Authors: Nelson DeMille
I asked her, “Why did you come back?”
She replied, “I was homesick.” She asked me, “Were you homesick?”
I thought about that, then replied, “Home isn’t a place.”
“Then what is it?”
“It’s . . . people. Family, friends . . . memories . . . that sort of thing.”
“Well? And didn’t you miss that?”
“I did at first. But . . . time heals, and memories fade.” I added, “Home can also be suffocating. I needed a change.”
“I did, too, but I felt drawn back here.” She added, “I didn’t want to die in Hilton Head.”
“No, that would be redundant.”
She almost laughed, then said, “It’s a nice place. I think you’d like it there.”
“I don’t think I’ll ever find out.”
She stayed silent awhile, then said, “I kept my place there . . . so, if you ever want to use it, you’re welcome.”
“Well . . . thank you.”
“It’s near the beach, and near two golf courses. Very relaxing.”
“Sounds . . . relaxing.” So, we’d gone from barely speaking to her offering me her house at the beach to relax. She was trying, and I was not. Maybe, I thought, as Nasim suggested, she was on a major nostalgia trip, which is why she’d moved back here, and somehow I was included in her happy memories of the past. In any case, my life was in flux, or limbo, or whatever, and hers was settling back into a past that no longer existed and could not be resurrected.
She returned to the subject of her place in Hilton Head and said, “I had it completely refurnished, and moved all my things back here.”
“I noticed.” I then asked her, “So, are you happy being back?”
“I am. You know, sometimes you just feel it in your heart when you’ve made the right move.”
“Good.” I couldn’t resist getting in a zinger and said, “I’m sure your parents miss you, but are happy for you.”
She glanced at me, knowing from long experience that everything I said about her parents was either ironic or a double entendre, or just plain nasty. She informed me, “To be honest, I needed to spend less time with them.”
“I can’t imagine why.”
She ignored that and went on, “After Dan died . . . I realized that I had no reason to stay there . . . I mean, Carolyn is here, Edward comes to New York more often than he comes to Hilton Head, and I still have family and friends here.”
And one enemy on the adjoining property. I could see now that Susan could not be persuaded to leave here because of Anthony Bellarosa’s proximity. The best I could hope for was to make her acknowledge the problem and the situation she’d gotten herself into. And if I was working for Anthony Bellarosa, that might keep him from his vendetta. But in the end, it didn’t really matter if I was working for don Bellarosa or not, and it didn’t matter where Susan lived. Anthony Bellarosa smelled blood, and when the time came, he’d follow that blood scent to the ends of the earth.
A few days ago, protecting Susan had been an abstract thought; now, with her walking beside me, it became real.
The obvious thing to do was to notify the local police, and also the FBI. If the law got on Anthony’s case regarding Susan Sutter, and told him to not even
think
about settling the score, then that should be all that was necessary to protect Susan.
On the other hand, Susan had murdered Anthony’s
father
, and gotten away with it, and I didn’t think that Anthony Bellarosa was going to let that stand. Well . . . his father wouldn’t be swayed from his ancient duty to avenge the murder of a family member, but maybe Anthony was not made of the same stuff as his father. Quite possibly, I hoped, Anthony valued his freedom more than he valued the concept of family honor and vendetta. I simply didn’t have the answer to that question, and I didn’t want to guess wrong, or test either assumption. This was a big problem, and it trumped all my smaller problems.
Susan asked me, “What are you thinking about?”
“Oh . . . about . . . what were we talking about?”
“My parents. And that usually puts you in a dark mood.”
“Not at all. And how are they?”
“Fine.”
“You must miss them.”
Silence, then, “To tell you the truth, they drive me a little nuts.”
That was a short trip, but I reminded her, “You said they’ve become more mellow.”
“Well, they have, but . . . they like to look after me.”
“I remember that.” In fact, as I said, William and Charlotte Stanhope were control freaks and manipulators, and he was not only a skinflint, but also an unscrupulous snake. Charlotte, the other half of this dynamically dysfunctional duo, was a smiling backstabber and a two-faced troublemaker. Other than that, they were quite pleasant.
I had this thought that Susan was half trying to repackage Mom and Dad as kindly senior citizens—mellow and all that—who would no longer be a problem between us, if we somehow got back together. Well, the only way that William and Charlotte would cease to annoy me was if they were dead and buried. With that thought in mind, I asked, “How are they feeling? Any health issues?”
She thought about that question, then replied, “Not that I know of.” She added, “In fact, they’re coming in for Ethel’s funeral.”
I was afraid of that; I’d hoped they would take a pass on the funeral of an old servant, but as I said, there is this lingering sense of noblesse oblige among the old families, and William and Charlotte would stay true to that, even if it were inconvenient, not to mention the travel expenses. Maybe they’d hitchhike up. I asked, “Are they staying at The Creek?”
“They’ve dropped their membership.”
“I see. Well, club membership can be expensive.”
“They just don’t come up here much to use the club.”
“Right. And with airfare going sky high, pardon the pun—”
“It’s not the
money
, John. It’s . . . they have fewer reasons to come to New York.”
“Well, you’re here now. Carolyn has never left, and they have friends here who love them, so I’m sure you’ll be seeing a lot more of them than you thought.” I was on a nice roll, and it felt good, so I continued, “And I wouldn’t want them to spend all that money for a hotel, so they’re welcome to use Ethel’s room at the gatehouse. I’d enjoy—”
“John. Stop it.”
“Sorry. I was just trying to—”
“You’re not the forgiving type, are you?”
“What was your first clue?”
She thought about that, then said, “If you won’t forgive, and you won’t forget, at least take some comfort in the fact that you’ve won.”
“Won? What did I win?”
“You won it all.”
“I thought I lost it all.”
“You did, but that’s how you won.”
“Sounds Zen.”
“You know what I’m talking about, so let’s drop it.”
“All right.”
She got back to the prior subject and announced, “My parents are staying with me.”
I was afraid of that, too. I really didn’t want them on the property; my offer to put them up wasn’t sincere.
Susan continued, “So are Edward and Carolyn. It will be nice to have them in their old rooms.”
I nodded.
She continued, “I’d like to invite you over for dinner or cocktails . . . whatever you’d like.”
I didn’t respond.
She said, “It would be less awkward, with you here on the property, if you didn’t feel you needed to avoid my parents . . . or me. The children would very much like that.”
“I know they would, Susan.”
“So?”
I thought about this family reunion, compliments of Ethel. I was looking forward to seeing my children, but I could do without my ex-in-laws. The other thing was . . . well, my public humiliation of being cuckolded by my beautiful wife; by divorcing her, and not speaking to her for ten years, I’d felt avenged, and my pride was intact. I was ready, in theory, as I said, to be in the same room with her, smiling and chatting. But the reality of being in the house of my unfaithful ex-wife, sitting around the table with our children and her parents . . .
Susan, darling, could you pass the peas?
William, can I pour you more wine?
Well, I didn’t think I was ready for
that
.
“John?”
“Well . . . I don’t think your parents would want to sit with me—”
“I don’t care
what
they want. They can dine out if they don’t like it. I’m asking
you
if you’d like to have dinner at home with me, Edward, and Carolyn.”
“Yes. I would.”
“Good. They’ll be very happy when I tell them.”
“Can I bring a date?”
She looked at me, saw I was joking, and suppressed a smile, then gave me a playful punch on the arm and said, “Not funny.”
We continued to walk around her ten acres, and now and then she’d point out something the Ganzes had done, or something new that she’d done in the few months she’d been back, and she also remarked on how little the property had changed. She said, “The trees are bigger, and every one of them has survived, except for that copper beech that was over there. I’d replace it, but I had an estimate of about thirty thousand dollars.”
I wanted to suggest that her parents pay for it as a housewarming gift, and maybe I’d mention it to them if they came to dinner. Charlotte would choke to death on her martini olive, and William would drop dead of a heart attack. Total win-win.
Actually, this might be an opportunity for me to make amends with William by apologizing for calling him, quote, “an unprincipled ass-hole, an utterly cynical bastard, a monumental prick, and a conniving fuck.” I believe that was the last time we spoke. So maybe it was time for me to apologize for my profanity, rephrase the sentence in proper English, and ask him if he’d worked on those problems.
Susan reminded me, “This is where the children used to pitch their tents in the summer. Can you believe we let them sleep outdoors by themselves?”
“They usually had friends. And it’s very safe inside the walls.” Or it used to be.
Susan said, “My place in Hilton Head is a gated community.”
“Is it?” Of course it is.
“It’s hard to believe that Carolyn and Edward live in small apartments with no doorman on crowded city streets, and they love it.”
“They’re young and adventurous.”
“And not afraid. I’m glad we didn’t overprotect them, or spoil them.”
“Well, it’s a fine line between protecting and overprotecting, providing and spoiling.” Not to mention underprotecting and underparenting, which was my upbringing, but I’d rather have that than what Susan had.
Bottom line on this conversation was Susan reminding me that we’d done something right; we had been good parents, and that remained a source of pride, as well as a bond. Of course, we blew it at the end, but by the time we separated, Edward and Carolyn were on their way into the real world.
Susan said to me, “If I could turn back the clock, I would.”
That did sound like she regretted what she’d done, or, like most of us, me included, she regretted getting caught. The affair itself must’ve been emotionally stimulating and sexually pleasurable, not to mention deliciously taboo. I mean, she wasn’t screwing the tennis pro at the club; this was a Mafia don. So I didn’t know if she regretted the affair, or the consequences. That would depend on how far back she wanted to set that clock.
To be honest here, during the time that Susan and I had been estranged and sleeping in separate bedrooms, I’d become briefly involved with a TV news reporter named Jenny Alvarez, who was locally well-known at the time. I’d met her because she was covering the murder indictment against Frank Bellarosa, and I was, of course, the don’s attorney. I never regretted my involvement with Jenny Alvarez, probably because there were no unpleasant consequences, and of course, I felt justified because my wife was screwing my most famous client. Well, justified or not, I was playing with fire at a time when Susan and I didn’t need any more fire. I always felt I should have told Susan about this brief fling—as I called it, to distinguish it from her affair—but I wasn’t sure if my motives for confession would be the correct motives of truth, and honesty, and unburdening my soul. Or would I have been bragging, trying to hurt her, or trying to make her jealous? So, since I couldn’t decide, I’d kept it to myself.
But now maybe the time had come to tell Susan that she hadn’t been the only one committing adultery. I said to her, “Susan . . .”
“Yes?”
“Well . . . do you remember that TV reporter Jenny Alvarez, who was on, I believe, one of the network stations?”
“No . . . I don’t think so.”
I described Ms. Alvarez to her, but she couldn’t recall the lady, and inquired, “Why do you ask?”
“Well . . . I was just wondering if she was still on the air.”
“I don’t watch much television news.”
“Right. So, Nasim tells me that you and his wife . . . Soheila, right—?”
“Yes . . .”
“—have become friendly.”
“Well, I suppose . . . but . . .” She seemed confused and asked me, “Why were you asking about that TV reporter?”
I came to my senses and said, “I used to enjoy her reporting, and I can’t seem to find her on any of the stations.”
Susan shrugged and said, “There are dozens of new cable stations on the air since you’ve left.”
“Right. So, Edward seems happy working for a major film studio.”
Susan was happy to get back to the subject of her children and replied, “He likes what he does—the development office, whatever that is. And I’m surprised that he also likes Los Angeles.”
“Me, too. Where did we fail?”
She smiled and said, “But I think he misses the East Coast.”
“Maybe.”
“John, do you think he’ll stay there?”
“He might. You have to accept that.”
She nodded, then said, “Well . . . it’s only a six-hour flight.”
“Right.”
She reminisced, “I grew up with family close by . . . I thought that was normal.”
“Not anymore.”
Again, she nodded, then said, “At least Carolyn is close. But I haven’t seen much of her. She’s very busy.”
“Being an assistant district attorney is a lot of hours, and very stressful.”
“I know. She tells me.” Susan looked at me and asked, “Aren’t you proud that she followed in your footsteps?”