The Forgotten Girl (17 page)

‘So is Rosemary,' I said. ‘She told me the same thing.'

‘Amazing,' Suze breathed. ‘It's all coming together.'

‘Except,' I pointed out. ‘There's only one job.'

I took a breath.

‘You're bound to get it,' I said. ‘Your contacts are great.'

‘You'll get it,' Suze argued. ‘You've got more writing experience and you've written for quite a few magazines now.'

‘I almost didn't tell you,' I said quietly. ‘I thought if I didn't tell you I'd have more chance.'

Suze waved her hand as though my confession meant nothing at all.

‘Oh I know,' she said. ‘I thought the same. But we're a team, right? We work together. Two heads are better than one.'

‘Rosemary said they only needed one junior writer,' I said. ‘But George reckons they might need more. If we can impress them enough.'

‘Exactly,' said Suze, dragging me across the Strand in front of the number 15 bus. ‘We'll make them see they need both of us. My contacts and your writing skills. We're a team.'

‘Rosemary said I was to write a cover letter and send some examples of my work,' I said. ‘Is that what Marcus told you?'

‘Yes,' said Suze. We paused outside the station. ‘That's easy enough to do – we can do that now and send it off. But I've been thinking about when we go and meet this Margi.'

‘Meet her?'

Suze looked impatient.

‘Yes, she'll want to meet us,' she said. ‘We'll get an interview. Of course we will.'

I grinned at her optimism.

‘So why don't we give them more?'

‘More?'

‘I thought we could do a dummy magazine – both of us together. We can mock it up with features and interviews we've already done. We've probably got enough between us to fill a whole mag and if not, we can write some more. We can write some stuff that we'd like to read – like we talked about, remember?'

I thought back to the first night in Suze's squat, when we imagined our ideal magazine, and felt a thrill run through me.

‘Do you think we can do it?' I said. ‘We've not got much time – Margi's coming to London in a month.'

‘We can definitely do it,' Suze said. ‘More than that, we have to do it. We're in the right place at the right time, Nancy. We need to grab this opportunity with both hands.

She clasped my hands.

‘This is our moment,' she said. ‘The only way to make our dreams come true is to work bloody hard and do it ourselves.'

‘It's going to be tough,' I said, half to myself. ‘I'll have to tell Billy and Dad that we're working on a project or something, so I can stay late every evening.'

Suze grinned.

‘That's the spirit,' she said.

‘I bet George would help us,' I said, warming to the idea. ‘He can help with layouts and pictures. We're good at words, but it would help to have someone arty on board.'

‘Perfect,' she said.

‘And when we send our letters this week we should both mention each other,' I pointed out. ‘If we're a team we should say so.'

Suze laughed in delight.

‘That's what I thought,' she said.

I bounced on the balls of my feet, like Suze did, feeling a surge of excitement.

‘This is it,' I said. ‘You're right, Suze. This is it.'

She flung her arms round me and squeezed.

‘A new life,' she said.

A thought struck me.

‘What will I do about Billy?' I said.

‘Just break it off,' Suze said, like she was talking about something as straightforward as making a cup of tea, not breaking an engagement and shattering Billy's heart. ‘Tell him you've met someone else and you can't marry him.'

‘Urgh,' I said. ‘You make it sound so easy.'

‘It is easy,' Suze said. ‘You won't have time to see him anyway, because we're going to be working evenings and weekends.'

She gave me a sly glance.

‘And you'll be spending lots and lots of time with George…'

I nudged her.

‘Don't,' I said. ‘Don't tease me.'

‘Lots and lots of time for talking to George,' she said, giggling. ‘And for laughing with George. And for kissing George…'

I groaned.

‘Oh goodness,' I said. ‘I need to break up with Billy.'

Suze looked at me.

‘You really do,' she said.

I looked at my watch.

‘My train,' I said. I gave her a quick hug.

‘We're a team,' I called over my shoulder as I dashed across the station to the platform. Suze gave me a thumbs up.

As I changed my clothes and wiped off my make-up in the tiny train toilet, I wondered if my days of living my double life were at an end. If I could get a job on Mode, and get a flat with Suze, everything would be so different. I imagined us working hard in the day – wearing fabulous clothes of course – and spending our nights at parties and concerts. Hanging out with pop stars and actors. Laughing with John Lennon.

‘Oh John,' I'd say. ‘I'm flattered, I really am. But I've got a boyfriend. His name's George. He's a photographer.'

It sounded perfect. It was so far away from working in the shop with Dad and marrying Billy that I almost ached with how much I wanted it. But I knew it wasn't going to be easy.

For once, though, things worked out. As it turned out, Dad's friend was a local business contact – a man called Graham, who ran a chain of estate agents. Dad may have had a drinking problem and a temper, but out of the house he could charm the birds from the trees when he wanted to. He was very good at his job and a popular member of the local businessmen's association – which was what Graham had come round to chat with him about.

Knowing Dad would want to make a good impression, I saw my chance as we sat down to eat.

‘And how is your job going,' asked Graham. ‘It's insurance, isn't it?'

I nodded, hoping he wouldn't ask me anything complicated.

‘I'm learning a lot,' I said. ‘I've actually been asked to work on an important project.'

‘What kind of project?' Dad grunted.

‘Next year's budgets,' I said. ‘Learning how to do financial projections will be very useful for when I work in the shop.'

I had no idea what a financial projection was, but I was hoping it sounded confident enough to impress Graham – and by extension, Dad.

Graham smiled.

‘It is useful,' he said. ‘But I thought you were getting married.'

I bristled.

‘Not for a while,' I said cheerfully. ‘I'm going to make myself useful to Dad first.'

I gave Dad a sweet smile and forked up some mashed potato.

‘This project is going to really change things,' I said. ‘It's going to be very hard work. I'll have to work evenings and maybe weekends too.'

‘What about the shop?' Dad said. ‘I need you at weekends.'

‘I can do both,' I said. ‘I'm not afraid of a bit of hard work.'

Graham was nodding approvingly.

‘I like a grafter,' he said. ‘You've got a good one here, Frank. Even if she is a girl.'

Dad patted my hand.

‘She's an asset, my Nancy,' he said. It was the nicest thing I'd ever heard him say about me, and it hurt to know he was only saying it to impress his friend. ‘She's got a bright future.'

Chapter 27

2016

I was almost lost for words.

‘Nancy Harrison died in 1966?' I stammered.

‘She died before the first issue came out,' Suze said.

‘How sad,' I said helplessly. I wasn't one for girly chats and outpourings of emotion and I wasn't really sure what I should be saying.

‘Do you still miss her?' I said.

Suze gave that funny little laugh again.

‘Not at all,' she said.

We both sat side by side in awkward silence for a few minutes. I was wondering how I could make my excuses and get the hell out of there – it had been a very bad idea.

‘This was a very bad idea,' Suze said suddenly, looking much older again. ‘I am sorry.'

I couldn't help myself – I started to giggle.

‘That's exactly what I was about to say,' I said. ‘A very bad idea.'

Suze giggled too.

‘Disastrous,' she said.

We were both laughing properly now.

‘I'm not sure why I thought this would be the right thing to do,' I said in between laughter, and realising I was seconds away from crying again – this job had turned me into an emotional wreck. ‘Everything else to do with Mode has been a bloody misery from the off.'

‘You don't mean that,' Suze said. ‘I heard what you said about making sacrifices.'

‘I do,' I said. ‘I mean every word. I'm even working with my bloody ex-boyfriend. Why would anyone ever think that's a good idea?'

Suze chuckled again.

‘I should probably just get on a train, go to the office and tell Lizzie that it's over,' I said, back to being morose again now our laughter had died down. ‘It makes no sense to keep the magazine going when it's inevitably going to close. It's not fair on the team.'

Suze patted my hand.

‘It's Mode,' she said.

‘Yes.'

‘Think of all the women who have read it,' she said. ‘Think of all the women who read one feature in Mode over the years and recognised themselves, or their situation, or their hopes and dreams.'

‘I was one of them, once,' I said.

‘And your dream was to edit the magazine,' Suze pointed out. ‘And now you're doing it. Surely you're not just going to give up?'

Supple as a snake, she suddenly slid off the sofa and sat cross-legged on the floor beside the coffee table.

I blinked in surprise.

‘I always used to work on the floor,' she said. ‘When we were starting out, we'd spread all our features on the floor. I always thought it was the best way – so we could see what fitted together.'

‘You and the team at Mode?' I asked, settling down next to her.

‘No,' she said. ‘Before I got the job. When it was just me and…'

She paused then she smiled at me.

‘Just me and Nancy,' she said.

She was quiet for a second, then she clapped her hands and made me jump.

‘Right,' she said. ‘Show me what you've got.'

While Suze made yet more tea, I carefully laid out photocopies of the features from the 1966 edition of Mode across her cream carpet. Then we talked through each one, discussing how it could be brought up to date and how we could approach them. I jotted down all the ideas on Post-it notes and stuck them on each page.

Eventually, Suze and I stood and looked at the pulled-apart magazines, mugs in hand, and sighed.

‘Oh. My. God.' I said. ‘I've got so much to do.'

I felt hopeless. Relaunching the mag was a huge job. I couldn't possibly pull it off in the time we had.

I looked at Suze, expecting her to look horrified at the sheer scale of what we were attempting, but she didn't. Her cheeks were flushed and she looked excited.

‘It's too much,' I said.

‘It's difficult,' Suze agreed, bouncing on her toes like a little girl. ‘But it's not impossible. Not at all. It's going to be a lot of fun.'

‘You think?' I was doubtful.

‘I know,' she said. ‘I've done this before, remember? Working on the first issue of Mode was one of the best experiences of my life. There was no rulebook – we were writing the rulebook. It was just so much fun.'

I rolled my eyes.

‘Well, unfortunately, I've got a rulebook,' I said, but Suze was already shaking her head.

‘You don't,' she said. ‘You don't.'

She clutched my arm in excitement.

‘Because you can't make things any worse,' she said.

I grimaced.

‘Thanks for reminding me.'

‘No, this is brilliant,' she said. ‘It feels good when you've got nothing left to lose.'

I started to catch on to what she was saying.

‘If I do nothing – change nothing – Mode will close,' I said slowly. ‘So doing anything at all has to be better than that.'

‘Exactly,' Suze said, her face flushed with triumph. ‘So take some risks. Do whatever you want to do. Rewrite the bloody rule book that we wrote in 1966.'

I started to feel her enthusiasm rubbing off on me.

‘No one had ever done a feature on illegal abortions,' Suze said. ‘Obviously the papers had covered it in a kind of po-faced way, but no one had ever spoken to the real women who were out there, having abortions and risking their lives in the process. We did.'

I nodded.

‘We did a feature about sex,' she went on. ‘Actual sex. In a time when women weren't really supposed to enjoy it. A year or so later we did lots of features about being gay – when the law on homosexuality changed. We were breaking rules left, right and centre. People wrote whole newspaper articles about how we were proving that the moral code of Britain was in decline. Our editor had to go on the news, more than once, to defend what we were doing. But we kept doing it.'

I couldn't imagine going on Newsnight to tell Kirsty Wark why I published a feature on abortion, but I did feel butterflies at the thought of breaking rules and making our mark on British culture.

‘Okay then,' I said, let's do this.

I ended up spending the whole morning and quite a lot of the afternoon with Suze as we pulled apart and re-imagined every feature in the 1966 issue. She was full of ideas and surprisingly clued-up on current trends in magazines. She was less savvy with digital plans but once I'd explained how the magazine fed into the website and vice versa, she was totally on board.

‘What about the cover?' she said. ‘We used models in those days, but it's all celebrities now.'