The First Order [Safeword LLC 1] (Siren Publishing Sensations) (22 page)

Lane watched her leave, still amazed by what an enigma Kennedy Van Camp was. She spoke as if she lived the lifestyle, yet there was no evidence that she participated either as a submissive or a Dominant. She had an innate sense that had yet to be wrong when it came to her business and her clients.
It’s eerie, those impressions she claims to possess are like a sixth sense.

“She’s not bluffing, Lane.”

Lane switched his attention to Ross, who was now standing. “I know. I just have no clue as to how to fix things with Becca. I fucked up. A simple apology isn’t going to cut it.”

“But I know what will,” Ross said, smiling for the first time in a week. “Hearing Kennedy say it was all I needed. Call Owen and have him meet us at The Point. Make sure he brings Suzanne. I’ll get in touch with James—we’re going to need his help on this one.”

* * * *

“You cannot go on like this,” Lily said. She yanked off the multicolored afghan from Becca’s lap.

“Hey!” Becca scrambled unsuccessfully to get it back. Finally knowing it was futile with the way Lily was holding her hands on her hips, she sank back in the couch and crossed her arms. “You’re supposed to be on my side. Besides, I can’t go home. If I do that, Lane and Ross might find a way in. And just because they left a few messages saying they were sorry doesn’t negate the fact that they didn’t trust me. I mean, they thought I sold them out! What does that say of their opinion of me?”

“Honey, I am on your side,” Lily replied softly. Sitting beside Becca, she snagged the chocolate double-fudge ice cream out of her hands and pulled out a big dollop with the spoon. “Which is why I told Kennedy Van Camp you would be at her office tomorrow morning at ten o’clock.”

“You did what?” Becca scrambled off of the couch and stood staring down at her friend in horror. “Why would you do that?”

“Because after a week of hearing every single detail about your life since I left for Italy, I can finally see that you need, well, you know, that kind of sex with men who, um, do that kind of thing. So, when Kennedy called your cell phone, I picked it up and told her you would be at the appointment.”

“Kennedy?” Becca hadn’t meant to veer off course with the conversation, but that took her by surprise. “You call her Kennedy?”

“Well, yes, she asked me to. Why?”

Becca just shook her head, not wanting to get into it. She couldn’t picture anyone calling Ms. Van Camp by her first name except the men associated with the Order, and even then, she probably only allowed a select few to say her given name. The thought of having to see the woman tomorrow brought her back to the subject at hand.

“I’m not going. Period.” Becca walked around the couch and down the hallway to where the guest room was. She’d just been about to shut the door when Lily shoved her way in. “Lily, give it up.”

“Why don’t you want to go? Just tell me that.”

Becca climbed onto the bed and grabbed her pillow. Leaning against the headboard, she tried to voice the pent-up emotion that was coiled like a tight metal spring inside of her. “It’s not just the lifestyle, Lily. Yes, I know it was a shock to find out that I like—no, love—BDSM, but it’s not just about bondage and the other things I’m sure you’ve ‘researched.’ It’s an emotional gateway for me. It’s a release that I never knew I needed. When I handed over control to them, on every level, that’s when I truly felt like I was whole and it was the most freeing feeling I’ve ever experienced.”

“I’m not saying I understand what you feel, but if you truly need this, then why not go tomorrow?”

“Because when I handed over my body to Lane and Ross, I didn’t know that I’d handed over my soul as well.” Becca had thought she’d run out of tears throughout this past week, but apparently not. Lily held up a tissue and she snagged it out of her friend’s fingers. “I left my heart with them and took my damaged soul with me, Lily. Ms. Van Camp doesn’t need to see that.”

“Maybe she does, Becca. If this…connection….is made between a submissive woman and her—”

“Masters,” Becca said, filling in Lily’s hesitated break in her speech. She couldn’t suppress a giggle at Lily’s eye roll.

“How about Dominants? I can say that word without feeling stupid.” Lily flopped down on the bed beside her. “As I was saying, if a submissive woman has this much emotional pain when it comes to separating from her Dominants, then Kennedy needs to think about providing everyone involved with counseling when things go south.”

“You aren’t helping me here, Lily,” Becca said, wilting into the mattress.

“Kennedy doesn’t sound like a woman that you can dismiss. She wants to meet with you and sort out the details of the agreement.” Lily turned her head to look at her. “Maybe you can even give her pointers to make sure another woman doesn’t go through what you went through.”

“You’re laying on the guilt trip, Lily. I’m sure her other placements are fine.”

“And what if they’re not and going through the same thing you are?”

“Stop it.”

“I can guilt trip all night. Just let me know if it’s working so I can stop.”

“Fine!” Becca yelled out, placing the pillow over her face and giving a good, healthy scream. “I’ll go. But just because I can’t stand you nagging me anymore.”

“You love me.” Becca pulled down the pillow as Lily got up from the bed. Her friend was smiling as if she’d won the lottery. It made Becca want to throw her pillow at her. Couldn’t she see that nothing was going to make this better? “Trust me, you doing anything other than moping around my new marital home is better than nothing. Hubby was starting to think he’d have to claim you on our income tax.”

Lily left the room laughing, but Becca didn’t have it in her to join in. She lay there and focused on a fleck of glitter embedded in the ceiling. Had she really been that bad this week that Steven had said what he did, even in jest? A part of her felt guilty for horning in on their first week back from their honeymoon, but wasn’t that what friends were for? She’d have done the same for Lily, if she’d been in this situation.

It wasn’t as if Becca hadn’t used this week to think about her life and what she was going to do with it. She’d decided to stick with the college plan and at least do something for herself in regards to a stable future. As for her personal life, Becca would just swear off men and ensconce herself within her studies until the pain faded away. Her only fear was that it wouldn’t.

Becca should have known that James would come to collect her this morning, considering he still felt obligated because her contract still had one week left. As she’d been getting ready, putting on jeans and a lightweight blue shirt that fit loosely around the arms, Lily had called from her work saying that she’d forgotten to say that a driver would be picking her up at nine-thirty. She really didn’t want to open the door and face him after he had witnessed her devastation, but she did just that, wanting to get this over with. To his credit, James hadn’t said a word when he collected her from Lane and Ross’s penthouse other than that Ms. Van Camp would be in touch. He hadn’t said much this morning, either, other than the fact they needed to make one quick stop before heading to Ms. Van Camp’s office.

“Ms. Schuler, I’ll be right back.”

Becca nodded her head in response, although really hadn’t been paying attention to their location until she looked up. They were in front of The Point. Who would be here this early in the morning and what business did James have with them? Becca clenched her hands together, knowing that if she saw either Lane or Ross come out with James, she’d—well, she wasn’t sure what she would do, but it wouldn’t be good. She gave a sigh of relief when James escorted a woman out of the building and toward the vehicle. Recognition dawned. It was Suzanne, the sub that had misbehaved over a month ago.

James opened the back door of the town car and ushered Suzanne inside. Once she was situated, James closed them in and proceeded to position himself back in the driver’s seat. As he put the car in drive, Becca looked over at Suzanne.

“Good morning.”

“Morning,” Suzanne said, followed by a yawn. “Sorry. Not used to being up this early, but when Ms. Van Camp calls, you make sure you’re available. Hey, Jamesy, could we stop off at that coffee shop I like? I’m in need of some caffeine—bad.”

Becca swung her gaze to where the rear view mirror contained James’s reflection. He had a smirk on his face, presumably at Suzanne’s nickname for him. He allowed that?

“Sure. We have an extra ten minutes to kill.”

“Jamesy?” Becca whispered to Suzanne. “Do you have a death wish? First, Master Owen and now James? Aren’t you afraid your contract will be terminated?”

“What?” Suzanne looked over at her in surprise. “I’m not being rude. I just couldn’t resist giving James a nickname. He’s such a big teddy bear underneath that gruff exterior. He just doesn’t want anyone to know it.”

Becca glanced over the seat to where she could see James’s hand on the steering wheel. The scars that marred his skin suggested anything else but a teddy bear, but who was Becca to argue. Sure, James had been sweet and kind in his own way, but it wasn’t like he was the kind of man to bestow hugs and kisses in sympathy.

“And what do you mean by Master Owen?”

“Oh. I just—well, I saw you a while back at the club. You were talking back to him. He, ah, gave you a punishment.”

Suzanne’s laugh filled the car. “Master Owen would be bored to tears if any of his subs followed orders. Now, when Sir Landon is in the picture, that’s a different story. Which is probably why they’ll never have a permanent sub, because they can never agree on what they need out of her.”

“So you’re not their—”

“Fuck, no,” Suzanne replied, still chuckling. Becca wasn’t sure she got the humor out of this conversation, but managed to lift her lips in what hopefully appeared a smile. “Sir Landon would get on my last nerve if we had to live together twenty-four seven. He can be a downright asshole. Now, Master Owen is a different story, but it’s not like I can have one without the other, which is why I put in my application with Safeword LLC. I’m ready for a stable relationship.”

“Be back in five,” James said, placing the car in park in front of a little café on the corner of an intersection. “Ms. Schuler, would you care for anything?”

“Um, no, thank you.” Becca was so nervous about her upcoming meeting with Ms. Van Camp, she was sure anything that she put down her stomach would just be thrown out.

“You rock, Jamesy,” Suzanne yelled out before he closed the door. They watched him sprint across the sidewalk and into the coffee shop. “He’s a good guy. If it weren’t for him, I’d have probably killed Sir Landon by now.”

“What do you mean? And aren’t you afraid that James will tell Landon that you called him an asshole?” Becca had forced herself to drop the titles. She wasn’t in the lifestyle right now, so she could get away with it. She pushed aside the niggling of guilt that crept up at her conscious snub.

“Girl, you are way too uptight.” Suzanne turned to face her, making herself comfortable against the door. “Sir Landon can be a little brash at times and he always thinks he’s right. The first time I went to their weekend home, a couple of vases were broken. He immediately blamed me and said I did it to garner their attention.” She held up her hands as if in surrender. “Yeah, I like to receive certain punishments. I can be a bit of a masochist, but that doesn’t make me a bad person. Anyway, I defended myself and ended up calling James. He immediately came out and took the time to interview the staff, because by that time, Sir Landon was too busy administering my punishment. Boy, can he handle a whip.”

Suzanne’s eyes became unfocused, as it was obvious her mind had gone back to a pleasurable time for her. Becca shuddered, knowing that if it was anything like the punishment she had received from Harrison, she wanted no part in it. Why would Suzanne have stayed if Landon thought she was the type of person to lie? Come to think of it, she’d only been with Owen at the club.

“So are you only involved with Owen now? I don’t blame you. Trust is a two-way street. I don’t want to be with anyone who thinks I’m a liar, cheat, and basically a bad person. Did James ever find out who damaged their property?”

“Yeah, James found out and we all had a good laugh over it.” Suzanne gave her a quizzical look. “Are you always this neurotic? Of course I’m still available to Sir Landon. Master Owen rescued a couple of cats, that’s all. Turns out that they are a little energetic. Like I said, we all got a chuckle out of it. It’s just Sir Landon’s personality that makes him bark first and ask questions later.”

James chose that moment to return with Suzanne’s coffee, effectively pulling her attention to the warm contents of the Styrofoam cup. She basically confessed her undying love to James for having thrown in extra sugar and cream, and then sat back and enjoyed her concoction. The rest of the trip was made in silence, although Suzanne’s words kept repeating in Becca’s head. Doubt started to creep in and she wondered if she hadn’t overreacted, but then immediately dismissed that idea. A broken vase was totally different than Lane and Ross thinking she had sold them out.

“You know, no one is perfect,” Suzanne said as James pulled the vehicle into the parking garage. “But if trust is a two-way street, then so is forgiveness.”

* * * *