The Forgotten: Aten's Last Queen (53 page)

The boy was yanked to his feet. He looked at me with warm eyes, tears encircling his cheeks. He nodded to me once and then was pulled from the room. I could see a small crowd gathering at the entrance awaiting him.

“Very compassionate of you, Queen.” Horemheb said to me. “Though too much compassion will weaken your hold over the city. Any criminal must fear the punishment if caught. They must be scared into not doing such heinous acts.”

“They will have their justice. But that is all, not judgement. I do not proclaim myself as a God, and I will let the God weigh his heart.”

He cleared his throat, “You mean, gods?”

Surprisingly, a smile bloomed on my lips in reaction to his question. I could almost feel a mounting laugh. His quick remark reminded me that I would always be watched with a judgmental eye thanks to my father’s reign. Everything I did would be double checked to be sure of my intentions. I knew how to play the game too, though.

“Of course, General. I was merely referring to Osiris. The gods will judge him now as
they
will us all.”

*****

Passing moons turned into a year. Word did not come to me of Tutankhamun’s expedition, and I worried greatly. So I let this fire in my belly push me into action. I oversaw as many offices of state that I could. I also wanted to prepare for Tutankhamun’s return, so I had many new pieces of furniture and jewelry commissioned. They would all show Tutankhamun and I together and happy. In the different pieces, we were smiling at each other, always facing each other, always touching. He would return and see my love for him everywhere he looked. There were hunting scenes where I was beside him and helping him with his arrows, scenes of us before the gods with my hand upon his shoulder, scenes of us merely sitting together and smiling. The pieces were made into chairs, wall reliefs, pectorals, glasses, fans with the images on its core, bracelets,
anything
I could find to decorate our lives. And they were all solidified in gold. I hoped he would remember back to our first voyage to Waset and how he wanted to be remembered in gold. My excitement mounted for his triumphant return. I wore some of the pieces daily and kept him with me as I went about the functions and duties that came with the crown.

I visited the workshops often as these pieces were being made and was surprised by Amyntas’s absence. It was his main source of wages and rations. It was not that I sought him out, but I had figured he would be there. I would not avoid him. If anything, I owed him an apology. Plus, his son was now residing on the palace grounds. Where else would he be? But Amyntas was young and handsome. I was sure girls were knocking down his door to be his wife.

It was probably for the best. As there was so much asked of the one sitting atop Pharaoh’s throne, some days I thought my head would burst. I could not think on much more. As the year went on, though, things became easier. Decisions were made more quickly. The pace of life moved more smoothly. I oversaw divorce disputes, state crimes, and petitioners. I performed multiple worship rituals morning, midday, and evening. I held banquets for the noblemen and women and led celebrations throughout the year. I delegated rations to our neighbors, outposts, nomes, cities, and our military. And each night I went to sleep a little more easily than the last.

Horemheb was by me throughout this time, but his abrasiveness toward me had softened. He let me make my own decisions without interruptions. Ay also had learned not to cross my decisions in public. He mostly avoided me. In return and almost equally so in determination, I had a few of my guards keep watch over him. Unfortunately, they had brought no news about further conspiring against me. It was my main source of frustration during this time. I wanted to catch him in the act and finally get rid of the last nuisance to my husband and me. Everything he did was for himself. I felt nauseated in his presence when I thought of what the boy had said not so very long ago about “the vizier” making him confess. Ay had manipulated someone to die for him. Perhaps I
did
want to overstep my earthly bounds and bring down justice upon him. In truth, my heart did not want to leave this to the gods alone.

During my few periods of stillness, my thoughts would float back to Akhenaten City. There she was again, clear as day, my mother crying as she gave my sisters poison in their drink because Ay had told her to. Rage scoured my flesh thinking of the life they were denied because of Ay’s idea that no other heirs would be left to fight for the throne. In a way, I was also disappointed in Mother for not refusing to do such a thing. I could not imagine being able to do that myself. But perhaps at that point, for her, she had given up on this life. Maybe she hoped for something better in the next where she and her family could live in peace.

Yet where did this leave me? Her last words came back to me:
Stand tall and firm. Do not let anyone take away your choices
.

I finally understood what she meant.

*****

I sat down on a bench beneath a sycamore branch on a hot afternoon as thoughts of my family swirled about me like sand caught within a storm. Everyone else was resting, taking refuge from the hottest part of the day. On most days, this was a quiet sanctuary for me. The wide reach of the sycamore branch was perfect for shade seekers. The branches were erupting with red flower clusters. The next season, these clusters would grow fruit. My heart needed the calming shadow of its petaled fingertips to shelter me from the storm of demands, but today another sound peeled throughout the air. It was that of children’s laughter.

I looked to my right to see Tawaret chasing Tushari. She caught up to him, slapped his arm, and then ran away. Tushari took off quickly after her. They came up near me, and stopped short when they saw me watching them. Fast as a whip lash, they dropped to the ground and bowed before me.

“Oh, children, no. Do not do that. Go back to your game. Please, get up.”

Hesitantly, they stood but made no move to resume their game.

“Where is your teacher today?” I asked.

Tawaret answered, “He was called away, so school was canceled this morning. We have lessons this afternoon, but we have already eaten. Mother is resting, so we thought we’d come outside and play until then.”

“I have not seen you in a while. Have you been with your father?” The question was out before I had even recognized the thought in my heart. I was surprised by it.

My words brought a sudden gloom over the children’s faces.

Tushari spoke first, “Well, we have not seen him in a long time.”

“He has not been at his house, and when he is, he is grumpy,” Tawaret added.

“Mother will not see him again. She says he lets a demon lurk inside him. It makes him mad at us for no reason,” Tushari responded in turn.

“He even ignores me. It’s like he stopped loving me. I keep wondering what I did wrong,” Tawaret finished.

My heart broke, and I dropped onto my knees in front of Tawaret so I could put my arms around her. I felt warm, thin tears tickle my neck.

“Oh, sweet girl, it is not your fault.” How I wished to tell her more, how it was Amyntas pushing me away and not her. She was a reminder of something. I was the one who had let myself fall in love with him, and I was the one who pushed him away while at the same time asking him to watch over my child and keep my secret. Now he was pushing back in the only way he could, through Tawaret. “Don’t think such things. Your father is just sad. He misses you.”

“Then why does he pretend I am not there when we visit? Why does he walk away from me when I speak or brush past me when I try to give him a hug? Why?”

I pulled her away from my shoulder and looked at her soft face. Her cheeks were losing their baby fat. She was growing out of childhood too fast. I had a feeling her bloods would come soon, and the thought frightened me. If only I could protect her a few years more.

I spoke softly, “If he must push away the greatest gift in the world, then I will go and talk to him myself.”

Snickering slipped through the air and broke us out of our reverie. “A gift? Ha! Not my sister!” Tushari giggled. “If she is a gift, then throw her back. She’s one that bites like a crocodile!”

Tawaret’s face lifted subtly at his teasing. “Well, at least I don’t have the nose of one!”

“At least I don’t have the neck of an ostrich!” He stuck out his tongue at her and ran away.

“Will you really talk to him?” Tawaret asked me, her fingers playing with the end of her youth lock.

“Of course. You see, he is supposed to be making gold jewelry for me and Pharaoh, but he has not been to work. I want to make sure he is okay. I will find out what demon ails him and cast it out like that,” I concluded with a snap of my fingers.

“How will you do such a thing?” she questioned, her eyes getting bigger.

“Didn’t you know? While my husband is away, I am the pharaoh, and the gods are with me. Their presence alone will drive out any evil in this land!” I said grandly.

Tawaret’s face crinkled in thought. “I don’t always understand Father’s stories. If Adonai destroyed all the evil people, then how are there still demons in the land? It does not make sense.”

Amyntas would be much better at answering such a question. Even I had chips in my faith at the moment. The more routine worship had become, the less I believed the words. They became hallow and tedious. And no words were said for Aten. At times, my thoughts wandered to Him… and then to Amyntas’s guidance. I needed to face him again.

“Well,” I began, “when you get mad at your brother, what do you do?”

Tawaret chewed on her pinkie nail for a moment before answering. “Sometimes I hit him on the arm. Sometimes I tell Mother. Or I yell at him.”

“Do you think that is what Adonai would do to you?”

“I don’t know. He did kill lots of people for being evil. Would He kill me too?”

I sighed. This was not going to be easy. “What has your father said about this?”

“He says Adonai loves us as His own children.”

“Ahh, so would your mother do that to you if you were bad, kill you?”

“No.”

“Why is that?”

“Because she loves me!”

I smiled, “That’s right. She loves you very much. Just as Adonai loves you. We were created from the good sons of Noach, isn’t that what your brother said? So we were born in goodness. It is the heart that makes us do bad things if we let it control us.”

“But the heart makes us do good things too.”

“Yes, it is how we act on those thoughts that make us who we are. It’s okay to get angry. But if you hurt someone else because you are mad, then that makes the action wrong. Not the feeling.”

Tawaret nodded her head. “But what about the gods of Kemet? You have many that you worship. Would that make Adonai mad?”

I leaned in closely to her. “Who says they’re not helpers of Adonai? I like to call them angels, and they are here to help us. I ask for their help for my people. For people like you. But I must admit, my heart has always belonged to Aten. That is Adonai’s Kemtu name.”

“Aten, yes. His name was spoken by the visitors in our house often.”

My heart skipped a beat as a drummer who had lost a song’s rhythm. My voice was weak. “What visitors?”

“The people who would gather at my father’s house. They would tell stories about Adonai and pray to him. But first we would have a big dinner together. Our house was always full.”

“When are these gatherings?”

“They were usually every 7 days. Father would hang a bunch of lotuses on our door the day of the meeting. Then anyone who saw them would know to arrive midway between the peak of the sun and the sunset.”

I stood up and looked out at the horizon. The sun boat was just beginning its descent toward the western crest. When night came, the sun would disappear behind the burial place of the pharaohs.

“Thank you, Tawaret, you have given me much to think about.”

“And you will speak to my father?”

I looked down at her. Her blue eyes could melt even those who were stonehearted. I knew that if she had given me that look with a pouting lip, I would have granted her any request.

“Of course I will. And I will come to see you after we have talked. Hopefully, I will get him back in the workshops soon, and then you can see him in between your schooling.”

Tawaret jumped toward me and wrapped my waist in a tight squeeze. “Thank you, Great Queen.”

With that, she turned around and ran home. I could hear her calling out to her brother in the distance.

Tawaret had gathered with the followers of Aten? The people who were framed for my attempted murder? I had thought it a lie when Ay had spoken of them. But there were still followers.

Did they truly want me dead?

I had to find out for myself.

*****

My nervousness built up within me like the temple under construction, slowly, brick by brick. With each passing drip of the clock, my emotional wall went up further. I felt as if my anticipation did not fit inside my body anymore. Then, finally, Tia swept into my room after my morning offerings and told me she had seen the lotus flowers appear on Amyntas’s door.

We quickly made plans. There was a state dinner in honor of Pentu’s visit, my family’s former doctor and vizier of Lower Kemet. I was sure Horemheb and Ay could run things without me. So at midday, I gathered them to the throne room and told them I was feeling ill and thus would miss the night’s activities. Without question, they humbly offered to take my place.

When evening came, Tia brought me clothes that would blend us within the hired servants. I would take my linens out to the seamstresses for mending and pleating; then I would change and walk out from the palace with the rest of the common people. She had given me detailed instructions so when I began my walk through the servants’ quarters, I did not get lost.

Tia was waiting for me just outside the servants’ exit. She took my hand, and we scuttled along the dirt streets. At first, the streets wound between mansions and temples, but the housing quickly declined the deeper we got into sections of the old city. I could see mudbrick homes precariously topped with newer additions. The city was in a constant state of rebuilding, especially when the inundation rose so high washing away portions of the city with it.