The Filthy Series: The Complete Dark Erotic Serial Novel (11 page)

I nodded slowly.

“Because I lied to her.”

“What do you mean, lied?”

He ran a shaky hand through his hair. “I told her you had moved out of the country, that you were married and happy. That you had a big-time job working with a government agency.”

I stared at him in horror. “Why would you tell her that?”

“Because I knew she couldn’t handle it. I knew she couldn’t deal with the truth.”

The tears continued rolling down my cheeks. “When did you tell her this?”

“When I found you a week ago.” He let out a strained sound that was somewhere between a laugh and a groan. “After I did, I wished I would have told her sooner.”

“Why?” I bit down on my lip.

“Because for the first time since you left she actually seemed at peace. She had stopped blaming herself.”

“Blaming herself?” I choked on the words.

“She blamed herself for you leaving,” he sneered at me. “She always said it was her fault, especially when I went to see her at the end.”

I stared at him in disbelief. “She didn’t say that.” She couldn’t have. Not my mother. Not the woman I knew.

“She did.” He took a deep breath. “She loved you, Faye.”

I didn’t have the heart to tell him again. To tell him the truth that she didn’t love me. She didn’t love him either. She didn’t love anyone but herself. But I guess she did feel regret for the things she had done, for all the years she turned a blind eye to Taylor’s relationship with me, for the things she let him do to me at the end. The things she
watched
him do.

There were times when I suspected that she hated me because Taylor paid more attention to me than he did to her. And in the end she let him do those horrible things to me because she was jealous. She thought I was getting what I deserved. She never said it, but it’s what I suspected.

I pulled my feet back in and closed the door. Swallowing hard I asked a question I wasn’t sure I wanted the answer to. “Did she say anything about me, specifically at the end?”

Rhett smiled the light of it actually reaching his eyes, illuminating him like the guy I used to know just for a moment. “She was happy for you. She said she was happy you got away.” He studied me. “Whatever that means.”

And in that moment my heart was full, brimming, spilling over just like the tears on my cheeks. Nothing else mattered but those words, those sweet words. And I was happy, thankful and so much more. Happy that she felt that way, happy that some small part of her was sorry for all of it. And then I was happy with Rhett for telling her the lie. For letting her go without me storming in to ruin her last moments with fire and filth like I was so good at doing.

“Thank you,” I whispered.

“For what?”

I tugged at the end of my braid. “For lying. For not letting me ruin it.” I sniffled and rubbed my sore nose. “It was the right decision.”

He put the car back into drive and took my hand. The gesture was so unexpected, so kind, it made my heart twinge. “I’m sorry for attacking you today, for choking you.” He made his way back onto the highway.

I snorted. “I’m not sorry I punched you.”

“No, I deserved it.”

We were quiet for some time as we got closer to his apartment where Sarah waited, his hand still holding mine.

“You can still have that,” he said when we were just blocks away. “That life I told your mom about. You can get a job, go to school. The sky is the limit, Faye. You’re only nineteen.”

I let myself pretend for a moment, let myself get swept away in the
maybes
and the
what ifs
. Let my whole life flash before my eyes of how it would be if I didn’t go back to my life. To my day-to-day existence at the Truck Stop, to the faceless men and the drugs. It was a pretty life where I wore nice shoes and met a guy who would never know about my startling past. A man who could accept me, the new me. The one that pinned her hair in a bun and smiled coyly, like he was the first man to look at me with lust in his eyes.

But my fantasy was skewed because Rhett was that guy, that man who loved me. Who wanted me. Who pined for me. And he couldn’t be that person. He
would never
be that person. And then there was the drugs. I had to have them. I needed them to survive. The ache was already starting to come back, fluttering under my skin, making me crave another hit. Taylor hadn’t left me with any. After he’d put his cock away, he’d kissed my cheek and told me to stay. If I stayed with him, he would give me all the coke I wanted. He told me I would never have to work again, that I would be his girl, his Faye baby. It would be that simple. We could be happy, he was certain of it. But I didn’t stay. I
couldn’t
stay with him.

And I saw it. The anger, the jealousy when I got in Rhett’s car. He didn’t make a scene—he wouldn’t. Wouldn’t give away our secret. But he was pissed—
fucking livid
. And I knew the next time I came in contact with him wouldn’t be pretty. It was why there wouldn’t be a
next time
.

I could never be normal and pretend like I wasn’t a fucked up human being. Because I was. I was broken, a destroyed hunk of flesh with a heart that kept beating. I wasn’t meant to be here with Rhett.

I was meant to be bent over those truck seats, to be fucked and used by strangers. That was my destiny. It didn’t have to be pretty to be true.

“You can stay with me and Sarah until you get on your feet. I bet I could even get you a secretary position and then…” I let him rattle on. I didn’t tell him I wasn’t staying. He would find out in the morning when I was gone.

I glanced over at Rhett, taking him in. The man I thought I could love. My brother. I wanted to know what it was like to be pinned beneath him while he fucked me. While he pushed his big cock inside me over and over. But I wasn’t going to find out. Maybe it was for the best. Maybe it wouldn’t be as great as I thought it would be. And maybe that’s what scared me more. That Rhett would just blend in with all those faceless men. That he would just be another man who put his dick inside me for a few minutes and then disappeared into the smoke like the rest of them. Like everyone except Taylor, who had branded me. Ruined me forever.

I was going back to my life. I was going to forget about all of this. About Rhett, about my mom, about Taylor. I was going to leave it all behind…and hopefully this time the past would stay where it belonged—in the past.

She runs from darkness

Into more of the same

She runs to darkness

She could never stay away

ONE

“Hop in.”

I rubbed my hands against the tops of my bare thighs as I eyed the open pick-up truck before me. The man holding it open was a guy I knew, Richard. All of my Johns names ran together in a messy blob in my head. But not his.
Richard is different.

He was my first customer tonight. My first customer since I left Rhett’s house some three hours ago, hitching a ride back to the Truck Stop, back to the little tent across the street, my shitty coke, and my best friend Shauna. The only place I’d ever proudly called home.

It was funny how easy it was to leave. I thought it would be hard with Rhett guarding the door. But he wasn’t. No one was in the living room when I peeked my head out around eleven and no one came running when I slipped silently out the front door.

I was almost disappointed. But then I wasn’t. I wasn’t going to stay there and pretend like life was good or different.

That would’ve been a lie.

“I’ve missed you.” The words tumbled from Richard’s lips while his eyes darted up and down my form. I could already see his dick outlined in his pants.

I gave him a coy smile, flashing my teeth in my seductive way. He wasn’t bad looking, in fact he was pretty young when it came to the men I fucked. He couldn’t have been older than twenty-five with short, dark hair and a twitchy smile.

“Me too, baby.” I hopped up in his truck. When he slammed the door and started moving to the other side, I dropped my smile and rubbed an achy hand against my forehead. My body hurt all over. I needed my coke.
Now
. But I didn’t have any money. Not yet. This fuck would get me enough cash to get what I needed from Jorge.

Richard slid in next to me and moved his seat back as far as it would go. “You remember what I like, sweetheart?”

I did. I would
never
forget what he liked.

He reached out and trailed a hand down my face. I let him, though I didn’t really feel it. All I could feel was the ache just beneath my skin. The throbbing awareness of how badly I needed a bump.

“You remember, don’t you, mommy?”

I flinched. Even though I knew he would call me that, I was never prepared for the first time he said it. The word needled around in my head. I knew he wanted me to ride his cock while he sucked my tit and moaned
mommy
against my flesh. And I knew I would let him. I knew that something deep inside me would twist and knot until I cried out and came all over his dick.

I plastered a fake smile across my lips. “I could never forget my little boy.”

He reached into his pocket and extracted a condom. I almost laughed at the sight of it. The fact that I had an STD stood out prominently in my mind, reminding me of the last few days that had turned my life upside down and set me back further than before I left. I watched him roll it over his dick. He was uncut. Medium-sized.

“Have you been a bad boy?” I climbed on top of him and my leopard skirt rolled up, revealing my thighs and my bare pussy. “Does mommy need to punish you?”

He moaned and thrust his hips up. His cock bumped against my clit and I hated the fact that I was wet. That I liked this dynamic. Before Rhett had found me, before everything that had happened in the last week, I had looked forward to Richard coming to fuck me. He was one of the few that I actually enjoyed. But it wasn’t for obvious reasons. It wasn’t because he had particularly good moves or because he was decent looking. The truth was that he fucked like an average man and came too quickly.

I enjoyed him because when he called me mommy I felt something. Something that stirred deep inside me. Yearning. It was that broken knot. It made want something I could never have.
Kids.
I knew how pathetic that was. How twisted it made me. But I would take what I could get. And this was it. The chances of me being a mother began and ended with Richard. This twenty-five year old man with a fucked-up fetish.

“Have you been bad?” I grabbed his chin between my fingers. His face was baby smooth, as if he had just shaved before coming up here.

His gaze met mine. “No, mommy. I’ve been good. I’ve been really good.”

“Are you sure?” My voice was stern.

“Yes, mommy please,” he begged.

“What do you want from mommy?” I let the tip of his cock rub against my clit. My legs trembled beneath me, weak, ready to give out, but I wouldn’t let them. I wouldn’t let the ache under my skin ruin this for me. This was
my
moment. The best moment this life could offer.

“I want you to ride my cock, mommy.” His big hands gripped my ass cheeks. Stinging like he slapped them. The image of Taylor doing that exact same thing jumped into my head. Had it just been hours ago that I was there, back in that house, in that bathroom bent over a bloody sink with him fucking me from behind?

It was, but I wanted it to be longer. I wanted it to be a lifetime away. Forever.

“Mommy?” Richard was panting beneath me, drawing me out of my head. His chest rose and fell in quick spurts.

“You better have been good.” I slid down on his waiting cock. “Are you hungry, baby boy? Mommy has been aching to feed you.”

He groaned and leaned in, jerking my shirt down until my nipple popped out. The second he started sucking, I started grinding my hips on his dick. I was sore inside and I wanted to blame it on the drugs, but I couldn’t. I knew it was from Taylor. It was Taylor’s cock that had slammed into me repeatedly. It was Taylor’s cock that made me orgasm.

Disgust rolled through me, but I didn’t stop fucking Richard. Instead I thrust hard taking all of his dick. The faster I moved the harder he sucked. I ran my fingers through his short hair and closed my eyes. Rhett’s face popped up immediately, his chiseled bare chest as he stood in his kitchen. I tried to shove the image away but I couldn’t. I
needed
it. I
wanted
it.