‘Oh, Philip!’ Kate whispered, and tears filled her eyes.
‘Grace has devoted her life to the child, whereas I – well – I can’t do very much, not unless I leave the RAF and devote myself to her in the same way. But Grace’s devotion has become almost an obsession. I think her own mother has filled her mind with the thought that the abnormalities must come from my side, when in truth I don’t think there’s blame to be attached to either of us. It just – happened.’
The words came unbidden to Kate’s lips and were voiced before she really realized she was saying them. ‘Some people find it easier to deal with life’s cruelties if they can find someone to blame.’ She heard the words almost as if someone else were speaking them.
‘I suppose so,’ Philip said heavily. ‘Grace’s mother moved in with us and sort of – took over.’
‘And pushed you out and the more distant you became, the more they blamed you.’
He looked at her wonderingly. ‘You
do
understand, don’t you?’
She said nothing but gave his hand a little squeeze.
‘Oh, Kate, what am I going to do? What are we going to do?’
Sensibly, she said, ‘We’ll take it day by day, just like everyone else is having to do in this war, and when it’s all over – well, we’ll see then, won’t we?’
She smiled at him as he leaned forward to kiss her mouth. As his lips touched hers, desire ran through her like a shock wave.
When she went back to her hut in the early evening, the letter was lying on her bed. At once she recognized Danny’s sloping handwriting on the envelope.
With a jolt Kate realized that during the last twenty-four hours she had not once thought of Danny Eland.
S
o, Rosie was to have Danny’s child.
Kate sat on the bed, waiting for the hurt to come. Rosie is having Danny’s baby, she told herself, and tightened the muscles in her stomach, waiting.
She felt nothing. All she could see in her mind’s eye was Rosie’s happy face, her dancing golden curls, and Danny’s proud grin stretching from ear to ear. And just fancy, Beth a grandma! How pleased she would be.
Kate had the strangest feeling that she was gripping Danny’s hand tightly, hanging on to it like someone drowning. Then gradually, she felt as if she were loosening her hold, not completely, but just starting to let go; beginning to let Danny go.
She stood up, folded his letter and put it back into the envelope, opened the drawer of her locker and tucked it behind the whelk shell.
Slowly she closed the drawer.
‘Do you know,’ Philip said, a comical expression on his face, ‘I’m running out of excuses for us to drive out of camp.’
Kate giggled, then her face sobered. ‘We shall have to be careful. I wouldn’t want to see your career damaged.’
‘What about you? I don’t want to see you hurt.’ He sighed heavily. ‘Oh, Kate, I love you so but I wish things could be different.’
‘They couldn’t be so very different, even if you weren’t married,’ she said directly, but the gentleness of her tone took away the bluntness of her words. ‘We still wouldn’t be able to meet openly. Me a lowly corporal and you a Group Captain!’
‘Yes. Isn’t it ridiculous?’
‘It seems so, but the powers-that-be must have had their reasons for setting such rules. I suppose they had the undermining of discipline in mind.’
He nodded. ‘Well, not all girls would be as understanding as you, Kate. Some would try to take advantage.’
She giggled again. ‘Oh, I take advantage of you – whenever I get the chance.’
‘Kate!’ he exclaimed, pretending to be shocked, but in truth enjoying her admission that she enjoyed their love-making as much as he did. He put his arm along the back of the seat and caressed her neck. The tingling sensation his touch caused made her swerve slightly.
‘I think you’d better stop that unless you want to end up in the ditch again,’ she said.
They laughed together.
Their love affair continued through the winter months of 1941. As its intensity grew, it was inevitable that they could not hide it from everyone. Though they tried to be circumspect in public, strove valiantly to be strictly CO and driver in front of others, there was the light of love in their eyes when they looked at each other, such a spring in their steps as they hurried to drive away from the camp to be alone for a few snatched moments, that soon, someone must notice and the tongues would start wagging.
At the Christmas dance in the Officers’ Mess, Philip came towards Kate and she went into his arms as if it were the most natural thing in the world. They danced together the whole evening. He did not dance with any other girl – not even the senior WAAF officer there – and when he led Kate to a table, brought her a drink and sat down with her, all the other airmen and officers shrugged their shoulders and turned their thoughts away from even thinking of asking the CO’s beautiful driver for a dance.
But for some, the sight of Group Captain Philip Trent monopolizing the company of Corporal Kate Hilton was not so easily forgotten.
‘Kate – you’ll get yourself into bother.’ Mavis, with Isobel one pace behind as if to back her, was standing at the foot of her bed the following morning.
‘Eh?’ Kate glanced up from the letter she was writing home, and could see at once by their faces that they had guessed. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’
‘Oh yes, you do. You don’t usually tell lies, Kate Hilton.’
Kate felt herself colouring. No, she didn’t. She had always been a very truthful person, but this time it was not just herself she was trying to protect.
As if reading her thoughts, Isobel murmured, ‘You see, Mave, her trouble is that she’s not a tell-tale. I can vouch for that.’
‘And don’t say it’s none of our business . . .’ Mavis began, as they came and sat on her bed, one either side of her.
‘ . . . Because it is,’ finished Isobel.
‘You’d make a good double act,’ Kate said, trying to steer them off the topic. ‘Ever thought of applying to ENSA?’
‘It’s got to stop, Kate,’ Isobel said. ‘You’ll get into awful trouble – and so will he. He might lose his whole career and he’s a nice bloke.’
‘Too nice,’ Mavis said.
‘You’ve got it wrong. We’re just good friends . . .’
Isobel snorted. ‘Now, where have I heard that before?’
Mavis leaned closer, whispering even though there was no one else in the hut to overhear. ‘I told you before, Kate, he’s married. If there is anything going on, you’re both running a terrible risk.’
‘It’s not as if he is a flier,’ Isobel resorted to shock tactics, ‘and any day might be his last.’
‘We’re trying to make you see sense,’ Mavis said. ‘We both know how upset you were over Danny and no one more than us wanted you to meet a nice feller and fall in love, but did you
have
to pick the CO
and
a married man?’
‘Not very sensible, was it?’ Isobel added.
‘I’ve told you,’ Kate tried to insist. ‘There’s nothing . . .’
‘Well, it ought to stop – now!’ Isobel said ruthlessly, totally disbelieving Kate’s protests, and Mavis added, ‘Don’t say we didn’t warn you.’
‘Kate – come in.’ Philip moved to pull down the blackout blinds on his office window, then came and locked the door behind her. He took her in his arms.
‘Darling, there’s something I have to tell you.’
Fear clutched her stomach. What had happened? Was it something awful?
‘You know, don’t you, that the two squadrons on this station are switching to the new Lancaster bomber?’
She nodded.
‘Well,’ he went on slowly, his blue gaze never leaving her face, ‘so are East Markham.’
Kate stared at him, running her tongue over lips that were suddenly dry.
‘The Lane is too heavy for Markham’s grass runways. So they’re closing East Markham temporarily to lay new concrete runways . . .’
‘And?’ Kate prompted, although now she was beginning to guess what was coming.
‘ . . . and their squadrons are being moved elsewhere – again only temporarily. Kate,’ his fingers gently traced the outline of her face, ‘Danny’s squadron is coming here.’
She found she had been holding her breath. Now she let it out slowly and smiled. ‘That’s all right,’ she said.
He searched her face. ‘I didn’t know how you would feel. I mean, I know you once asked me to see if I could wangle a posting here for him, but – well – that was before he got married and before – us.’
‘I’ll be fine,’ she promised him softly, and some of the anxiety was smoothed from Philip’s face.
Kate was pleased Danny was coming to Suddaby. She would have the chance to talk to him, to explain why she had not attended the wedding. If she could talk to him – alone – she knew she could make him understand. Soon, everything between them would be all right again; it would be as it had always been.
But she could not go home. Even yet, she could not face Rosie – especially a heavily pregnant Rosie.
The day the Lancasters arrived at Suddaby, there was great excitement.
‘Heavens! They’re big!’ Mavis gasped, as, along with Kate and Isobel, they stood on the peritrack watching.
‘Who? The Lanes – or the fellers?’ Kate grinned.
Mavis’s laughter bounced on the breeze. She rubbed her hands together, ‘Well, if the crews are as good as their aircraft – wheel ’em out!’
‘Mavis, really! What about the wonderful Dave?’
Mavis turned pink. ‘I can still look, can’t I?’
‘Is it serious with you two, then?’ Isobel asked, but Mavis only grinned and said, ‘Can’t hear you above the racket, Iso, old thing.’
The aircraft taxied past them, several with symbols and pictures painted on them just below the cockpit. A shapely female proclaimed M-Mother and the three girls pointed and laughed.
‘Well, if that’s someone’s mother, I’m a Dutchman.’
‘Look, there’s P-Pluto,’ Mavis pointed. Behind it came another, D-Doggo, depicting a bulldog with an enemy plane – the swastika plainly visible – crushed in its massive jaw.
‘Aren’t they wonderful?’ Mavis said, her admiring glance following the aircraft. ‘Four Rolls Royce Merlin engines and they can carry over twenty thousand pounds of bombs.’
‘I don’t know how they get ’em into the air. They’re massive!’
‘Well, you just watch, sunshine. They will – and tonight if this weather holds.’
Kate gasped. ‘So soon? But they’ve only just got here.’
‘War won’t wait for them to be pampered. That reminds me, Iso, we might have to do double shift tonight. With all these extra kites here, we’re going to be a bit busy. And if it’s long-range, they’re going to be very low on fuel by the time they get back.’
Isobel groaned. ‘Then I’m off to get a bit of shut-eye now.’
Mavis and Isobel turned and walked back across the grass towards the camp gate and the road leading to the WAAF site, leaving Kate staring at the new arrivals and wondering just which aircraft was Danny’s.
Throughout the day the airfield hummed with activity. The arrival of an additional squadron and all its attendant personnel put an additional strain on the new airfield’s resources. And now, with the rumour spreading that the night’s op was to be ‘a big one’, there was an air of tension and scarcely concealed excitement.
‘I must go to Group HQ,’ Philip told her, ‘for a meeting with the AOC.’
‘Sir,’ Kate responded dutifully, but beneath her breath she muttered a frustrated ‘Damn!’ She was so anxious to see Danny before he flew that night, but now she was to be away from the station for most of the day.
At Group Headquarters, Kate found herself with little to do while she waited for Philip. It was always the same, she thought. He was involved in lengthy conferences and meetings whilst she wandered from room to room, feeling in the way, on the edge of all the activity yet unable to take part.
Kate sat watching a WAAF Flight Officer who was analysing the photographs from the previous night’s raid ready for the meeting called by the Air Officer Commanding.
‘Do you know what tonight’s target is?’ Kate asked her.
The WAAF officer looked up and smiled. ‘Not yet. We should be getting the signal from Bomber Command any time. The weather’s exceptionally good just now, so it’ll probably be something big.’
Kate nodded, but her thoughts were back at Suddaby. She just had to see Danny before take-off that night.
As the WAAF officer had predicted, when the signal came through it was a ‘maximum effort raid’; the Ruhr.
Back on station, Kate drove Philip immediately to briefing.
‘Would it be all right if – if I came in? I’ll sit right at the back out of the way.’
He looked at her. ‘Danny?’ he asked softly.
She smiled tremulously and whispered, ‘You’re far too observant, Group Captain Trent.’
He smiled, but there was still a sadness in his eyes, though whether it was for her or for himself, she couldn’t be sure.
‘You’ll have to pretend you’re dispensing tea or something, Kate. I really can’t get you admitted to the briefing. I’m sorry.’ His apology was genuine; she realized at once that she had put him in a very difficult position by even asking for such a favour.
She forced a smile on to her mouth and said brightly, ‘I understand. I’ll go and help Christine.’
He nodded and at the doorway, they parted; he strode into the briefing room whilst Kate slipped into a tiny room at the side where a WAAF was pouring out cups of tea from a huge urn. Christine glanced up, but seeing that it was the CO’s WAAF driver she made no demur about Kate’s presence. Almost everyone on the camp now allowed her admittance even to the most sensitive of areas, recognizing that the CO trusted the discretion of his driver implicitly. The knowledge warmed her.
Outside the aircraft were being fuelled from the huge tankers and the armourers would be loading up the bomb trains; twelve 500-pounders and one 4000-pound bomb for each Lancaster. It was a physically demanding and sometimes dangerous job.
By the time the aircrews were filing into briefing, their aircraft would be standing ready at dispersal, fuelled, tested and bombed up.
As the crews trooped in, Kate scanned their faces eagerly through the hatch from the tiny kitchen. No one even glanced in her direction; their eyes went immediately to the large wall map showing their target. By the time most of the chairs were filled and the men came to attention as the Station and Squadron Commanders entered, Kate had still not spotted Danny. As the briefing began, she searched among the heads, trying to pick out his black hair, but then as the man from the Met Office opened the proceedings, Kate found her attention captivated. Unobserved, she was able to eavesdrop on the whole procedure. It was impossible to be oblivious to the tension in the room, the feeling of a peculiar excitement. In front of her the airmen were making notes, their whole attention focused on the man pointing at the weather map, transferring all the information in front of them to their own maps and charts.