The Forgiving Heart (The Heart of Minnesota Book 1) (21 page)

             
“Isn't that why we came here?”

             
He smiled, but she thought it seemed a bit distant.

             
When they got inside, Ronald got her order and they sat down. The conversation never turned back to Michael, but Ronald told her what he was doing in the fall and asked her what her plans were.

             
“I'm not sure. I think I'm going to spend a little time with Louisa and John at their farm in Zumbrota.”

             
“That's Mr. Gunderson's sister, right? Sounds like fun.”

             
Karlijna nodded, “I think it will be. Louisa is fun to be with and she guarantees that she can keep me busy from sunup to sundown. I'll appreciate that after this summer. I've been a little fidgety on my own.”

             
“That's right, Ellie has gone off to volunteer at the hospital.”

             
“Yes. She was trying to decide if she really wanted to go to school to be a nurse.”

             
“Has she decided?”

             
“Yes. She is loving it and can hardly wait for school to start.”

             
“Why didn't you volunteer with her?”

             
Karlijna shuddered, “I do not want to be a nurse.”

             
Ronald laughed at her reaction, “What have you been doing to keep busy?”

             
She thought, “Sig and I planted a garden, she is trying to teach me to sew – and failing. My own mother attempted the same thing for years. We whitewashed the basement. That was more fun than the sewing lessons.”

             
“It sounds like you’ve been busy.”

             
“I have been, I guess. I'm not bored – just restless.”

             
They were finished so Ronald waved to his friend behind the counter and opened the door for Karlijna.

             
“Don't you think your restlessness has to do with Michael?”

             
“Michael? I don't think so. He's been in danger since I've known him. I don't think I would start to get nervous about that now.”

             
Ronald didn't speak for a while and when Karlijna glanced up at him, his expression was inscrutable. She decided to chance it and ask.

             
“You are confused about something I said.”

             
He laughed,” I confess I am. You and Michael obviously have an intimate relationship and yet you claim your time apart doesn’t bother you.  You also don't tell me – a poor sap who is interested in you – that you are involved with another guy. I know you are too good a person to be stringing me – or him – along just for your own fun, but I don't think I could have been more plain.”

             
Karlijna had stopped walking and was staring up at him. He didn't seem upset, but he was not teasing her.

             
“Ronald,” she pushed a curl back into the knot of hair at her neck, “I don't think. . .” she started walking and he followed her.  She stopped again.

             
“I'm not sure you understand what my relationship is,” she tipped her head to the side and tapped her fingertip to her mouth.

             
The rest of the walk was made in silence as Karlijna tried to figure out what to say.  Things were beginning to make sense now, and she wasn't sure she liked it.

             
Ronald stopped at the front porch, “Thank you for coming with me, Karlijna.” 

             
She looked up at him, slightly embarrassed, “I am so sorry, Ronald. I didn't really realize you had any interest in me. I never meant to do or say anything that would make you think. . .”

             
“You never did,” he assured her gallantly, “I had hoped I could win you over eventually. But you never really gave me any hope.”

             
After he left, Karlijna sought out Sig.

             
“I think I have a problem.”

             
Sig was weeding around the carrots, “What is that?”

             
Karlijna told her about the conversation she had just had with Ronald.

             
“He's an astute young man,” Sig commented.

             
“I think you may be right,” Karlijna replied, “but I am so dense, I don't know why.  I still don't realize what we were talking about.”

             
Sig ran a knuckle – the cleanest part of her hand – across Karlijna's cheek, “In matters of the heart we are all dense at times. Take some time to pray about it.”

             
Karlijna went inside and was on her way up to her room when Ellie burst through the door, “I just had the most amazing day. You are not going to believe this, but I got to deliver a baby!”

             
Karlijna laughed, “You got to deliver a baby?”

             
“Not by myself, of course,” she ran through the house, toward the back door, “is Mom out back?  I've got to tell you both.”

             
Ellie told her story with such energy that Karlijna was almost able to forget her conversation with Ronald and her letter from Michael.

             
However, when the story was told, the task remained. Karlijna excused herself and went to her room.

             
“God, I feel like I am at a crossroads in my life. I don't know if I should get a job or if I should go get more schooling. I don't understand what Michael was asking of me. I feel awkward about Ronald because I didn't even realize he was interested in me in a more personal way. I just thought he was a pushy person. I know you know what it is I'm feeling even better than I know myself.  It just feels good to talk to You about it. I don't have any requests except that you give me some sort of direction. I feel like I'm just drifting along with no purpose. I pray this in Jesus' name, Amen.”

             
A few days later, she felt she had put off answering Michael's letter long enough, and was praying for the right words.

Dear Michael,
                June 24, 1944

I'm afraid I am too dense to u
nderstand what you are saying. I probably wouldn't have thought your questions were strange except that you were apologetic  You ask me if my heart is ready to move on, but I feel like I already have moved on to a certain extent. I still experience pain every time I think of my family, but the good memories are stronger than the bad. Is that what you mean? I want to have a life because living my life in mourning is not honoring to God or to those who I've lost.

I will
tell you this I must not be ready for romance. I discovered a couple days ago in a rather embarrassing manner that there was a young man who wanted to become better acquainted with me. I had no idea he had any more interest in me than as a friend, though Ellie has since told me it was quite obvious. I admit, the idea of love and marriage is frightening – not in general, but right now. 

Ellie suggested I write up a list of character
qualities I want in a husband. It sounds very silly to me, but she insists it is a good way to ensure I never settle for someone or get caught up in the idea of love. What do you think I should do? I suppose you have never done anything like that – I think men do not think about marriage until it is upon them.

I'm sending this picture of El
lie and me from our graduation. The roses in the wrist corsages we are wearing are pink, and the carnations are yellow. I had never had a corsage before and was quite excited until I realized how itchy it would be. I had to squeeze my fingers together during the ceremony to avoid scratching.

I miss you terribly.
I know you would tell me what to do about this fall – or at least you would remind me to be patient or something like that. I miss talking to you face to face. I'm glad we are able to write, but I would love to hear your voice.

Thank you for your birthday greetings.  I'm so pleased you remembered.

I am praying for a swift end to this war. We have heard many good things about what you men are doing, and it looks like it cannot last much longer. I must disagree with you about God being on the Allies' side, though. He does not change.  It is we – I believe – who are on His side.

I pray you will find time to worship even amidst the horrors around you.

Your devoted friend,

Karlijna

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

“Mom wants us to go visit Grammy today after church,” Ellie said as they were eating breakfast. “She is counting on us for dinner.”

             
Karlijna was happy to comply.  Ethel Gunderson was full of energy and enthusiasm.  Her arthritis had crippled her to the point that she had moved from her lifetime home and was confined to a small, one-level home which she rarely left. It didn't damper her spirits, however, and she was still able to get around – albeit slowly – to make meals for her children and grandchildren when they happened to stop by.

             
She was as chipper as usual when the girls arrived.

“Come in, dears,” she called out to them as they knocked on her door, “I'm just setting the table.”

              “Let me do that for you, Grammy,” Ellie offered as they entered the room.

             
“Oh, good,” the lady replied, “Then I can get the meat out of the ice box.”

             
Karlijna was quick to jump in to help with that.

             
Grammy laughed, “You two would spoil me if you were here all the time.”

             
Ellie lifted three plates from the cupboard, “I offered to come stay here with you.”

             
“I don't want to be spoiled just yet, honey. That's why I moved away from the farm. John and Louisa were like to drive me crazy with all their fussing.”

             
Karlijna set the meat on the table and then helped with the table, “If you ever want one of us for a few days we'll come. Then you can send us home when we start driving you crazy.”

             
“I'd get too used to the company” Grammy shook her head.  “I think we'd better leave things alone.”

             
Grammy had put together a dinner of cold meats, cheese, and bread Sig had brought her the day before.

             
“I had planned to make some soup as well, but when I woke up, and it was so warm this morning, I decided we wouldn't want it.”

             
Both girls agreed that it was much better without.

             
“What do you hear from Michael?” Grammy addressed her question to Karlijna.

             
“He is hopeful that we are winning the war.”

             
“Does he say when he thinks it will end?”

             
Karlijna spread some butter on a slice of bread, “I don't think he knows, but if he did he couldn't say anyway.”

             
“However soon it is, it cannot be soon enough,” Grammy commented before using a fork to transfer a piece of ham to Karlijna's plate.

             
Karlijna smiled, “I was thinking of having a cheese sandwich, Grammy.”

             
“I'm not worried about the meat rations, Karlijna. I got this from Lou and it’ll spoil if you don't eat it.”

             
Ellie laughed at the two of them.

             
The girls stayed to play a card game with Grammy, then spent some time looking at old pictures of her when she was a child, her children and her grandchildren. Karlijna was surprised when Ellie announced it was nearly five and they should get home.

             
“I have something for you,” Grammy stood up slowly as the girls were preparing to leave. She shuffled to the china cabinet and opened a box.

             
“My grandson told me in his last letter that it was your birthday,” Ethel drew out a small piece of jewelry, “I want you to have this brooch.”

             
Karlijna's eyes widened at the lovely piece. It was a small gold oval set with red and blue stones.

             
“I cannot accept it. It is too much,” she looked at Ellie who just smiled.

             
“Ellie,” Karlijna appealed to her, “tell Grammy it is too much.”

             
Grammy snorted, “I am clear-headed and not used to having people telling me what to do. I have pieces for all my granddaughters. This one is yours.”

             
“But, Grammy,” she looked down at the piece which had found its way into her hand, “I'm not actually. . .”

             
“Some of my grandchildren came by birth, others in different ways. Shall I love you less?”

             
Karlijna gave the older woman a hug, “I love you, Grammy.”

             
“I love you too,” she patted the girl's back, “now, shoo.”

             
Karlijna and Ellie headed for home.

             
“You never told me it was your birthday today,” Ellie chastised her friend.

             
“You didn't ask,” Karlijna shot back one of Ellie's favorite retorts and then laughed.

             
Ellie, however, had the last laugh, because, when Karlijna entered the Gunderson home, a group of her friends tumbled out of the parlor and yelled, “Surprise!”

             
Karlijna stood wide-eyed and silent for a full ten seconds before bursting into laughter.

             
The part-goers laughed with her.

             
“I thought you were going to faint.”

             
“You looked like you had seen a ghost.”

             
“Didn't you have any clue?”

             
Her friends gathered around her, all talking at once.  She shook her head, “If I had known what was going on, I would have stayed at Grammy's.”

             
“And missed this?” Louisa came forward to give her a hug.

             
Ellie left her side to see what her mother needed help with.

             
“You must be better at keeping a secret than Will gives you credit for,” Karlijna allowed herself to be drawn into the crowd.  “I never heard a word, and I just saw you on Friday.”

             
Louisa sighed, “John didn't tell me until last night.”

             
Karlijna smiled.

             
“They were so convinced that I'd tell that when I called here to ask Sig what I should bring, she wouldn't even tell me where you were.”

             
Karlijna laughed, “Why did you need to know?”

             
Louisa joined her mirth, “I didn't. I was just curious.”

             
Her friends all congratulated her and brought small presents. Sig had managed to make a cake. Whether she had saved up her sugar rations or used a different kind of sweetener, Karlijna couldn't say.  It was very good.

             
Karlijna tried not to be disappointed that Melba Foster was there. The girl was always happy to point out a mistake in Karlijna's speech, or a fleck on her sleeve – always with a smile, of course. There was also the issue of her speaking slowly and loudly to Karlijna, as if Karlijna were deaf or mentally incompetent. 

             
“Happy birthday, Katrina,” Melba gave her a quick hug as she approached.  “This is your seventeenth, right?”

             
Ellie jumped in, “She's eighteen, and her name isn't Katrina.”

             
Melba smiled and patted Karlijna's hand, “Sorry about that, dear. I can't keep track of you young girls, and I never was good at remembering foreign names. It's German isn't it?”

             
The other guests began to look their way.

             
“I think it is native to Belgium,” Karlijna hoped this interview would not last much longer.

             
“That's what I thought,” Melba started to turn away from them.

             
“I realize it has been a long time since you were in school, Melba,” Ellie stopped her, “but you seem to have forgotten that Belgium is not actually in Germany.”

             
Melba's face reddened, “Belgium is in Germany, Elsbeth,” her tone was very patronizing, “no matter what she wants to imply.”

             
Karlijna decided it would be better to speak up now and end the conflict before Ellie got really angry.

             
“It is a common mistake, Melba. Belgium is actually its own country. We have no allegiance to Germany. We fought the Germans when they came, but were not strong enough.”

             
Melba was becoming more irate rather than less, “But you do admit you speak German there.”

             
“Of course,” Karlijna was glancing toward the kitchen door, hoping Will or Sig would appear. “Our official languages are Flemish, French, and German.”

             
Melba turned on her heel and started toward the other room before turning back to Karlijna, “Does Michael write to you in German? He writes to me in English.”

             
“Girls,” Sig spoke from the doorway of the kitchen, “come in here please.”

             
Ellie and Karlijna did as they were told.

             
“Sara,” Sig beckoned her other daughter, “you too.”

             
Sara glanced at her friend, “Okay, Mom.”

             
“This party was supposed to be a celebration,” she wasted no time. “Sara, if your friend is going to continue to treat Karlijna so badly, you will have to ask her to leave.”

             
Karlijna was not willing to become a rift between the friends, “It was not only Melba, Sig. I'm afraid I was ungracious and should apologize.”

             
Ellie jumped in, “I have never been so proud of anyone in all my life as I was of you in there.  Why should you apologize for defending your country?”

             
Sara hadn't said a word. She seemed a little shocked at what was being said.

             
Karlijna smiled at Ellie, “I should have left you to defend me. I think she would have left Belgium alone.”

             
Sig sighed, “You girls go back to the party, but I had better not hear another sharp word.”

             
Karlijna and Ellie complied quickly and were happy to hear that Melba had left. However, Karlijna never regained the mood from earlier and was pleased when the party was over and the house cleaned.

             
She tried for a few hours to sleep, but, after tossing and turning until three o'clock, she gave up and turned on the desk lamp.

Dear Michael
,   June
25
26, 1944,

Your parents and sisters threw a party for me.  I was so surprised by all the people who were
there. I hardly realized how many I have gotten to know in the last six months. It was a good party, except for one part; Melba was there. I hope that statement doesn't cause you any pain.

When she told me you have been writing t
o her my stomach began to ache. I couldn't understand why.  After I tried to sleep for so long I now have a headache, I finally admitted the truth. I love you, and I don't want anyone else to have you. 

I am most disturbed by this admission to myself because I am cer
tain you do not feel the same. It was certainly not my intention to feel this way, but I do not believe hearts follow the logical course. If I had done as Ellie suggested and detailed what kind of man I wanted for a husband, I know the list would point to you.

I don't know how long this has been coming on, but I think it began before we even left Sweden.

I do not want you to feel obligated to me in any way, nor do you have to continue to write to me if I have made you uncomfortable.

I will continue to pray for you regardless of whether you ever speak to me again.

Karlijna

             
Karlijna was able to sleep after sealing and addressing her letter.  She woke up feeling a little groggy and very silly. She sat up and climbed from bed. 

             
She would not send the letter. Her words were sure to make Michael feel awkward, and she didn't want that. She also, selfishly, did not want their correspondence to end.

             
Karlijna stood in front of the desk and wondered what had happened to the letter. She checked the drawer, under the desk, and in the garbage can, but couldn't find it. She wondered if she had dreamed the whole thing. Or maybe she was going senile.

             
“Good morning, sleepy head,” Sig greeted her as she came down the stairs.

             
“I'm sorry I slept so long. Has Ellie left for the hospital?”