Authors: Scott Lynch
“Yes, but they—”
“They understand that my feelings for them lie somewhere between sisterly affection
and saintly tolerance. And while I sometimes imagine that they would hump trees if
they thought nobody was around to see it, they’ve respected my wishes absolutely.
Could you handle disappointment so well?”
“If I’m to be disappointed,” said Locke, heart pounding, “I really wish you would
cut the prelude and just disappoint me, already.”
“Oooh, there’s some fire at last.” Sabetha folded her arms beneath her breasts and
edged closer to him. “Tell me, how do you even know for sure that I don’t fancy
girls
?”
“I—” Locke was lucky to spit the one syllable out before the power of coherent speech
ran up a white flag and deserted him. Gods above …
“You never even thought about that, did you?” she said, her voice a sly whisper.
“Well, hells … is that … I mean to say, do you—”
“Fancy oysters or snails? What a damned awkward thing to be unsure of, for someone
in your position. Oh … oh, for Perelandro’s sake, you look like you’re about to be
executed.” She bent over and whispered in his right ear. “I happen to like snails
very well
, thank you.”
“Ahhh,” he said, feeling the earth grow solid beneath his feet again. “I’ve never …
never been so pleased at such a comparison before.”
“It’s a champion among metaphors,” she said with the faintest smile. “So very apt.”
“And now that you’ve had your sport with me, do I join Calo and Galdo in their exclusive
little club?”
“They’re still my friends.” She sounded genuinely hurt. “My oath-brothers. That’s
nothing to scorn, especially for a … a would-be priest of your order.”
“Sabetha, I
do
fancy you. It scares the hell out of me to admit it, but I say it plainly, as you
did the other night. Only I don’t say it casually. I have … I have admired you since
the instant we met, do you understand, the very instant, that day we went out from
Shades’ Hill to see the hangings. Do you remember?”
“Of course,” she whispered. “The strange little boy who wouldn’t leave Streets. What
a sad trial you were. But what was there to
admire
, Locke? We were dusty, starving little creatures. You couldn’t have been six. What
feelings were there to
have
?”
“I only know they were there. When I heard that you’d drowned I felt as though my
heart had been stepped on.”
“I’m sorry for that. It was necessary.” She glanced away from him for a long moment
before continuing. “I think you look upon our past in the light of your present feelings
and imagine some glow that is … more
reflection
than substance.”
“Sabetha, I don’t remember my own father. And other than a
single
memory of … of sewing needles, my mother is as much a mystery. I don’t remember where
I was born, or the Catchfire plague, or how I
survived it, or
anything
that I did before the Thiefmaker bought me from the city watch!”
“Locke—”
“Listen! It’s all gone! But the moments I’ve spent with you, whether you knew I was
there or not—
they’re
still with me, smoldering like coals. I can touch them and feel the heat.”
“You’ve been reading too many of Jean’s romances. What basis for comparison have you
ever had, Locke? You and I have been together all these years … why wouldn’t you evolve
some sort of fixation? It’s only … perfectly natural … expected familiarity—”
“Who are you trying to convince?” On the attack now, he played her game, took a step
forward. “That doesn’t sound like it’s meant for my benefit. You’re trying to talk
yourself
out of confiding in me! Why—”
His voice had grown louder with every word, and she startled him by slapping a hand
over his mouth.
“You are turning something quite personal into a speech for the whole camp,” she said
in her flawless Vadran.
“Sorry,” he whispered in the same language. “Look, this isn’t some damn fixation,
Sabetha. If I could just—somehow let you see yourself through
my
eyes. I guarantee your feet would never touch the ground again.”
“There’s magic that might have some useful applications,” she said, wistfully, “if
you were to pull that off. And if I were to … choose to be charmed just now.”
“Well, if not now, then—”
“I told you my feelings for you are complicated. Everything concerning you is
complicated
, and by that I don’t mean that I’m confused or muddle-headed or, or … frightened.
I mean that there are actual, genuine circumstances
about
us and
around
us that make this difficult. There are obstacles, damn it.”
“Then tell me about them. Tell me anything I can do—”
“Are we speaking Vadran now?” said Calo, from his previously silent perch in Sabetha’s
vacated place atop the wagon.
“Oh, Sanza, damn your eyes,” hissed Sabetha. “I just about jumped out of my bloody
skin.”
“Now, that’s praise,” said Galdo, who rolled out from beneath the wagon. “You’re not
easy to take unawares. You must have really had your head—”
“—shoved up your ass,” said Calo.
“Are you two back in your usual rhythm, then?” said Locke crossly.
“Nah,” said Galdo. “Just curious, is all.”
“How sharp is your Vadran?” said Locke.
“Mine Vadran is great sharp,” said Calo in that tongue, exaggeratedly mangling each
word. “Perfect like without flaws, am the clever Sanza I being.”
“I think the two of us are a bit rusty, though,” said Galdo, “so if you could just
repeat all the parts we missed—”
“Get used to gaps in your comprehension,” said Sabetha. “The rest of us certainly
have.”
“Village not worth your attention?” said Locke with a sigh.
“Just the opposite,” said Galdo. “We thought we’d fetch a few pieces of silver. Some
of these smelly hillside mudfuckers are playing cards at what passes for their tavern.”
“Shouldn’t take much of the old Camorr flash to dazzle ’em,” said Calo, making a small
rock appear and disappear from the palm of his hand. “Could roll off in the morning
owning half this bloody place.”
“I don’t think that’s wise,” said Sabetha.
“What are they gonna do,” said Galdo, “declare war? Look, if we come back in a few
months and find out that a hundred swamp country yokels have knocked over the Five
Towers, we’ll write a sincere apology.”
“And we only need a few coins anyway,” said Calo, throwing back the tarp over their
supplies. “To buy in. After that, we’ll be taking donations, not giving ’em.”
“Hold on,” said Locke. “Since when are you two criminals?”
“Since …” Calo squinted and pretended to calculate. “Sometime between first leaving
Mother and hitting the ground between her legs, I imagine.”
“Head first,” added Galdo.
“I know the
Sanzas
are as crooked as a snake in a clockwork snake-bending
machine,” said Locke, “but the
Asino
brothers are actors, not cardsharps.”
“You know how actors make a living between engagements?” said Calo. “Believe me, some
of them are flash fucking cardsharps. I learned some of my best stuff from—”
“What I mean,” said Locke, “is that we should all just be actors, and
only
actors. I’ve been thinking about this. No games of opportunity on the way. No more
picked pockets. We should draw a line between the people we are in Camorr and the
people we are in Espara. When we go home, anyone thinking to follow us back to our
real lives should find
nothing
. No hints, no trail.”
“Seems … sensible,” said Galdo.
“And it starts here,” said Locke. “It means we don’t do anything to make ourselves
memorable. You really think your yokel friends will simply let you clean them out
and send us on our merry way tomorrow morning? Someone’s going to get
cut
, Sanzas. Everyone in this village will be after your skins, and our guards won’t
save you. They have to work this route week in and week out. They need these people.”
“He’s right,” said Calo. “I knew it was a dumb fuckin’ plan, you bald degenerate.”
“It was
your
idea, you greedy turd-polisher!”
“Well, at any rate,” said Calo to Locke. “We ain’t following through on it.”
“Then why not start boiling dinner? Or better yet, if you really want to drop a coin
in the village, see if you can hunt down some meat that doesn’t come in the form of
a brick.”
The Sanzas received this suggestion with enthusiasm, and vanished once again down
the winding track to what passed for Tresanconne’s high street. Locke and Sabetha
faced one another in their absence, and Locke detected a sudden coolness in her demeanor.
“That right there,” she said, “would be one of the obstacles I mentioned.”
“What?”
“You really didn’t notice?”
“Notice
what
? What am I meant to realize?”
“Think about it,” she said. She crossed her arms again, this time
with her shoulders hunched forward. A protective, unwelcoming gesture. “I’m serious.
I’ll give you a moment. Think about it.”
“Think about
what
?”
“Years ago,” said Sabetha, “I was the oldest child in a small gang. I was sent away
by my master to train in dancing and manners. When I returned, I found that a younger
child had taken my place.”
“But—I hardly—”
“Calo and Galdo, who once treated me as a goddess on earth, had transferred their
allegiance to the small newcomer. In time, he got himself a third ally, another boy.”
“That is purest— Why, Jean is devoted to you, as a friend.”
“But not as a
particular
friend,” she said. “Not as he is to you.”
“Is that your obstacle?” Locke felt as though a heavy object had just spun out of
the darkness and cracked him on the head. “My friendship with Jean? Does it make you
jealous?”
“You listen about as well as you observe,” said Sabetha. “Haven’t you ever noticed
that suggestions from me are treated as suggestions, while suggestions from you are
taken as a sacred warrant? Even if those suggestions are
identical
?”
“I think you’re being very unfair,” said Locke weakly.
“You saw it just now! I couldn’t dissuade the Sanzas from drinking arsenic on the
strength of mere common sense, but they trip over themselves to take your directions.
This is
your
gang, Locke—it has been since you arrived, and with Chains’ blessing. You’ve been
shaped and groomed as
garrista
for when he’s gone. And as … well, as a priest. His replacement.”
“But I … I had no notion, or intention—”
“Of course not. You haven’t really questioned
anything
since your arrival. You’ve assumed a position of primacy, which is easy to take for
granted … until you’re quietly shuffled out of it. After that, I find the matter never
quite leaves one’s thoughts.”
“But—I have been worked and tested as sorely as you,” said Locke, fighting to keep
his voice down. “As sorely as anyone! Do you remember how long it took me to pay
this
off?” He reached down the front of his tunic and pulled out his shark’s tooth, ensconced
in its little leather bag. “Gods above, I could have a city house and a carriage for
the
money I poured into this damn thing. And I served as many apprenticeships as—”
“I’m not talking about your
training
, Locke, I know what Chains has done to us all. I’m talking about the way you accepted
everything as you accept your own skin. Something natural and undeserving of reflection.
Well, let me assure you that the only woman in a house of men has frequent cause for
reflection.”
“This is a complete surprise to me,” said Locke.
“I know,” she said softly. “That’s a problem.”
She stared up at the sky, where one of the moons was emerging from behind a low haze
of clouds, and Locke had no idea how to begin responding to her.
“A week to go,” she said at last. “A long, slow week of all the pleasures I named
earlier. We’re going to be tired, sore, smelly, and bitten half to death by the time
we reach Espara. I would … I want to talk to you again, Locke, but I can’t bring myself
to make it a subject of hopeful anticipation night after night under these circumstances.
Neither of us will be at our best.”
“And this merits our best,” he said grudgingly.
“I think it does. So can we keep it simple while we’re traveling? Eyes on the ground,
asses in our seats, and all of these … matters tabled until a later date?”
“You think it’s fair to dump this in my lap and then request a conversational truce?”
“I don’t think it’s fair at all,” she said. “Just necessary.”
“Well, then. If nothing else, it seems I’ll have a lot of time to ruminate on an explanation
for you—”
“An explanation? You think what I want out of you is some sort of
defense
? Surely you can see that I’ve explained you already. What comes next is—”
“Yes?”
“I won’t say. I think I need
you
to tell
me
.”
“All you have to do is—”
“No,” she said sharply. “I’ve told you everything you need to know to figure out what
comes next. If my words really are like smoldering coals, Locke, then let these ones
smolder. Sift them, and bring me an answer sometime after we reach Espara. Bring me
a
good
answer.”
ESPARA, FORMERLY
a seat of prestige only one step below Therim Pel itself, had descended from its
imperial years the way some men and women descend into middle-aged lethargy, discarding
the vigor and ambition of youth like a suit of clothes that can no longer be wriggled
into.
Locke caught his first glimpse of the place just after noon on the tenth day, when
the caravan turned the bend between two ruin-studded hills and entered the familiar,
irregular green-and-brown whorls of a farming landscape. On the southern horizon lay
the faint shapes of towers under curling gray smears of smoke.