Authors: Emma Hart
~
My heart is in complete contradiction of itself. Lying here in Aston’s arms, half of it is lighter than it’s been in the last few weeks. The lightness comes from the truth being told. But the other half is heavy, like a lead weight is holding it down and pinning it to the ground.
I shift, and Aston’s grip on me tightens. I run my fingers through his hair, smoothing it back from his face, and study him. Now he looks like he’s at peace. The lines on his forehead I’ve seen so many times are now completely smooth, his mouth is slightly open, and his breathing is even and steady.
But his peace has come at the torment of my best friend – who’s somewhere in this house, probably awake. He’ll be hating himself for being mad at me, happy I found the love he has, and guilty I felt like I couldn’t tell him.
In fact he won’t be at the house. I know exactly where he’ll be.
I climb out of bed, and there’s a light knock at the door. Crap. I grab one of Aston’s shirts from the back of his chair, throw it over my head and open the door a crack. Lila’s face stares back at me.
“I ran back to the dorm room to get you some clothes. I knew you didn’t have any and you’d be up now.” She holds out a bag.
“Thank you,” I say quietly.
“Hey – you don’t need to thank me. I don’t wanna be you today. Braden isn’t even here; he left Maddie a note on her cell that he needed an hour. She gets it but has no idea where he is.”
“That’s why you got me clothes.”
She laughs into her hand. “Partly. I know it’s no good all of us going and searching for him – I mean, he could be anywhere, right? You’re the one person who will find him.”
I nod. “I know where he’ll be. Tell Mads not to worry; I’ll find him. Thanks for bringing this, Li.”
She smiles and walks down the hall to Ryan’s room. I close the door behind me and turn to see Aston’s gray eyes staring at me hotly. I ignore the feeling that sweeps my body and hold up the bag.
“Lila got me clothes.”
“If I didn’t just hear that Braden’s disappeared and you’re the only person who knows where he is, I’d go and give those damn clothes back to her.” He props himself up on his elbow, his eyes locked to the top of my thighs where the hem of his shirt falls.
“You would?” I ask innocently, walking over to the bed.
“Fucking right I would.” He grabs my arm and pulls me toward him. I land half on him, half on the bed, and his hands creep beneath the shirt, his fingers tracing inside the line of my panties. “I would absolutely say you should sleep in my shirt, but there’s a slim chance of any sleep actually happening if you did.”
“I don’t think I would complain,” I say against his mouth, brushing lips with him.
He kisses me hard, and at a shift of his hips his erection pushes into my bare thigh through the covers. I run my fingers through his hair and break the kiss, grinning down at him.
“I need to go find Bray.”
“I know,” he replies softly. “It’s not fair on Maddie either now. Shit. We’ve made a mess of this, haven’t we?”
I sit up, running my fingertips down his arm to the palm of his hand. He catches my fingers with his, linking them together.
“Yeah. We have. There’s no point lying about it, but honestly, regardless of when we told him it would have happened. He still would have been angry and needed to cool off. We know we shouldn’t have kept us a secret and we should have told him a long time ago, but there’s nothing we can do about that now. It was wrong, and now I need to go and speak to him and make it right.”
“He’s a stubborn ass. How do you know he’ll talk to you?”
I smile, shrugging one shoulder. “Because if he wanted to talk to anyone else, he wouldn’t have gone to where only I would know where to look for him.”
~
“I wondered how long it would take you.”
The wind coming in off the bay whips my hair around my face, leaving me to battle it constantly. “Longer than it should have,” I respond, hopping up onto the rock next to Braden. I shove my hair from my face again.
He says nothing and shrugs his shoulders, looking out across the choppy water. His thumbs flick against each other, his feet tapping to an invisible beat. I know him well enough to know he’s thinking about what to say, so I keep quiet, waiting for him to make the first move.
“I understand why you did it,” he says after a moment of silence. “I mean, why you kept it secret. I don’t understand why you’d sleep with that ass.”
I glance at him and catch the twitching of his lips. “Umm … He’s hot?” I offer, trying not to grin. Turning his face away, Braden bites the inside of his cheek. I look down.
“Yeah, well, I guess if you have to be with some fucker, it should be a fucker I actually like.”
“You’ll never like anyone I date.” I rest my head on his shoulder, and he puts his arms round mine the way we used to whenever we chatted. Before we left for college. Before games started.
“True,” he agrees. “But I can’t completely hate Aston because I liked him before, so I’m fucked. Although I gotta admit I never imagined you with him. I imagined you with some rich bastard driving a soft top car, spending your days racing down the interstates between L.A. and New York for fancy dinners.”
Laughter explodes from me, and I cover my mouth as Braden shakes next to me, laughing himself.
“Right – because I absolutely have the manners and patience for that, don’t I? Puh-lease, Bray, give me some credit.” I nudge his side, still giggling slightly. “And have you forgotten your mom’s charity do thing? We had to Google which fork to use because no one told us the proper etiquette. They all assumed two fourteen year olds knew that sort of thing.”
“And when we came here I had to Google dating,” he muses. “Damn. We drew some short straws, didn’t we?”
“I think it’s because you were always in trouble, so by default I was too.” I smile and sit up slightly. “I really am sorry, Bray. I never wanted to keep it from you. It was just supposed to be once and everything kind of snowballed, then before I knew it, it was too far to do anything. The longer I left it the harder it got to find the words to tell you. It makes me a total shit, and believe me when I say I feel like an utter bitch because I do. It’s hurt you so much.”
“I get it, Megs. Sorta. It makes me feel like shit you couldn’t tell me, but I’d probably have done the same if I was you. But I wouldn’t have gotten caught.” He grins.
“I wanted to get caught.” I shrug. “At least I think I did. If you caught us I wouldn’t have had to come out and explain it because you would have guessed.”
“You always were the wimp.”
“Hey!”
“Aston is a jackass, Megs, I know that. But he loves you. I didn’t think it was fucking possible, but he does.” He pauses for a moment. “Then again this is you. You could turn a gay guy straight if you really wanted to.”
“Well … I bet I could give it a good go.”
“Good luck. Aston will kick his ass, gay or not. If he’s anything like me he will.”
“When it comes to being an overprotective asswipe? Yep, pretty much exactly the same.”
Braden laughs slightly, then sighs. “I’m sorry, too, Meggy.”
“What for? I’m the one who lied.”
He turns his face toward mine, blue eyes meeting blue eyes. “Because I was so wrapped up in what I thought was best for you I forgot to stop and ask what
you
wanted. I was so fuckin’ set on keeping you away from any of the walking, talking dicks in the frat house I didn’t realize the best thing for you was right under my damn nose the whole time.”
“He never made it easy.” My voice softens slightly. “Part of the reason I never told you was because he might not say it but he needs you and Ry. He needs the banter and friendship you provide him. It gives him security. I meant what I said when I said you don’t know him like I do. It’s not for me to tell you – I won’t betray him that way – but the guy you know isn’t the one I know. You just have to trust me when I say he’s what’s best. You know the heart doesn’t lie, Bray, and my heart tells me he’s what’s best for me. My heart tells me he’s all I’m ever gonna need, no matter how hard it gets.”
“And that’s why I can’t be mad. No matter how much I want to be. I trust you, girl. Sometimes I have to ask myself why, but it’s no damn good arguing with your stubborn ass.”
“You taught me well.”
“Too fucking well.” He stretches and stands up, putting his hands on my waist and hoisting me up. He slings his arm over my shoulders. “Come on, then. I ran out on my girlfriend this morning and I have to go threaten some pretty-boy ass.”
I shake my head as we jump from the rock, smiling. No good fighting it.
He still needs to be macho-man big bro.
The rough bark of the tree digs into my back. Apart from with Megan, outside is the only place that gives me peace. Even as I wait for the inevitable conversation with Braden – the one where I’ll have to admit why I need her so much. He deserves that much after what we’ve done to him, and I’m ready for it. Because of Megan I’m finally ready to start opening up about my life.
“Still a spacey bastard.” He smirks.
“No fist in my eye?” I smirk back at him.
He shrugs a shoulder. “I considered it. Several fucking times. Then figured it just ain’t worth it since I’d probably get more punches from those damn girls than it’s worth.”
He’s probably right.
“But that doesn’t mean I won’t kick the shit out of you if you break her fucking heart.”
“I wasn’t joking when I said I loved her yesterday,” I say bluntly, staring him down with the same seriousness he’s looking at me with. “She gets me, man. She gets all my shit and she deals with it. She’s something out of this damn world, and I still think I don’t deserve her.”
“Dude, none of us deserve these girls, but for some reason they won’t leave us alone.” He winks. “I ain’t gonna lie to you – I’m pissed. I’m pissed you never told me and that you went behind my back to do it all. But at the same time I get it, yeah? You kept that fuckin’ secret because of how much she means to me… That’s why I’m not completely pissed.”
I raise my eyebrows at him, questioning him silently. He opens his mouth and closes it again.
“Fuck it.” He runs his hand through his hair. “I don’t even know what I am.”
Megan appears at the back door of the frat house and leans against the doorframe and watches us.
“Until I was six, my life was a mess of drugs, alcohol, sex and abuse. I spent my time hiding the bruises my mom’s jacked-up boyfriends gave me and wondering what they’d get me for next time. I listened to her being used in the next room. I listened to her sobbing and crying every night. I watched her go too far until eventually the drugs killed her and my Gramps took me in. I’ve lived with that bullshit ever since, and I used sex to block it all out the same way she did. That was why I never gave a fuck. Sex meant I didn’t have to feel – until Megan. She made it all real again. She reminded me of how I feel about everything, and slowly she pulled it all out of me. She made me relive all the memories and then she took it all away by just being there. The shit in my head, all that noise, she makes it quiet again, man. I’m fucked if I know how she does it.” I shake my head, watching as she makes her way over to us slowly. “But she does. That’s the shit no one else knows.” My eyes fall back on Braden’s. “That’s the real me, and the least I can do after betraying you this way is tell you the kind of person she’s in love with. I’m not gonna pretend anymore. I’m just gonna be fucking real because that’s what Megan deserves.”
“You haven’t ended up killing each other yet then?” Megan tucks some hair behind her ear and stops right between us. I reach forward and grab her hand, pulling her down. She squeals, and I catch her and gently make her sit between my legs. My arms tuck around her waist and I nuzzle the side of her head, kissing the spot below her ear.
“No, no killing. Another few minutes and it might have been a possibility.”
She turns her face toward me, and I feel the twitch of her cheek as she smiles. Her fingers link through mine.
“Good,” she mutters. “I’d hate to have to deal with both of you.”
“See?” Braden shrugs. “She could kick my ass better than I could kick yours. At least I’m here to keep an eye on you, I guess. Make sure you treat her right.”
“Caveman,” Maddie reminds him, dropping onto the grass next to him.
“Whatever, Angel. I’m just saying.”
“We know.” She leans over and kisses his cheek. “But I think Aston is aware of that.”
Braden grunts, and Maddie smiles, resting her head on his shoulder.
“This is the jackass you’ve been sleeping with?” Kay hollers across the yard. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
“Uh, surprise?” Megan says weakly and shrugs.
“Surprise? Damn right it’s a fuckin’ surprise!” She stops, towering over us, and puts her hands on her hips. She looks at Braden. “Why isn’t his whole body in plaster?”
Braden shrugs. I’m pretty sure everyone shrugs around Kay. It’s easier to do that than answer her and give her more ammunition to vomit words.
“Chill out, Bitchy-Pants!” Lila calls. “They’re just dating. No biggie.”
“You knew, didn’t you?” Kay rounds on her, then on Megan. “How could you tell her and not me?”
I smirk as Megan looks at her pointedly.
“Technically, she didn’t tell me,” Lila mentions. “I worked it out.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Was it a matter of life and death, Kayleigh? Will you drop down dead now you’re the last person to find out?”
“No.”
“Then that’s why I didn’t tell you.” Lila grins. “None of your business.”
“You knew?” Braden asks Lila, glancing over her shoulder to Ryan. “Did you know?”
“Why do I feel like we’re in the middle of a high school drama?” I whisper in Megan’s ear. She giggles silently.
“Because Kay, Braden, and Ryan are still of high school mentality?” she whispers back.
“I, er, shit,” Lila mutters.
“Don’t look at me, man. It’s news to me that Lila knew.”
“News … Knew … News …” Maddie blinks a few times. “Um, can I just summarize here? My head is starting to hurt.”
“That’ll be the shots you threw back last night,” Kay remarks.
“Nope. It’s definitely from you guys.” Maddie shakes her head. “Okay, Megan and Aston had a saucy one-nighter, leaving them dying and in desperate need of each other’s company. This resulted in them starting and maintaining a secret relationship while Megan continued to fake-date guys Lila pre-approved and set her up with to keep up the facade. She then had enough, told Lila where to stick her blind dates, and spilled the beans. Then Lila covered for her until last night when they had enough, got sloppy, and Braden caught them. Now we all know, everyone is happy, and they can have unlimited one-nighters, therefore never needing to worry about being caught with their pants round their ankles while bumping uglies against a tree.”
Megan snorts. I grin.
“We have never had sex up against a tree,” she mumbles.
“Hey, not yet …” I squeeze her waist.
“Is that it, though?” Maddie looks at us. “Well, basically.”
“Um, I guess so … Kinda elaborate, but yeah.” Megan answers for us. “Maybe a little less desperation, though.”
“I’m not sure. I’ve been pretty desperate to get inside your pants since I saw you,” I tell her.
“Just my pants?”
“Well, we could go for inside you, but I was trying not to be fucking crude about it.”
Her eyes twinkle.
“Okay, usually I’d be totally up for sex talk, but the girl is like my sister. No next morning fuck stories.” Braden puts his hands up and looks at me. “Try and keep that shit to a minimum around me.”
“You know,” Maddie muses. “Aston doesn’t swear nearly as much since him and Megan did the nasty. Maybe you should try it, Bray.” She taps his cheek, and he rolls his eyes.
“Of course, Angel,” he deadpans.
I smirk.
“I can’t believe you were fucking each other and I never figured it out.” Kay looks at us.
“Relationship,” Megan corrects. “There’s a difference.”
“Sex was involved. It’s all relative. I just can’t believe I didn’t know.”
I resist the urge to roll my eyes. “You’re not going to shut up about it, are you?”
“No,” Kay replies, leaning back on her hands. “It’s not damn likely.”
~
“What are we doing?” I ask as Megan tugs me toward my car.
“It’s Sunday,” she says simply. “We’re going to see your Gramps.”
“Okay, but that doesn’t explain why you have a damn picnic basket with you.”
“Fine – we’re going to see your Gramps and take him out for the day. Better?” She raises an eyebrow at me, and I grin, starting the engine up.
“Much. But where are we going?”
“You’ll see.”
She settles back in her seat, smiling to herself. If I’d hoped to get any clues from her outfit, I’ve definitely not got any luck. Her jeans, jacket, and boots are nothing out of the ordinary – but her tied up hair is.
Not that it means anything in particular … Apart from making me want to nuzzle her bare neck.
We pull up outside Gramps’ house and get out. When I open the door, I’m not greeted by the usual smell of cigar smoke. It’s there, but fainter.
“Gramps?” I call out, worry trickling its way through my body. Worry shoots through my veins at a lightning speed when I see his empty chair by the window. He always sits by the window. Where is he?
“Gramps!” I shout loudly, spinning around and heading for the stairs. “Gramps!”
“You could wake the damn dead you could, boy,” his voice grumbles from the back door. I rush through the kitchen and find him wiping dirt off his hands.
I stop. “You were gardening?”
“No need to sound so surprised.” He chuckles. “It’s been known to happen.”
“But you haven’t done it for years.”
“That’s because I got lazy, boy!” He drops the cloth on the counter. “I planted them bushes I got a couple weeks back – the hydrangea ones. For your Gran.”
“I thought you weren’t ready to,” I say softly.
“I wasn’t! Then me and you had our little chat, and I thought to myself what a miserable old bastard I was. Decided to get out of that damn chair and do something about it. You should go take a look at that vegetable garden. Not much growing there right now, but by spring it’ll be bloomin’!” He beams, a light in his face I haven’t seen for so long. He glances over my shoulder and his face brightens even more. “And you brought Megan! Well, gardening and a chat about books with a beautiful young lady. This is the best Sunday I’ve had in a while.”
Megan laughs softly. “I was hoping you’d be out of that chair. I’m taking you out for the day.”
I clear my throat, amused. “Who’s taking who?”
“Okay so you’re driving, but it’s most definitely my treat, Mr. Banks.” She looks at me pointedly, humor dancing in her pretty blue eyes.
“And the beautiful lady wants to take me out?” Gramps rubs his hands together. “I best get my coat. Aston, I’m stealing your girl!” He kisses Megan on the side of the head as he passes her, a bounce in his step.
“Not a chance, old man!”
Megan smiles fondly at him, and I walk across the room to her, stopping in front of her.
“Yes?” She looks up at me.
I cup her chin, running my thumb along her jaw to her bottom lip. I trace it softly. “Nothing.” I smile, tilting her chin up and bending my face to meet her lips.
“Hope you’re not seducing my girl!” Gramps calls. “We have a date to go on!”
I laugh, taking Megan’s hand and leading her out the house. Gramps grabs his stick and points it at the car.
“Least that beast is clean.”
“Of course it’s clean. You really think I’d let her get dirty?” I glance at him.
He grunts. “No. Guess not.”
I grin, helping him into the car, and shut the door. I get in the front next to Megan and she’s smiling to herself.
“Gonna tell me where we’re going yet?”
She shakes her head, eyes twinkling. “No. I’ll just give you directions. It’s a surprise. Go right at the end of the street.”
I sneak glances at her as I drive and make the turns she orders me to. I’m not really paying attention to the direction we’re going in. I’m too preoccupied by the excitement she’s showing. It’s infectious – I’m excited and I don’t even know what for.
“Marina,” Gramps says from the back seat. “We’re heading to the marina.”
Megan grins and turns in her seat, nodding her head. “Yep.”
“Why?” I frown slightly and glance at Gramps in the back seat. He taps a wrinkled finger against his mouth as he thinks, and Megan’s grin grows.
“Why do people usually go to the marina?” she asks.
“Boats,” I answer. Her eyes slide to mine, her excitement really obvious now. Her cheeks are flushed, but behind the light in her eyes there’s a hint of nervousness. Why …
“Fishing!” Gramps cries. “You’re taking us fishing!”
Megan nods vigorously. “I wanted to do something for you both. My parents were supposed to come this weekend but Dad had a work thing come up so they canceled. He had a boat booked to go out with Braden, so I asked if I could use it instead. I’m paying him back.”
I stop the car in the parking lot near the marina and turn around to see Gramps. His eyes glisten with unshed tears, and a lump rises in my own throat.
“Thank you,” he whispers to Megan, his eyes focused on hers. “Thank you.” She smiles in response, and Gramps shakes his head. “I’m gonna go to that fishing place over the road and get us some bait. Megan, do you fish?”