“What is that about?” I leaned my head to the side to work the suds down my long hair.
He grinned at me. “I’m just amused, is all. You say you’re straight, but put you in bed with another woman—”
“Sometimes, boobs are just nice to touch, okay?” I closed my eyes to rinse the shampoo from my hair.
“That they are.” He cupped mine, and my eyes flew open in surprise. “Do you know why I find them so nice to touch?”
I shrugged.
He leaned close to my ear. “Because I like women.”
“Look, I never said I didn’t like women. I just think I’m probably cloudy with a chance of wanting to have sex with some girls sometimes.” I stepped away from him to grab my conditioner.
“So, you’re bisexual,” Neil said.
“I don’t think so. I don’t want to have sex with
every
woman. I just wanted to have it with Gena.” I combed the conditioner through my wet tangles with my fingers. “It’s not the same thing.”
“By your logic, because I am bisexual, I want to have sex with literally every man and woman on the entire planet.” Neil sighed. “Label your sexuality however you like, Sophie. It doesn’t matter to me. But allow me to gently suggest that the impression I got after watching you nearly suffocate yourself in another woman’s cunt is that you might be ever so slightly bi.”
He kissed my neck, made a face at the taste of my conditioner, wiped his mouth, and left. When I came out of the shower, he was already in bed, and I slipped in beside him.
“Are you all right?” he asked, his voice already sleep-thick.
“What? About what happened with Gena? I’m fine.” I tucked my head against his shoulder.
“And me, being with another woman?” he asked, his arm scooping around my back.
“It was hard at first,” I admitted. There was no sense in dancing around that. “But then, as I got into it, I liked it. It would be pretty hypocritical if I was okay with fucking her, but not okay with you fucking her. What about you, are you cool?”
It took him a moment to answer. Usually in all things concerning sex, Neil was so easy going. He surprised me with, “It bothered me more than I thought it would. Not you and Gena, that part was fine. But you with Ian… That bothered me a bit more than when you were with Emir. I’m certain it’s because we have a history. It’s one thing to be intimate with a total stranger, but to have that experience with a long-time friend was a bit disconcerting.”
My heart fell a little. If Ian and Gena were a package deal, would I not get a chance to be with her again? Oh my gosh, did I have a
crush
on her?
“I wouldn’t rule out doing it again,” he went on, and I breathed a little sigh of relief. “I dealt with my feelings and moved past it, as you did.”
“I really did like watching you.” I played with his chest hair with the tips of my fingers. “You’re so sexy.”
“You’ve watched us before, in the mirror,” he reminded me. “And on video.”
“I know I did, but this was a different angle.” I ran my hand down his arm. “I never get to see how you move. I just didn’t realize how in shape you’ve gotten.”
“Different angle,” he teased.
I trailed my fingers across his chest. “It was really a positive experience for me. I would totally do it again.”
“Oh, I’m so glad you said that.” Neil chuckled sleepily. “Because, next time I watch you eat Gena’s pussy, I’d like to be eating yours.”
Damn him and his dirty mouth. I pushed back the covers in a huff and got out of bed.
“Sophie? Where are you going?” His voice held a note of alarm.
“To take another shower. A cold one,” I said, turning to give him an obviously fake pout, to put him at ease. He smiled in relief, and I headed toward the bathroom. “You can’t say something like that and expect me to be able to sleep.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
Since Tony had the day off, we made the journey to Manhattan by ourselves. Driving in the city took more focus than puttering around Sagaponack, which was fine by me because Neil looked so sexy when he was concentrating. He guided the car into a left-hand turn and pulled us to a stop outside a building with a white stone facade. The high, arched windows at street level were decorated with bassinets and mobiles and stuffed toys, all gold and cream-colored under jewelry store lighting.
I loved Emma. But being surrounded by all that crap was going to give me a panic attack.
“You know, no one, to my knowledge, has ever gotten pregnant simply from walking into a baby store,” he joked, turning off the engine. He’d come to pick me up in the DB9, and a guy on the sidewalk stopped to take a photo of the car with his phone.
I checked my hair in the mirror; I’d straightened it and pulled it back under a wide headband I’d improvised from a folded Hermés scarf to disguise the fact that I hadn’t had time to wash my hair that morning. Our night with Ian and Gena had really sapped my energy, but I’d already promised to attend fetus-palooza, and I didn’t want to disappoint Neil. I’d worn a calf-length orange pencil skirt and a vibrant purple peasant top. They were the only things I could make the hippie chic hair disguise work with.
I got out of the car, and Neil came around to take my hand and walk into the store with me. Every time he held my hand, I got a little thrill. I’d never been with a guy who was into that, and before I’d gotten with Neil, I’d thought holding hands in public was silly. Now, it felt awesome, like we were saying to the world, “Look at us. We belong together. See how well our hands fit?”
Inside the store, soft, inoffensive pop music played at a just noticeable volume. Two women, their faces aglow, one of them hugely pregnant, cooed over a round crib with a pale pink canopy. A man on the phone near some baby monitors was trying to explain the optional motion sensor to whoever was on the other end. Everywhere, all around…so many baby products.
“Holy shit, do people need all of this?” I muttered under my breath, and Neil nudged me. A salesperson with bad highlights and the wide, frozen smile of a former pageant queen intercepted us within moments.
“Hi there! I’m Sasha. Welcome to Tétine. Is this your first visit?” Her gaze flicked between Neil and me, and I’m glad she ended her question looking at him, because I was about to panic and flee the store.
“Yes, it is.” He beamed with grandfatherly pride and said, “My daughter is pregnant with her first child, and—”
“Congratulations!” Sasha interrupted, turning her toothy smile to me. “When are you due?”
“Never!” rolled out of my mouth so automatically and vehemently that it startled her.
“This is my fiancé,” Neil clarified, with an edge of you’ve-fucked-up in his tone. “My
daughter
is expecting her first child, and we’re here looking for a gift for the baby.”
“Anything in particular?” she asked smoothly, glossing past her mistake without blinking.
“Is there anything here he hasn’t bought yet?” I snorted.
“Well, feel free to browse. If you need anything—”
“Sasha,” I finished for her. “We got it. This isn’t our first rodeo.”
Her eyebrows ratcheted up about an inch, and she drifted away, probably thinking we’d be her most difficult customers all day.
“Why do you do always have to make people feel uncomfortable?” Neil tried to scold me, but his giggling didn’t make it very convincing.
I cut a wide path around a rack of itsy little dresses. “I have to entertain myself somehow. You should have heard me the other day, I took your accent out for a spin at lunch.”
“I shudder to imagine how ridiculous you must have sounded. Your impersonation of me is terrible.” He paused in front of a swing that looked like it should have been on the space shuttle and gave it a gentle push.
“Remind me what this particular present is for?” I asked as we wandered among the racks of tasteful baby clothes.
“Valerie bought Emma a jogging stroller,” he answered without pretense. The battle to spoil the baby had been on for some time, and what had begun as a friendly rivalry had become a high-stakes war. At my arched eyebrow and pursed lips he said, rather sheepishly, “I’m allowed to buy this baby an outrageous amount of stuff, aren’t I? There hasn’t been one in the Elwood household for twenty-six years. This is exciting.”
I was about to remind him that the baby wasn’t going to be in the Elwood household, but the sight of frills stopped me, and I cooed, “Awww, look at this, Neil.” I took the hanger off the rack and held up the teensy pink floral triangle-top bikini flipping it to show him the ruffle-butt bottoms. I’d expected some disapproval at the thought of his granddaughter in a bikini, no matter her age, but he appeared absolutely horrified. It took me a blink to realize he wasn’t looking at the swimsuit, but over my shoulder. I turned, and behind me stood a woman a few inches taller than me, with golden blonde hair and an expression that matched Neil’s.
No, hers seemed to lean to the nauseated side of horror. Her gaze fell to the baby clothes in my hand, and she choked out an, “Excuse me,” before dropping the bottle warmer she’d been carrying. She ran—literally ran—from the store.
“Elizabeth!” Neil called after her, and he sidled past me to chase her.
I stood there, reeling. That was Elizabeth? His ex-wife, Elizabeth?
His ex-wife Elizabeth whom he’d divorced when she wanted a baby.
And I was here with him, holding baby stuff, while he talked loudly about how excited he was for a new baby.
So. That was awkward.
The women who had been shopping for their crib looked up, startled, then looked back at me. One of them leaned toward the other and whispered something. I didn’t know what she’d said, but I was somehow compelled to blurt, “I’m not his mistress! That’s his ex-wife. They’re divorced.”
At that point, the baby monitor guy and Sasha the saleslady were looking at me. Out the window, Neil reached for Elizabeth’s elbow, and she whirled on him, shouting. I couldn’t hear what.
“They got divorced because she wanted kids and he didn’t, and now, I’m marrying him. She saw me in the baby store, so…” I shrugged. Why was I telling this entire boutique full of people all of my personal business? I was having some weird out-of-body, out-of-mouth experience, probably so I could effectively repress my humiliation later.
“Wait a minute, is that Neil Elwood?” the non-pregnant woman said, and it startled me because I’d never really seen him get recognized before. The woman looked totally thrilled, like she was spotting a celebrity. Then, she said, “I know who you are! I saw your book in
O Magazine
,” and I realized that the big famous person she thought she was meeting was
me.
She gestured to my midsection, where I still clutched the baby bikini. “Congratulations!”
“About the book, or…” That wasn’t what she’d been getting at. I whipped the swimsuit behind my back. “Oh, no. No no. I am not pregnant. I mean, thank god. I don’t even like kids.” I made a what-are-you-gonna-do kind of face.
Both women gaped at me in horror, and I decided it was time to go. Outside, Neil had his hands on Elizabeth’s shoulders. I pushed the little bikini at the saleswoman. “We’ll just take this, Sasha.”
I handed over my credit card and watched out the window right along with the couple and the guy on the phone. Sasha’s gaze kept flitting that way, too. I mentally urged her along so I could get the hell out of there. When she handed me the bag, my card and my receipt, I made a hasty exit.
On the sidewalk, Neil was hugging Elizabeth. She looked up at me and wiped her eyes. “I’m sorry. I am so embarrassed.”
“Sophie, this is Elizabeth,” Neil said, stepping back to put his arm around my waist. “Elizabeth, this is Sophie.”
“I read your book, Sophie. It was excellent.” She looked up at Neil and nodded, clearly struggling to hold back her tears. “Well, I have to go. It was nice to meet you. And, again, I’m sorry.”
She walked away a few steps, and Neil called out, “Elizabeth.”
When she turned back, I noticed what her huge purse had hidden before; a swollen belly that her coat didn’t quite close over. Her eyes were filled with fresh tears; one had spilled down her cheek.
Neil’s expression faltered then bent into a smile of sympathy. “It was good to see you. And congratulations.”
She nodded and turned away.
I had no idea what to say to Neil. I lifted the bag. “I bought the baby bikini.”
He broke off his stare to turn to me. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know what to do, so I ran after her.”
I shrugged. “She was in pain. You loved her once, and you wanted to help her. I get it.”
“She thought, naturally…” His gaze dropped to the sidewalk. “Emma hadn’t told her about the pregnancy. She was quite hurt by that.”
We got into the car. Our light, happy Saturday had taken a dark turn. We pulled away from the curb, and Neil said, “There isn’t a woman in my life I haven’t hurt.”
That knocked the wind out of me. I couldn’t argue, because I couldn’t speak.
“Neil, you haven’t hurt me.” I put my hand on his knee.
“Haven’t I?” He didn’t take his eyes from the traffic ahead of us. “I can think of so many times I’ve said something careless. And I threw a wine bottle against the wall and frightened you.”
“I am not going to hold that one against you.” Whatever was said or done out of rape trauma was totally excusable in my book. “Look, there are times when we fight and say hurtful things. All couples do it. You haven’t permanently scarred me or anything. I’ve never been afraid of you. I think you’re just shaken up about seeing your ex-wife, and now, you’re down on yourself because you feel bad.”
He wanted to stay mad at himself, but apparently, I’d talked some sense into him. “You’re right. I was simply unprepared. I hadn’t seen her in a long time.”
I felt a little sick to my stomach. Valerie was the mother of his child, but Elizabeth was the woman he’d married. He’d felt the same way about her then as he felt for me now. And it had all ended.
“Hey, can you promise me something?” I asked, and without waiting for an answer, I blurted, “I don’t want to ever run into you with your new girlfriend. I think it would literally kill me.”
“Oh, darling, why would you say something like that?” He looked at me then darted his eyes quickly back to the road. “I’m about to marry you.”
“Yeah, but you married Elizabeth,” I reminded him. “I just want to know that I’m never going to be the woman standing on the sidewalk, seeing her ex-husband with his fiancé and trying not to cry in public.”
“Obviously, neither of us can predict the future. I certainly didn’t intend to divorce Elizabeth. But I am more in love with you than I have ever been with anyone else. If something wants to break us up, I’ll fight it tooth and claw.” He swore at the light that turned red just before he reached it.
Even with the caveat about not being able to predict the future, that was a comfort.
“Do you wish things had worked out between you and Elizabeth?” I asked. I braced myself for any answer, because I honestly didn’t know what I would hear. After a lot of therapy, Neil had finally stopped lying to me about his emotions.
“No.” There was no hesitation. “I’m glad they went the way they did, because it would have been quite messy if we were still married and I’d found you again at
Porteras
.”
“I wouldn’t have fucked my married boss, for one,” I said dryly.
“I wouldn’t have been married for long.”
The light changed, and we were off, as though we were pulling away from that very important, very emotionally confusing statement.
“What do you mean?” I asked cautiously.
“I would have left Elizabeth,” he said, as though it were the most natural thing in the world. I gaped at him, unable to form a response. He took advantage of the silence to explain further. “The moment I saw you standing in the office, I wanted to grab you and kiss you like we were in a movie. Obviously, I couldn’t, because I didn’t know if you even remembered me. And Elwood and Stern has very strict sexual harassment policies.”
“So, you would have just dropped your wife?” That seemed so insane. “You had no guarantee that we were going to work out.”
“We would have,” he said easily, as though our circumstances wouldn’t have been totally different. “I’ve been in love with you since ten minutes after I met you. We’re meant for each other.”
Tears rose in my eyes, making them all hot and itchy. Maybe it was just allergies. He was right, we were meant for each other. If I believed in soul mates—and I didn’t— I would say that was what Neil and I were.
I settled back in my seat. It was easy to feel sorry for Elizabeth, but she had a new life, and a new baby, on the way, something Neil had been unwilling to give her. She was probably as happy with whoever was in her life now as I was with Neil. Despite the huge shock she’d gotten today, there was no proof that she was unhappy.