The Ending Beginnings: Clara (An Ending Series Novella) (The Ending Series) (3 page)

“Why
the hell do you shake your head every time I open my mouth?” Alicia seethed as
she stared, wide-eyed, at Clara.

Clara
had toned out Alicia’s droning, so she had no clue what she’d missed, but the anger
revived by her daydreamed recollection made it easy to answer. “Why are
you
always such a bitch?” The word slipped out of Clara’s mouth before she could
stop it. Her shoulders sagged with regret. She knew a one-way yelling match
would erupt as a result of her provocation, and her head hurt too much to
listen to Alicia’s tirade about how everyone was against her, especially Clara.

“A
bitch? At least I’m not delusional. You think you’re better than us, don’t you?
You think I don’t see through those big blue eyes of yours? You think you’re
entitled, and you have since you got here.” She paused, waiting for Clara to
argue.

Clara
raised her eyebrows, feigning boredom.

“You’re
the most tragic out of all of us,” Alicia continued. “You think there’s nothing
wrong with you, that you’re unjustly in here. Well, guess what? The judge
ordered your admittance; at least we’re here willingly. We can admit we’re
fucked up. And don’t think none of us haven’t noticed that you
never
have
visitors, that
no one
cares that you’re in here.”

Clara
tried to ignore Alicia’s derisive words, but the woman’s voice filled Clara’s
head like acid, eroding her defenses. Her anger started taking over, creeping past
her carefully constructed barricades and settling among the torrent of
thoughts.

 “…and
all you do is sulk around and act superior to everyone else. You’re just as
crazy as the rest of us. You’re even worse, because you think you’re not crazy.
I know I have problems; I know I need help. Why the fuck do you think I’m here?
But you…you’re a psycho, a murd—”

Clara
jolted up from her chair. “You want me to kill you, too?” She couldn’t help but
lash back. The room fell silent and four sets of eyes settled on her. Clara might
have at least been somewhat repentant had she not been too busy relishing the
way the flush of anger was draining from Alicia’s face.

“Clara,”
Dr. Mallory warned. “We don’t threaten each other. This is a safe space.”

Clara
balked and turned to him. “Are you kidding me?” She pointed to Alicia, who was sitting
back, quiet in her chair. “All she does is bully everyone, and you let her.”

His
eyes narrowed. “Making generalized accusations isn’t fair either.”

“This
is such a joke,” Clara muttered and plopped back down.

“Clara,”
he said, exhaling heavily, “please…”

She
rolled her eyes.

He
ignored her. “It’s your turn to share today.” When he paused, she knew he was
waiting for her to meet his eyes, but she refused. “Why don’t you tell us what
you’ve learned since your admittance”—he scanned her file on his lap—“um…three months
ago.”

Clara
stared around at the three other women. Beth was watching her eagerly,
interested to finally hear Clara’s story, just like they all had been since the
moment she arrived at Pine Springs Hospital. Alicia had wanted to know Clara’s
story so badly she’d started spreading stories throughout the ward, hoping
Clara would refute them and tell everyone the truth.

Little
did Alicia know that Clara preferred the whispered rumors over the truth. She
liked that people thought she was crazy; she liked that they were scared of
her. If the entire hospital thought she’d set her mom’s house on fire and that
she’d enjoyed watching everyone inside burn to death, that was just fine with
her. She wasn’t there to make friends, she was only there to serve her court-mandated
time. When she had, she would walk away from all of them and never look back.

The
doctor cleared his throat again, this time coughing before he said, “Clara…?”

“What?”
She finally met his eyes.

“Start
with what you’ve learned since coming to stay with us. What is it that you want
for yourself? Share something with us, anyth—”

Suddenly,
the door flew open, and Dr. Preston sauntered into the room. And like the flip
of a switch, Dr. Mallory’s attention was no longer on Clara, but fixated on the
six-foot tall brunette woman.

“We
have a situation, Dr. Mallory. Can I interrupt your session for a moment?”

Dr.
Mallory groaned as he rose from his chair, both hands clamped on the armrests
for support. Unsteady, he followed her out of the room, grumbling something as he
cleared his throat.

Beth
leaned closer to Clara. “A ‘situation’?”

Clara
ignored Beth and rubbed her hands over her face.

Beth
continued to watch her, and Clara could tell questions were bouncing on the tip
of her tongue, begging to be asked.

Clara
sighed. “What?”

“Did
you really set your parent’s house on fire?”

Clara’s
eyes wandered to Beth’s. “No, I didn’t. In fact, there wasn’t even a fire.”

Beth
looked relieved.

Clara
narrowed her eyes. “You should know by now that everything out of Alicia’s
mouth is a lie. Stop listening to her; she’s mean to you, and she’s not your
friend.”

“Fuck
you,” Alicia said. “It’s none of your business—”

“That’s
enough, ladies,” Roberta
,
the over-weight nurse, said as she stalked into the room. “You’re a bunch of
rabid panthers today. I could hear you all the way out in the rec room.”

“What
are
you
doing in here?” Alicia growled from her chair.

“I
work here, miss snippy. Come on, group’s over.” Roberta made a shooing motion
to get them up out of their chairs. “You’ll continue next week when everything
around here has calmed down a bit.” When the four women stared at her, showing
no signs of moving, Roberta pointed to the open door. “Let’s go. NOW.”

Alicia’s
eyes were wild with fear. “But we’re not finished yet. We still have over an
hour of group left, plus he was late, and—”

“Worried
you’ll have to much time to consider killing yourself today?” Clara taunted,
taking pleasure in the fact that Alicia wouldn’t have every part of her day
accounted for and would most likely go mad from not keeping busy.

“I
hate you,” Alicia spat as she pushed her chair back and rushed out of the room.

Roberta
glanced between Clara and the empty doorway. “Was that really necessary?”

Clara
shrugged and yawned, tired of being cooped up with a bunch of crazy assholes
anyway. Pulling herself out of her chair, she headed out the door, leaving Samantha,
Roberta, and Beth still inside. The hallway was mostly empty, with the
exception of Alicia disappearing around the corner toward the rec room and Devon
pushing the laundry cart toward the laundry room. Clara kind of liked the sound
of the laundry cart’s wheels squeaking on the polished floor. Or, maybe she
just liked knowing where Devon was all the time.

He
gave her a curt nod before looking away as he passed. He’d kept his distance
since the day she arrived, and he seemed to dislike her even though he was
clearly attracted to her. For some reason, she didn’t mind him rejecting her
advances. Maybe it was because playing with him was so much fun or because she
knew he was trying to be professional. But either way, his mysterious aversion
to her only piqued her interest more.

A
shooting pain in the crown of her head made her wince, and her thoughts turned
only to sleeping. Her sock-covered feet carried her silently past the rec room
and down the next hallway toward her room. Since her roommate had been released
a few days ago, Clara had the place all to herself. Her bed was still unmade, her
blinds still drawn, and with an “oomph” she crawled under the covers and passed
out.

3

The
next day was no better. Clara still felt achy and tired. “I hate you,” she grumbled
as Roberta threw her covers back.

“I
don’t care. You’re here to get better, so you might as well try.”

With
another grumble, Clara pulled her covers back over her body.

“You
think you hate me, now? Miss Clara, if you don’t get up, I’ll lock Alicia in
here with you, and then you’ll
really
hate me.”

“Fine!”
Clara flung her blankets off, sat up, and turned to let her feet hang over the
side of the bed.

“Come
on,” Roberta said, picking up a wad of Clara’s clothes and stuffing them in the
laundry basket. “Brush your teeth and get dressed. It’s time for breakfast.”

Clara
cringed as her stomach did a summersault that nearly sent her into convulsions.
With the way her insides were feeling, she would rather run a blade across her
wrist than eat anything.

“I
don’t want you falling into that black hole you were in when you first got
here. You need to keep eating…for me.” Roberta batted her eyelashes.

Only
because Roberta was the one faculty member who
would
make Clara’s life
hell, Clara obeyed.

Fifteen
minutes later, Clara was sitting in the white-walled cafeteria, washed in the morning
sunlight pouring through the windows and pushing her food around on her plate. She
could feel Roberta’s eyes boring into the back of her head as the nurse made
her rounds through the dining hall. The squeak of the woman’s rubber soles on
the polished floor practically echoed among the quiet chatter of the other women
sitting in clusters at their own tables.

Holding
her breath, Clara took a bite of eggs. She immediately regretted it. Food was
not settling well with her today. She raised her napkin to her mouth, and as
she pretended to cough, she spit the eggs out and wadded up the napkin.

Beatrice,
the woman sitting beside her, coughed, but it was Beth who grabbed Clara’s
attention. Sitting one table over, Beth was watching Clara too closely. With a
knowing smile, Beth glanced down at her own plate and pushed her food around the
way Clara had done.

Grateful
for the woman’s silence, Clara winked at her, making Beth’s grin grow. As
annoying as Beth could be
,
there was also something about her that was
endearing. Clara hadn’t found that quality in anyone in a long time. Not since
Taylor.

Longing
for her best friend brought the sting of tears to Clara’s eyes, and she thought
of the day Taylor ended their friendship for good.

It
was summer break, junior year of high school, and Clara and Taylor had just
walked into a deli in downtown Bristow. The moment Clara had stepped inside,
she’d felt a combination of white-hot rage and exhilaration. Joanna Rossi, with
her long, silky black hair—the hair Clara often dreamt about chopping off—was
sitting with a boy in the far corner of the deli. It only took an instant
before Joanna’s eyes met hers.

Clara
enjoyed the look of dread that blanketed the other girl’s face. She knew she
could turn around and avoid making a scene by leaving, or by simply ignoring Joanna’s
presence, but Clara wouldn’t do that. It would be too easy and not nearly
enough fun. Instead, she smiled. She would
never
give Joanna the
satisfaction of a close call, not now after all of Clara’s hard work, after all
she’d achieved.

Taylor
pulled on Clara’s arm and cast furtive glances at Joanna’s table. “We should go.”

“We’re
staying,” Clara nearly snarled and nodded for the closest booth.

Taylor
lingered by the entrance. “I really don’t want to—”

“Stop
being such a baby.” Clara grabbed Taylor’s wrist, tugging her friend toward the
booth.

Clara
made sure to sit facing Joanna. Weakness wasn’t an option when it came to
her
, not
since the final straw at eight grade graduation. The power Clara wielded over Joanna
now that the tables had been turned was emboldening, and Clara feared that if
she let her defenses down for even a moment, that power would be snatched away.
All of her hard work—her makeover, her rise in popularity, the boys she’d
stolen out from under Joanna’s nose—would all have been for nothing, and Clara would
be right back where she’d been three years ago.

“Why
do you hate her so much, anyway?” Taylor asked, flattening a napkin in her lap.
“It’s like you become someone else when you see her. It’s—it’s sorta creepy.”

Clara’s
eyes shifted from Joanna to Taylor. “Gee, thanks.”

Her
friend was a round-faced little thing with blonde, wavy hair, brown eyes, and
nothing particularly notable about her; in fact, Taylor was even a little
boring. But she was loyal and predictable, two traits Clara found immensely
valuable.

“Well,
it’s true. Why can’t we, just for once, take the higher road and leave instead
of causing trouble? It’s like you
like
arguing with her or something.
What did she do to you?”

“Are
you serious, Tay? How can you not see what a conniving skank she is? She’s
always watching, always plotting and planning…” Clara’s eyes shot to Joanna, and
it gave her immense satisfaction to see Joanna fidget under the weight of her stare.
“She’s made my life a living hell since I was in elementary school. I’m finally
on top; why would I back down now? I
won’t
let her win.”

“But
it’s not a
game,
”
Taylor nearly shrieked. “Look, I know you guys have a past, and I know you have
plenty of reasons to hate her, you tell me as much all the time, even if you
don’t tell me exactly what they are…but don’t you think you go a little over
the top sometimes? I mean, look at how excited you get when she’s around. I
don’t—”

“You
don’t what?” Clara narrowed her eyes at her best friend.

Taylor
frowned. “I’m worried about you, that’s all.”

Clara’s
glare softened, and a smile curved her lips. “Sorry, Tay. I just…remember how
Joanna treated you when you first got here? The way she made fun of you in
front of the entire school during your choir performance? I took you in as my
friend because
no
one
should be treated the way Joanna treats people.” Clara looked at Joanna,
who was tossing her hair over her shoulder and batting her eyes at the boy
sitting across the table from her. Clara grinned inwardly, excited by the
prospect of another challenge.

Taylor
cleared her throat, recapturing Clara’s attention. “See what I mean?” Taylor
said, clasping her hands together and resting them on the Formica tabletop.
“You’re not even paying attention to me, not really.”

Clara
tilted her head to the side and let out an exasperated sigh. “I’m doing all of this
for you as much as I’m doing it for me.” She shook her head and lifted her
shoulder. “Joanna needs to be put in her place, and I’m willing to do whatever
it takes to make sure she feels uneasy around me, just like I felt around her
for so many years.”

Taylor’s
brow furrowed. “You—”

“Besides,
aside from stealing a few of her boyfriends, I haven’t actually
done
anything
to her since freshman year.” She patted Taylor’s clasped hands. “I know you
don’t like confrontation or whatever, but don’t you think there are times when
standing your ground is more important than running away? She’s a bully and
deserves to be knocked down a peg or two.”

Taylor
bit her lower lip, a sure sign that she was coming around. “Yeah, I guess
you’re right. It’s just…you get sort of…scary.”

Clara
laughed. “It’s just my war face, dummy. Come on, let’s order something with way
too many calories, and then we can grab Slurpees and watch the guys at the
skate park fall on their asses.”

 A
tentative smile spread across Taylor’s face, exposing the gap between her front
teeth. Apparently content with the idea of fatty food and boys, she scanned the
menu. When the waiter approached, Taylor ordered a strawberry milkshake and a cheeseburger
with extra cheese, and Clara couldn’t help it as her eyes skimmed over Taylor’s
frumpy clothes and curvy-on-the-cusp-of-chubby body.

“I’ll
just have a Greek salad and a cup of minestrone soup,” Clara said, handing the
waiter her menu.

Taylor
straightened. “I thought we were ordering food with far too many calories?”

Clara
shrugged. “I lost my appetite,” she said absently, watching as Joanna and the
boy got up from their table and headed toward the exit—toward Clara and
Taylor’s booth.

Although
Joanna was clearly avoiding making eye contact, Clara couldn’t help herself.
“Hey, Joanna.” She nodded toward the tall, blond guy walking next to her.
“Who’s your friend? Are you going to introduce us?”

The
boy’s phone rang, and he pulled his cell from his pocket and continued outside
while Joanna stopped at the end of Clara’s table.

Clara
grinned shamelessly. “You know, you might as well…”

Joanna’s
crystal blue eyes fixed on Clara, and her lips pulled into a satisfied grin.
“The fact that you have to steal
my
boyfriends instead of finding your
own is a joke, Clara.” She watched Clara, waiting for her reaction, but Clara
had spent years perfecting her Joanna game face, so she simply sat there,
looking bored. “Of course,
you
wouldn’t care.” Joanna smirked. “Like
mother, like daughter, only…you’re
crazy
and she’s just a stupid whore.”

Clara
jumped up from her seat, shoving her index finger at Joanna’s chest. “Shut your
mouth! We are
nothing
alike!” Realizing she’d made a bigger scene than she’d intended, Clara
swallowed and glanced around at the handful of other deli patrons before
narrowing her eyes back on Joanna. “You’re such a bitch. You think being mean
to people makes you cool? Makes you popular? Well, how does it feel to be the
one the rumors spread about now? You’re
nobody
. You’re old news. Just
remember who did that to you.”

To
Clara’s relief, Joanna seemed more than affected by her words; her nemesis’s
eyes even blurred a little. “I was a
kid
.” Joanna said, her voice
incredulous. “When was the last time I did
anything
to you?”

Clara
laughed. “Oh, poor Joanna’s so innocent. Yeah. Right. Watch your back, Joanna,
because payback’s a bitch.” Clara crossed her arms over her chest, staring
Joanna down and loving the thrill of watching her squirm.

Finally,
Joanna let out a deep breath and turned on her heel, heading out the door. Clara
smiled triumphantly and turned back toward the booth only to find that, at some
point during the altercation, Taylor had left, as well.

Beatrice,
a woman Clara didn’t really know and didn’t care to, coughed beside her at the
table. The pallid, red-haired woman was halfway finished with her meal when she
stood and headed for the juice counter. Glancing around the more-empty-than-usual
cafeteria, Clara leaned over and scraped most of her breakfast onto Beatrice’s
plate, hearing Beth start giggling as she watched.

“Beth,”
Roberta said.

Clara
straightened, and her attention snapped forward again.

Roberta
walked over to Beth’s table. “You seem to be enjoying your breakfast this
morning.” She studied the giggling woman. “What’s so funny?”

Beth
looked at Clara and then back down at her tray of food, sending Clara’s heart
into a steady thud. Roberta in a bad mood wasn’t something she felt up to
dealing with today.

“Um,
Clara told Alicia off in group yesterday,” Beth said with another giggle. “You
should’ve seen Alicia’s face…I—I don’t think I’ve ever seen her so shocked
before.”

“Really?”
Roberta glanced over at Clara and smirked. “Sorry I missed it.” She patted Beth
on the shoulder and continued her rounds around the room.

 As
Roberta stepped further and further away from her table, Clara’s heartbeat slowed,
and she smiled at Beth. After giving her a grateful wink, Clara pushed around
the last bit of food on her plate, making it look like she’d at least made as
sizeable dent.