-mail for an appointment. There is a Web form right on our site that you can use to book appointments. There is even a credit card form that our most trusted customers can use if they don't want to pay cash. Most men prefer to call, however. (All our clients have my personal cell phone number.) My guys are looking for instant gratification, and waiting around for an e-mail reply just isn't as much fun as talking to me on the phone. Still, if they can't get in touch with me, because I don't work twenty-four hours a day, they have some backup options, which usually makes them feel better.

We operate on a standard two-call system, which means that when you call the agency for an appointment, you'll get the name of and directions to the hotel where the meeting will take place but not the room number. To get the room number, you have to call a second time when you arrive at the hotel and let us know that you're ready. Then, I call the girl to make sure she's ready. You have to remember that we usually book clients back-to-back if we can, so I call the girl to make sure her last appointment is finished, that the guy has left the room, and that she has had a chance to tidy up before you arrive. There's nothing worse than a client arriving at the door and seeing the previous customer walking out. That can really kill the mood. Only after the girl has given me the okay do I give the next client the room number and send him up. That's when the clock starts.

I don't know exactly what happens after that since I'm never around, and frankly, I don't want to know. Once they're in a room together, I leave it up to the girls and the clients to figure things out as much as possible. Of course, I have my rules, which are spelled out for all the girls in my employee handbook, but I know they aren't always followed to the letter. The girls aren't supposed to do drugs when they're working, for example, but I know it happens all the time. In fact, I offer this bit of advice to all the clients of one girl who works for me semi-regularly: "I have a little secret for you about this particular girl. If you don't mind the smell, let her smoke a joint before you start. You'll have a much better time, I guarantee it.” The clients, without exception, have appreciated that tidbit.

My official policy is that everyone must follow all the rules. In reality, however, drugs are more of a don't ask, don't tell kind of thing, as long as they're controlled. If I don't get any complaints, then I don't care. But if a girl overdoes it and a customer lets me know that she passed out or was acting crazy or partook in something in front of him that made him uncomfortable, I fire her for getting out of line.

I can fire girls when I need to because I have a large pool of girls to draw from. In fact, I try to use different ones every week. Most of my girls don't live in the area but instead fly in from wherever they live—Florida, California, Canada, sometimes Europe—and stay in the hotel where they're working for a week, sometimes two at a time.

There are two good reasons for using out-of-town talent. First, using a different set of girls—girls who live all over the country, sometimes the world—each week makes it much harder for anyone to bust my agency, because it's much more difficult to use a girl to get inside my organization and get to me. Second, variety is the spice of life. From a marketing perspective, every time a new girl comes in from somewhere, I've got a reason to send out an e-mail blast advertising my new merchandise. Besides, I have clients who use our service on a regular basis, as often as once or twice a week, and if I offered them the same girls week after week after week, they'd soon get bored with us.

"Donations" are $300 to $350 an hour for experienced girls, as I've said before, but when I get a new girl who needs some experience, I will often offer her services for $250 an hour until she's built up a reputation. I have lots of clients who are happy to break someone in at a discounted price and then report back to me on whether she's worth keeping. We also run specials on the Web site, for Valentine's Day, for example, and give clients a break on their birthdays along with "a nice complimentary bottle of red or white wine or some bubbly to celebrate your special occasion!" Of course, I have several clients who claim it's their birthday every few months, so I make sure to note in the birthday special announcement that "IDs will be inspected on your arrival." We offer special lunch-hour half hours at a lesser rate for guys who are crunched for time but want to get in a quickie before getting back to work. We offer $50 discounts for referring a friend to our service, a $500 discount for recommending a qualified entertainer. I also have a "frequent flier" program for our best customers.

In addition to accepting donations, I'm a big believer in barter theory. On my site I say it this way: "Are you interested in bartering with us? Are you an accountant? A computer tech? Car mechanic? Doctor? Lawyer? Internet security specialist? Health insurance agent? (I'm looking to get medical and dental coverage for all of my girls.) We may be able to work out a special arrangement with you!"

I like doing business this way because it allows me to get goods and services without having my name attached or recorded. I've gotten a new Mercedes, a couple of apartments, all my legal work done, and some of my Web work, not to mention some badly needed medications from a pharmaceutical rep and even therapy, all by trading free or discounted appointments for what I wanted or needed.

I allow my girls to do the same and make arrangements with clients for what they need, but I do that only with the girls I know well and trust. Ifyou work for me, you have to earn privileges by being a good employee. Before a girl can work for me, she has to sign a contract and agree to the rules. All this is explained to her up-front. In fact, the first thing I do when anyone calls me looking for a job is send over the employee handbook. Many potential employees drop out after reading my rules, but that's fine with me. Those who are still interested are more likely to be professionals who are good at their jobs.

Of course girls in this business aren't always the professional types, so I have to check up on them as best I can. Take Serena, for example. She was an Eastern European model who was referred to me by a client. The agency she was working for at the time was one of those $l,500-an-hour outfits in New York City, but she wasn't getting enough work there, so despite the drastic pay cut, she decided to come work for me. At first, she wanted me to charge more for her, to sell her as a special, premium-priced offering, but I told her it was my policy not to treat one girl like she was worth more than any of the others. (I wasn't always like that; that's a business principle I had to learn.) My philosophy is that there is somebody for everyone out there and so every girl costs roughly the same, even the fat ones or the older ones or the flat-chested ones or ones who aren't that pretty. Some of my top earners over the years would surprise you—like Bette, who has kind of a pig nose, or Jill, who is rounder than most—but they always get excellent reviews from customers for their uninhibited behavior. If you saw girls like them across the room, you wouldn't he all that impressed, but behind closed doors, they're good at what they do. Serena finally agreed to my terms, and so I put her to work.

Serena was an easy sell. Based on her pictures and her pedigree, lots of guys were anxious to get an appointment with her. But just like with anything else you'd buy at a severely discounted rate, there was reason to be suspicious.

Her first week she did extremely well. We filled up every available hour with appointments, close to three dozen in all. She was very happy with the money she made, and so was I, so I booked her in for another week of work about a month later.

By that time, however, her reviews had come out, and they were dismal, some of the worst I'd ever seen. The next time she came around, she booked about half as many appointments. At that point, I hadn't caught on to what was happening yet, so, figuring it was just a fluke, I had her back for a third time. By then, word had spread far and wide, and I booked three appointments for her all week. I've never had anyone do so badly before or since. I couldn't even give her away to a regular client who had seen her once before and felt he deserved a refund.

Finally I asked that client if he would confide in me about the problem. Well, when the floodgates opened, he couldn't say enough bad things about her.

"First of all," he said, "she looked nothing like her pictures, which is not to say that she wasn't reasonably attractive, but when you're expecting one thing and something else answers the door, it can definitely kill the mood. It would have been better if she had just taken new pictures and shown herself as she really is now instead of using outdated and airbrushed model pictures, which just didn't represent her at all. Second, and this was even worse, the place was disgusting. I don't think she did a thing to clean up all day, and the last thing I wanted to be thinking about was all the other guys who had been in that room before me. But I couldn't help it. It was so obvious. The evidence was all over the place. Third, she wasn't very well groomed. Being European, I guess she's more comfortable with body hair and all that, but if you ask me, the full bush-hairy pits thing went out of style in the seventies! And finally, her service was horrible. She didn't seem to be having fun. She didn't talk much. It was like, let's do this and get it over with. I don't need to pay for attitude like that. I can get that at home!"

I thanked my client and gave him a discount on his next appointment in exchange for his honesty. And then, since she had violated a whole bunch of my rules and was basically offering clients the exact opposite of the girlfriend experience, I told the $l,500-an-hour girl she could never work for me again.

I worked hard in the beginning, but the payoff was worth it. I made good money from the very start. Since I was living just across the water, I went into Manhattan a lot when I wanted to play and let off steam. I started dating this boy named Austin, who was a traveling stripper and sometimes worked at The Gaiety, the notorious male strip club in Times Square that was featured in Madonna's
Sex
book. He was a gorgeous boy with the prettiest eyes I've ever seen. Our relationship didn't last long, but my relationships with some of his friends did. He hung out with this model-esque group of guys who were a lot of fun. One of them, Jano, lived in Miami, and somehow we got it in our heads that I should move down there too.

The business was working out well in New Jersey, so I wanted to keep it going but I also wanted a change of scenery. I talked to Colonel Ed about it, and he told me to go ahead. This was a new era for me business-wise, when everything was done remotely, via Internet or cell phone, anyway. There was no reason, as the Colonel pointed out, that I couldn't do exactly what I was doing already, only from the beach in Florida.

I was psyched that I didn't have to be chained to my desk. I found a phenomenal apartment in Miami that I was dying to live in, but I somehow had to convince the managers of the apartment complex that I could pay the rent even though I didn't have a credit history or anything like that. I finally decided to send them nine months of receipts from the upscale hotel I'd been living in in New Jersey, and they took that as proof enough that I'd be a responsible tenant.

I also made a deal with Jano. He was always having money problems, so I told him he could be my roommate if he would lease a car we both could use. (I hadn't had a license since my purse was stolen when I was living in Montreal, and without one, I couldn't lease a car myself.) I guess I was far too trusting then about letting people into my life and business. In the end, both Jano and the Colonel screwed me.

It all started when I got pulled over for running a stop sign. It shouldn't have been that big of a deal, but when I finally went down to the courthouse to pay the ticket some time later, I found out that I was too late. If you don't pay your tickets in Florida within a certain number of days, then you have to straighten things out directly with the police.