Authors: Emma Hart
I grab a beer from the cooler in the kitchen and head into the front room, taking a seat in the corner with Aston and Ryan. Neither say anything. What can they say? We're all expecting Maddie to turn up tonight with the girls. Megan and Lila will drag her along because Lila's fed up with the – and I quote – 'goddamn miserable look on her face all the damn time.'
I guess we're both gonna be forced here tonight because I'd rather be anywhere but here.
I take a mouthful of beer and swallow it heavily, just waiting. I don't know what I'm waiting for.
Maybe I'm waiting for her pretty green eyes to meet mine. Maybe I'm waiting to hear her laugh and see her smile again. Maybe I'm waiting for a moment I can approach her – in a totally non-caveman way – and just.... See her. Without the shouting about how shit my life is without her. I can do without that, and she probably can too.
The house fills up as the guys and I sit in silence. I don't touch the beer again. I have no desire to get drunk tonight. The only desire I have is-
laughing in the kitchen.
Fuck.
That sound - it cuts me to the core.
Ryan is looking at me sympathetically, and Aston isn't even looking at me. I drop my eyes to the floor and twist my untouched beer bottle between my fingers. How can I enjoy this stupid fucking party when the only person who makes it enjoyable is laughing on the other side of the room? It was one thing being here without her and letting it pass me by, but knowing she's here
.... Knowing that makes me hypersensitive to her.
She laughs again, and I grit my teeth, turning sharply to look at her. She's standing next to Kyle. His arm is around her shoulders. What the fuck?
Maddie glances up quickly. Her green eyes meet mine for a split second - long enough for me to see the complete sadness there. I might be the reason she's so damn sad, but I'll be fucked if I'm letting that punk comfort
my
girl. I slam the bottle on the table and cross the room in a few quick strides.
“Excuse me,” I say, even though I don't care.
I take Maddie's arm and pull her away from Kyle, ignoring his cry of protest, and yank her through the room.
“Braden, let go of me!” she cries, trying to loosen my grip on her. “Braden! You're being an asshole!”
“Fuck this!” I stop and grab her waist, hoisting her over my shoulder. She squeaks out a scream and begins to smack me in the back, wriggling and kicking me for all she's worth as I carry her upstairs.
“Let go of me! You're being a caveman again!” she yells.
I shove my bedroom door open, walk through and deposit her inside. Turning, I slam the door shut, pocketing the key.
I turn to her, trying to stay calm. “That's because you're mine, and I'm not watching you laughing with him down there! You don't belong to him, Maddie! You never have and you never fucking will!”
“I. Am. Not. Yours!” she hisses, pointing at me. “I may have belonged to you once, but I don't anymore! Remember that?”
“If that's what you wanna believe, Angel, then you believe it.”
“It's not what I believe! I know it!”
“See those eyes, Maddie?” I cross the room, stop in front of her and look down at her. “They tell me a different story, so why don't we give up the game?”
“The game has been played,” she says acidly. “We both won, Braden, and now it's over.” She sighs. “I don't know what I'm supposed to say to you. Regardless of how either of us feel.... It's over.
We
are over. I'm not yours anymore. Do you get that? I'm. Not. Yours!”
“But I'm yours!” I grab her face and tilt her head back, making her eyes crash into mine. “I'm yours, Maddie. I always have been, and I always will be. Yours. Do you get that? Do. You. Get. That? I'll always be yours!”
Her lips part slightly, but she says nothing.
“Huh?” I prompt her. “Fight it all you want, Maddie. When it comes to me and you, we'll always belong to each other. Whether you like it or not, I. Am. Yours.”
Inside, my body is in overdrive. My heart is pounding, my blood is rushing through my body, and adrenaline is filling every spot possible. I'm so angry – yet I'm so broken and I want him.
Outside, I'm frozen to the spot.
“No,” I say, looking away from him.
“Yes.” His voice is begging me to believe him, to believe he still wants me.
That he loves me.
“We both played the game,” he says softly. “Both of us, Maddie. We both had the same goal, and we both achieved it. Don't you get it yet? I fell in love with you, Angel. I'm still in fucking love with you. What did you think would happen? Did you think I'd just let you walk right on out of my life like you were nothing?”
I nod.
“Shit, Maddie!” He lets go of me and turns, rubbing his face. A tear drips from my eye. “Did you really fucking think that? That I'd let you go from everything to nothing? 'Cause that's what you are. That's what you have been. Everything. You're fucking everything.”
He steps towards me and cups my face again. He pulls my face up until my tear-filled eyes meet his unusually dusky blue
ones.
“Maybe this is what I should have said the other day. You know I'm no good with dating. I had to look on Google for where to take you for our second date, for fuck sake.” I smile a little. “I'm no good at this, Maddie. I've messed up big time and it probably won't be the last. Maybe shouting at you about how crap my life is without you wasn't my smartest move, but damn it
.... I'm so lost without you around. I can't let this go, Maddie, and I'm not going to. You can run all you like, but I'll catch up with you every time, and when I do I'm gonna try and prove to you how right we are together.”
A tear drops from my eye, and he dips his head, kissing it away. He rests the side of his forehead against mine.
“I love you, Angel. I can't stand there and watch you with Kyle acting like everything is all right, 'cause it ain't. The only way it can be all right is if you're by my side. In some fucked up way, me and you, we're perfect for each other.”
I half-laugh, half-sob. “I don't care about Kyle. Not like that. He knows that.”
Tears spill from my eyes and Braden pulls me close. My arms wrap around his waist and my face presses into his hard chest.
“I love you,” I whisper through my tears. “But I'm scared, Bray, I'm scared everything I think I know about us is wrong. I'm scared that maybe it's always gonna go wrong.”
“I'm not Pearce,” he says into my ear. “I'm not him. I'm never gonna hurt you, control you or lie to you. Anymore,” he adds about the lying.
“We both did that. We both lied. We were both wrong,” I admit sadly.
“It brought you to me, Maddie. Something that does that can never be wrong.”
I look up at him, and he brushes his lips against mine. I stand on my tiptoes and kiss him a little harder.
“Mine, Maddie.” His blue eyes are clearing, the electric blue I know so well returning. “You will always be mine.” He wipes the tears from my cheeks softly.
“Yours,” I agree with no other choice. I can't ever see another choice. My hands move and I grip his collar pulling his face to mine. I graze his bottom lip between my teeth. “But that means you're mine.”
“Are you going cavewoman on me?” He smirks slowly.
I smile, the first genuine smile since I saw my Dad. “Me, Maddie. Braden, mine.” I kiss him again.
His arms circle my back, and we move sideways towards the bed. I spin us and push him back onto the mattress. I fall on top of him and straddle him, my dress rising up my thighs. Braden's hands stroke my thighs, his thumbs probing the insides of them.
I sink my fingers into his hair and hold on tightly, kissing him for all it's worth.
My past doesn't matter. It may always haunt me, and I know it'll always be in my mind and my heart, but I can't let it control me anymore. If I let it control me, it'll control my relationship.
We might not be forever. Our first love might not be our last. I can't predict where we'll be five, ten, even fifteen years from now, but I can't let my past rule my future. My past has shaped me into the person I am today, and knowing that means I can let go of all of my doubts and hold onto what I have. I can let go of my thoughts of my brother and hold onto Braden as tight as he'll let me.
Because, sometimes, letting go is the key to holding on.
In the two days since I dragged Maddie back to my room in a move that would put Fred Flintstone to shame, she’s barely left my side. Brooklyn was too far – too fuckin’ far – and I’ll be damned if I’m giving her the chance to escape again.
Paranoid? Probably, but when you have it, you have it. And I have it.
The door clicks open, and Maddie comes flying in. She launches herself on the bed and sits in front of me, grinning at me like a madwoman. Her eyes are shining, her cheeks are flushed, and her hair is mussed. It makes me think about us just having sex, and I grab her waist and lie back, settling her on top of me.
“Guess what?” she says, excitement and happiness threaded in her tone.
“What?”
“I just spoke to Jayne – oh, that’s Abbi’s nurse – and she said that Abbi asked to join in with a group activity yesterday!”
I slide my arms around her waist, and she kisses me firmly.
“That’s good, right?” I double check. Hell, I have no idea.
Maddie nods, her hair bouncing with the movement. The ends tickle my face and I sniff a little. “It’s amazing,” she squeals. “It means she’s broken through whatever wall was holding her back, whatever was keeping her lost inside her mind and her memories. Their hope now is she’ll start talking more to her doctor, and they can really help her.”
Her excitement and happiness is infectious, but I can see the shadow of sadness in her eyes. “Hey,” I say softly, trailing my fingers up her spine. “You know you couldn’t stop what happened to her. You already saved her life, Angel, and you going to Brooklyn probably saved it again without you even realising you were doing it.”
She breathes in deeply, and her lips curl up slightly. “It’s scary how well you know me.”
“Not scary.” I grin. “Totally natural if you’re in love.”
“Oh, in love are we?” she mocks, raising an eyebrow. I growl playfully at her and flip us over so she’s lying under me.
“Yes.
In
love.” I look down into her green eyes as they search my face, and I dip my head so my lips press against hers. She tastes sweet, and chocolate chips linger on her tongue as she flicks it against my mouth.
“Fuckin’ Starbucks,” I mutter. “You spend more time there than you do anywhere else.”
Her eyebrows shoot upwards. “Oh, because I’ve spent absolutely no time in this bed in the last forty-eight hours. I haven’t skipped three classes and missed an assignment deadline or anything, have I?”
My cheeks twitch as I fight the grin wanting to break out. I brush my nose up her cheek. “It’s not my fault. I was having so much fun I forgot to tell you we had to go to class.”
“You forgot, did you?”
“Absolutely.” I kiss her again, and she sinks her fingers into my hair.
“Thank you,” she whispers.
“What for?”
“Always making me feel better. You’re a total pig-”
“Hey!”
“But you’re the best kind of pig.” The smile on her face wins me over, and goddamn, I know I’ll never be able to stay mad at her.
“I guess that’s a compliment.”
“Oh, it is.” She nods. She bucks her hips so I fall off her, and gets up.
I reach forward, grabbing her waist, and pull her back down. “Where are you going?”
Maddie slaps my hands. “I’m going somewhere where I’ll see something other than these four walls and the underside of your sheets, Braden Carter.”
“Nothing wrong with the underside of my sheets,” I grumble as she gets up.
“I never said there was.” She opens the door. “But you should know that Aston was making sexy eyes at Megan when I came up.”
“What the hell is Megan doing here at this time of the morning?” I sit up. Making sexy eyes?
“Okay, one, its ten a.m., and two…” She laughs a little. “Megan is always here at this time of the morning. Don’t ask why, but she is. You just don’t usually drag your ass out of bed till gone lunch.”
I grin wolfishly. “Why would I get out of bed when you’re usually in it?”
She shoots me a look, hiding her smile. “Just move your ass before Aston sweet talks his way into Megan’s pants.”
“Over my dead fuckin’ body!” I jump from the bed, and she laughs as she shuts the door. “Tell her she better be on the opposite side of the room from that son of a bitch when I get down there, or I’ll go caveman on
his
ass!”
I hear her laughter down the hall, and I yank some jeans on. I shove a shirt over my head, and follow her out. She’s standing at the bottom of the stairs, looking over her shoulder. She winks, and disappears around the corner into the kitchen.
I run down the stairs, my feet barely touching the steps, and slide across the floor into the kitchen. I stop at the doorframe and lean against it casually. Maddie smirks at me across the room, hugging a cup of coffee. I grin at her a little, and notice Megan sat next to her. Aston is at the other end of the bar in the kitchen.
But he’s looking at Meggy.
I knock him on the back of the head as I pass him, and snatch Megan’s toast from her hand. She stares at me open-mouthed.
“Excuse me,” she sputters.
“You’re excused.” I grin, and rip a bite of toast off. I lean against Maddie, and she rolls her eyes. Megan looks at her.
“What?” Maddie shrugs. “He’s already stolen it. What do you expect me to do? He’s like a big kid.”
I poke her side. Megan looks at me, smiling.
“She’s got your number, Bray,” she says happily.
I glance over at Aston and back to her. The smile slowly drops from her face and she coughs a little. I lean in closer, and crook my finger for her to move in.
“And I’ve got yours, Meggy,” I warn her quietly. “Aston might be one of my best friends, but if he so much as blows a goddamn kiss in your direction, I’ll kick his sorry ass.”
“It may have escaped your notice, but I’m more than capable of taking care of myself, Bray,” she says through clenched teeth. “I appreciate it, really, I do, but if I want to get involved with someone, I will.”
“But that someone won’t be a guy with a dick bigger than his brains.”
Maddie sighs, and pushes me back. “For God sake, Braden. Who’s said Megan is going to sleep with Aston? He hasn’t. She hasn’t.”
“But you said he was making sexy eyes at her!”
Megan’s lips curl upwards. “Aston makes sexy eyes at himself when he looks in the mirror. He’s a pretty boy.”
“You sayin’ I’m not a man, Megan?” Aston calls over.
Megan looks up, her eyes wide with innocence. “Would I ever?”
“You know, if you were anyone other than Braden’s adopted sister, you’d be slung over my shoulder right now.” The guys around him holler.
“Really?” Megan twirls some hair around her finger, and all eyes are on her. “I might have liked that. Shame.”
I look at her in shock, and Maddie sniggers into her hand.
“You would have liked what would happen upstairs even more, babe.” Aston winks. I turn, glaring at him.
“Keep it in your fuckin’ pants or lose it, dude,” I threaten.
He looks at Megan and back to me. “I’m pretty attached to my dick, so I think I’ll keep it in my pants. Only where she’s concerned though.”
Megan’s lips purse. “You’re a pig, Aston.”
“They all are,” Maddie mutters, smiling innocently at me. I half-grin at her.
“You know,” I say quietly, putting my arm around her as the conversation starts back up and Megan disappears into the yard. “I’m a little wary about going to my parent’s house next weekend. There’s no telling what would happen without me being here and keeping an eye on her.”
“Are you her best friend, or her Dad?” Maddie looks at me knowingly. “You care about her, and I love that, I do, but you gotta let her have her fun. Let her make mistakes. Besides,” she glances at Aston. “He’s not a bad mistake to make…”
“Maddie,” I growl.
“I’m just sayin’.” She grins. “He won’t do anything. He respects your friendship.”
“It’s not him I’m worried about. It’s Megan I don’t trust.”
Maddie reaches up and touches a hand to my cheek. “Don’t. Let her be Megan. Then, if anyone fucks her around, you can go alpha-caveman-protective-big-bro on their ass. Okay?”
I pause.
“
Okay?
” she says forcefully.
I grit my teeth, and damn this love shit, because this girl has me wrapped around her little finger and then some. “Fine,” I grind out. “I will let Megan make her own mistakes.”
“Do you mean that?”
“Yes. I will try not to be so alpha-caveman whatever it was on her.”
Maddie moves her hand from my cheek and replaces it with her lips. “You’re making the right decision, Bray. You can’t protect her forever.”
My eyes find Aston again, and I watch him steadily. His back is turned, and he’s joking around with the guys. He’s got more charm than a group of snake charmers, and I’ve seen the shit he’s caused in the last couple of months with girls. The idea of that happening to Megan…
I look back at Maddie, meeting her beautiful green eyes. “That’s exactly what I’m afraid of.”
THE END.