The Far Side of Paradise (13 page)

And, while she silently digested that, he went on, ‘I want you. Not just because you make my pulse leap whenever you come into the room, but because I find you intriguing and I enjoy your company.’ His broad shoulders sketched a shrug. ‘If you want a declaration of undying love I can’t give it to you. I know it exists—I just don’t seem to be able to feel it myself. Why are you shaking your head?’

‘I’m not asking for that.’ Yet she hated the thought of being just another in the parade of women through his life.

He frowned. ‘Then what do you want?’

‘I don’t know.’ She hesitated, before adding in a troubled voice, ‘To be reassured, I suppose—and I don’t even know what I mean by that, but it makes me sound horribly needy and clinging, which I am not.’

‘You most emphatically are not,’ he agreed dryly. ‘Well, what is it to be?’

When she didn’t answer, he said in an entirely different voice, ‘I could kiss you into agreement.’

Taryn opened her mouth to deny it, then closed her lips over the lying words.

Quietly, he said, ‘So which will it be?’

Her thoughts tumbled in delirious free fall. Making love to Cade would be a step into a wildly stimulating unknown. Yet, in spite of being convinced she’d respond to Cade’s lovemaking as eagerly as she had to his kisses, at the back of her mind lurked the dark cloud of apprehension that had been her constant companion since her engagement.

Now was a chance—perhaps her only chance—to find out whether she could be what Antony had called
a real woman
—one who enjoyed passion and could give herself in that most fundamental way.

And what harm could possibly come from a short affair when both she and Cade knew the rules?

None at all, that reckless inner part of her urged. Love had no part in this, so she’d be unscathed when the time came for them to part. And if—
if
she could surrender to desire fully and without shame, she’d be free at last of humiliation and able to consider an equal relationship some time in the future.

Slowly, reluctantly, she lifted her eyes and met Cade’s gaze, which was narrowed with desire—for
her
—and, as she thrilled with a potent, spontaneous surge of sensuous hunger, she knew her answer.

If she didn’t take this opportunity, she’d always regret her cowardice. Whatever happened, even if it ended in tears and heartache, she was desperately in thrall to a need she didn’t want to resist.

But her voice wobbled when she said, ‘I. Then it’s yes.’

Cade fought back a fierce satisfaction—so fierce it startled him. With it came a driving, insistent hunger and something he’d never expected to feel—an intense need he immediately tried to block.

Because it was still too soon. Those enormous green-gold eyes and her soft trembling mouth certainly betrayed desire, but he sensed fear too.

For the first time in his life a headstrong passion had almost overridden his mind and his will. If he took her now he could wreck everything. She needed to be sure of his ability to rouse her, confidence that he wouldn’t hurt
her before she could come to him without restrictions, without fear or shame.

She needed gentling. Wooing …

He needed to know her better.

He shied away from that thought. And he, he thought grimly, needed to find a way to control this almost desperate sexual drive.

Watching her so he could gauge her reaction, he said with as much resolution as he could muster, ‘It’s all right, I’m not going to drag you off into a bedroom right now.’

‘I didn’t think you would,’ she returned smartly. ‘I’m sure your motto is always business first.’

He permitted himself a narrow, humourless smile—probably looking more like a tiger ready to pounce, he thought with grim humour. ‘So why are you still holding yourself as stiffly as a martyr facing the stake?’

‘I’m not!’ But she was; already she could feel her shoulders start to ache.

And Cade’s response didn’t relax her at all. ‘You need time to get to know me better,’ he said.

Taryn paused, her mind racing against the thud of her heartbeats. In the end she nodded. ‘Yes, I do,’ she admitted, chagrin colouring her voice. ‘Everything’s happened so fast I feel as though I’ve been whisked off by a tornado. And you obviously need time too.’

‘I know what I want.’ He gave another of those twisted smiles, as though he understood the riot of emotions clouding her thoughts. ‘It’s all right, Taryn. There will come a time when we both know it’s right. Until then, we’ll carry on as we have been.’

Abruptly, that shaming relief fled, to be replaced by a disappointment so acute she almost changed her mind
there and then. But he was right, she thought, clinging to a shred of common sense. She needed time.

He glanced at his watch, then out into the western sky, already lit with the pageantry of a tropical sunset. ‘If we’re going to be in time for the dinner cruise on the lagoon we’d better get going.’

Business first, of course, she thought as she nodded and hurried into her room, frustrated yet relieved. Her insides quivered. If only she didn’t freeze.

Then she thought of what she’d learned about him, and her heart shuddered. She wanted to know so much more than the few spare statements he’d delivered in that chillingly impersonal tone, but the thought of him as a child, at the mercy of a neglectful mother, hurt her in an almost physical way.

No time for that now, she told herself after a harried glance at her watch. What to wear? The gold
pareu
again? Not entirely suitable for sailing—although the vessel that had anchored in the lagoon that morning looked more like a mini-liner than a yacht.

A swift search through her wardrobe made her decide on a gift from her mother. Pacific in style, the loose top of fine, silky cotton echoed the colours of handmade
tapa
cloth. Its soft cream-white fabric, patterned in chocolate-brown, tan and bronze, made her skin glow. With it, she wore sleek tan trousers and a cuff bracelet of tiny golden mother-of-pearl beads.

When she reappeared Cade gave her a swift smouldering look. Her stomach swooped and colour surged along her cheekbones. She had to steady her voice before she could say, ‘I hope this is OK.’

He said, ‘Infinitely more than merely OK. You look radiant. We’d better get going or I’ll succumb to
temptation and try to persuade you to skip the damned evening.’

A stripped, corrosive note in his words lit fires deep inside her.

Some hours later, Taryn leaned against the rail of the opulent vessel, which was owned by one of the most powerful businessmen in Australia.

She’d had an interesting evening. She’d been admired, patronised and ignored; she’d been entertained by Madame Murat, who’d revealed a charmingly indiscreet side that made Taryn chuckle; she’d fended off attempts at flirtation by various men and she’d eaten a delicious Pacific buffet meal beside Cade. He’d shown no overt possessiveness, but he’d clearly been keeping an eye on her.

She turned as someone came towards her, stabbed by sharp, unexpected disappointment when she saw not Cade but the son of the yacht owner. Tall and cheerfully laconic, he’d made no secret of his interest.

‘Alone?’ he said against the babble of talk and laughter from the big entertaining deck. ‘Are we boring you?’

‘No. I’m admiring the skies.’

He stopped just a little too close beside her. ‘They’re stunning, but if you want fabulous you should come to the Outback. Nothing beats the stars over the Australian desert. Check them out one day—we’ve got a cattle station so remote you’d think there was nowhere else on earth. I’d like to take you star-watching there.’

‘It sounds amazing,’ she told him, keeping her voice non-committal. A flurry of white in the water caught her attention. ‘Oh—what was that?’

‘What?’

When he turned to see where she was pointing out
she took the opportunity to move along the rail away from him. ‘A splash—perhaps dolphins jumping? I presume there must be dolphins here.’

‘Might be a whale,’ he said, examining the water. He gestured towards a waiter, who came rapidly towards them. ‘Binoculars, please,’ he said, and turned back to her. ‘Sounds as though you’re used to dolphins jumping around you when you swim.’

‘Not exactly,’ she said, ‘although pods often turn up off the coast of my part of Northland.’

He smiled down at her. ‘What part of Northland? The Bay of Islands?’

‘A bit farther north than that,’ she said vaguely. He was good-looking and charming in an open, friendly way. Normally, she’d have flirted happily enough with him. But this wasn’t normality; nothing had been normal since last night when Cade had kissed her and tilted her world off its axis.

The arrival of the waiter with binoculars eased things. ‘Try these,’ her companion said, offering them to her.

She squinted into them and suddenly caught a pod of dolphins arching up from the water in a free-wheeling display of gymnastics, graceful and joyous and gleaming in the starshine.

‘Oh, lovely,’ she breathed, turning to hand over the binoculars, only to discover her companion was now standing behind her, so close she actually turned into him.

‘I’ll get out of your way,’ she said crisply and thrust the binoculars into his hands, ducking sideways.

Cade came striding towards them. Something about him made her stiffen; behind him, a group of people watched, clearly intrigued. Without thinking, she lifted
her hand and beckoned, then pointed out to sea where the dolphins played.

‘Dolphins,’ she said, hoping her smile conveyed nothing more than simple pleasure.

The man beside her took the binoculars away from his eyes. ‘They look as though they’re moving away.’ He looked beyond her, his demeanour subtly altering when he saw Cade approach.

‘Hi, mate, take a look at this,’ he said, handing him the binoculars. ‘We’ll go across to them so everyone can see them close up.’

‘No, don’t do that,’ Taryn said swiftly.

Both men looked at her. ‘Why?’ Cade asked.

‘At home we’re told not to interfere with them—it disturbs them, especially if they have young with them. If they come across to us of their own accord, that’s fine, but deliberately seeking them out isn’t.’

Both men looked at each other, then the Australian grinned. ‘OK, anything for a pretty lady. I’ll get them to break out all the binoculars on board.’

Cade waited until he’d gone before checking out the dolphins.

Eyes narrowing as she watched the sea creatures, Taryn said, ‘They look as though they’ve turned—they are heading this way, aren’t they?’

‘It seems so.’ He lowered the binoculars and looked at her. ‘Enjoying yourself?’

‘Yes, thank you. It’s a fantastic night and the food is delicious, and the people are very pleasant.’

As well as Fleur and Luke Chapman, she’d recognised a couple of business tycoons from New Zealand, one with his wife, a Mediterranean princess. A media baron and his fourth wife were in a huddle with several politicians from countries around the Pacific Rim, and
an exquisite rill of laughter came from the opera star as she flirted with her husband.

Which made a change from flirting with Cade, Taryn thought waspishly. She said, ‘Everywhere I look, I see faces from the television screen.’

And they all seemed to know each other well; she was the only outsider.

Just then someone else saw the dolphins, now close to the yacht, and called out, and there was a concerted move to the rails.

Taryn said, ‘We’ll get the best view up in the bows.’

Cade examined her face for a brief second, then nodded. ‘Let’s go.’

Several people followed them. Taryn tried hard not to wish she could stand alone with Cade in the moonlight watching the glorious creatures ride the bow wave with consummate grace, their curving mouths giving them the appearance of high delight. Silver veils of water garlanded their rounded, muscular backs while they dipped and pirouetted and leapt from the water, gleeful and wild in their unforced joy.

And then, as quickly as they’d come, an unheard command sent them speeding away to an unknown destination. And people who’d been lost in silent wonder broke out into a babble of noise that broke the spell.

Cade said, ‘What was that sigh for?’

‘Anything beautiful makes me feel sad—in an odd, delighted way,’ she said, then laughed. ‘They’re such magnificent creatures, so wild and free, and they seem to get a huge kick out of wave-riding. You could just
feel
their pleasure, couldn’t you?’

He nodded, his eyes searching as he looked down at her. ‘I’m glad you saw them.’

Taryn would have enjoyed the rest of the evening
much more if anticipation hadn’t been tightening inside her, straining her nerves and clamouring for the evening to end so that she could go back to the
fale
with Cade.

However, once they were alone, he closed the door and turned to her, eyes narrowed and gleaming, his face a mask of intent. She felt a sudden clutch of panic.

‘You seemed to have a good time,’ he said.

She nodded. ‘Did you?’

‘No.’ His smile was brief and mirthless. ‘I kept having to stop myself from striding over and establishing territorial rights every time I saw some man head in your direction.’

Taryn’s hiccup of laughter was cut short when he slipped his tie free and dropped it, then shrugged out of his jacket. ‘Surely you couldn’t have thought that—’

She stopped, watching the way the powerful muscles flexed and coiled beneath his white shirt. Her breath came short between her lips. In a voice she didn’t recognise she admitted, ‘I understand the feeling.’

He looked at her and said in a completely different tone, ‘All night I’ve been wondering whether that elegant and very suitable garment is as easy to remove as it seems to be. One night I’ll find out. And if you want me to keep to our agreement, you’d better get into your room right now.’

Taryn dragged her gaze from his, blinked several times and said in a muted voice, ‘Goodnight.’

She heard him laugh as she closed the bedroom door behind her, the low laugh of a man who had his life in order.

The three days that followed were a lesson in sorely tried patience and silent escalating tension. In public Cade treated her with an understated awareness. In private
he touched her—her hand, her shoulder, an arm slipped around her waist occasionally.