The Farm (27 page)

“Yeah. I guess so.”

“It’d be spring our senior year,” I mused. “I’d be kicking back and relaxing.”

“No, you wouldn’t.” He bumped his shoulder playfully against mine. “You’re too type A for that. You’d be studying right up until the end. Trying to eke out the best possible GPA.”

“Naw.” I waved aside his assessment. “I wouldn’t have to. I would have already gotten early admission. Into one of the great schools, too. Harvard or somewhere.”

“Oh, sure. And a scholarship, I bet.”

“Why not?” I agreed playfully. Then suddenly the game seemed more sad than fun. My tone grew pensive. “I guess we would never have seen each other again, though.” I looked up to find him watching me, his expression serious. “I mean, in a world where there were no Ticks.”

He brought his hand up to my face and brushed his thumb across my cheek. Only then did I realize I was crying again.

We were standing so close I heard it when he swallowed.

“I can’t imagine a world where I wouldn’t come find you after I left military school. You would have seen me again. I promise you that.”

I felt something inside of me melt. At that moment, I wanted so badly to believe he meant it. His hand slipped up into my hair. Then he was pulling me toward him. I stepped over his outstretched legs and leaned against his chest.

The faintest pressure against the back of my head pulled me to him. I brushed my lips against his. His lips were smooth and dry. Not chapped, but like velvet. If I’d thought about it too much, I’d have pulled back. But I didn’t let myself think. Instead, I lost myself in the warmth of his chest against my hands. In the strength of his legs bracketing mine. I let myself live the fantasy I’d been dreaming about for so long.

My hands slipped up to his shoulders. One of my fingers brushed against the scar on the back of his neck and I felt a tremor go through him. Had I hurt him? I might have pulled back then, but the pressure of his hand in my hair didn’t ease up. The kiss was so gentle and patient. As delicate as whipped cream and just as delicious. Suddenly I wanted more than just the feel of his lips on mine. I wanted to taste him, to feel his body pressed against mine. I parted my lips, but before I could brush my tongue against his mouth, he straightened. Without ever moving his mouth from mine, he turned us both around and lifted me up to sit on the counter.

My whole world narrowed down to just Carter. His hands on my waist, my legs wrapping around his hips to pull him closer, my fingers in his hair. His tongue slipping into my mouth in a kiss so deep I couldn’t tell where he ended and I began. Pleasure spiraled through my body and I shuddered with the need to get closer to him. To keep kissing him. Forever.

Something banged in the other room. There was a loud clatter followed by Joe shouting, “I’m okay. Just dropped one of the bags.”

Carter pulled back slowly and dropped his forehead to mine.

“God, Lily, you don’t know—”

My fingers were twined in his hair. I tilted my mouth, eager for him to kiss me again. I wanted so badly to stay there in the shelter of his arms, but he stepped back, keeping his hands on my hips but definitely, decidedly ending the embrace.

“This isn’t the best time for this,” he said. His fingers tightened, as if he had to force himself to let me go, and then he took another step back. He ran one hand through his hair and stuck the other in his pocket. “With Mel gone . .
 
.”

For a moment I was only stunned. He was right of course. My sister was gone. Being held captive by a monster. This was so not the perfect time to be hooking up with my long-term crush. On the other hand, I needed him. I needed the comfort of his touch. The strength that came from knowing I wasn’t in this alone. I needed to forget the horror that waited outside the church, if only for a few seconds.

I needed that. And he was rejecting me. I couldn’t even fault him for it.

“You’re right,” I said, sliding off the counter to stand on the floor. I shoved my hands into my back pockets. “Of course you’re right. This isn’t the time.”

“Lily—” He reached for me, but I instinctively flinched away from him. He pressed his lips into a line and nodded with resolve. “You’re not even thinking straight. This isn’t really what you want.”

His voice took on that coolly logical tone. That military school voice of his. God, I was starting to hate that.

I whirled on him. “Don’t tell me how I’m thinking. Don’t tell me what I want.”

His jaw clenched and I could practically see him drawing on those military school reserves of calm. “This is a tense situation. You’re frightened and—”

“You’re damn right I’m frightened. I’m scared none of us are going to make it through the night. I’m afraid I’m going to die. At eighteen. I’m afraid my sister is already dead.”

“I promise you, we will get her back.”

I almost wished he hadn’t spoken instead of making promises he couldn’t possibly keep. “You don’t know that,” I hissed.

“I do know this,” he said. “I will do everything in my power to get her back.”

“As long as it doesn’t interfere with your plans for the rebellion.” I knew I was being irrational, but I also knew there was a thread of truth to my words. Carter was in this for the rebellion. Even though he’d postponed things to take us to Canada, he’d done it because he thought he could convince me on the drive. “Because you’ll do anything for the rebellion, right?”

“I’ll do anything for you,” he said fiercely.

“Yeah, right.”

He reached out a hand and turned me to face him. “Do you have any idea the things I’ve already done just to get you out of the Farm?”

“Um, yeah. I was there. I remember.”

“No, I mean all the stuff you didn’t even see me do. Do you have any idea what I did—what everyone in the rebellion did—just to
find
you?”

“I . . .” I shook my head. “No.”

“There are Collabs—adult Collabs—who deliver food all over. We convinced some of them to join the cause. Bribed them to talk to other Collabs, to try to get information about girls who might fit your description. I’ve been in and out of twelve Farms myself just looking for you. Countless other guys have been in other Farms looking for you, too. Do you know how many people we’ve rescued for no other reason than they have long dark hair and they own a Slinky?”

“A Slinky?” I repeated. It was a stupid question, because I knew what he meant. I just couldn’t imagine it.

“Right. A Slinky. That’s what we had to go on. Twins, dark hair, and a Slinky.” Carter gave a maniacal-sounding laugh. “In fact, there are now rumors in almost all the Farms that owning a Slinky is your ticket out.”

“I had no idea.”

“Of course you didn’t. Because you’re so focused on keeping Mel safe, you can’t even see what’s right in front of you.”

“I . . .” Crap. What did I say to that? Why wasn’t I better at this? “I don’t know what to say, but it doesn’t change anything. I still have to get Mel back.”

He blew out a sigh. “Just don’t put yourself in danger,” he corrected. “I can’t let you put yourself at risk. Don’t ask me to do that. I have to protect you.”

I started flinging open drawers until I found one that held dish towels, then I used one to wipe off my face. “I absolutely believe that your first goal is to protect me.” I threw the towel down on the counter and whirled to face him. “I just don’t like your motives. The only reason you give a damn about me is because you think I’m this
abductura
who’s going to save the world.”

I paused there, giving him half a second to disagree with me. Stupid of me, right? Hoping that maybe he was in this for more than these superpowers he thought I had.

Carter said nothing, so I kept talking. “I don’t even care if I’m an
abductura
. I just want my sister back.”

“You still don’t believe it?” His voice was brusque, his hands on his hips.

“No. Of course I don’t believe it.” I threw up my hands in frustration. “There isn’t anything special about me. I’m the normal one. No big secrets, no special powers. I could never even convince my mother to make me a birthday cake that wasn’t gluten free. If I could have convinced anyone to do whatever I want, don’t you think that just once I would have had a normal chocolate cake? Because when I was eight I really, really wanted one.”

Carter dragged a hand through his hair. “I don’t know. Maybe it doesn’t work on cakes. Maybe it only works on important things. But I know—”

“How? How do you know? You’re so certain that I have this gift that you broke into the Farm just to get us out. Why should I believe you about this when you haven’t even told me why you think I am an
abductura
? And not just that crap you told me back at Uncle Rodney’s about the Dean and the riot in front of the cafeteria. If you’ve been scouring the Farms for me, then you obviously had some other evidence before you showed up on our Farm. I need to know the real reason why you think I’m an
abductura
.”

Carter turned away and continued searching the cabinets, as if he couldn’t stand my scrutiny. At first, I thought he was dodging the question. Then, slowly, he started talking.

“You just don’t see it,” he said softly, without even looking up. “But when Sebastian first told us about
abducturae
, I just knew. It had been almost two years since I’d even seen you and I knew.”

“How? Just tell me how you knew,” I pleaded.

“I knew because . . .” His head tipped forward, like the answer to the question weighed on him. “Because from the moment I met you, I . .
 
.”

“What?”

He turned, slowly lifting his eyes up to meet mine. “From the moment I met you, I wanted you.”

The air left my lungs in a whoosh. My mind stuttered to a halt and it was a good thing he kept talking, because I would have just stood there gaping blankly at him.

“Do you even remember that day we first met back in the ninth grade?”

I did. Third week of school, third-period biology, six minutes into class. I was sitting at my normal seat in the back, reading a copy of
Scientific American
under the table. I know, I was a total dork. Coach Ballard was rambling on about mitosis—and blushing, for God’s sake, because he’d just said mitosis was like sex, but on a cellular level—and, eew, teachers should so not make jokes about sex—when the door swung open and Carter strolled into the room. The moment I looked up from my magazine, it was like every cell in my body lurched toward him. Every cheesy insta-love cliché fit. Time stood still. The earth moved. My body quivered. I couldn’t breathe. It all happened. I felt it. As Coach examined his schedule, Carter surveyed the room with the kind of lazy arrogance that only the very rich, the very popular, the very confident can convey in a single look. And then he met my gaze. And for one second I could have sworn he felt as shell-shocked as I did. But then he gave a dismissive smirk and looked away.

That was it. For over a month, that was our only contact.

“I don’t believe you,” I said numbly now.

“It’s true.”

“It isn’t,” I insisted. “That first day—not the first day of school, mind you, because rebellious Carter Olson would never do something as blasé as coming to school on the first day—you didn’t give me a second glance. You didn’t even know I existed until Coach Ballard moved you to sit next to me because you kept flirting with Lindsey Hannigan.”

Carter crossed the few steps between us and took my face in his hands. His palms were surprisingly warm against my cheeks. “I was drawn to you from the moment I walked into that room. A guy like me, who’d gotten everything he ever wanted, who’d been in five different boarding schools before the ninth grade, I wasn’t about to admit—even to myself—that I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

There was some part of my brain—the part where fantasies lived, the part fed by teenage hormones and too many romcoms—that ate up every word he said like they were kettlecorn with crack sprinkled on top. What girl wouldn’t want to hear this stuff? What girl hadn’t spent hours fantasizing that the sexy, mysterious bad boy had been drawn to her the instant they met?

But the smart, cynical part of my brain that had kept Mel and me alive for the past six months heard the message under the smooth words.

I stepped out of his reach, instantly missing his warmth, even though I knew it was an illusion.

“Let me see if I’ve got this right. The reason you think I’m an
abductura
is because back in the ninth grade, you had a crush on me even though you thought I wasn’t good enough for you? Am I understanding you right?”

He blew out a frustrated breath. “No, it wasn’t just a crush. I’m not the kind of guy who gets crushes. I—”

“Oh, I get what kind of guy you are. I remember the ninth grade, too, Carter. You were arrogant and hot and instantly popular at our school. There were people I’d been in classes with for ten years who didn’t know me but who knew who you were by the end of the day. But are you honestly telling me that
this
is the explanation that makes sense to you? You can’t believe that you just happened to be attracted to someone who was geeky and shy. So instead you’ve bought into this ridiculous idea that I might have superpowers.”

“It’s not like that. You’re making it sound ridic—”

“No, Carter, you’re the one who’s making it sound ridiculous. Do you have any idea how insulting this is to me?”

“I didn’t mean to insult you.” Anger edged his voice. “You asked. You’re the one who wanted to know why I thought you were an
abductura
. That’s why. An
abductura
convinces people to behave in a manner contrary to their nature. I know you have it in you to do that.”

“I . . .” I fumbled. “I’m the daughter of a lawyer. I was raised making persuasive arguments. I’m just good at it.”

I always had been. From the schoolyard squabble to the classroom debate, I could talk people around to seeing things my way. At least, I thought that was what I’d been doing. What if it had been something else? Something more sinister? What if I’d actually been imposing my will on others?

Carter stood directly in front of me. With one finger, he tipped my head up so I’d meet his gaze. “And I know that before I met you I was an arrogant and selfish asshole who didn’t care about anything other than getting his own way and pissing off his parents. It was contrary to my nature to care about anything other than myself. But I cared about you. I wanted you in my life badly enough that I tricked Coach Ballard into making us lab partners. I befriended you. I fell for you. There were times when I couldn’t even think because you were sitting right next to me.”