The Executioner's Song (26 page)

                It seemed to open her. He turned around and slipped it in, went right in, really good, nice and warm, no movement at all, all he needed. That was it, you know.

                He put his clothes on and she got up and put her clothes Hadn't been in her more than ten seconds. She hadn't really done anything, but she had really nice breasts. He got a phone number from her. A tremendous deal. All free. Did it with his back to Gilmore.

                By the next time he happened to stop, Nicole said she'd go for a ride. He took her up to the canyon and Sunny and Peabody went out and played. Barrett got seduced right in the truck. That's what happened that day.

                He thought it was 'cause she loved him again, because she special feelings. She told him afterward she still loved him, all that stuff. Then they came down from the canyon, and he took her home It sure flared up his love for her. It made him miss her more. It was like a sacred thing to him, a way to express a feeling.

                The next day, she called him up. "I'm pretty upset," she said, 'pretty down." Gary had become very dominating.

                When Barrett went over, she was sad and really depressed and he just loved her. He stood naked with her, gave her the attention she needed and told her that he'd get her out of this mess.

                Once she was in his dinky little flea-bag motel room, it didn't take but one night to know they needed more space. He went to see a friend who owned a couple of apartment houses in Springville and said, Hey, let me work on your swimming pool for the rent. The fellow went for that and moved them into an apartment on Third West in Springville. That same day, while Gilmore was on his job, they got the furniture from Spanish Fork and brought it over.

                It was worrisome doing it. Nicole let him hold a .22 Magnum Derringer over-and-under that Gary had given her. This scene was even heavier than Joe Bob. Barrett noticed a piece of paper tacked up against the wall, saying, "Where are you, girl?"

                He had the gun in his back pocket, loaded. But he kept thinking of Gilmore's other guns. If the man came home, they would have a shootout right there. Even after they were moved to the apartment, nothing let up. Nicole kept saying, You don't know Gary, he's dangerous. Barrett carried that gun.

                This trip, Nicole was giving him sex like a professional. Not taking money, but like she thought he'd done a favor, so he deserved it back. It certainly wasn't one of their good periods. She wasn't into orgasms very regularly. With all he knew about her, it all the same took a few days for Barrett to figure out that Nicole was seeing somebody else.

                On the Tuesday night that Gary broke up with Nicole, he came back to Craig's house and spent a quiet evening. "She's out of my life," he said. Next morning, soon as he woke up, he talked of getting back with her. Took a Browning .22 Automatic out of his car, and asked Craig to hold it. Craig did. Wanted to mollify him. Keep him off the deep end.

                On the way to work, Gary asked if Craig knew anybody who would buy the Automatic. When Craig said he didn't, Gary said, "You can have it." Craig wasn't certain whether Gary was giving it, or letting him hold it handy.

                Spencer asked how the windshield got broke, and when Gary said he kicked it, Spencer asked, "What for?" Gary said he was mad at Nicole. "Well, why didn't you kick her?" Spencer said. "You know you got to have a windshield to pass a safety inspection. That kick cost you $50." Gary said he didn't really care.

                This got Spence mad. Gary owed him money after all. So Spence asked again if he had the driver's license. When Gary said no, Spence said he must have been lying all along, and they would have to alter their program a little. But Gary's head seemed to be somewhere else. He asked what Spence thought of his buying a pickup truck. He, Spencer decided, had an awfully large ego.

                During the day, Gary got the keys to the white truck from Conlin and drove it to the shop for Spence to approve.

                It was a '68 or '69 Ford. McGrath thought it was seriously priced. Gary said he really didn't care, he wanted it. Spencer said, I do care. You're asking me to lay out $1,700 for a vehicle that is worth $1,000. It's unfair. You don't have a driver's license. If you wreck that thing, or somebody steals it, if you get into a fight they arrest you and put you in jail, or if you can't in any way make the payments on it, then I have to pay off. You should think serious about what you're asking me to do." That didn't bother Gary. There was no doubt in his mind, he told Spence, that he was going pay for that pickup. He did not think Spence should ever be concerned about losing a cent.

                That night Gary went looking in the bars for Nicole and went home. When he could not sleep, he got in his car and drove all the way to Sterling Baker's new place.

                Sterling had moved from Provo to a town called Lark near Lake City. It was late when Gary pulled in. It had spooked him, he explained, to stay in Spanish Fork without Nicole. He had talked to her at Kathryne's today, he told them, and she wanted to stay apart. He couldn't shake off the idea he had lost her. Gary looked so sad that no matter the hour, both Sterling and Ruth Ann had to feel sorry.

                Gary began to talk about reincarnation. After death, he said, he was going to start all over again. Have the kind of life he always wished he had. He talked about it as if it was so certain, so real, that Sterling got confused and thought Gary was talking about an actual place like moving bag and baggage up to Winnipeg, Canada.

                In the morning, Gary phoned in sick to work, and spent the morning driving around with Ruth Ann looking for Nicole.

                They searched a lot of streets in Springville. Somehow, Gary felt she was there. They dropped in on Sue Baker, but she didn't know, she said, where Nicole might be. There was a smell of diapers in Sue's house and she looked miserable. Didn't know where Rikki was; didn't know where Nicole was, didn't know anything. Ruth Ann began to get sorry for Gary. She had never seen a man suffer so much over a woman. He must have checked the laundromat five times.

                Toward the middle of the afternoon, Ruth Ann went back to Lark, and Gary showed up at work. He had hardly picked up a tool before there was a call from Nicole.

                "Are you drunk?" she asked.

                "I'm stone sober," he said.

                She was telephoning to tell him that she had just moved her furniture out of the house in Spanish Fork, but he could stay there the next few days until the rent was up. She didn't think they'd rent to him after that.

                Could they get together? he asked. She said she did not think so. One of them might kill the other.

  To her surprise, Kathryne felt like she wanted to cry. Gary came in so pathetic. Just kind of sat. He put a carton of cigarettes and a box of Pampers on the table, and said, "She'll probably be needing these." There was a silence, then he said, "Would you do something for me?" Kathryne said, "Well, yes, if I can." "Will you give her this for me? That's the best one I could find. It's not very good, but it's the best I could find." Kathryne looked. Gary was standing in the picture wearing a blue windbreaker. She thought it had probably been taken in prison. He was looking young and tough, and he'd written on back "I love you." After she lay the photograph down, Gary said, "got to be going."

                When Sissy dropped by later that evening, she just glanced the photo, made an umph sound, and threw it on the cupboard. Later Kathryne put it at the back of the dish closet where it would be safe from the kids and the jam and the peanut butter.

                Toward evening, Gary went to sit with Brenda and Johnny. The patio wasn't much of a garden spot, more like a shed with pale corrugated plastic roofing that let light through, and a wrought-iron chairs and dirty old canvas camp chairs. Brenda never tried to fix her yard too much, but it was nice to have a drink there in the dark, Not only was Gary having his emotional pains but Johnny would soon be hurting. He had to go into the hospital for a hernia.

                It might not take long, but it wasn't going to be fun. Brenda would have liked a joke about the doctor not clipping any extra meat there, but that, unfortunately, was not Gary's mood.

                The white and yellow socks he was wearing looked in better taste than usual, so Brenda remarked, "I like those socks, coz." He stared at her and said, "They're Nicole's." Looked like he was going to cry.

                It was awful. Brenda could feel that empty house in Spanish Fork. "I can still smell her perfume," Gary said. It was obvious he was in that advanced kind of suffering where he could hardly keep a thought to himself.

                "I've got to find her," he said.

                "Honey, this kind of thing takes time," said Brenda. "Maybe Nicole needs a couple of days." "I can't wait," he said. "Will you help me find her?" "It don't work that way," Brenda said. "If a woman don't want to talk to you, she'll kill you first."

                Usually no matter what Gary might be feeling, he liked to seem the picture of relaxation. Today he was on the edge of his chair. It was like the air was being eaten by the nervousness he felt. She didn't want to think of his stomach. Shreds. She thought his goatee looked awful.

                "This is the first time I've experienced a pain I can't take," he said. "I used to be able to handle anything that came up, didn't matter how bad, but it's tougher out here. Everybody's going about their business. Where is Nicole?"

                A dread went into the air with the evening. Brenda could almost hear Gary listening to Nicole with other men. They kept drinking. After a couple of hours he passed out on them. In the morning, he went to work.

                "Why look so hard," Spencer asked, "for a woman who doesn't to get back with you? Leave her alone. She knows where you are." "I'm going to paint my car," said Gary.

                He started to drive the Mustang into the shop, but didn't raise the sliding door high enough. So he banged it going in. Bent it. Spencer didn't even groan. Gary could have had the car painted for fifty bucks and now it would cost three hundred or more to get the door working right once more. For the present Spence just tied a rope to the stove-in part and winched the dent back to usable condition. The shop door looked like hell.

                During lunch, Gary drove to Spanish Fork and walked through rooms. Next, he came back to Springville and visited the laundromat. Stopped to visit Sue Baker. She hadn't heard from Nicole.

                "Sissy," said Kathryne, "just doesn't like drinking. She won't put up with it no matter how much she cares about you. She could really love you," Kathryne said, "and I think maybe she does, but you have to make up your mind. What means the most, drinking or Nicole?"

                "I'll give up the drinking," he said, "if she'll come back to me. I'll give it up."

                They sat there and Kathryne felt close. "Yes, I'll give up the drinking," he said.

                He went on to tell Kathryne how brilliant Nicole was, what guts she had. He had never met a girl with such guts. Told Kathryne about the time Nicole went over to Pete Galovan and warned him that Gary meant more to her than life. "She'd have done it too," Gary said. "Yes," Kathryne said, "she just might."

                They sat there and Gary looked at Kathryne in a way to touch her right to the center of her heart. He said, "You know, here I am, thirty-five years old, and I've only known three women in my life. Isn't that ridiculous?"

                Kathryne just laughed. She said, "You're two up on me, Gary. I'm almost forty and I've known only one man."

                They just seemed to get along. She felt so sorry for him. He said "I feel left out. Sometimes I don't even understand what people are talking about." Drank a couple of beers and said, "When Nicole comes back, tell her I love her. Will you do that for me?"

                "I will, Gary," Kathryne said.

                "I promise you, I'll quit," Gary said. "I'll leave the booze alone. I'm a mean rotten bastard when I drink."

                A few hours later he called to find out if Nicole had been "No," said Kathryne, "I haven't seen her." In fact, she hadn't.

                That evening, Gary went by Spencer McGrath's house with the guns. "I want to leave them as security so you can co-sign that truck."

                "Number one," said Spencer, "I don't need the guns. Two, I'm not going to co-sign. Take them with you."

                "I'm going to leave them," Gary said. "I want you to know I'm real serious."

                Spencer decided to ask how he got them. Gary said a friend of his in Portland owed him money, so had given over the guns. He mentioned the guy's name. Soon as Gary was gone, Spence copied the serial numbers, and made a few calls to see if any sporting goods store had been broken into. Couldn't find one. Never called as far south as Spanish Fork, however.

                Gary stayed with Sterling and Ruth Ann again, and spent all day Saturday driving between Lark and Spanish Fork. He dropped by to see Kathryne, but the Elders from the Church were visiting, so through the open door he called, "Where is she?" "I don't have any idea where she is," Kathryne said sharply, and knew Gary didn't believe her. You could tell by the way he took off mad.