Of course the bell for first period rings right when I am on a roll. On the first day the bell rings about ten minutes later than usual. Everyone goes their separate ways, for now. Why does Misty have to start the year off so early with drama? I bet she couldn't wait to get to school this morning, I just know it.
This mess has probably been brewing all summer, and no doubt Misty has been letting Trecee simmer in her lies the entire time. She and Trecee became friends last year. Every time Misty meets somebody new, she tries to get in with them real tight, and then spin her web of deceit. I should know. She tried to make me one of her victims when I first came to Drama High.
The only teacher I can talk to at this school is Mrs. Crowe. I've never had her as a teacher, but she was my advisor last year when I was in ASB. Mrs. Crowe, or Ms. Toni as she likes her students to call her, knows about the fallout between me and Misty over the summer. I came to visit her every day during summer school, but she doesn't know about KJ and me breaking up since it only happened two days ago. I'm still in shock myself. I'll have to wait until after second period's over to talk to her at break.
Â
10:09
A.M
.
Mrs. Crowe's sitting at her desk in the back of the ASB office, which is made up of three classrooms: a main classroom where all the meetings are held; an alcove for the copier, fax machine, and computer; and a lounge area adjacent to Ms. Toni's office.
She's the only Black teacher at the school. Her husband, Mr. Crowe, was a bus driver for the Metro. Unfortunately, he died last year in a tragic accident on the 110/10 freeway exchange.
Mr. Crowe was on his normal bus route and got behind a tractor trailer carrying big steel beams. It was rush hour, so traffic must've been awful. Well, as traffic picked up pace, so did the truck, but not Mr. Crowe's bus. He knew better than to speed up too quickly on the 110/10 exchange. It's tricky and there are always way too many cars going in four different directions.
As he was sitting in traffic behind the tractor trailer, the driver of the trailer made a sudden, hard stop to avoid hitting a car. Apparently, one of the steel beams the truck was hauling was loose or at least that was the way it was told to Mrs. Crowe. She couldn't identify her husband's body because the beam came straight through the driver's side and decapitated him. It wasn't a clean cut. His face was mutilated from the broken glass caused by the shattered windshield. She could only see his left hand. She used his wedding ring to identify him.
This happened after I returned from my surgery the first semester of last year. She didn't come back to work until the end of the second semester. When Mrs. Crowe did return, she stayed in her office for the first week, not talking to anyone unless she absolutely had to. I felt sorry for her. She was so sad and I really wanted to help her, so I asked Mama what to do.
“Write her a little note to lift her spirits and give her a single yellow rose. She'll appreciate the gesture.”
I did just as Mama suggested. Mrs. Crowe never acknowledged the note, but she did appreciate the rose. After that, Mrs. Crowe would always ask me to run errands for her or to help with special projects. There were only a few weeks left in the school year by then, but it was long enough for us to become each other's home away from home.
After that, Mrs. Crowe became my school Mama. She always has my back. She tells me about any and every opportunity to compete for scholarships and grants and speaking engagements, etc. Later this year, she's helping me apply to summer programs at UCLA, Long Beach State, and Cal State Northridge.
Ms. Toni kinda reminds me of a taller, slightly older version of my mom. She always has a smile on her face and people just seem to gravitate toward her. She doesn't have to do anything for her students, especially not for me. But, she does anyway. She goes out of her way to make sure I'm doing OK. When I arrive at her door, she's sitting with a cup of coffee in her hand.
“Hey, Ms. Toni.” I walk around her desk to give her a big hug. It feels like she lost another pound or two from her already thin frame.
“Jayd. Girl, you look gorgeous. And those boots. You're really saying something with those, girl. How's your first day going? Misty causing any trouble yet?”
Ms. Toni is a very attractive woman and must be in her fifties, but she'll never tell. She looks like she could've been a supermodel, like Iman or Naomi Campbell, but much thinner.
I then give her the rundown on Trecee, KJ, and my suspicion of Misty's hand in all the early morning drama.
Ms. Toni lifts my chin, gives me a tissue to wipe my tears, and has a serious look on her face when she speaks to me. “Well, sweetie, as much as you might like to blame everything on the girls, remember KJ's hand is in this too. Had he been upfront and honest with you about Maisha and Trecee from the beginning, there would be no room for this kind of mess. KJ's the person you have a problem with. Focus on getting this straight with him and hopefully the bull with the girls will work itself out.”
She's right. All KJ had to do was tell the truth and things might not be so twisted now. KJ could've been more honest with me through our entire relationship. But no, he just couldn't let me know what he was doing before all this blew up in my face. That would've been too much like doing the right thing, I guess.
7
Let Me Know
“If you ever feel the need to wonder why
Let me know.”
â
AALIYAH
T
he main problem between me and KJ is communication. He tries to communicate his player BS to me, and I communicate back that he's full of himself. That's why we started arguing in the first place.
His super large ego is another reason we don't really get along that well. It's bigger than any I've ever seen before. This brotha thinks he's the king of kings in the flesh and that all women should bow before his majesty. I tell you, he's too much for me most of the time.
The real problems began when he started mistreating me. Brothas always treat me real nice in the beginning, but then they get comfortable. They start feeling like I owe them something. And that something is always the cookies.
Well, I'm not ready to give up my virginity anytime soon, especially not because he's picked me up from work a few times. What the hell? KJ also thinks I should feel blessed and honored to give it up to him, because so many other girls want to have the chance.
KJ would ask all the time, “When you gone stop playing hard to get and give it up, Jayd? Why you being such a goody-goody, huh, Jayd? You know how many broads want to get at this?” and on and on and on. I heard this madness for two months. Nellie thought I did the right thing by making KJ wait. Mickey, on the other hand, thought I was crazy.
“Jayd, that brotha is fine. You better jump on that.”
“It's not that simple, Mickey.”
“You lucky he waited this long for you. Most cats would've been out weeks ago.”
I didn't want to admit it at the time, but she was right. Now I wonder if he was getting some from Trecee or Maisha on the side all along. I should have known something was up when he stopped picking me up after work. It used to be no problem, and then all of a sudden he couldn't do it anymore. No explanation, just some lie about having to work later than normal.
I found out it was a lie when my auntie Sonia picked me up from work one night. We stopped by his job because I wanted to surprise him. Of course, he wasn't there. His manager said his shift never changed. It was the same as it had always been.
I confronted him about his little lie on the phone that night and he accused me of checking up on him. This was our first big argument.
“I ain't used to no girl checking up on me, Jayd.”
“I wasn't checking up on you, KJ. You just happened to get caught in a lie and now you're trying to twist this mess around on me, and I'm not having it.”
I was so pissed at him, I almost threw the phone against the wall.
“Jayd, I never told you I was working late tonight. You assumed I was and went hunting me down like some crazy woman,” KJ says, lying through his pretty teeth.
“You're lying, KJ, and you know it, God knows it, and I know it. Ya mama probably knows it too. Who do you think I am? Some silly little broad with selective amnesia? I only remember you saying that you couldn't pick me up from work anymore in your trifling bucket of a car because your lying butt had to work late from now on. Isn't that what you said to me?”
At that moment, I could only hear breathing over the phone. KJ was completely silent and I was on a roll.
“So, let me ask you, KJ. Why you gotta lie, huh? People only lie when they're afraid of something or someone. What are you afraid of? Just let me know so we can move on, because this is too much madness for me.”
“I ain't afraid of nothing and no one. You're just too high maintenance. You expect too much from me, like all this checking up on me business . . .”
I had to cut him off in the middle of his twisted player ill-logic and check his lie.
“Excuse me, KJ, but how is accepting an offer made by my boyfriend to pick me up from work being high maintenance? Break that one down for me, please. You're straight tripping on this phone tonight, KJ. I don't know what has gotten in to you, but I sure do hope you return to normal soon, because this side of you is not pretty to me at all.”
“Jayd, you expect a brotha to do all of this stuff for you, yet I get nothing in return. Why should I go out of my way to show my love when you won't go out of your way to show me yours?”
Yes, he did try to use that twisted player bull logic on me. He must have forgotten temporarily who I am, because normally he wouldn't have said something so stupid to me.
“KJ, I think you have completely lost your mind, 'cause you should know a hell of a lot better than to say some stupid mess like that to me. You know my cookies ain't for sale . . . not for free rides from work, dinner, or anything else. And on that note, I will see you at school tomorrow, or have I lost my ride to summer school too? Maybe by tomorrow you'll be back to the normal KJ that I know and love.”
And just like that, I hung up the phone.
Â
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“Girl, no he didn't lie to you? My mama always said that men ain't nothing but lying, cheating bastards and that they're all Satan's soldiers.”
I told you that Misty's mom was messed up.
“Well, I wouldn't say all that, but I don't appreciate his lying, and then to say that it's my fault because I won't give it up. Let me know if I'm being unreasonable, but damn, he's really trippin', huh, Misty?”
Now usually, Misty would have my back no matter who we would be talking about. But, on this one she sighed and said,
“Well, Jayd, y'all have been going out for a couple of months and he does treat you nice, and he's KJ. Why you don't want to give it up to him? You said he told you he loved you, and I know you love him. So, what's the problem?”
I didn't have an answer for her that night. I didn't know why I didn't want to have sex with KJ. I just didn't feel it was the right time, ya know? I can't explain it. I did love him and he did get me all excited and stuff, but sex? Too big, too soon. I didn't know if I was ready.
Then I made the mistake of telling Misty I might have sex with KJ at some point in the future. She of course went back and told KJ this, and he started acting all sweet and nice again. She didn't tell me she told him about our conversation, so I thought KJ had come around to my way of thinking. Man, was I wrong.
One night after a summer football game in El Segundo, KJ asked me to go to the beach with him. Even though I was staying at my mom's house, I knew I still had to calI Mama to ask if it was okay. She said cool. “Just don't stay out too late or come back pregnant.” Mama always knows what to say and when.
KJ and I are having a nice time at the beach, when he starts kissing me real hard. I hate when he does that.
“Damn, KJ, why you kissing me like that? This ain't
One Life to Live.”
“I'm sorry, Jayd. It's just that you taste so good, I want to make sure I get all of you.”
This did not sound like KJ at all. It sounded like his older basketball cronies. Not this mess again. But, just as I'm about to tell him where to go, our song “Let Me Know,” by Aaliyah, comes on; we just stop to listen.
“I love this song,” I say, momentarily forgetting I'm irritated with KJ.
“Remember our first date, KJ? You came to my house, met Mama, ate the entire plate of food she fixed you, and then asked for more?”
“Your grandmother is the best cook. I need to drop by soon to grub, and say hi to Mama, of course.”
KJ has a genuine affection for Mama. I think because his grandparents live out of state, he misses having a grandparent around. I've noticed he really likes older people. Even when he's at work old women are always talking to him and saying how sweet and cute he is. If they only knew he was an angel in disguise.
“You know I love you, right, KJ?”
“Yeah, I know. So why don't you let me know what's up with the games, Jayd? You acting like you don't want to, but I know you do. So why don't you just cut out the act and let's get down to it,” KJ said, trying to pull me closer to him.
I guess he thought the song plus his weak little line was supposed to make me say “Okay, Your Majesty” and bow down. I don't think so.
“Whatever gave you the idea I was playing come and get it games with you, fool? I've been straight up about this whole thing from day one. I said I wasn't ready. I ain't ready. And I don't think I'll ever be ready to with you,” I say.
“Well, that ain't what your girl said.”
“What girl?” Now I was on red-level-pissed-offin-a-serious-way mode.
“Misty said you really want to get with this, but you're just afraid. Don't be mad, Jayd; she was just trying to help me out. I been trying to figure you out, and I can't. Sometimes it seems like you want to, but then you always say no . . .”
“That's because I mean NO!” I shout in KJ's face. “Take me home now so I can call Misty and cuss her out. And, thank you for showing me I can't trust you or her anymore. How dare you two plot when, how, and to whom I'll give up my cookies. How you know I want to give it up to you anyway? I never told you that. You don't listen, KJ. That's your problem. You just can't believe someone don't want to sleep with your conceited self. Well, I'm here to let you know there's at least one girl who doesn't and won't. Maybe you and Misty should get together, since y'all seem to have it all worked out.”
“Jayd, don't be like that . . .”
“Take me home now, KJ. I'm through talking to you for the night.”
That was our last date. Since we were closer to Mama's than my mom's house, I made him take me there. As soon as I walked through my front door, I got the phone from the hallway table and stormed outside onto the front porch. I wanted to make sure I was out of earshot when I told off Misty. There are too many nosey folks around my house.
She picked up on the first ring.
“What's up, Misty?”
“Jayd, what you doing home this early? I thought you went out with KJ tonight?”
“I did. But it seems KJ was on the wrong date. He thought he was on a date with the Jayd who wanted to give it up because her best friend told him so. Do you know that Jayd? Because next time you need to send her on the date, not me.”
“Girl, you so silly,” Misty laughs. “So, tell me what happened. Was it all romantic and stuff?”
I can tell Misty is confused. She really doesn't know how to respond because she can't tell just how pissed I am yet.
“Nothing happened. How could you tell that fool I wanted to sleep with him? What gave you the right to decide when, where, and who I give up MY cookies to?” Misty is silent. Now she's getting the picture and I am getting hotter and hotter as the minutes pass by.
Finally, she's got something to say. “Jayd, stop trippin'. The other night on the phone you sounded like you wanted to but were just scared to tell him. So, being the good friend that I am, I just did it for you. What's the big deal?”
“The big deal is that you betrayed my trust. I was talking to you, not him, Miss National Inquirer. If I had wanted him to know I would have told him. It's not your place to tell anybody a thing I talk to you about, or don't you know how to be a best friend?”
“You know what, Jayd? You don't deserve KJ. All this drama you creating over nothing but an opportunity to get with the finest brotha at school, and you want to jump down my throat for trying to make it happen. I could be like them other broads that be hatin' on you, tryin' to get with your man. But no, I try to help and this is the thanks I get.”
“Help? How in the hell did you try to help me? By going behind my back and telling him our private conversation? Yeah, thanks for the help, Misty. With a friend like you, I don't need broads hatin' on me.”
“Oh, see, now you're being too dramatic for me. That's the last time I help you out.”
“Thank you. 'Cause like I've told you before, I don't need your help when it comes to my love life.”
“That's the point, you don't have one.”
“Neither do you. But, unlike you, I don't want one just yet.”
“Yeah, but KJ does.”
I ignored that little comment then. But now I see I shouldn't have. She knew about Trecee and Maisha all along. And then she went there. To that unforgivable place in any sistahood where the line is crossed to the point of no return.
“You just a stupid little ho, Jayd. You think you too damn good for everybody. I tried to be your friend, but forget you. You ain't normal and I'm tired of defending you. I'm not spending a new school year dealing with your weird self.”
“Did you just call me a ho? You know what, Misty, I'll handle your ass at school. You can't call me no names and get away with it.”
Since Misty didn't finish summer school, and I was working hard trying to finish with a good grade, I didn't see or talk to her again until today. I can't believe this. First this broad trips on me after my breast reduction, telling everybody about my surgery after I told her I didn't want anyone to know. I forgave her then, but now this. Misty gets jealous and it just blinds her. With friends like her, I don't need any more enemies.