Authors: Jessica Callaghan
“I don’t really want to...” He began, but I interrupted him.
“I know you don’t want to talk about it but I have a right to know. You know everything there is to know about me Gabriel, and I know nothing about you.”
By this point I was standing up and speaking with a raised tone. I had kept this in for so long and I was finally venting my emotions. Gabriel’s face was deathly serious but he wasn’t giving away anything about his true reaction. I didn’t stop to think about how he would respond as I wasn’t done yet.
“For god’s sake, I deserve to know. If you have any enemies then I would like to know about them now rather than after I’ve been killed just because someone hates you.”
I saw the mix of shock and anger on Gabriel’s face and I was filled with guilt. I began to cry, tears spilling over and falling down my cheeks. I fell to my knees in front of my lover, catching my tears in my hands.
Surprisingly Gabriel touched the top of my head with his palm and lifted my chin with his other hand. I was looking up into his eyes and saw no hatred there. I didn’t see anything, no emotions at all.
“I should have been clearer with you. I don’t want to talk about it and I’m sorry about that. I love you, but there are some parts of my life I won’t ever talk about. Everyone has secrets and most of my life has been forgotten or repressed over the years. Until I found you there was nothing I loved, nothing I wanted to live for.” Gabriel sighed at this and I saw something incredibly vulnerable in him. “I don’t want to lose you so I guess I need to start being a bit more open with you.”
With that Gabriel stood up and picked me up in his arms. He carried me through to the bedroom and placed me down on our new bed. He sat down next to me and rubbed the trail of tears from my damp cheeks.
“I’ve seen a couple of vampires dotted around the place, here and there, over the years. I haven’t seen one since long before I met you, probably around 25 or 30 years. I have spent the past 30 years living in smaller towns and vampires don’t usually live in towns like the one you grew up in. I never spent more than a few weeks with any one vampire. We all have different tastes, different plans, so we usually drift apart.”
I saw an unusual sadness in Gabriel’s eyes and although I knew better I wondered how these relationships he spoke of had really ended.
“The last time I had a true companion was about 80 years ago. I met her in North America in the 1920s, right in the middle of the prohibition and the booming twenties. It was amazing being there. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Her name was Emma and she was a bit older than you, not much. She was a singer in a bar and I fell for her. I turned her after a few weeks. She loved me and we became mates instantly. She was as feisty in her second life as she was in her first but she didn’t have as much of a flair for the lifestyle as you do. We travelled to Europe when America fell apart after the Wall Street Crash, about 5 years after I turned her, and we stayed there for a while.
We went to Britain after the war, around 1950 I think, 25 or so years after we reached Europe. I loved it here, I felt at peace, but something had snapped in her. By the time the 60s arrived she was totally and utterly dependent on me. I had to get her victims for her; I had to practically cut them so she could drink their blood. It was the hardest time of my life. She just couldn’t do it anymore. She was doing the worst thing a vampire can ever do: she was trying to be a human again. She was trying to get back to the days of the 1920s New York she used to know. That time was gone but she couldn’t forget it.
Anyway I loved her so much that I tried to live that way for a long time. I tried so hard to protect her and keep her safe, to make sure I gave her everything she couldn’t get for herself. Then once in 1974 she escaped and she killed a whole family. It was very violent and I spent the whole night cleaning up after her. When I got back to our nest at the time I couldn’t find her. She was gone.”
I was shocked. In all these years I hadn’t heard anything about Gabriel’s past and now I was hearing something that obviously pained him to admit. I had guessed there were women before me but I hadn’t known how much Gabriel had been hurt by his previous mate.
“Did you see her again?” I asked cautiously.
He had spent 50 years with her and I couldn’t imagine what it felt like to never see someone again after spending that long by their side. I felt as if losing Gabriel after 8 years would be painful enough.
Gabriel looked even more uncomfortable and I almost regretted asking him.
“Yes, once. She came to me about 2 years later. She was cohabiting with some other vampire, a newborn who was equally as unhinged as her, and she wanted my permission to leave the nest for good. I loved her just as much even though I knew what she was, what she could do. Anyway we...we spent the night together.” I saw a bit of shame in Gabriel’s eyes then as he had never spoken of his previous sexual relationships with anyone else. “Afterwards she led me up on to the roof of the building I was staying on. Then she set fire to herself.”
I couldn’t help but gasp. I could feel the pain and suffering radiating out from Gabriel and I had never seen him like this. I had never known of a vampire committing suicide so soon after being turned.
“I never thought I would ever love anyone again. When I met you I spent a long time with you, making sure you really wanted to be with me. I wanted my true companion to be someone stable and independent, but someone who loved me too. I guess that’s why I don’t talk about other vampires. Every memory brings me back to Emma.”
With that the night fell back into silence. I could feel the prickling sunlight rising up but I felt that going to sleep right then would be insensitive after Gabriel had shared so much.
“How many vampires do you think there are out there?” I asked eventually.
He screwed up his eyes as he tried to put a number on something that was so difficult to pinpoint.
“Well, I’d say a few thousand, as an estimate, I don’t know. It’s difficult to tell without a register. There are probably a few in London but it’s unlikely we’ll run into them. There aren’t many in Britain, less than 100. Too many small towns, and of course Britain is an island and many of the older vampires find it hard to adjust to travelling across the ocean. We can’t just jump on a flight and risk the exposure to sunlight.” He answered.
I kissed Gabriel on the lips and wrapped my arms around him. I looked deep into his eyes and let him fall asleep before I even considered closing my eyes. I decided then that I wouldn’t risk bringing up other vampires with Gabriel again. I didn’t want to make him think about Emma, and to be honest even I felt quite unsettled when thinking about her. I decided only to bring it up if it was extremely necessary.
I fell asleep that night without the usual ease. My mind was in a frenzy after hearing the story of Emma’s death, whipped up by my own terrible guilt at making Gabriel tell me the story in the first place.
Despite his uncomfortable admission, Gabriel and I resumed our daily activities. I made an extra effort to please him, letting him pick our victims and allowing him time alone with his books or his papers. He seemed to be busier than before, always with something better to do than talk to me.
Fortunately it only took a few days for him to start spending more time with me, always making sure to spend the moments before sunrise telling me how much he loved me. Within a week of hearing the story of Gabriel’s former lover I felt as if the pain had softened somewhat.
I knew from my many years with Gabriel that he was an intense creature to be around. He loved and hated with extreme passion, meaning that his mood could take drastic turns from one moment to the next. Even as his pain eased I could tell that something was missing. He must have loved Emma deeply and I couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy. I wondered if I was really as cut out for this as he seemed to think, if I wasn’t just destined for the same tragic fate.
Gabriel’s story painted Emma as an infatuation of his which had quickly turned into something more. I had been thrown into a life with Gabriel after a brutal series of events, and since then we had spent 8 years of my short mortal life waiting for him to visit me.I had grown to love him long before I had become a vampire, while I doubted that Emma even knew him before she was turned. He was probably just a dashing young patron who spent a lot of time admiring her, and by the sound of it there were quite a few men who admired her.
I wondered how their life had been before she had fallen apart. They had lived in America before fleeing to Europe and spending a quarter of a century there. I imagined them travelling together and I felt a great sadness. Gabriel loved to travel and I had deprived him of that. I began to think that he had given in to my desire to stay at home so easily because travelling reminded him too much of his past.
I wondered if Emma had been more beautiful than me. Men had obviously admired her but I had never been the centre of male attention before my death. I felt so silly comparing myself to a vampire who was long dead. She was nothing like me: she was fierce, deadly and completely insane. I was nowhere near as violent as she was, but at least I was more mentally stable.
As I compared us, the thought of that young man I had killed in the town hall popped up in my mind. Had I not risked everything in my life by killing him, just as Emma had when she killed that family? I was already treading her path and I didn’t even have a mental illness to blame.
I tried to shake the thought of her from my head, but she plagued my mind long after Gabriel put her memory to one side. It took him about a week to force Emma back in her place in the shadowy, forgotten areas of his mind. She was still there, but she was hidden away as a way for Gabriel to protect himself. While he managed to get back to normal, I couldn’t think of anything but my mate’s former lover.
I managed to weaken my obsession with her eventually, but even after all this time she still lingered there. Something would make her pop up in my head again and for hours she would be the only thing I could think about.
About two weeks after Gabriel told me his story, something else appeared to take my mind away from my jealousy. We received a phone call from our flame haired lawyer Dahlia, the first person who hadn’t bowed to intimidation when faced with two deadly vampires.
We had just woken up and started our preparations for the night ahead when Gabriel’s mobile rang. I hadn’t even seen Gabriel use his phone. We had a strong connection and I could sense him when he was close, so there was no need for electronics. I suppose he had to keep in contact with the outside world somehow. The human world was dependent on telephones and I knew Gabriel must have bought one to fit the mould.
Just as I was about to finish my nightly routine, Gabriel came back into the bedroom, talking in a low tone to someone on the other end of the phone. I could tell by his expression that it was something serious, but I didn’t want to pry. He would tell me when he was ready.
I sat at the desk and brushed my hair, smoothing it out repeatedly to keep my mind off the conversation Gabriel was locked in. After what seemed like an age, his conversation came to a stop.
“OK, I’ll talk to her but I’m not guaranteeing anything. Thank you for obeying my instructions. Yes, thanks. Bye” He said, hanging up the phone abruptly.
I had heard him say "talk to her” and so I knew this conversation would involve me somehow. He pushed the phone into his pocket and took a seat on the bed.
“Who was that?” I asked. Judging by his sombre impression I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know who had been on the other end of the phone.
“It was Dahlia, the lawyer.” He said.
I was stunned. I hadn’t expected a phone call from her at all and I had no idea what she could possibly want. I didn’t say anything in response. I didn’t feel like talking at that moment.
“She said she’s been talking to your aunt about the will. Penny wants to meet with you.”
That was another statement that completely knocked me aback. I didn’t want to think about her anymore, and being in a room with that woman was almost too much to bear thinking about. I had lost my connection to my human life, but Penny’s disregard for the human Louisa made me furious.
If I was honest, I didn’t trust myself to be in a room with her. I was certain that the red curtain would come back and I wouldn’t be able to control my rage. If I did lose my cool, then I would be no better than Emma had once been.
Gabriel didn’t press me on the matter. I think he understood why I was so infuriated by the situation and he didn’t want to anger me any further. It had been a stressful few weeks for me, with thoughts of Emma firmly planted in my mind, and I didn’t need any more stress.
There was a small notepad on the writing desk and Gabriel wrote down a series of numbers.
“That is Dahlia's number. Phone it if you change your mind okay?” He kissed me gently on the forehead in an attempt to calm the rage bubbling under the surface.
I stared at the number, focusing all my hatred on it as I tried to wipe Penny from my mind. Gabriel left and waited for me in the living room. I was glad he allowed me some time alone. I was in a blind moment of rage, and I didn’t know how much of a hold I had on my emotions. The last time I had felt such anger, I had thrown something at Gabriel’s head. I didn’t want to risk a fight with him over a pathetic human, especially after our recent reconciliation.