The Girl in the Tangerine Scarf (45 page)

She is caught off guard. What if they did? Her mind races. No, not her mind. It might-it might be nice. He could maybe stay at the dergah. She could introduce him to Mukhtar Bibi. She smiles at the thought of the tall, lanky imam meeting the little wizened sheikha. Wait-you're getting ahead of yourself, she thinks.

"You're smiling. You wouldn't mind?"

"I wouldn't mind," she says carefully. "Just to get to know each other, right?"

"Right."

She's not going to rush anything, this she knows. "For real this time," she says.

"Yeah," he says. After a moment, he adds, "It was for real before. You know-" He pauses, looks at his feet, then meets her eye with a twinkle she has not seen in their encounters all weekend. Hasn't seen since they were little. "Couldn't you tell-don't you know that-well, that I used to kind of have a thing for you? When we were kids?"

She is floored. Then she thinks about it while they buy the soda pop. "You know what?" she says slowly, as they turn toward the stands, balancing trays. "I guess I-I never really let myself think about it, but somewhere along the line, I maybe had a little thing for you, too."

He lets out a whoop and nearly spills the root beer. "I knew it! I knew it! Khadra likes Haki-eem, Khadra likes Haki-eem," he teases, and for a moment the years drop away and he is Hakim whose handlebars she rode, whizzing down Tecumseh Street.

"Shut up," she says, giving him a flirty shoulder.

But she is reflective as they hand Aziza her drink and head to their seats some rows up. She is thinking she knows why he never approached her parents.

"All that Muslim-on-Muslim racism," he acknowledges. She appreciates that he is too kind to say, "Your racist parents."

"But you should've told me, at least," she says.

"Why?" he says. "You weren't going to go against them. You were very close to them. I liked that about you. It was sweet."

"How do you know what I would've done?" Because she did break with their program, in the end. She wondered if she would've done it earlier, if-well, there was no point in wondering. "I know what I'm going to do now," she says, setting down her drink.

"What?" he says, leaning closer to her, but not touching. His face is radiant, a face of intelligence.

"Take some bad-ass pictures!" she says, laughing. She grabs her camera gear and heads down to the press tier, where she shows her pass. She climbs up and gets into position, into focus, legs apart to brace herself, qad qamat, qad qamat.

There will be no postponing her task, and no crouching and stooping and restricting her movements for someone else's hang-ups. Not for Hakim or anyone-no surrender in those quarters, anyway.

Because so what if they'd had crushes on each other once-that doesn't settle anything. Whether Hakim is just looking for someone to fit "the wife profile," or really is for real this time remains to be seen. But she's willing to go down the road to find out.

The flag drops and the drivers are off. Click-shee, click-shee! Click-click-click-shee! Khadra is off too, shooting as fast as she can. Her flame is lit, and she will tend and cherish it.

Hanifa is a back marker so far. "But that's okay, that's all right," Uncle Jamal is yelling, up in the stands. "She's here! She's in the race!"

"Bismillah!" Aunt Khadija screams, covering Aziza's eyes, and Uncle Jamal and Hakim jump up. Hanifa's car has skidded against the wall-there is a terrible screech of metal-will she crash?- Whoa!-that was a close call for the green and black car-oversteering into the turn -a rookie mistake!

Is she out of the race? No! she's back! cries the announcer. She's regrouping-I'm regrouping too, Khadra thinks with elation, and she is full of gratitude-she's gathering speed-and there she goes! and Khadra and her camera are lockstep with her friend for a cartwheeling second, clicking away, and the crowd cheers as one, and in that shutter-click instant, she knows she is where she belongs, doing what she must do, with intent, with abandon. And it is glorious, it is divine, and Khadra's own work takes her there: into the state of pure surrender.

You claim "I broke The Idol of IllusionI'm liberated!" But I fear Your Manifesto is itself An idol

-Ahmad Jami

I would like to acknowledge the following works, cited in this novel. • Quran quotes throughout based on translations by A. Yusuf Ali, Amana Publications, 1997; Ahmed All, Princeton University Press, 1993; and Michael Sells's Approaching the Quran: The Early Revelations, White Cloud Press, 1999. • Prefatory epigraph from Sue Monk Kidd, Dance ofthe Dissident Daughter. A Woman's Journey from the Christian Tradition to the Sacred Feminine, HarperSanFrancisco, 1996. • Wudu blessing and "salat" definition from Coleman Barks and Michael Green, The Illuminated Prayer: The Five Times Prayer of the Sufis as Revealed by Jel- laludin Rumi & Bawa Muhaiyaddeen, Ballantine Wellspring, 2000. • Howard H. Peckham, Indiana: A History, University of Illinois Press, 2003. • Marvin X, In the Crazy House Called America, Black Bird Press, 2003. • Laura Ingalls Wilder, Little House on the Prairie, HarperCollins edition, 1971. • Hoda Barakat, trans. Marilyn Booth, Tiller of Waters, American University in Cairo Press, 2001. • Diane Wolkstein and Samuel Kramer, manna, Queen of Heaven and Earth, Harper & Row, 1983. • Libby Roderick, "How Could Anyone," (c) Libby Roderick Music 1988. All rights reserved. From the recordings "How Could Anyone" and "If You See a Dream," Turtle Island Records, P.O. Box 203294, Anchorage, AK 99520, (907) 278-6817, www.libbyroderick.com, [email protected]. • Leonard Cohen, Book ofMerry, McClelland & Stewart, 1986. • James Baldwin, "The Fire Next Time," Collected Essays, Library of America, 1998. • Hoyt Axton, "Joy to the World/A Country Anthem (Jeremiah Was a Bullfrog)," Rondor Music Publishing Ltd./Universal Music Publishing Ltd. • James H. Madison, The Indiana Way: A State History, Indiana University Press, Indiana Historical Society, 1986. Michael Wilkerson, "Indiana Origin Stories," in David Hoppe, ed., When We Live: • Essays About Indiana, Indiana University Press, 1989. • Ali ibn Abi Talib, excerpts from Nahj al-Balagha (The Peak of Eloquence), trans. Thomas Cleary as Living and Dying with Grace: Counsels of Hadrat Ali, Shambhala, 1996. • Middle East Watch, Syria Unmasked- The Suppression of Human Rights by the Asad Regime, Yale University Press, 1991. • Martin Buber, I and Thou, trans. Walter Kaufmann, Charles Scribner's Sons, 1970. • Thomas Huhti, The Great Indiana Touring Book: 20 SpectacularAuto Tours, Black Earth, WI: Trails Books, 2002. • Six lines used as epigraph from Truth or Dare: Encounters with Power by Starhawk, Copyright 1987 by Miriam Simos, reprinted by permission of HarperCollins publishers. • James Olney. Metaphors ofSel the Meaning ofAutobiography, Princeton University Press, 1972. • • Yusuf Islam (formerly Cat Stevens), "Moonshadow" from Teaser and the Firecat, A&M Records, 1971. • Marilyn Booth, trans. Aisha Taymuriya, from Miriam Cooke and Margot Badran, Opening the Gates: A Century ofArab Feminism, Indiana University Press, 1990. • J. R. R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings, Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1993. • Camille Adams Helminski, Women of Sufism: A Hidden Treasure. Shambhala, 2003. • Badr Shakir al-Sayyab, "Ode to the Rain" from Salma Khadra Jayyusi, ed., Modern Arabic Poetry, Columbia University Press, 1991. • Sue Hubbell, Broadsides from the Other Orders: A Book of Bugs, NY: Random House, 1993. • Daniel Abdal-Hayy Moore, from Some of the Mysteries of the Self, Philadelphia, Zilzal Press, 1994, and from "The Question Posed" in Awake as Never Before, Zilzal Press, 1984. Now published through www.danielmoorepoetry.com. • Adrienne Rich, "Diving into the Wreck," from Diving into the Wreck: Poems 1971-1972. W. W. Norton & Company, Inc., 1973. • Attar, Sanai, Rumi, Shah Dai Shirazi, and Abroad Jami, trans., Peter Lamborn Wilson and Nasrollah Pourjavady, The Drunken Universe, Omega Publications, New Lebanon, NY, 1987. • Anna Akhmatova, Selected Poems ofAnna Akhmatova, trans. Richard McKane, Bloodaxe Books, 1989. • Naomi Long Madgett, "Black Woman," in Wendy Mulford, ed., Love Poems by Women: An anthology ofpoetry from around the world and through the ages. Ballantine Books/Fawcett Columbine, 1990. • The Epic of Gilgamesh: An English Version, by N. K. Sanders, quoted on p. 340. Penguin, revised edition, 1964. • John L. Foster, trans., "The Harper's Song for Inherkhawy," from Ancient Egyptian Literature: An Anthology, Copyright (c) 2001. Quoted on p. 340, courtesy of the University of Texas Press. • Sandra Cisneros, "Introduction," The House on Mango Street, NY: Alfred A. Knopf, 1994. • Phil Collins, "In the Air Tonight" from the album Face Value, 1981, copyright Phillip Collins Ltd., London. • Memphis Minnie, "Me and My Chauffeur Blues," in Wendy Mulford, ed., Love Poems by Women: An anthology ofpoetry from around the world andthrough the ages. Ballantine Books/Fawcett Columbine, 1990. • "By the Rivers Dark" Q Sony/ATV Songs LLC, Robinhill Music. All rights on behalf of Sony/ATV Songs LLC administered by Sony/ATV Music Publishing, 8 Music Square West, Nashville, TN 37203. All rights reserved. Used by Permission. • Translations of Ibn al-Arabi are from William C. Chittick, The Self-Disclosure of God- Principles of Ibn al Arabi's Cosmology, State University of New York Press, 1998. • Excerpts from Hadiths numbers 7, 15, 22, 23, and 27, Ezzeddin Ibrahim and Denys Johnson-Davies, trans., Forty Hadith Qudsi, the Holy Koran Publishing House, Beirut and Vienna, 1980. • Translation of lines from poem by Wallada hint al-Mustakfi is by the author, Mohja Kahf. • Rabia excerpts from the Penguin anthology Love Porno from God, copyright 2002 Daniel Ladinsky and used by his permission. • Sonia Sanchez, "To All Brothers: From All Sisters" from Homegirls and Handgrenades, Thunder's Mouth Press, 1997. Ibn Faraj, "Chastity" excerpts from Cola Franzen, trans., Poems ofArab Andalusia, City Lights Books, 1990. • Thulani Davis, "Don't Worry, Be Buppie: Black Novelists Head for the Mainstream," in Joy Press, ed., War of the Words: 20 Years of Writing on Contemporary Literature, Three Rivers Press, 2001. • Trans. by Mohja Kahf of excerpts from "The Palm Reader" by Nizar Kabbani, from the Arabic poem published in The Complete Works of Nizar Kabbani, Nizar Kabbani Publications, Beirut, 1973. • Joy Harjo, "Eagle Poem," in John Frederick Nims and David Mason, Western Wind- An Introduction to Poetry, McGraw-Hill, 1999.

Every effort has been made to trace copyright holders where appropriate, but if errors or omissions are brought to our attention we shall be pleased to publish corrections in future editions of this book.