he’d just stepped out of a New England sportsman’s magazine.
James stood in the doorway holding a suitcase in one hand and a white shopping
bag in the other. He handed Dexter the white shopping bag filled with gourmet items
from a shop in New York. He smiled and said, “It’s nice to meet you, Dexter. I’ve been a
fan of your old shows since I was a child.” His voice was slow and deep, and his
movements were gentle and relaxed.
Dexter smiled and reached for his hand. If James had been a fan of Dexter’s old
shows, Dexter assumed he was in his thirties. “It’s nice to meet you, too. I feel like I
already know you.” Dexter didn’t mention how shocked he was to see that James was so
rugged and handsome. He tried hard not to look between James’s legs to see if there was
a bulge.
Captain Lang was standing at the bottom of the stairs watching them. He rubbed
his jaw and said, “He’s very attractive, Dexter. He seems very decent, too.”
Dexter turned slowly and gave Lang a look. He wasn’t sure if Lang was jealous
about the fact that James was so attractive.
Later that afternoon, while James was in the guestroom and Dexter was removing
his clothes so he could take a nap, Captain Lang walked through the fireplace. He stood
at the foot of the bed and said, “I’m going to make myself scarce this week. You have
business with this fellow and I’m not going to get in the way.”
Dexter tilted his head and crossed to where he was standing. Dexter’s shirt and
shoes were off and his jeans were unzipped. He put his arms around Captain Lang and smiled. He couldn’t wait to take of his pants and get into bed. “You don’t have to be
jealous. I’m not interested in him. I’m in love with you.”
Captain Lang kissed the top of his head. “I’m not jealous, Dexter. I just think it’s
best if you deal with business this week and I remain in the background.”
“Let’s go to bed,” Dexter said. He pulled down his pants and stepped out of them.
“I’ve been dying to put my legs over your shoulders all day. I want you to bend me in
half today.”
Lang reached for Dexter’s ass and sighed. He grabbed a handful of Dexter’s flesh
and clenched it hard. “I’m still going to make myself scarce. You should focus on work
this week.”
After that, the week passed quickly. Lang only saw Dexter in his bedroom when
he took his afternoon nap and went to bed at night. Dexter and James spent their
mornings working on edits and their afternoons touring Provincetown. Brighton stared at
James with glazed eyes—her first schoolgirl crush. And Cleo couldn’t wait to jump up on
James’s lap when he sat down. Dexter took James to the shops, to the Pilgrim Monument,
and to all the other tourist attractions first. They went with Elliot and a real estate agent to
see properties for sale. Dexter wasn’t sure if James was gay, so he avoided the gay bars
and the more flamboyant spots in town.
But one evening in the middle of that week, while they were walking up
Commercial Street, James stopped short in front of a candy shop. He looked down a side
street and leaned forward. In January, Commercial Street in Provincetown was practically
empty and not much was happening in town. But there were still a few places open for
locals. “Why are we stopping?” Dexter asked. They’d just had a wonderful dinner at one
of the few restaurants that remained open all year.
“Is that a bar?” James asked. “I’d love to get a drink.”
Dexter smiled and shrugged his shoulders. “I should warn you first. It’s a gay bar.
And it’s one of the racier bars in town. I don’t want to shock you.”
James gave him a look and blinked. “Are you serious? You don’t know I’m gay?”
Dexter’s eyes bugged. He shook his head and said, “I wasn’t sure. And I didn’t
want to insult you by asking. It’s really none of my business, and it doesn’t matter
anyway.”
James put his arm around Dexter’s waist and laughed again. “C’mon,” he said.
“I’ll buy you a drink.”
For the rest of the week, James blatantly flirted with Dexter. He didn’t do
anything physical, but he wasn’t shy about letting Dexter know he was interested in him
romantically. He told Dexter he’d loved the magazine photos he’d done. When Marion
and Brighton weren’t listening, James leaned forward and told Dexter he’d love to see
him on a real beach in the swimsuit he’d worn for the photos. Dexter smiled too much
and pretended he didn’t notice the obvious flirtations. Dexter didn’t want Captain Lang to
get jealous; he didn’t want to play games. He liked James. But he wasn’t in love with
James.
The night James left Provincetown Dexter walked him out to his rental car.
Marion had prepared a wonderful beef stew and she’d packed a few snacks for James.
James preferred driving back to New York at night to avoid the traffic. Dexter carried his
bag to the car and Brighton waved goodbye from the front porch. When they were out of Brighton’s sight, Dexter leaned over to put the bag in the back seat. James reached down
with both hands and placed them on Dexter’s waist. Dexter stood up slowly; he didn’t
know how to react. He held his breath for a moment, then sighed out loud.
“Can I kiss you goodbye?” James asked. He was still holding Dexter’s waist.
“I’ve been dying to kiss you all week.”
Dexter turned around and looked him in the eye. He placed his palms on James’s
chest and pushed him back with a gentle shove. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” he said.
Then he put his hands in his pockets and looked down at his shoes. “I like you a lot. But I
think it’s better if we just stick to business.”
James’s eyes opened wide. “Can’t we even be friends?”
Dexter smiled. “I thought we were friends.”
“I know you’re not involved with anyone,” James said. “I’d like to get to know
you better. I think I might be falling in love with you.” He took a deep breath. “I know I
shouldn’t say that so soon. I don’t want to freak you out. But I like to be honest. And I
haven’t felt this way about anyone in a long time, Dexter.”
Dexter sighed. If it hadn’t been for Captain Lang, he might have been attracted to
James. “I’m sorry, James,” he said. “I’m not ready to get involved with anyone right now.
I was in a long-term relationship with someone and I’m still getting over the breakup. I’m
happy with my life right now the way it is and I’m not ready to complicate it with a
relationship.” His words sounded familiar. This was the same thing he’d told Elliot, too.
Eventually, he knew he’d have to come up with a better excuse if guys kept coming on to
him. James moved in closer. He put his arms around Dexter’s waist and said, “It’s not
as if we’re complete strangers. I know we only met in person this week. But we have
actually known each other for months now.” Then he leaned forward and kissed Dexter
on the mouth. It wasn’t a long kiss; he didn’t insert his tongue.
Dexter smiled. The kiss was pleasant, but his heart didn’t race and his breathing
remained normal. It did nothing for him. “I’m flattered. You’re a great-looking guy. But
I’m just not ready to get involved with anyone. I hope you understand.”
James removed his hands from Dexter’s waist. He stepped back and said, “You’re
very attractive, too. You can’t blame me for trying. I do understand.” Then he opened the
front door and sat down behind the wheel. “Thanks for a wonderful week,” he said. “And,
just so you know, I’m not giving up yet. I like you too much. I’ll be in touch.”
When James started the car, Dexter slammed the back door shut and stepped away
from the car. He watched him back out of the driveway and waited for him to pull away
from the curb. As Dexter turned back to the house, he looked up at the widow’s walk.
Captain Lang was leaning against the rail. His hands were in his pockets and he was
staring down at Dexter. Dexter looked up at him and smiled. Then he loped back to the
house with his hands in his pockets.
Marion was getting Brighton ready for bed. Dexter said goodnight to her and went
into his bedroom. Captain Lang was waiting for him. He was standing in front of the
fireplace, with his elbow on the mantel and his feet crossed at the ankle.
“I assume you saw what happened outside,” Dexter said. He knew he couldn’t
hide anything from Captain Lang. “Please don’t get jealous. I told him I wasn’t
interested.” Captain Lang lowered his arm and folded his hands on his waist. “I saw
everything. I’m not jealous,” he said. “I actually like James. He’s a very decent man.
He’s good for you.” He put his hands into his pockets and turned his back to Dexter. “I
sense he was strong feelings for you, and I think you should get to know him better.”
Dexter lowered his brows. He crossed the room and placed his hand on Lang’s
shoulder and said, “I don’t want to get to know him better. I’m in love with
you
.”
Captain Lang turned around and faced him. He put his hands on Dexter’s
shoulders and said, “I’m going away, Dexter. I’m doing this for your own good. You are
a young, vital man. You have a life to live and I’ve already taken too much from you.
And now that James is part of your life, I know I’m not needed here any longer.”
“I don’t understand,” Dexter said. His voice trembled, and his knees felt as if they
were ready to collapse. “I know you love me. Don’t do this to us. What we have doesn’t
happen often. For some people, it never happens.”
“You don’t know what you’re saying, Dexter. You have no future with me. There
is no future for us. I have to do the right thing. I didn’t live a perfect life, as you well
know from the books we’ve written. And now I’m wise enough to know when it’s time to
do the right thing.” He leaned forward and kissed Dexter’s forehead, then his body
stiffened and he stepped back toward the wall. “What I’m doing is for your own good.
One day you’ll understand and you’ll thank me for allowing you to move on with your
life. There is a right way, and there is a wrong way.”
Dexter reached out with both arms. His eyes filled and tears began to roll down
his face. He lifted his arms and spread them apart. “I can’t do this without you,” he said. “I don’t want to be alone again. Don’t you see how much I need you?
You
are the right
thing. Why can’t you see that?”
Captain Lang’s body began to fade. When he was almost completely transparent,
he smiled and said, “You’re very strong, Dexter. You just don’t know that yet. Give life a
chance…give James a chance. He’s a decent man. And always remember how much I do
love you.”
“If you love me you’ll stay here, in Keel Cottage, where we both belong,” Dexter
said. His voice cracked; he leaned into the side of a wing chair for support. “Please don’t
leave. I can’t be alone again. When Michael left me, I thought I’d die. Please stay. I’m
begging you now. I don’t care about pride.”
Captain Lang didn’t answer this time. He vanished completely and Dexter knew
he was gone for good. An absolute silence enveloped the entire house. A hollow
sensation passed through Dexter’s body and he fell into the wing chair, sobbing, with his
hands pressed to his face so Marion and Brighton wouldn’t hear him.
Chapter Eighteen
When Dexter finally went to bed, he curled into a fetal position and slept in his
clothes. He didn’t pull down the covers or use the pillows. The tears stopped and he
remained in one position, staring into the darkness for hours. When he couldn’t keep his
eyes open any longer, he drifted into a deep sleep from sheer mental exhaustion.
The next morning the sun was shining through the windows in the turret. He
rubbed his eyes and sat up on the edge of the bed. Normally, Captain Lang would have
been there when he opened his eyes. Dexter would have been naked and Lang’s strong
arms would have been wrapped around his shoulders. The room felt so empty. He rubbed
his eyes again, but couldn’t focus on anything clearly. When he stood up, he went to the
bathroom so he could stand under a hot shower. His eyes were burning, his face felt puffy,
and his back was sore from sleeping in an awkward position.
At breakfast, he kissed Brighton good morning and smiled at Marion. He reached
down and patted Cleo on the head. He joked around the same way he always did. Dexter
knew how to act. He’d had years of training and he knew how to become someone else.
So he pretended to be the same happy man he’d been a day earlier. He couldn’t tell
anyone what had happened with Captain Lang. They would have thought he was insane.