The Evensong (16 page)

“Yes,” I answered, even though it wasn’t a question.

“Fair enough,” he said, sounding like he’d reached a conclusion. “Now you have to try one of these, they’re the best.”

I tried to brush off the final questions as we ate. It was almost easy if I tried to forget it had happened. We fell into a more normal state of conversation, and I was absorbed in the sweet potato fries anyway. Linden was right, they were awesome.

Before we’d finished entirely, I was surprised to hear Earth Angel come on over the booth. Linden noticed my reaction and asked if I’d picked the song. I replied yes, feeling embarrassed all over again. I was glad when we left, even though the song was stuck in my head.

Linden suggested we walk before we headed back into town, something I was definitely feeling up to. The cool air and the wide space left me feeling a little better about the situation. At least he knew the truth of the matter, in all senses. Though he—and my Pro side—seemed to be having trouble grasping the seriousness of the situation, I had hope it could right itself. It would just take some strength on my part.

That strength was definitely waning as I heard Linden muttering parts of the song as we walked. Maybe he didn’t mean to, but it still got to me, and I felt like such a sap listening so hard to him.

“. . . Darling dear, love you all the time,” he muttered as we crossed a street. He hummed the rest, but the words still went through my mind. I didn’t know where he was leading me, but I stayed at his side, looking at everything we passed.

As we neared the park, I was busy looking off at the kids on the playground when he let his fingers graze the inside of my wrist. It sent shivers through my body, starting where his fingers had touched me. I looked up at him, alarmed at my own reaction, to see he hadn’t meant to do that.

“Let’s go that way,” he said, pointing. I silently agreed, following behind. The grass was long, and my feet sunk in, buried up to the ankles. I smiled at this, finding it more comfortable than a clean-cut lawn.

Linden led me to one of the larger trees, tucked away from the busier parts of the park. He sat down under it, stretching his legs out in front of him as he leaned back on his hands. I sat next to him cross-legged, surprisingly comfortable.

“Nice, isn’t it?” he commented.

“For a city, definitely,” I replied. “I don’t know how people could live here without some kind of greenery.”

Linden laughed, and I could feel his eyes on me. “You know, you’d probably be an earth Elemental if you were one.”

“Why’s that?” I asked, vaguely recalling the name.

He shrugged. “It just suits you. Then again, I’d probably have less of a chance of seeing you if you were one.”

“Why?” I looked at him then, curious.

“Elementals tend to stay within contact of their own kind, not so much the others. We know them and everything, but the relationship is pretty distant.”

“Must be a big family for everyone,” I commented.

“I guess. Still gets pretty lonely though.”

At this admittance, I noticed how his face darkened a little, tinged with sadness. It was only there for a moment, and then he looked neutral. Just seeing that little bit of his raw emotion drove me to want to be closer to him, in all senses.

I pushed my own boundaries and lay my hand over his. He looked at me sharply, as if caught off guard.

“I’ll still talk to you,” I said, feigning complete seriousness.

He caught on and grinned, squeezing my fingers. “Only if your morals don’t get in the way.”

Exactly.

PRO
OR
CON

We stayed in town longer than I expected, but I hardly noticed the time going by so slowly. When I saw that the sky was dark except for the horizon, I checked the time, wondering if anyone at home was starting to suspect. When Linden suggested we head back, I was happy to agree.

The drive back was considerably slower and quieter. Neither of us talked much, absorbed in thinking. I was getting tired fast, and I tried to keep myself fully conscious with the oncoming headlights on the opposite side of the road.

“Hanging in there?” Linden asked as he glanced over.

“Yeah,” I replied, “just a little tired.”

“So early?” he joked, tapping his dashboard clock. True, it was only 8:30, but I hadn’t had the best night’s sleep before. I was looking forward to my bed and hoping that maybe Rene was busy with something so she wouldn’t have time to question me. Not immediately, at least.

The lights on the horizon began to disappear as we reached home. There were no hundreds of sparkling orange and white streetlights, just the simple glow of some houses and front porches. Linden drove through the back way where the swamps stood out, reaching into the road until the asphalt gave way to hard-packed dirt. The streets were smooth in most parts, and I barely recognized his familiar driveway when he pulled up, headlights striking the white porch.

“I just wanted another chance to say a few things,” he said as he turned off the engine, “if that’s okay.”

I paused, but then nodded. “It’s fine.”

“Plus I don’t think it’s very safe to try talking anywhere near your house.”

I laughed, saying he was probably right. Somehow I felt more comfortable here anyway. There was more space outside the car and even in his house with all the vacant rooms. Being near the swamps added to my comfort, and their smell was prominent on the air as I stepped out. I barely noticed I was the first to open my door, and Linden followed suit.

We didn’t go inside as I might have suspected. Instead, Linden ambled towards the swing to the left and sat down with plenty of room beside him. I took this as a mild hint and sat next to him, leaving a few inches between us. I was nervous again, sitting in silence with nothing to say. I folded my arms across my chest and looked out at the darkness ahead as crickets sang. Three squares of light were in the distance; Linden’s neighbors. I thought I could hear some of the sounds they might be making inside, like dishes clanking, people talking. Unfortunately, I became distracted by the way I could suddenly feel the warmth of Lindens’ body. Discreetly, I squeezed my sides, frustrated by my own reactions.

“You’re lucky to have this place,” I said, wanting to break the silence.

“So I’ve heard,” he replied coolly. “Nice place, but it’s just a big empty house right now. It’s a little more homey, but it’ll take some getting used to.”

I nodded, mostly to myself as I heard a door slam somewhere. He was quiet again, and I wondered if he was suddenly not in the mood to talk. Apparently he had things to say, but I wondered if he’d changed his mind.

After five minutes, I worried I’d done something wrong. I chanced looking at him to see he had his head back and his eyes closed. Had he fallen asleep? He didn’t seem that tired to me before . . . maybe he really was angry. I bit my lip in thought, trying to come up with different phrases to start up again. Maybe I should just leave and say nothing.

I was seriously considering walking home when Linden lifted his head. He pushed himself closer to me, his leg touching mine. Clearing his throat, he looked at me, seeming confused.

“I’m not sure why you’re afraid of me,” he said.

I swallowed, my throat feeling dry. I almost didn’t want to discuss it. “There are a few reasons, I guess.”

“Like?”

“What you are scares me, and what you might be able to do. I read a little bit about Undines, but I’m not—”

“That would be like me being afraid of you. It’s the unknown, right?” he interrupted.

“Yeah, but I don’t think I can do anything to you,” I admitted. It was something I’d been wondering. “But you . . . you could probably do things to me.”

“Things?” he repeated. “I can do ‘things’ to water, but that’s only because of what I am. I wouldn’t do those ‘things’ to you. I can’t.”

“You could use them against me,” I pointed out. I wanted to shut myself up, quit giving him ideas and being vulnerable, but it was too late.

“Why the hell would I do that?” he asked, sounding a little angry. When I looked at him, he just looked confused. “I think your past lessons are taking their toll. Sort of brainwashing, isn’t it?”

“It’s just being cautionary,” I corrected.

“Cautionary, okay. But so you know—you don’t have to be cautionary. I’m not going to
do
anything to you.”

I nodded, assured but still unsure. Throughout the day, I’d forgotten that one flaw about him and everything went back to normal. Then I’d remember again, either by glancing at his colorful arm or thinking too much.

“Is this going to get back to normal?” he asked, gesturing between the two of us.

I shrugged, staring at his arm, the pictures just blurs of color in the dark.

“Am I so bad?” he asked jokingly, laughing.

“Not bad, per say,” I said. “But um . . . not goodish.”

“No?”

I wasn’t sure what he was referring to, but he reached for my hand still tucked against my ribs. I let him lace his fingers with mine.

“Is this so bad?” he asked.

I looked at his long fingers and the veins in his hand. I imagined how he could control water with a simple touch, maybe boil it on command. “Uh—no.”

He nodded slightly, eyes trained on me as his thumb stroked the heel of my hand and the palm. “This okay?”

I suppressed a shiver from going up my spine as I shrugged, trying to stay casual. “Yeah, it’s okay.”

He mumbled something about ‘just okay’ and brought my hand to his face. Instinctively, I tried to pull away, but he gently tightened his grip on my fingers. I had to watch him now. He kept his even gaze on me as he grazed his lips against my fingers. My all-betraying emotions almost took over as my lips parted and I sucked in a gasp of air. I hoped it was too quiet for him to hear, but I had a feeling the crickets just weren’t loud enough.

A slight smile pulled at the corner of his mouth as his breath tickled my wrist. Pulling my hand over his shoulder forced me closer, though he didn’t do anything to make my arm tighten around him. His face inches away, I was glad his hair hid most of his features. As my eyes started to adjust to the additional darkness, I closed them, afraid of what I’d see. It couldn’t have been any worse than what I felt. My other senses heightened, I could hear him breathing, feel his skin so close. I resisted opening them again as he barely kissed me, lips hot.

“And that’s just awful, right?” he asked, barely speaking. I caught his light sarcasm, and unconsciously leaned closer as he pulled back a little. He’d sparked a deep ache that I didn’t even know about before. I could feel it in the pit of my stomach and in the middle of my chest. My Pro side was winning over quickly, almost completely squelching out any of my Anti thoughts. I wanted to grab him again, pull him by the neck and kiss him hard enough to bruise. I barely managed to keep a hold of the urge.

I was biting the inside of my cheek when he moved closer again, pushing his lips against mine a little harder. But I moved back, immediately looking down to avoid his eyes.

“Linden—”

“Don’t say anything negative,” he said, a bit of a plea in his voice.

“I—I wasn’t,” I lied.

“Okay, then hang on a sec,” he said, both hands in my hair.

“Ple—” I didn’t get a second to choke out the entire word. Even if I did, he would have swallowed it without a sound. His mouth was open, tongue tracing my bottom lip, and it seemed to burn. I snapped back, taking my hands off him. His slowly dropped from me and he scooted back, giving me space.

“Sorry, I . . . should have left it at that,” he said.

“No, it’s—” It’s what? Fine?

I didn’t even bother going on and stared out at the dark, body still buzzing with adrenaline. I didn’t want to leave or speak. I was at a loss.

After too long he stood and suggested I get home. It didn’t sound like he was angry, but it was a casual, true statement. I agreed and walked a few steps behind him, sitting in the car in silence as he drove. He stopped a block away from the house, and I just sat there for a second.

“Was this all right today? Hanging out, I mean,” he finally asked.

I nodded immediately, looking at him for a moment. “Yeah, it was.”

That seemed to considerably lighten his mood. “Good. I’ll talk to you later then?”

“Sure,” I said, looking at him straight on. I gave him a meek smile before I thanked him and said good night.

I felt his strong presence as I walked down the road, all the way up to the porch. Fiddling with my keys, I looked back to see his headlights turning around, going back towards his house. When they had disappeared around a bend, I stepped inside, instantly feeling too hot in the confined space. No one was in the kitchen or the living room, so I hurried up the stairs, going straight for my bedroom.

As I shut the door, I could hear Rene on the phone in her room over the noise of the kids in Hank’s bedroom. At least they were all occupied and no one seemed worried. This was a relief, and I took a second to relax as I took off my shoes and searched for my pajamas.

I found them draped over the back of my desk chair, and as I gathered them up, I glanced at myself in the mirror. Familiar green eyes looked back. Of course they hadn’t changed, but why did I somehow feel treacherous? Was I turning my back on others like me by wanting to see him again? Is this how we get ourselves into a bigger mess, by falling for the people who are absolutely wrong for us?