The Girl at the Bus-Stop

Copyright © 2011 Fran Hiatt Limited

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, organisations, places or events are either the product of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales is entirely co-incidental.

When a wannabe author receives his 1000th rejection letter from a literary agent, how can he possibly recover? Easily, by getting blind drunk and writing a best-selling sex novel.

Middle-aged clerk Reuben Rudge, has been writing sci-fi novels for many years, and getting nowhere. His latest rejection letter is the last straw, so he gets drunk and watches a late night TV documentary about BDSM. In the morning he wakes up naked on the floor, with a manuscript to post.
A few weeks later he receives a letter from a publisher addressed to Ms Raspberry Caine, inviting her to contract talks for the adult novel
Disciplinary Attraction
. After finding the manuscript on his laptop, Rudge reads it and is shocked by its content and even more so when he realises that he’s the author.

Fearing a lack of credibility, he persuades a complete stranger at his bus stop, young Becky, to pose as Raspberry Caine at the interview.
The book becomes a bestseller, and Rudge lies to his wife about a new job he has in London. He employs Becky full-time as Raspberry Caine, and she has to bluff her way through the book launch and a succession of functions attended by celebrities, VIPs and the ‘arty-farty’ glitterati.
Rudge is under pressure to write the sequel, but has no ideas whatsoever. Becky steps in to help by documenting the kinky exploits of her famous new friends, but forgets to change their real names.

Will a scandal unfold? Does Mrs Rudge discover her husband's secret life?

Comments from readers and writers

“Well this is an absolutely excellent plot, and a perfect pitch to boot. I am more than happy to plunge into this story. It’s like Remington Steele but with a sci-fi geek hiding behind a woman. The style is light and breezy. The dry wit is very enjoyable. The opening chapter’s suburban setting is suitably boring yet desperate. That aspect of the humour is where it’s at its best.”

“This is very likeable. There’s bags of charm, and lots of clever, wry humorous touches. I found your writing style a very easy one to follow and enjoyed the humour.”

“This is not my genre but you got me on the first page. It flows wonderfully and the humour is spot on.”

“I wish you all the very best with this. It deserves to go all the way and I am surprised it is not in
Waterstones
now.”

“Very funny. I enjoyed the dry humour and the acute observations (although the humour is very British and I wonder how well it would travel?). Your ending is an interesting twist. It's hard to comment too much without giving anything away.”

“This is really outstanding! Your dry, understated humour really rocks my boat! And of course, how could I not relate to the frustrations of the under-appreciated writer?”

“…………the writing is smooth, very entertaining. To me Rueben is real to life character.”

“I found your writing to be very visual and entertaining. I like the range of similes you build in early on that create humour and some rather unpleasant images. Everyone likes a good loser, and your character certainly fits that bracket. “

“I read all of this and loved it! Reuben is such a lovely man, and I feel for his lack of success with his S-F novels.”

“This story has a main character who easy to relate to – because he’s just like all of us, bus collecting rejection slips on a regular basis. I sympathized with him right away. I like the detail you include in your descriptions of scenes: exactly the colour or brand or smell of everything; makes your setting feel very real.”

“Loved this! Warm and funny and deserves to do well.”

“I was drawn into it by your pitch. It sounded different and when I read the first chapter it was just that. Your sense of humour is very sharp. I love the line regarding Mr Potter where you describe him as a cadaver in a cardigan. I also like the parts where the overseas callers are harassing Rudge with offers that he just isn't interested in. Another sympathy vote! What makes this novel different is the theme of Rudge pretending to be a female author. Very clever. Good luck with this.”

“This was delightfully tongue in...cheek. Well done!”

“I like your sense of humour. You have many funny descriptions and examples of dirty humour. There is a niche audience for this type of writing.”

“This is excellent, original and a damned good read. I would buy it if I saw it in a book shop just on the strength of the pitch.”

 
“Rudge instantly is a sympathetic character…I believe many will relate since we’ve all felt this way at one point or another. Nothing seems to go right for the poor man. I loved many of the lines such as ‘Cadaver in a cardigan’, from that line on I was hooked. Poor Rudge, the world just doesn’t spin in his direction. The mistake at the office, his rejection letter he hurls across the room, even the fence needing repair, your heart just reaches out to the poor man. I found his mood hilarious, his responses to the phone solicitors was spot on. You manage to draw the reader into his tiring existence.”

“I laughed so often through the chapters I kept turning the pages. I loved the wording and the many snippets such as, ‘whatever happened to a couple pints after work’ then the joke about his wife. The drunken nights he barely remembers anything, waking nude in the hall. There is so much humour throughout the chapters it is a wonderful hook to keep the readers engrossed.”

“This book is such wonderful fun! I laughed my way through the first two chapters, then sobered up and read the next two as well, just to see if there was anything about it I could really, as in really criticise, and in fact, there just isn't. The writing rolls smoothly along, the characters are straight out of reality, the sense of dread is something we have all visited. As an example, the wise cracking, happy work mates are just perfect.”

“I like the
sarky
, "urgently required crap" being delivered in vans, the "reproduction Georgian brass effect battery operated Chinese carriage clock" We have all felt the way Reuben does, but you have it pitch perfect.”

“Brilliant stuff. All the very best with this!”

“I love good writing and that’s what I read here, writing that flows and is a pleasure to read. The quality of writing here made it impossible not to comment. Phrases like ‘with an expression like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle...’, ‘can name the five vegetable you most resemble...’ and ‘he wondered how anyone so pretty could go to such lengths to make herself look like a vandalised work of art’... were gems. Rudge meeting Becky in Chapter Three is where this story really kicked in for me.”

“Great idea, well written. Lots of good lines in there. “

“My kind of writing...full of humour and observation, not to mention the obsession with minute detail! Bloody good.”

“….clever premise= a failing writer- l can identify with that- you can't be, with your excellent writing skill, originality and knowledge of how to use narrative and dialogue with great effect.”

“Mr Rudge is a great character and I like his relationship with Becky, they seem to have the makings of a good 'team'. You've captured the everyday working life routine spot on and the way Rudge has names for all his neighbours (I do the same!)”

“The first chapter showcases a typical day and thoughts that I feel many people would identify with. He has the normal complaints and jealousy. Rudge is bitter toward his wife and the decisions he feels she has forced him to make. This story has a lot of promise even though it is not something I would typically pick out to read. “

“This is right up my street. Quintessentially English with great observations of the
mundanity
and annoyance of life. I'm a huge advocate of chapter headings, and the title of the first is just inspired. A lot of hats will be raised to that one. I checked out all the other chapter headings because of that, and found more gems. 'Good Year For The Raspberries' does the impossible by eclipsing the first (as myself, you're obviously a fan of Costello). The way you built up the 'Wife on Mars' gag was masterly - really good comedy writing and very funny. This is a breath of fresh air.”

 
“This is highly original, very funny and nicely written. I've read the first seven chapters and I can't wait to read the rest of it. I'm sure it will be extremely popular as a novel and it would also make a great comedy film. Well done.”

Chapter 1 - 99 Lead Balloons
.
6

Chapter 2 – A Good Year for the Raspberries
.
12

Chapter 3 – Once in a Lifetime
.
17

Chapter 4 – London Calling
.
23

Chapter 5– This Year’s Girl
28