“Seriously? For all that time?”
Raven looked at the clock. She’d been gone for well over an hour.
“I, uh," she stuttered.
“I want to know everything!” Ava said excitedly. “After an hour, the girls left. I’ve been waiting up, dying to know if you fucked him.”
Raven felt dirty. It was true she went to Beck for that, but she wasn’t intending to feel bad about it afterwards. Especially because it didn’t feel like that’s what happened.
“I didn’t fuck him.” She replied, shaking her head.
“Then what? What took so long? Don’t tell me it took that long to blow him.”
“God, Ava! I didn’t blow him!” Raven whisper shouted. “I just didn’t fuck him.”
“Then what did you do?” she asked, glancing to the underwear in her hands.
There was no getting away from it. She had to tell Ava something, or she wouldn’t get any rest.
“I don’t know what that was, but it wasn’t fucking.”
Raven sat on her bed and told Ava about how she got there and the conversation before anything happened. She didn’t want to spill too many details but when it came to the part where they had sex, she was hesitant to tell.
“Come on, Ray. You can tell me. You know I won’t say anything.”
Raven breathed deeply and sighed.
“I don’t know, Ay. I thought he was going to just go for it and that’d be it, but he…” she paused, remembering every touch and kiss he placed on her skin. The way his lips brushed against hers as he spoke her name then told her to come.
Her face flushed.
“He what..?” Ava asked, sitting forward in anticipation. “What did he do? Did he hurt you?” she asked angrily.
“What? No! God, no.” Raven assured her. “He took his time. He… held my hands as he… you know.”
Ava put her hands over her mouth and made a look that said ‘aww’.
“I thought he was just holding them down so I couldn’t touch him anymore but… he stroked my hands with his fingers. He wasn’t pinning them, Ay; he was holding them.”
Raven went on to describe how their bodies had connected the whole time, how he’d allowed her to put her hands on him, how his lips moved over her body and touched hers when he said her name.
“Get the fuck out! He was seriously that close to you?”
Raven nodded, flushing again. “Yeah.”
“Ray, he doesn’t let anybody get close to him or touch him; especially his face, let alone an ‘accidental brush’,” Ava said, holding her fingers up for emphasis. “He never breaks his own rules. I think he likes you; a lot.”
“No he doesn’t." Raven shook her head dismissing Ava’s suggestion. “I think he did it, thinking that he’d be able to get me to want something more from him, by having
me
think that’s what
he
wanted. Then when it comes to it, he’d shoot me down and say it was the ‘full experience’.”
“You really think that?”
“I don’t know, Ay. All I do know is that when he went into the bathroom, I got out of there fast.”
“You just left?”
“Yes.”
“Did he tell you to leave?”
“Well, no, but…”
“What
exactly
did he say?”
Raven rubbed her forehead with her fingertips. She suddenly regretted leaving like that, but she wasn’t going to hang around for the awkward goodbye afterwards.
Ava closed her eyes when Raven told her what Beck had said before she rushed out.
“What are you thinking?” She asked when Ava shook her head.
“I’m thinking that he wanted you to stick around,” she replied. Raven snorted a laugh. “I’m serious, Ray. What he said… he wasn’t telling you to leave. He was telling you to wait while he took care of it.”
Oh fuck.
Raven felt as if she’d been kicked in the stomach. Even if he only wanted her to stay to say goodbye, she’d still left without a word.
*****
“Raven!” Leila and Kerry rushed over to where she and Ava were busy grabbing breakfast.
She groaned knowing they wanted details and also the fact that when she sat down, the throbbing between her legs increased, reminding her of where Beck had been the night before.
“Hi girls!” Raven replied as happily as she could through her fake smile. She still felt like crap for walking out.
“So…” Leila began, shuffling into a seat, keeping her voice low. “We wanna hear your version.”
“Excuse me?” Raven almost choked on her blueberry muffin in surprise. The news had gotten out already. Beck must have informed people of his victory.
I’m going to be the talk of campus!
“Well, Beck’s keeping quiet.” Kerry added, confusing the hell out of Raven. “We knew you went there, and we never told, but another guy saw you going into the dorms. He told some people that you went to see Beck.”
“Oh God, “Raven groaned, “what did he say?”
“Well, when he was asked if he fucked you, he said no.”
Raven didn’t say anything in reply. She was surprised that Beck denied it. He wasn’t one for letting
that
information slide by.
“When the guy left, I asked Beck to his face,” Leila said with a nod. “I said that we knew you went over. He said ‘I didn’t fuck Raven’.”
“So what happened?” Kerry asked, frowning. “You went over and nothing happened?”
Raven cheeks flushed bright red. She could feel the heat radiating out from her face.
“Did you give him a blow?” Leila whispered.
“No I didn’t!” Raven whisper shouted.
It didn’t make sense as to why Beck insisted that they hadn’t done anything, unless he didn’t want anybody to know. She was grateful but also, in some twisted part of her mind, she wanted to know why.
After all the times he’d joked about it, he never said a word?
Ava looked jumpy next to her, and Raven knew she was itching to tell.
The look in her eyes said ‘please?’ Raven knew she wouldn’t tell without her there, but she felt bad confirming something that Beck didn’t want anybody to know about.
Fuck him. If he’s embarrassed that he slept with me, then he knows how it felt when he was telling people he would get in my pants eventually.
“I slept with him.” She said, the girls opened their mouths wide. “But it wasn’t like how the others said.”
“What did he do? Did he get nasty? Did he want to spank you?”
“Kerry! No he didn’t! Fuck!” Raven couldn’t believe what Kerry had said.
“Then what? Did he want to use toys?”
“Jesus, Leila!”
“So what then?” Kerry asked, all three pairs of eyes staring at her, waiting for her to tell. One set already knew but was just as eager to hear it again.
“Did he go slow?” Kerry added with a snort. Raven’s silence confirmed it. “Holy shit! That’s it, isn’t it? He went slow and gentle and that’s why he said he didn’t fuck you.”
“Awww!” The three girls chorused.
“Don’t read too much into it. It’s not like it’s going to be all hearts and flowers. It’s not going to be repeated, so I don’t want to talk about it.”
The three girls passed a look to each other that looked like they knew something else, but Raven wasn’t about to ask.
She’d lost her appetite and got up to leave.
She’d gotten almost back to her dorm building when a body stepped in front of her.
“Why did you leave?”
Beck, shit.
“I didn’t need to stay,” she replied, not looking at him. She was afraid of what she’d see if she did.
“I didn’t
ask
you to leave,”
he said, and she could tell from his tone that he was pissed.
“You didn’t ask me to
stay
either,” she countered. “I thought it was best to just go and save the awkwardness of afterwards.”
“The only awkwardness was when I got out of the bathroom to see my door closing.”
Raven risked looking up to his face. Sure enough, she saw fire in his eyes.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t think you’d care. We had sex; I left. Isn’t that what
you
usually do after?” Raven felt terrible after saying that when Beck’s eyes closed, and his lips pursed.
“This was different,” he practically growled at her, and she didn’t like it.
“How so? Isn’t that something you do on a daily basis?” she fired back.
His nostrils flared. That comment had stung. He swallowed and composed himself.
“Raven, we didn’t fuck last night,” he began, checking that nobody could overhear them. “I know what fucking is and that’s not it. I never wanted to do that to you. The others… they used me as much as I used them. You… I never wanted to use you.”
Raven took a sharp breath and held it tight.
“What
did
you want?” she asked, her breath shaky.
“It doesn’t matter,” he shrugged. “But I’ll give you this, Raven. Last night will be our little secret. I won’t tell anybody even though I’ve no doubt Ava already knows.”
Raven flushed that he knew she would’ve told Ava the details. Of course she would. They were friends and roommates after all.
“Of course she knows,” she replied, not telling him that Kerry and Leila did too.
“Does she know every little detail? Of how I made you hold your breath when I sucked on your nipples,” he said, getting closer to her.
“How you moaned as I put my hands on you. How you whimpered when I put my fingers in you. How you cried out when my dick was inside you, over and over? How you whispered my name? How your body shook and you gripped my hands when I made you come?” He whispered the last part into her ear. Raven felt as though her legs were going to give out. He hadn’t touched her, and yet just replaying their night had her wanting more.
She inhaled deeply, and his clean smell invaded her nostrils making her dizzy.
All too soon he stood back.
“We’ll just pretend nothing happened,” he growled.
Raven looked into his eyes, and they were cold. She’d seen him pissed before, but he looked way beyond that.
Beck walked away, leaving Raven a horny mess where she stood.
*****
“I feel like a complete bitch!” Raven cried into her pillow as Ava rubbed her back.
“I’m sure everything will be fine, Ray. Just give it time.”
“Ay, you didn’t see his face. He was so angry with me. Worse than when he thought my flowers were from a boyfriend.”
Raven turned her face to look at the flowers that had begun to wilt. Just like her emotional wellbeing.
She felt as though she had hurt Beck somehow. She didn’t understand how she would, considering his past actions, but it was there in his eyes. The way he growled at her and the way he dropped his head when he walked away from her.
‘We’ll just pretend nothing happened’
His words echoed in her mind. That wasn’t like Beck. Ok, he never bragged about his conquests, the girls were too quick to, but he’d never denied what he’d done.
To pretend their night hadn’t happened was another kick to her already delicate stomach.
“I think he’ll be fine. Just give it time,” Ava said, trying to soothe her.
“I’m going to see him in class tomorrow!” she sobbed. “He sits next to me.”
“Honey, I have to confess something,” Ava whispered, sitting back.
Raven sat up, wiped her tear stained face and stared at Ava. She looked guilty as hell, and remorseful too.
“What is it?” Raven hiccuped.
“We goaded you; the girls and I. We made a lot of that stuff up last night to get you to do something.”
“Excuse me?”
“We don’t want to sleep with Beck, honey. We knew that you were struggling with your feelings for him. Damn, we’ve known for a long time. We could see it every time you spoke to him. You flushed every time he spoke to you, regardless of what he said.”
Knowing her friends had figured it out before her had Raven wanting to hide under her covers. So she did.
“Don’t you dare hide,” Ava said, pulling the covers back. “Like I said, we made stuff up. We’ve never heard any girl being that descriptive about Beck and, to be honest, we almost gave up when you stood up and said you were going to have sex with him.”
Raven felt the hot tears roll down her face. Her friends had played her right into his hands.
“How could you do that to me?” she whispered through her tears.
“You like him, Ray. You like him a lot. You just needed that little push to see it for yourself,” she smiled, pushing Raven’s hair back. “We knew you were attracted to his looks, you’d be blind not to be, but we knew for sure you felt more when your dad sent you the flowers. It was killing you that he would be angry with himself. I’m pretty sure you didn’t care as much that he was angry with you.”
Ava had hit the nail on the proverbial head. Raven cared more about his feelings than her own.
“I don’t know what to do,” Raven said. “I can’t face him now.”
“Yes you can, and you will.”
“Don’t you have to be somewhere?” Raven asked, remembering Ava mentioning some study session.
“I can stay here with you. That’s not as important as my friend.”
“Go,” Raven sniffed. “I’ll be fine.”
“Are you sure?”
Raven nodded. “Yes, but could you bring me something later? I don’t want to go to the main hall today.”
“You got it.” Ava stood and made her way to the door. “One more thing,” Ava continued with another guilty expression. “I’ve not been studying with Lenny I’ve been sleeping with Donnie,” she said quickly, not giving Raven time to reply before she was out the door.
“What?”
Raven shrieked.
That was just great. Her best friend had been sleeping with the enemy’s best friend.
It made perfect sense as she thought about it.
All the times Ava was ‘studying’ with Lenny. The pink in her cheeks when she said that’s where she was headed. The times when Ava wasn’t around, and neither was Donnie.
Her phone beeped, and she picked it up.
It was Ava.
A: I’m sorry to tell you like that. We never discussed your thing with Beck, I promise. I told him that wasn’t a topic for discussion.
R: It’s ok, I had a feeling you weren’t studying with Lenny. I’m happy if you’re happy.
A: Really? That means a lot, Ray. We’ve been seeing each other since we got back. I wanted to tell you, but with him being friends with Beck…