A
LEXANDRA
AND THE CREW HAD
taken on the course for the third and final time. Their speed and coordination had come together better over the last hour, and Lou had fixed any previous hiccups that he’d had. They
were coming up to rounding the bottom mark, and they needed to once again execute the spinnaker drop.
Lou made sure that the ropes were free to run. Geoff hoisted the genoa, Lou guided it into the luff groove, and Luke made sure that the genoa sheet was cleated off. Robert positioned himself to grab the loose sheet under the mainsail so that it could be used to pull in the spinnaker. As soon as he was in position, everyone prepared for everything to happen at once. Geoff released the halyard and helped to stuff the spinnaker down below. Joey released the guy and made sure it ran out fast so that the spinnaker could fly flaglike outside the boat. When the spinnaker was in the boat, Luke trimmed the genoa for the new course, Joey trimmed the main, Geoff lowered the pole, and Lou stowed the pole.
Spinnaker down for the last time and approaching the finishing line, they radioed the race officer on Channel 37 and waited for recognition. Not first in, but they were all happy. Lou looked at Quentin as they sailed in, and they smiled. Neither of them said anything. They didn’t need to. They both knew.
L
YING ON HIS BACK WITH
people flying by him, Lou held on to his sore rib cage and tried to stop laughing, but he just couldn’t. He had done what he had been dreading and achieved the most dramatic and comical fall of the day. He lay in the center of the rink; Lucy was by his side, laughing, trying to lift his arm and pull him up.
They had been holding hands and skating around slowly together when, too cocky, Lou had tripped over his own feet, gone flying, and landed on his back. Nothing was broken, thankfully, other than his pride, but even that he surprisingly didn’t care about. He allowed Lucy to believe she was helping him up from the ice as she pulled on his arm. He looked over to Ruth and saw a flash as she took yet another photo. They caught each other’s eyes, and he smiled.
They didn’t say anything about that day. They didn’t need to. They all knew.
It had been the best day of their lives.
S
O HE SPENT THE DAY
with his brother
and
he spent the day with his wife at exactly the same time.” The Turkey Boy wrinkled his nose.
“Indeed,” Raphie sighed, knowing how incredible it sounded.
“How do you know that? Did Lou tell you? I wouldn’t trust that Lou bloke, if I were you; he sounds like a bit of a sap.”
“No, I didn’t hear it from Lou. I heard it from his wife, and I heard it from his brother.”
“Oh.” The boy went silent. Then he perked up. “Hey, what are you doing investigating him, anyway? What did he do?”
Raphie was silent.
“Yes!” The boy rubbed his hands together with glee. “I knew you’d get the flash bastard on somethin’. Go on, tell us the rest.” He smiled with excitement, pulling his chair closer to the table so that he’d hear Raphie’s words as soon as they left his mouth.
O
N THE
M
ONDAY MORNING FOLLOWING
his weekend of sailing and skating, Lou Suffern found himself floating down the hall to the office with the bigger desk and better light. It was Christmas Eve and the office floor was near empty, but the few souls that haunted the halls—dressed in their casuals—offered pats on the back and firm handshakes of congratulations. He had made it. Behind him, Gabe helped carry a box of his files. Being Christmas Eve, it was the last day Lou would have to prepare himself before the Christmas break. Ruth had wanted him to accompany her and the kids into the city for some last-minute shopping, but he knew the best thing to do was to get a head start in his new job.
So down he and Gabe went, to his bigger office with better light. When they opened the door, it was almost as though angels were singing inside, the morning sun lighting a pathway from the door to the desk and shining directly on his new oversized leather chair as
though it were an apparition. Having already breathed a sigh of relief, Lou now took another deep breath for the new task ahead of him. No matter what he previously achieved, the feelings of having to reach again were never ending. Life for him felt like an endless ladder that disappeared somewhere in the clouds, constantly wobbling and threatening to topple and bring him down with it. He couldn’t look down now or he would freeze. He had to keep his eyes upward. Onward and upward.
Gabe placed the boxes down and whistled as he looked around.
“Some office, Lou.”
“Yeah, it is.” Lou grinned.
“It’s warm,” Gabe added, hands in pockets and strolling around.
Lou frowned. “Warm is…a word I wouldn’t use to describe this”—he spread his hands out in the vast space—“enormous fucking office.” He started laughing, feeling slightly delirious. Tired and emotional, proud and a little fearful, he tried to take it all in.
“So what exactly is it that you do now?” Gabe asked.
“I’m the business development director, which means I now have the authority to tell certain little shits exactly what to do.”
“Little shits like you?”
Lou’s head snapped around to face Gabe, like a radar that had found a signal.
“I mean, just a few days ago you would have been one
of those little shits being told what to…never mind,” Gabe trailed off. “So how did Cliff take it?”
“Take what?”
“That his job was gone?”
“Oh.” Lou looked up. He shrugged. “I don’t know. I didn’t tell him.”
Gabe left a silence.
“I don’t think he’s well enough yet to talk to anyone,” Lou added, feeling the need to explain.
“He’s perfectly fine,” Gabe told him.
“How do you know?”
“I know. You should go and see him. He might have some good advice for you. You could learn from him. He’s decided to become a landscaper. Something he’s always wanted to do.”
Lou laughed at that.
Gabe didn’t blink, and stood looking at him as if disappointed.
Lou cleared his throat awkwardly.
“It’s Christmas Eve, Lou. What are you doing here?” Gabe’s voice was gentle.
“What do you mean, what am I doing?” Lou held his hands up questioningly. “What does it look like? I’m working.”
“Except for security, and a few stragglers, you’re the only person left in the building. Haven’t you noticed? Everybody’s out there.” Gabe pointed out at the busy city.
“Yeah, well, everybody out there isn’t as busy as I
am,” Lou said childishly. “Besides, you’re here, too, aren’t you?”
“I don’t count.”
“Well, that’s a great answer. I don’t count then, either.”
“You keep on going like this and you won’t,” Gabe said. “You know, one of the most successful businessmen of all time, a certain Walt Disney—I’m sure you’ve heard of him, he has a company or two here and there—said, ‘A man should never neglect his family for business.’”
There was a long, awkward silence during which Lou clenched and unclenched his jaw, trying to decide whether to ask Gabe to leave or physically throw him out.
“But then”—Gabe laughed—“he also said, ‘It all started with a mouse.’”
“Okay, well, I’d better get to work now, Gabe. I hope you have a happy Christmas.” Lou tried to control his tone.
“Thank you, Lou. A very happy Christmas to you, too. And congratulations on your warm, enormous fucking office.”
Lou couldn’t help but laugh at that, and as Gabe closed the door behind him, Lou was alone for the first time in his space. He made his way to the desk, ran his finger along the walnut border to the pigskin surface. All that was on the desk was a large white computer, a keyboard, and a mouse.
He sat down on the leather chair and swung around to face the window, watching the city below him preparing for the celebrations. A part of him felt pulled outside, yet he felt trapped behind the window. In fact, he often felt as though he were trapped inside an oversized snow globe, responsibilities and failures sprinkling down around him. He sat in that chair, at that desk, for over an hour, just thinking. Thinking about Cliff; thinking about the events of the past few weeks and about the best day of all with his family, about the lessons he had learned. He thought about everything. When a mild panic began to grow inside him, he turned in his chair and faced the office. Faced up to it all.
He stared at the keyboard. Stared at it hard. Then he followed the thin white wire that was connected to the mouse. He thought about Cliff, about finding him underneath this very desk, clutching this very keyboard, swinging that very mouse at him with wide, haunted eyes.
To honor Cliff—something that Lou realized he hadn’t managed to do in the entire time that the man had been out of work—he kicked off his shoes, unhooked the keyboard from the computer monitor, and pushed back the leather chair. He got onto his hands and knees and crawled underneath the desk, clutching the keyboard close to him. From there he looked out the floor-to-ceiling windows and watched the city go racing by. He sat there for another hour, just pondering, watching people live while he was still and alone.
The clock on the wall ticked loudly in the silence. Gone was the usual hustle and bustle of the office floor. No phones ringing, no photocopiers going, no hum of the computers, no voices, no footsteps passing by. He’d never before heard the seconds on the clock, but now that he’d registered them, the ticking seemed to get louder and louder. Lou looked down at the keyboard in his hands, and then he looked at the mouse. What on Earth was he doing here, again, when everything he loved in the world was out there? It was then that he had a jolt, he felt it smack him in the head for the second time that year; for the first time, Cliff’s message finally reached him. Whatever Cliff had been so afraid was coming to get him, Lou sure as hell didn’t want it chasing him, either.
He clambered out from under the desk, shoved his feet into his polished black leather shoes, and walked out of the office to join the living.
G
RAFTON
S
TREET, THE BUSY PEDESTRIAN
street in Dublin city, was awash with people doing their last-minute shopping. Hands were fighting to grab the last remaining items on shelves, budgets and all thought gone out the window as rash decisions were made according to availability and time, and not necessarily with the recipient in mind. Presents first; for whom, later.
For once not keeping up with the pace around him, Lou held Ruth’s hand and slowly wandered the streets of Dublin, allowing others to rush by them. Lou had all the time in the world. Ruth had been more than taken aback earlier when he’d arranged to meet up with them out in the city but, as usual, hadn’t asked any questions. She’d welcomed his new change with silent delight but with equal amounts of cynicism. Lou Suffern still had much to prove to her.
They walked down Henry Street, where hawkers cleared the last of their stock in their market stalls: toys
and wrapping paper, tinsel and baubles, remote-control cars that ran up and down the street, everything on show for the last few hours of manic Christmas shopping. On the ever-changing Moore Street, displays included a lively ethnic mix of Asian and African stores. They attended early Christmas Eve mass and ate lunch together in the Westin Hotel in College Green, the historic nineteenth-century building, that had been transformed from a bank to a five-star hotel. They ate in the Banking Hall, where Bud spent the entire time with his head tilted to the ceiling, looking in awe at the intricately hand-carved ornate ceiling and the four chandeliers that glistened with eight thousand pieces of Egyptian crystal, and shouting over and over again just to hear the echo of his voice in the high ceiling.
Lou Suffern saw the world differently that day. Instead of viewing it from thirteen floors up, behind tinted reinforced glass in an oversized leather chair, he had chosen to join in. Gabe had been right about the mouse; he’d been right about Cliff teaching him something all along—in fact, it had started six months ago, as soon as the plastic mouse had hit him across the face, causing Lou’s fears and his conscience to slowly resurface after long being buried. In fact, when Lou thought about it, Gabe had been right about a lot of things. The voice that had been grating so much in his ear over the past week had actually been speaking the words he hadn’t wanted to hear. He owed Gabe a lot, he realized. As the evening was closing in, the children having to return home be
fore Santa took to the skies, Lou kissed Ruth and the kids good-bye, saw them safely into the car, and then headed back to the office. He had one more thing to do.
Lou waited in the building lobby for the elevators, and when the doors opened, Lou about to step in, Mr. Patterson stepped out.
“Lou,” he said in surprise, “I can’t believe you’re working today. You really are a piece of work.” He eyed the box in Lou’s hand.
“Oh no, I’m not working. Not on a holiday,” Lou smiled, trying to make a point, subtly attempting to set the ground rules for his new position. “I just have to…” He didn’t want to get Gabe into trouble by revealing his whereabouts. “I just left something behind in the office.”
“Good, good. Well, Lou,” Mr. Patterson said tiredly. “I’m afraid I have to tell you something. I deliberated over whether to or not to, but I think it’s best that I do.” He paused. “I didn’t come in this evening to work, either,” he admitted. “Alfred called me in. Said it was urgent. After what happened to Cliff we’re all on tenterhooks, I’m afraid, and so I came in quickly.”
“I’m all ears,” Lou said, worried. The elevator doors closed again. Escape route gone.
“He wanted to have a few words about…well, about you.”
“Yes,” Lou said slowly.
“He brought me these.” Mr. Patterson reached into his pocket and retrieved the container of pills that Gabe
had given Lou. There was only one pill inside. Alfred, the rat, had obviously scuttled to the trash bin to collect the one piece of evidence to destroy him.
Lou looked at the container in shock and tried to decide whether to deny the pills or not. Sweat broke out on his upper lip as he thought quickly for a story. They were his father’s. No. His mother’s. For her hip. No. He had back pain. Then he realized Mr. Patterson was talking.
“He said something about finding them under the trash.” Mr. Patterson frowned. “And that he knew them to be yours…” He studied Lou, searching for recognition.
Lou’s heart beat loudly in his ears.
“I know that you and Alfred are friends,” Mr. Patterson said, his face suddenly showing his sixty-five years. “But his concern for you seemed a little misguided. It seemed to me that the purpose of this was to get you into trouble.”
“Eh,” Lou swallowed, eyeing up the brown container, “that’s not, em, they’re not, em…” He stuttered while trying to formulate a sentence.
“I’m not one to pry into people’s personal lives, Lou—what my colleagues do in their own time is their own business, so long as it’s not going to affect the company in any way. So I didn’t take too kindly to Alfred giving me these,” he said. When Lou didn’t answer, Mr. Patterson added, “But maybe that’s what you wanted him to do?”
“What?” Lou wiped his brow. “Why would I want Alfred to bring these to you?”
Mr. Patterson stared at him, his lips twitching ever so slightly. “I don’t know, Lou, you’re a clever man.”
“What?” Lou responded, totally confused. “I don’t understand.”
“Correct me if I’m wrong, but
I
assumed,” Mr. Patterson said, his twitching lips eventually growing into a smile, “that you deliberately tried to mislead Alfred with these pills. That you somehow made him believe they were more than they are. Am I right?”
Lou’s mouth fell open, and he looked at his boss in surprise.
“I knew it.” Mr. Patterson chuckled and shook his head. “You are good. But not that good. I recognized the blue mark on the pill.”
“What do you mean? What blue mark?”
“You didn’t manage to scratch the entire symbol off this last one,” he explained, opening the container and emptying it into his palm. “See the blue mark? If you look close enough you can also see the trace of the
D
where it used to be. I should know. Working here, I swear by these fellas.”
Lou swallowed. “That was the only one with the blue mark?” Lazy till the end, Alfred couldn’t even reach into the trash to save his own skin, he’d had to scrape an initial off a simple headache tablet.
“No, there were two pills. Both with blue marks. I took one, I hope you don’t mind. Trash or no trash, my
head was pounding so much I had to have one. This bloody Christmas season is enough to drive me to an early grave.”
“You took one?” Lou gasped.
“I’ll replace it.” He waved his hand dismissively. “You can get them at any pharmacy. Newsagents even, they’re just over-the-counter pills.”
“What happened when you took it?”
“Well, it got rid of my headache, didn’t it?” He frowned. “Though to tell you the truth, if I don’t get home in the next hour, I’ll have to take another one before I know it.” He looked at his watch.
Lou was gobsmacked into silence.
“Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I didn’t like what Alfred was trying to do, and that I don’t think you’re a…well, whatever Alfred was trying to make me believe. There’s no place in the company for people like him. I had to let him go. Christmas Eve, Christ, this job makes a monster of us sometimes,” he said, tiredly now.
Lou was silent, his mind screaming questions at him. Either Alfred had replaced the pills with fake ones, or Lou, too, had taken headache pills on the two occasions he had doubled up. Lou took out the handkerchief from his pocket, unwrapped it, and examined the one remaining pill. His heart froze in his chest. The faint initial of the headache tablet could be seen on its surface. Why hadn’t he noticed it before?
“Ah, I see you have another one there,” Mr. Patterson
chuckled. “Caught red-handed, Lou. Well, here you go, you can have the last one. Add it to your collection.” He handed him the container.
Lou looked at him and opened and closed his mouth like a goldfish, no words coming out, as he shifted the box into one hand and took the remaining pill in the other.
“I’d better go now.” Mr. Patterson slowly backed away. “I have a train set to put together and batteries to insert into a Little Miss Something-or-Other with a mouth as dirty as a toilet bowl, which I’ll no doubt be forced to listen to all week. Have a lovely Christmas, Lou.” He held his hand out.
Lou gulped, his mind still in a whirl about the headache tablets. Was he allergic to them? Had the doubling up been some sort of side effect? Had he dreamed it? No. No, it had happened, his family had witnessed his presence on both occasions. So if it wasn’t the pills…
“Lou,” Mr. Patterson said, his hand still in midair.
“Bye,” Lou said croakily, and then cleared his throat. “I mean, Happy Christmas.” He shoved the pills deep into his pocket before he reached out and shook his boss’s hand.
As soon as Mr. Patterson had turned his back, Lou ran to the stairwell and charged down to the basement. It was colder than usual, and the fluorescent tube at the end of the hall had finally been fixed, no longer flashing like an eighties strobe light. Christmas music drifted out from under the door Lou was heading toward, “Driving
Home for Christmas” by Chris Rea echoing down the long, cold, sterile hallway.
Lou didn’t knock before entering. He pushed the door with his foot, still carrying the box in his arm. The room was significantly emptier than it had been. Gabe was down the second aisle, rolling up the sleeping bag and blanket.
“Hi, Lou,” he said without turning around.
“Who are you?” Lou asked, his voice shaking as he put the box down on a shelf.
Gabe stood up and stepped out of the aisle. “Okay,” he said slowly, looking Lou up and down. “That’s an interesting way to start a conversation.” His eyes went to the box on the shelf, and he smiled. “A gift for me?” he said softly. “You really shouldn’t have.” He stepped forward to receive it, and Lou took a step backward while eyeing him.
“Hmm,” Gabe said, frowning, then turning to the gift-wrapped box on the shelf. “Can I open it now?”
Lou didn’t answer. Sweat glistened on his face, and his eyes moved sharply to follow Gabe’s every movement.
Taking his time, Gabe carefully opened the perfectly wrapped gift. Approaching it from the ends, he slowly removed the tape, taking care not to rip the paper.
“I love giving people gifts,” he explained, still keeping the same easy tone. “But it’s not often that people give them to me. But you’re different, Lou. I’ve always thought that.” He unwrapped the box and finally re
vealed the gift inside, a small electric heater for his storeroom. “Well, this is certainly very thoughtful. Thank you. It will definitely warm up my next space, but not here, unfortunately, as I’m moving on.”
Lou had moved up against the wall now, as far away from Gabe as he could get before he spoke with a tremble. “The pills you gave me were headache tablets.”
Gabe kept studying the heater. “Mr. Patterson told you that, I suspect.”
Lou was taken aback, having expected Gabe to deny it. “Yes,” he responded. “Alfred took them from the trash and gave them to him.”
“The little rat.” Gabe shook his head, smiling. “Predictable old Alfred. I thought he might do that. Well, we can give him points for persistence. He
really
didn’t want you to have that job, though, did he?”
When Lou didn’t answer, Gabe continued, “I bet running to Patterson didn’t do him any favors, did it?”
“Mr. Patterson fired him,” Lou said quietly, still trying to figure the situation out.
Gabe smiled, not seeming at all surprised. Just satisfied—and very much satisfied with himself.
“Tell me about the pills,” Lou found his voice shaking.
“Yeah, they were a packet of headache pills I bought at a newsagent. Took me ages to scrape the little letters off; you know, there aren’t many pills without branding on them these days.”
“WHO ARE YOU?” Lou shouted, his voice drenched in fear.
Gabe jumped, then looked a little bothered. “You’re frightened of me now? Because you found out it wasn’t a bunch of pills that cloned you? What is it with science these days? Everyone is so quick to believe in it, in all these new scientific discoveries, new pills for this, new pills for that. Get thinner, grow hair, yada, yada, yada, but when it requires a little faith in something, you all go crazy.” He shook his head. “If miracles had chemical equations, then everybody would believe. It’s disappointing. I had to pretend they were pills, Lou, because you wouldn’t have trusted me otherwise. And I was right, wasn’t I?”
“What do you mean,
trust you?
Who the hell are you, and what is this all about?”
“Now,” Gabe said, looking at Lou sadly, “I thought that was pretty clear by now.”
“Clear? As far as I’m concerned, things couldn’t be more messed up.”
“The pills. They were just a science con. A con of science. A conscience.” He smiled.
Lou rubbed his face, confused and afraid.
“It was all to give you your opportunity, Lou. Everybody deserves an opportunity. Even you, despite what you think.”
“Opportunity FOR WHAT?” he yelled.
The following words that Gabe spoke sent shivers down Lou’s spine.
“Come on, Lou, you know this one.”
They were Ruth’s words. They belonged to Ruth.
Lou’s body was trembling now, and Gabe continued.
“An opportunity to spend some time with your family, to really get to know them, before…well, just to spend time with them.”
“To get to know them before what?” Lou asked, quiet now.
Gabe didn’t respond and looked away, knowing he’d said too much.
“BEFORE WHAT?” Lou yelled again, coming close to Gabe’s face.
Gabe’s crystal-blue eyes bore into Lou’s.
“Is something going to happen to them?” Lou’s voice shook as he began to panic. “I knew it. I was afraid of this. What’s going to happen to them?” He ground his teeth together. “If you did something to them, then I will—”
“Nothing has happened to your family, Lou,” Gabe responded.