The Fire Mages' Daughter (12 page)

“Can’t you magic away the snow, or something?” I asked her. “You can do anything you want.”

“In theory, but I’d have to move every snowflake individually and there are far too many. Besides, they’re too… oh, I don’t know the right word. Fluffy, somehow.”

“Insubstantial?” I hazarded. “Ephemeral?”

“There you go again, with that fancy education of yours,” she sighed. “Such good tutors Yannassia provided for you.”

Yannassia summoned us for a final discussion before Mother left. We met in private, just the three of us, in her office.

“How do you feel about Kyra leaving, Drina?” Yannassia asked. Always straight to the point.

“I’m sorry she’s going, naturally, but… I feel much more contented now.”

“Is this to do with the bird in the Imperial City? Because if it is a temporary quirk of magic—”

“I don’t know,” I said. “But I don’t think so.”

To be honest, I had no idea what was happening to me. Whether it was the magic, or the after-effects of Ly-haam, or simply finding out that my mother had chosen to give me away. All I knew was that, for the first time in my life, there was no aching void in me that only my mother could assuage.

“Very well,” Yannassia said. “I would be very happy to hear that you will now permit me to put your name forward as a possible heir. It is a long process, and Zandara and Axandor both have several years’ head start on you.”

I considered that. “Are they awful, the examinations by the Nobles’ Council?”

“Not at all! I enjoyed them. They are not trying to trick you, only to determine your views on certain matters, how you would react in different circumstances, nothing too taxing. Each of the noble families may question you separately, so they are very small meetings, quite informal in most cases. And there is no question of a decision until you are much older. But I still have my older brothers as Drashonor and Bai-Drashonor, and neither is at all suitable now, in truth. The nobles would be very happy to have your name as a possibility.”

A long silence. I chewed my lip. After all my efforts, it seemed such an abject failure of all my scheming. I hated to concede defeat.

Mother had said nothing all the while. Now she leaned forward and patted me on the knee. “Drina, I know you’ve never wanted this. You’ve done everything to avoid it, the gods only know. But it’s what you’ve been trained for. When I see you now, moving about so confidently amongst all these great people, so assured, so much a part of it – I think you really belong here.”

I said nothing, watching her face. Could I trust her to advise me? Hadn’t she given me away and caused this problem in the first place?

But there was only sadness in her face. “I never wanted to lose you, dear. As soon as you were born, and I held you in my arms, I loved you with every bone in my body. I hoped Yannassia would forget about you. But she needs you, and she’s asking you to help her. To help the whole realm. Sometimes you just can’t have the life you want. You have to accept that the gods have a different plan for you. Then it’s up to you to make the best of it, and not cling to false hopes.”

She was right, of course. She was always so rational, so straightforward. You want something and you try for that, but if it doesn’t work out, you move on and try something else. She’d never wanted to be a mage. A law scribe was the height of her ambitions, and even that must have seemed like reaching for the moon. But things had happened to divert her from her chosen path, and she’d ended up somewhere entirely different. She hadn’t wanted me, but here I was, and she’d tried to do the best for me, too. She was still trying. I must seem like such a spoiled child to her.

I took a deep breath. “Very well. You may put my name forward. And… and you may look for a marriage alliance for me, if you wish.”

Yannassia beamed with pleasure.

“But I want something in return,” I said.

Her face closed up at once. “Oh?”

“A small thing. I want my bodyguard back.”

“Your…? I am not sure I understand.”

“Arran. The one I had before Cryalla. I want him back.”

“Oh… I remember. But not as your bodyguard. He has forfeited any right to be trusted with you.”

“I’m very happy with Cryalla. No, I want him… in a more personal way.”

“Ah. You will have to take him as your drusse. I want no more of these informal affairs, Drina. Far too untidy. But his family is sound, so that will be acceptable. It will be very good for you, in fact. A little regularity in your life. And he will do better as a drusse – money, status, all those things that young men set such store by. Yes, it will do very well. I will arrange it.”

As we left, my mother whispered in my ear, “That’s my girl!”

Arran arrived two suns later. I was with Vhar-zhin in our communal sitting room, with a gaggle of waiting women and servants and merchants, looking at fabrics for the winter season. With all the chatter and busyness, I didn’t hear the knock at the door. Someone must have heard and let him in, though, because when I looked up, there he was.

I squeaked with pleasure at the sight of him. My memory hadn’t deceived me – he really was a good-looking man, tall and strong, his blond hair falling around his face, and that little smile I loved so much, the head slightly tipped to one side.

Grabbing his hand, I pulled him into my private sitting room and shut the door firmly in Cryalla’s face.

“You came!” I said, breathless with excitement. Such a stupid thing to say, but all common sense had fled and my mind was full of clouds.

“Of course I came,” he said, and his voice was like poetry to my ears. “The Drashona sent me an order.”

Well, that wasn’t very romantic, but it was the truth, I supposed.

“Did the order specify the reason?”

“No, only that I was to report to you. But I am at your disposal, as always.”

“Well, it’s like this…” I was shy, suddenly. As the senior in rank, it was for me to take the lead, but I couldn’t find the right words. He watched me, puzzled but a little amused, too. Perhaps he guessed what I was going to say, but it wasn’t up to him to raise the subject.

Deep breath and plunge in. “I did a deal with the Drashona,” I blurted. “I’m to be named as a possible heir…”

“Very fitting.”

“Um… anyway, in exchange, I’m allowed to have
you
. If… if you want to be had, that is.” It wasn’t the most elegant wording but he seemed to get the point.

“I would very much like to be had by you, my little flower.”

His voice caressed me like a soft summer breeze, and for a moment I lost all power of speech. He ran one finger down my cheek, his touch as gentle as a butterfly’s wings. I closed my eyes and shivered.

“What exactly did you have in mind?” he whispered, drifting the gentlest of kisses on my ear, my cheek, my forehead. “Something like this?”

“Do you… um, would you like to be my drusse?” My voice came out high, like a girl’s.

He pulled away from me, grinning from ear to ear. “Oh yes! Very much indeed. That would be perfect, because my brother is drusse to a Kellonor and he is so
smug
about it. Now I shall outrank him.”

“Oh.” That wasn’t quite the reaction I’d expected.

“Not that that is any consideration,” he added hastily. “A minor satisfaction, compared with the pleasure of being with you. We can find a cosy little apartment, and we will be so snug together, the two of us. This is going to be so good. My sweet little flower…”

He bent his head to kiss me again, properly this time, and it was even better than the waking dreams that had filled the boring hours of my life, and almost as good as the real dreams that left me hot and aching and miserable.

“Shall we go to bed now?” he said, when we eventually surfaced.

“No. Let’s do this properly – get the papers drawn up, the apartment arranged, all that sort of thing.”

“As you wish,” he said cheerfully. “But if you change your mind about that, let me know.”

And he winked at me, grinning.

~~~~~

It took us more than a ten-sun to get everything organised. The contract was the least of it. We spent no more than an hour at a Scribing House, for the terms were quite standard, given our situation. Any children would be legally mine, and the choice of whether to have any would be mine also. Arran argued for a higher than average allowance – “Consider your station, my love!” – and a longer time than just one year, but the scribe who drew up the contract looked at him impassively over his spectacles.

“The standard terms for Highness Axandrina’s… erm,
station
are all set out in the advisory notes. Variation is not recommended unless under exceptional circumstances. I think you will find that the usual allowance is most generous, and the contract may be renewed on expiry.
If
acceptable to both parties. But it is for the drusse-holder to specify the precise terms, naturally. Highness?”

Part of me wanted to give Arran everything he desired, but somewhere in my mind was the thought that the standard allowance would be paid out of the Drashona’s general funds, without cost to me. If I agreed to more money, it would have to come out of my own allowance. It was not as if he needed so many clothes as I did, after all.

“For the allowance, we will try the standard terms,” I said, trying not to see the disappointment on Arran’s face. “We can vary them later, if need be, I take it?”

“Oh, indeed, Highness. If
exceptional
circumstances should arise.”

“And we will start with two years.”

The scribe sniffed disapprovingly, but Arran beamed happily at me.

The apartment was more problematic. The cosy little place that Arran had envisaged changed by degrees into something far grander, as every possibility we looked at was deemed unsuitable. More servants’ quarters, more guest rooms, in case we had visitors, a nursery suite, just in case – “It would be so inconvenient to move later, my love,” Arran insisted – and a vast array of furniture to fill all those rooms. I let him have his way, since it cost me nothing, and it gave him pleasure to set up what he called ‘our little nest’. It may have been a nest, but it was far from little.

Then there was Vhar-zhin to deal with.

“Why?” she wailed tearfully, when I told her what I was doing. “Why under all the gods do you have to leave? Let him have his own apartment, then you can visit him when you have to. That is the way it is done. That is what Yannassia does with her drusse.”

“I don’t want to just visit him, Vhar. I want us to live together, to be a proper couple. That’s what lovers do.”

“But
I
love you, Drina! Does that not weigh with you?”

“Of course, and I love you too, Vhar dear, but it’s different, you know that. We’ve grown up together, fledglings sharing a nest, but now we have to fly away.” I must have had nests on the brain.

But she was crying too much to answer me.

It was a relief when Arran and I moved into our own apartment at last. We walked hand in hand through the principal rooms on the appointed morning, he pointing out the elegant details of the furnishings he’d chosen and their approximate cost, and me wondering if we could get out of the feast being held for some visiting Durshalon that evening. I thought wistfully of a whole evening together, just the two of us, eating a carefully chosen meal, and then off to bed for the first time. Well, there would be other evenings, but there was still a chance of a meal together.

“Shall we send through to the kitchens and order something for the noon board?” I said. “The cooks have been in for two suns, so they should have something prepared.”

“I have a better idea,” he murmured. “Come on.”

He pulled my hand, and I laughed, knowing exactly what he had in mind. He tugged me towards the bedroom, and I went willingly enough. Finally! I’d waited so long for this, for the man I desired to share my bed. Ever since we’d exchanged that single, passionate kiss in the library I’d dreamed of this moment. At last those dreams were coming true.

At the bedroom door, I turned to Cryalla, who clumped noisily behind us. She raised her mail-clad hands in surrender. “It’s all right,” she said. “You don’t have to tell me. I’ll wait out here.”

Then we were inside and the door was closed to shut out the whole world.

He took it very slowly. Maybe he thought it was my first time, but he was so gentle and sweet, kissing me softly while deftly unbuttoning and unlacing and sliding me out of this and that. Once my breasts were free of coverings, things got more heated and his clothes got flung aside rather rapidly.

But then he stopped and held me tight for a long moment, not kissing or stroking, not moving at all, his face buried in my hair.

“My little flower,” he murmured. “You are so beautiful. Let me look at you…” He held me at arm’s length then, his eyes running down my naked body. “So, so beautiful…”

Without another word, he picked me up and carried me over to the bed. And then…

It was rather good. I wouldn’t say I enjoyed it as much as he seemed to, and perhaps it didn’t quite match up to one or two of my dreams that left me shaking and breathless, but there was a warmth in me that was very, very pleasant. I was sorry when he stopped.

Afterwards, we crawled beneath the covers, and I cuddled up to him as he lay sprawled on his back. It was the first time I’d had sex with a man who wasn’t horrified about it, wanting to run away, or turning away from me as if ashamed.

But Arran didn’t turn away. He let me wrap an arm around him and lean on his warm chest while he talked. Clothes – that was what he talked about. How he needed new clothes in vast numbers for all the important occasions he’d be required to attend with me, and how he had no money until his drusse allowance was paid at the quarter end.

“What about your pay? You must have something left from last quarter.”

“Oh… that goes nowhere, my love. And the sort of things I shall need – I do not want to shame you by appearing in anything less than the best. I have a man all arranged to do the work, but he wants some cash before he starts. I suppose you would not like to let me have something in advance?”

I was too contented to argue with him. “I’ll give you a note to take to the treasury. How much do you want? Twenty silvers?”

He laughed. “You have no idea of prices, do you, my love? But then you never have to pay for anything. A hundred should do it, just to start with.”

“A hundred. Very well.” But I had more idea of prices than he knew. I hadn’t always lived in the Drashona’s household and had all my bills sent direct to the treasury. I knew perfectly well that a hundred silvers would clothe a lot more than one drusse, no matter how high-ranking.

I wasn’t about to make a fuss, though. It was only money, after all. And it had the pleasant result of making him amorous all over again, and for a longer time, so that the warmth I felt increased until I could think of nothing else. I clutched Arran to me, and pushed against him as he moved and for a little while it was wonderful.

Then he stopped again.

“You are the sweetest drusse-holder a man could wish for,” he said, laughing. “You have quite invigorated me. You will not mind if I go to the training yard and pop a few arrows with my friends?”

He barely waited for my answer before he was scrambling into his clothes. The door opened and closed, followed by the low rumble of his voice, and then Cryalla’s higher tones. They both laughed.

Silence fell. I was alone.

~~~~~

The nobles immediately took more interest in me, now that I was to be proposed as a possible heir. Most of them had never taken me seriously before, and had left me alone, but now I found myself the focus of attention at social occasions. Despite Arran, I received several offers for additional drusse, or replacements, should I tire of him.

Most approached me with straightforward friendliness, but some were more subtle, so that I had to puzzle out what they actually meant and whether the surface cordiality was real or not. Despite my misgivings about being heir, I enjoyed that aspect of my position.

But some were hostile in ways too obvious to miss.

At an assembly one sun, a middle-aged man detached himself from a group of merchants and made his way across to the pillar where I had stationed myself to watch the room. He sidled up to me, bowing casually.

“All alone, Highness? That will never do.”

I didn’t want to admit to what I was doing, so I cast around for an excuse. Spotting a group in brightly coloured robes, I said, “I am waiting for the Most Holy Regent’s envoy.”

He looked across at the large group vying for the envoy’s attention and gave a bark of laughter. “Then I have a few moments to introduce myself. I am Honoured Shallack abre Turshamon fen Gurshmonta.”

I knew who he was. I’d seen him often enough speaking at the Nobles’ Council, for he was a man of some importance there. Not of the highest rank, not the wealthiest, but very influential, especially with the merchants. His own trade was with the Icthari. His attire was more restrained than the usual flamboyant styles favoured by the nobility. He had a long, lean face, with sallow skin.

I merely inclined my head to acknowledge him, saying nothing. If he wished to say anything in particular to me, it was up to him to find a way.

But he came straight to the point. “So you wish to be the Drashona’s heir?”

“It is the Most Powerful’s wish, not mine,” I said coolly. “I daresay the whole world knows how little I wish it for myself. But I am content to do my duty.”

“Your sister and brother embraced the idea some years ago. You will have some catching up to do if you wish to win.”

“It is not a race, Honoured. I am submitting myself to be considered, that is all. There are no winners and losers. Each of us will be assessed on the basis of our suitability.”