Despite herself, Serena’s jaw dropped open. “What, at all? But you went to fancy British schools!”
“Fancy schools that owed a lot to my father’s generous donations.” Leo shrugged tightly, directing his stare to the side.
Unable to believe what she was hearing, Serena shook her head as she stumbled up from the couch. Her watery knees threatened not to hold her up under the tidal wave of realization crashing over her head.
Not again
, was all she could think, but it
was
happening again.
“You lied to me,” she said through numb lips, staring at the marble-cold profile of the man she’d come so close to giving her heart to.
“Because I was embarrassed,” Leo said, still not even bothering to look at her. He shrugged, sending shadows dancing along the walls. “It’s not the kind of thing a man likes to admit to. Being so thick, the best teachers in England couldn’t knock reading into his skull.”
“I don’t understand. How did you memorize so many quotes?”
A pained expression tightened the corners of Leo’s downturned eyes. “Ever notice I mostly quote from plays? I found recordings, watched videos, that kind of thing. For the rest…”
He paused, and a chill pooled in Serena’s belly. She shook her head. “You couldn’t have gotten through the English curriculum at your fancy English prep school without help.”
A muscle ticked in Leo’s jaw. “I did have help. I hid my problems from the masters, but some of the other pupils…”
Serena’s heart froze. She knew the truth without needing to hear him say it. “You got girls to help you. Sweet, nerdy girls like me.”
“I’m not proud of it,” he growled. “But I couldn’t go to the teachers, because they would have informed my parents. My father—”
But Serena could barely hear a word he said over the sound of betrayal wailing in her ears. “You’re just like all the rest of them. Like every other man I’ve ever known.”
He finally swiveled his head to pierce her with the silvery brilliance of his eyes. “No. That’s not true,” Leo said, taking an urgent step toward her.
Throwing up a hand between them, Serena halted his progress. She couldn’t bear it if he touched her, that smooth, practiced, lying touch that had made her feel so beautiful and desired, when the whole time… “You said you wanted me. But all along, what you really wanted was—”
She broke off, heart hammering and mouth dry, unable to believe that after all her caution, all the lessons she’d learned at such a painful cost, she had managed to fall into the same old trap.
Humiliation scorched up her neck and face, and abruptly, Serena needed to get out of the warm, cozy little room and away from the Fireside Inn. She needed the fresh, cold air against her cheeks as the ferry sped her back to Sanctuary Island. She needed to be alone.
Alone was safe. From now on, she’d remember that.
“Wait, Serena. I can explain. When I left school, I left all that behind me. But this wedding reading thing brought it all up again, like breaking open a wound that never really healed, and I couldn’t stand to let Miles down. I couldn’t stand to tell him the truth.”
“You didn’t want your friends to find out you can’t read. So you used me.”
“I didn’t use you, love. I needed your help and I asked for it. I even offered to compensate you for it with a generous donation for that library which is so dear to you.”
“I see,” Serena said stiffly, wrapping her arms around herself. She felt chilled despite the roaring fireplace. “So what now? You’ll pick out one of my selections, memorize it for the wedding, and then be off to New York again to take up with a new socialite?”
“Well…” He ran a hand through his hair, tousling it wildly. “Yes, I suppose that was the plan, though you make it sound awfully seedy. Please know that I truly appreciate the help you’ve given me, and the time we shared.”
It shouldn’t have changed anything. She’d known from the start that Leo Strathairn wasn’t the kind of man she could keep, the kind of man who would stay by her side and experience the joys and sorrows of life with her. But now, on the heels of finding out he’d been lying—or at least omitting the truth—since she met him, Serena reached her limit.
Grabbing her coat and hat from the rack by the inn door, Serena wound her scarf around her neck without meeting Leo’s gaze. “I have to go.”
And then he was right next to her, his tightly muscled body crowding her against the door for a hot, thrilling moment before Serena could stomp down on her body’s stupid, instinctive reaction. She shoved past him and out into the cold, ignoring the strain in his voice as he called her name again.
Running flat out in the direction of the marina, the pounding of her boots against the pavement echoed through the emptiness Leo’s words left behind. Every gasp of frozen air was a knife in her lungs, but she hardly felt the pain.
All she felt was grief at the death of a dream she’d only dared to hold for such a short time. For the disappearance of the person she’d believed Leo to be. For the bright, happy, loving future she’d never get to taste.
That future was never yours to begin with
, she reminded herself savagely as the lights of the harbor twinkled into view
. Love, passion, an honest relationship—those things aren’t for you. How many times do you have to be slapped down before you stop trying to reach for them?
Panting, thighs shaking and feet aching, Serena skidded down the dock toward the waiting ferry. All but throwing money at the surprised ferry operator’s face, she hauled herself up the gangplank and headed for the spiral stairs to the top deck.
“It’ll be freezing up there,” the grizzled old man warned. “You’ll catch your death of darned foolishness.”
Serena tuned him out and climbed the stairs. She needed to feel the wind on her cheeks—and at this temperature, it was a good bet she’d be the only passenger on the exposed deck. A quick glance around the empty bench seats showed she was right. Tossing herself down on a bench that faced out toward the open water—toward home—Serena finally let herself catch her breath.
Staring up at the matte velvet sky as snowflakes began to swirl down and dust the empty seats around her, Serena made herself a solemn promise.
This was the last time. Never again
.
“You look like hell.” Miles slid into the straight-backed chair across from Leo, his appraising stare never leaving the younger man’s face.
Leo suppressed a grimace. He could well imagine the story his face was telling his perceptive, eagle-eyed friend. “Bad night.”
“You Brits have such a way with understatement.” The wry grin that touched Miles’s mouth didn’t hide the concern in his deep blue eyes. “What’s up? How can I help?”
A lump of emotion knotted itself around Leo’s vocal cords. The unconditional, unquestioning support he got from Miles and his other friends from the club was a wholly new experience for Leo. Just as when Miles had insisted on taking his new speedboat over to Winter Harbor when Leo called earlier, Leo wasn’t entirely sure how to respond to the friendly consideration.
Unsticking his tongue from the roof of his mouth he said, “It’s not a huge problem. At least, I don’t think it is.”
Surely if he told Miles the truth, Miles wouldn’t shun him. Miles wouldn’t jump up from the card table and run out of the Fireside Inn’s sitting room as fast as his legs could carry him. Right?
“Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out. I’m in problem solving mode,” Miles said easily, hooking an elbow over the hard wooden chair back as comfortably as if it were one of the luxurious sofas in the Billionaire Club lounge. “Greta and her mother tend to spin each other up under the best of circumstances. Planning a wedding together? Not the best of circumstances. Thanks for giving me an excuse to get out of there for a breather.”
Leo winced. He hated to add to the man’s wedding-related troubles, but he had to come clean. He couldn’t count on Serena’s help to find the perfect reading any longer. Nerves coiled around Leo’s midsection, squeezing like a boa constrictor. But he had to tell Miles, no matter how humiliating it was.
Even if he lost his friend, Leo simply couldn’t let him down by pretending a miracle would occur between now and the wedding, mere days away. Serena had given him plenty to choose from, sure. But the thought of reciting one of the poems she loved most pierced his heart. Miles would simply have to choose his own reading, and if he still wanted Leo to deliver it, Leo would figure out how to memorize it, even if it meant having his poor, long-suffering valet read the damned thing aloud to him over and over until he had it.
This didn’t have to be an insurmountable difficulty. So why couldn’t he open his mouth?
Cold sweat prickled at his hairline and along his palms. For a moment, he wished he could curse Serena’s name for consigning him to this hell—but he couldn’t. He had only himself to blame for this situation. If he’d been honest with his friends—with her—from the start, he wouldn’t be in this ridiculous, mortifying mess. Still, even though he knew it was impossible, he wished Serena were here with him. He’d never felt stronger or more of a man than when he was in her arms.
Not going to happen, he reminded himself ruthlessly.
You were never in her league, and now she knows it. What would a bright, clever woman like Serena want with a dullard like you?
After all, the instant she found out how stupid Leo was, she’d been on her way out the door. Exactly as he’d feared. He could only pray one of his oldest friends would react differently—but Leo honestly didn’t hold out much hope.
Wiping his hands against his trouser legs, Leo sat forward in the booth. He forced himself to meet Mile’s worried gaze. “I have something to tell you. Something I’m not proud of.”
The crinkle in Miles’s brow hurt Leo’s heart. “I’m listening.”
Just do it
, he thought desperately.
Quick and ruthless, like ripping off a sticking plaster
. Unwilling to watch for the moment when Miles’s friendly concern would morph into derision, anger, or worse, pity, Leo directed his gaze and his words to the green felt-covered tabletop between them. “You see, Miles. When you asked me to do the wedding reading, I agreed. But there’s a problem.”
“What? For God’s sake, spit it out, Strathairn.”
Blowing out a breath, Leo nodded, but when he opened his mouth to tell this man he admired and liked that he was a defective freak, too stupid to learn the simplest of life skills, another voice cut across the tense silence before he could speak.
“The problem,” Serena said lightly, “is that there are so many wonderful readings out there!”
Leo’s gaze flew to the petite woman standing in the sitting room doorway. Her beautiful blond curls were scraped back into a tight bun and her glasses were like a shield keeping him from analyzing the expression in her deep brown eyes, but she was here. She’d come back.
“That…doesn’t seem like a huge problem,” Miles said slowly, glancing between Leo and Serena with a bemused smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.
“It isn’t.” Serena shrugged, drawing attention to the backpack over her right shoulder. From experience, Leo knew it was likely filled to the brim with books. “I’m helping Leo narrow it down. We’ll have something perfect chosen in time for the ceremony, don’t worry.”
Cocking his head, Miles studied Leo’s frozen features for a heartbeat before a twinkle glinted from his eyes. “Well, it sounds like you’ve got your work cut out for you. I’ll leave you to it, shall I?”
He stood before Leo could decide whether to stop him and tell him the truth, or instead be grateful for the reprieve. Part of him was thrilled to see Serena here, but part of him dreaded facing her alone once more—and hearing again the disillusionment and hurt in her voice.
But it was no more than he deserved, and Miles was already trading places with Serena, guiding her into the chair with a gentlemanly hand on her elbow. Nothing more than good manners, but Leo still experienced an extremely ungentlemanly urge to shove Miles away from her and publicly stake his claim on Serena in no uncertain terms. He stopped himself, but it was a close call.
I’ve been in America too long
, he reflected with a ghost of his usual sardonic amusement.
I’m transforming into a rough and ready cowboy type, wanting to drag my woman off to have my way with her
.
If he thought it would work on Serena, Leo would happily cowboy it up.
“There you go,” Miles said, surveying them with his hands on his hips. “Don’t you two look cozy? And that reminds me, Leo, I mentioned you get a plus one for the wedding and reception, right?”
“Yes, of course.” Leo darted a glance at Serena’s still, impassive face. “I had planned to bring Serena, as a thanks for helping me with the reading…”
But he couldn’t be sure she intended to take him up on it, now that she knew the truth about him.
However, he should never have underestimated Serena’s drive to ensure the security of her library. Flashing Miles a brilliant smile, she said, “I’m honored! And very much looking forward to meeting your brothers and the rest of your friends and family.”
“Wonderful,” Miles said, rubbing his hands together in satisfaction. “It’s a date.”
And after delivering that embarrassing shot, along with a furtive wink in Leo’s direction, Miles strode out of the inn.
Leaving Leo alone with the woman who’d run out into the cold of the night rather than spend another moment in this very same room with him.
“You didn’t have to do that,” Leo told her quietly. He gripped his hands together in his lap while his gaze devoured every line and curve of her form. Every line and curve he could discern through the bulky cable-knit sweater she wore, at any rate. Luckily, Leo had been blessed with a vivid imagination and his memory of Serena’s lithe, elfin beauty filled in the gaps.
She pressed her lush lips into a thin line, as if wanting to discourage him from remembering how it felt to kiss them. “Yes, I did. You were about to tell Miles your deepest secret, before you were ready and in a way you wouldn’t have chosen, because I made you think there was no other choice.”