Authors: Richard Kadrey

Tags: #dpgroup.org, #Fluffer Nutter

The Getaway God (41 page)

“Not angels.”

She looks at me, then Samael.

“Is this another one of your tall tales? Going to Hell? Hanging around with God?”

“This is your new employer?” says Samael. “She doesn't seems to have a lot of faith in you.”

“What we are and what we do is hard for sane Âpeople to accept.”

“You're serious,” says Julie. “This man is an angel.”

“Why is that so surprising?” he says. “It's Christmas. L.A. must be full of angels.”

Samael reaches into his coat and pulls out a bottle of Aqua Regia and sets it on the table.

“You are a God,” I say.

“No. But I'll do in his stead.”

Julie looks at us.

“You two are so full of shit.”

Samael says, “This man fights monsters for you. He fought a serial killer who couldn't possibly be a mere human. He killed ancient evils and is sitting here right now with bullets in his chest, and you can't take his word for it that I'm an angel?”

Julie blinks.

“No one's ever asked me a question like that before.”

Samael gives her his ten-Âthousand-Âwatt smile.

“Of course we're joking, my dear. There's no such thing as angels. They're an old folktale, like leprechauns and virgins.”

He gets up from the table. Puts his finger on top of the Aqua Regia bottle.

“I've left a case of this and some Maledictions at home for you.”

“Merry Christmas, Samael.”

“And to you. Nice meeting you, Julie.”

“How do you know my name?”

“It's just a trick I can do.”

“Stark said that to me when we first met.”

“I guess all us angelic frauds know the same jokes.”

He turns, weaves his way through the crowd, and heads out, slowing for just a second to look at the blonde with Brigitte.

“Will Samael be coming around the office when we're working together?” says Julie. “He's kind of cute, in a vaguely sinister way.”

“And that's your type?”

She looks at me.

“Unfortunately, it is.”

I start to get up and walk to the bathroom when I notice Brigitte heading our way. She comes over and hugs me.

“Merry Christmas, James.”

“Merry Christmas to you.”

She points to the blonde. She's Japanese. Young, in a shaggy pink fake-Âfur coat.

“Have you two met?”

“Hi,” she says. “I'm Chihiro.”

She puts out her hand and I shake it.

“Like the girl in
Spirited Away
.”

“What's that?” she says.

“It's a movie.”

She smiles crookedly.

“I'll have to watch it sometime.”

“I think you'd like it.”

“May we join you?” says Brigitte.

“Of course.”

Brigitte brings over a chair. She sits next to Julie and Chihiro sits where Samael was, next to me.

Julie does a small wave.

“Hi. I'm Julie.”

I can't take my eyes off Chihiro.

“Sorry. This is Julie. My new boss.”

“New boss? What kind of work do you do?” says Chihiro.

“I used to work for the government. But now I run a detective agency.”

Chihiro nods.

“This is a good town for it. Things go missing all the time.”

“It's our job to bring them back home again,” I say.

“You any good at it?” says Chihiro.

“We'll just have to wait and see.”

“Don't wait too long. It might get away.”

“Then I wasn't supposed to find it in the first place.”

Chihiro raises her eyebrows.

“You're a philosopher.”

“No. Just drunk.”

“That sounds like a very good idea,” says Brigitte. “Let's all have too many drinks. I'll get us more glasses.”

Chihiro presses her leg against mine under the table. I want to kiss her and I know she wants to kiss me too, but we'll have to take it slow. Let the idea of Candy being dead settle into everyone's mind.

She has a new name and she's blonde now. To the ones who can't see past the glamour. Having Julie here was a good test. She didn't spot Candy at all. It took my hoodoo, Vidocq's alchemy, and Allegra's herbs and potions to come up with a glamour strong enough to fool even most Sub Rosa. I don't know how long it will last, but we have the formula now, so we can reapply it when we have to. Too bad we're the only ones who can ever know about the stuff. We could make a fortune selling it.

“What do you do for a living, Chihiro?” says Julie.

“I'm a guitarist.”

“Are you in a band? Would I have heard of you?”

“We broke up, unfortunately. But I'm putting a new one together.”

“Good luck,” says Julie.

“Thanks.”

Chihiro looks at me.

“Aren't you going to say good luck?”

“I don't think I have to. By the way, I have a guitar at home that no one is using. It's red .Â .Â .”

“Sold,” she says. “When can I come by and see it?”

“Tomorrow. Around one?”

“A late riser? Me too. I'll be there on the dot.”

Brigitte comes back with glasses and a bottle of vodka.

“I know the whiskey and I've heard of the vodka,” says Julie.

She picks up the Aqua Regia.

“But what's this?”

“It's not from around here. And it's kind of strong. You wouldn't like it.”

She sits back in her chair.

“That sounds like a challenge.”

“It isn't. Trust me. Only very bad Âpeople drink this swill.”

“You talked me into it.”

Julie downs her Jack Daniel's and points to the empty glass.

“Hit me.”

“Okay. But first I have to piss. Don't touch the stuff until I get back.”

I give the bottle to Chihiro.

“You're in charge. Keep this away from her. If she's going to taste it, I want to be here to see.”

She salutes me.

“I'm on it, sir,” she says. “None shall pass.”

I head to the bathroom in the back of the bar.

Okay. We met. But that's it for now. It will take awhile to get used to calling her a new name, but I should have guessed that if she had to pick a disguise she'd go for a
kogal
pinup.

Tomorrow I'll give her the guitar. That will have to be it for a while. Then, sometime after New Year's, we can accidently run into each other at the bar and buy each other drinks. Of course, Chihiro won't be able to use any of Candy's stuff. She'll need everything new. Clothes. Music. Lots of Hello Kitty, robot, and anime tchotchkes. It will all cost money. The last thing I want to be is a half-Âbaked Mike Hammer, but until I pay off my debt to Julie for helping me fake Candy's death, it's what I'll do.

I wait until the last guy clears out of the bathroom and shove the trash can under the doorknob, blocking it. I need a moment to myself.

I go into one of the stalls and close the door.

It hurt seeing Candy even playing dead. It's nothing I ever want to see again. I'm just glad none of the Vigil assholes got close enough to tell that what she was bleeding was blood from my chest wounds cut with some Karo syrup, all taped to the body armor under her coat. It was all so close to falling apart. Mason. The Angra. Tossing Chaya and Deumos. Killing Candy. One wrong move could have brought the whole thing down on top of us. But we got away with everything. For once.

I want to live small for a while. No Gods, good or bad. No angels or Hellions. No ghosts or zombies. Just divorcÃ©es and insurance scams. That sounds like paradise. Like two weeks back at the Chateau Marmont with twenty-Âfour-Âhour room serÂvice.

I light a Malediction and draw the smoke slowly into my lungs. It hurts so good.

There's a light knock on the stall door. Great. The place wasn't clear after all.

“Go away. Sorry I blocked the door. Just move the can.”

He knocks again, so light it's almost inaudible.

“Please go away.”

No one says anything. I wait to hear the sounds of the trash can being moved.

“Mr. Stark?”

“Yeah?”

“May I speak to you for a moment?”

“No. It's Christmas. Go away.”

“I can't.”

“Sure you can. Aim your feet. First right, then left. Try it.”

He knocks again.

“What?”

“Mr. Stark. I understand you do investigations.”

“No. That's my boss. She's outside. In the back with a drunk Czech and a hot blonde. You can't miss them.”

He knocks.

“Please, Mr. Stark. I'd rather deal with you. My case is unique.”

“How unique?”

The guy who pushes the stall door open looks like yesterday's lunch, eaten and thrown back up again. A gray, patchy beard. Hair a terminal thicket of cowlicks. A trench coat that might have been tan once, but is now the color of cold grease and rhino shit.

“Please, Mr. Stark,” he says. “It has to be you.”

“Why?”

He opens his coat. He isn't wearing a shirt. His chest is a mass of torn muscle and cracked bones. There's a gaping hole where his heart should be.

“Mr. Stark, I need your help with an investigation. My name is Death. And I appear to have been murdered.”

I hate this job already.

About the Author

New York Times
bestselling author Richard Kadrey has published nine novels, including
Sandman Slim, Kill the Dead, Aloha from Hell, Devil Said Bang, Kill City Blues, Butcher Bird,
and
Metrophage,
and more than fifty stories. He has been immortalized as an action figure, his short story “Goodbye Houston Street, Goodbye” was nominated for a British Science Fiction Association Award, and his novel
Butcher Bird
was nominated for the Prix Elbakin in France. The bestselling and acclaimed writer and photographer lives in San Francisco, California.

Visit
www.AuthorTracker.com
for exclusive information on your favorite HarperCollins authors.

A
LSO BY
R
ICHARD
K
ADREY

Sandman Slim Novels

This book is a work of fiction. The characters, incidents, and dialogue are drawn from the author's imagination and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

Harper Voyager and design is a trademark of HCP LLC.

THE GE
TAWAY GOD.
Copyright Â© 2014 by Richard Kadrey. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

[Fluffer Nutter]

HarperÂCollins books may be purchased for educational, business, or sales promotional use. For information please e-Âmail the Special Markets Department at [email protected].

FIRST
EDITION

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Kadrey, Richard.

The getaway god : a Sandman Slim novel / Richard Kadrey. â First edition.

pages cm

ISBN 978-0-06-209461-2 (hardback) â ISBN 978-0-06-219762-7 (paperback) 1. Imaginary wars and battlesâFiction. I. Title.

PS3561.A3616G48 2014

813'.54âdc23

2014007995

ISBN 978-0-06-209461-2

EPUB Edition Month 2014 ISBN: 9780062094629

14 15 16 17 18
OV/RRD
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1