Kat suddenly felt guiltyshe'd paid that much for her leather couch.
We've got some county funds. Plus, I've squeezed out a dozen or more sponsorships from the business community, and a whole bunch of in-kind donations, but it's not like Randolph County is an industrial powerhouse.
How about the mine?
The operation is a shell of what it used to be, but they did pony up something. The bank came up with about a hundred thousand, and it was much appreciated, but I'm having to do some real creative financing to make all this happen.
Kat's brain started to gallop ahead of her. She was suddenly thinking of a hundred ways she could help get Riley's clinic up and running, and one of them was a huge cash donation. I've got a few ideas, Riley. Let's sit down and look at the numbers later, OK?
He shook his head. Hell no, Kat. I don't want your money. That is not why I'm telling you this.
I know that, she said.
I wouldn't take it, anyway. It's yours.
She strained to reach Riley over Loretta's large body but only managed to plant a kiss somewhere near his cheek. First of all, it's Phyllis' money, not mine. Kat saw the doubt in Riley's eyes. She had a giving heart and would love this idea. Let me talk to her brother and see if maybe we can do something.
Riley shook his head. I can't ask for that.
Kat smiled at him. You didn't, my sweet man. I offered. She smacked her palms on her jeans. Besides, that's not my only idea. I think I know how we can get everyone to come together for one last push so you can open by Christmas.
Riley's face was flooded with a combination of relief and joy. It occurred to Kat that he'd been carrying this burden by himself a long time, probably because he hadn't trusted anyone to share it with him.
Tell me what happened with that grant money from the state. You never did explain that to me.
He nodded, sliding his hands together so they met at the top of the steering wheel. CarrieI told you she was the head of rural health policy for the state, right?
Kat nodded. I meant to tell you I saw her on a TV public-service announcement the other nightshe's stunning.
Riley let out a groan. She sure screwed me over in a stunning way.
What did she do, exactly?
Riley took a minute before he answered Kat, and she could tell he wanted to choose his words with care. I can't prove it, I have to say that up front, but right after I called off the wedding and broke up with her, everything went to hell. One day we were told the money was ours, and the next day it was as if nobody knew a thing about it. By the time I realized what was going on, the legislative session had ended. I hired a lawyer, who's been trying for a year now to bulldoze his way through a mountain of bullshit. I eventually took out a personal loan just so we wouldn't have to scrap it.
You /what/? Kat's mouth fell open.
I took out a second mortgage on the Bohland House.
Kat's body hummed with agitation. How much, Riley? How much was the state supposed to give you? A couple hundred thousand?
He shrugged. A little more than that.
How much, Riley? Kat was suddenly filled with trepidation. How much do you owe?
They say real estate is location, location, locationwell, the location of the Bohland House is the middle of nowhere, obviously, but it has some serious value because of its architecture.
She knew he was stalling. Just tell me how much you're in debt.
He shook his head. A little too much, I have to admit.
Brutal honesty, Riley. You promised me.
He looked at her and chewed the inside of his cheek. About one-point-five million dollars.
Kat thought she'd throw up. Oh my God, she said, looking back and forth between Riley and the single-story stone-and-siding office complex. What does Matt think about this?
Riley shrugged.
Is he in the position to help you pay it back?
Riley laughed. I'm sure if he knew, he'd double up on his weekly Mega Millions tickets.
No way. Kat thought her eyes would pop out. Please, please, /please/ don't tell me you did this behind his back.
Riley's face fell. He couldn't look her in the eye, so looked down at his hands on the wheel. I've been meaning to tell him. I really have.
And now I have to.
Really? Why? Did you suddenly grow a conscience?
Riley looked stunned. Ease up, Kat. I made a serious error in judgment and I'll take responsibility for it. I'll tell Matt what I've done and I'll get his share of the money to him somehow.
She stared at Riley blankly as the realization hit herhe was capable of large-scale dishonesty with his own brother. What would Riley hide from her if given the opportunity?
I really thought I could pay off the loan without Matt ever being the wiser. Riley leaned his head against the seat back. I kept hoping the state money would show up somewhere. But it didn't, and I missed several payments and was short on others. I'm trying to hold them off, but the bank says it's going to file for foreclosure. I need to tell MattI don't want him to hear it from someone else.
How noble of you.
You know, I feel plenty disgusted with myself all on my own.
Did you know about the foreclosure before you persuaded me to move back here?
Riley's head shot up. Yes. But what are you?
You're absolutely certain you didn't bring me up here for my money? The second Kat said it, she regretted it, but there it was.
Riley's mouth went hard. One of the reasons I got so behind is because I cleaned out my savings and investments and lost three months of income running around the country looking for you and Aidan.
Kat nodded, fury engulfing her. She reached for her purse and began fumbling around for her checkbook with shaking hands. Here, let me reimburse you. What are we talkinggas, hotel, food, and three months of salary? Can you give me a ballpark?
I don't want a damn check.
Oh, but I damn sure want to give you one. I need us to be even. I don't want to be indebted to you for a damn thing.
Please, Scout. Don't do this.
Kat scrawled out the check. Don't call me Scout.
Loretta began to whimper.
I see. Riley let go with a bitter laugh. I wasn't aware I was the only imperfect human being in this truck. Thanks for setting me straight.
Kat's head shot up. What is that supposed to mean?
Haven't you ever made a decision you now regret, Kat? Riley paused, waiting for some kind of answer. You know, maybe something like denying a man his right to be a father, all because of pride and spite?
Kat ripped the check from the checkbook and threw it in his face. You didn't even have the guts to tell Matt what you'd done! It's been months!
Riley nodded. It took you twenty years to tell Aidan your little secret.
Oh… my… God. Kat could barely breathe. This is perfect. This is why I /knew/ I shouldn't have any more sex with you! There's no forgiveness here. You can't forgive me for the mistake I made when I was just a scared kid! If I don't have that from you, I don't have anything. /We/ don't have anything.
Riley laughed. And how about you, Kat? Have you forgiven me for my mistake when I was a scared kid? Or how about the mistake I made getting this loan, which I am now admitting to you? Can you forgive me for that?
And how about the mistakes I'm going to make in the future, which will all be real whoppers, I'm sure. Will you be able to forgive me for those?
Kat said nothing. Her heart pounded in her chest.
Loretta's whimpering intensified.
Let's look at the bigger picture while we're at it! Riley shouted, raising his voice in competition with the dog. The last twenty years of your life have been fueled by resentmentyou didn't even /consider/ finding a way to forgive your parents, me, your aunt, the town, the whole /world/yet you have the nerve to be impatient with Aidan because he hasn't immediately forgiven you for a lifetime of lies? And then you demand forgiveness from me, like I'm defective if I don't forgive you in the exact way you'd prefer, in the exact time frame?
They sat in the truck and glared at each other, breathing hard. The blood roared in Kat's ears so loudly she hardly heard Loretta's howling.
A friendly face appeared outside the driver's-side window, and a man knocked on the glass to get Riley's attention. Riley rolled down the window.
Travis! How's it going? He reached out to shake the man's dirt-covered hand.
It's time to stop yer yakkin' and get to workin'. The man produced a big smile, then looked over to Kat and touched the bill of his ball cap in greeting. Heard you was back in town. Remember me?
Kat stared at the guy, the adrenaline pumping through her veins. She was at a loss. She didn't know what to do. Where to go. What to say. She didn't know how she felt. About Riley. About herself. About what he'd just said. About anything.
And she sure as hell didn't know this yahoo in the window.
Come on now. Think hard.
Kat squinted, attempting to picture the man minus twenty extra years, and the name Travis finally registered in her brain.
Hey, Butt Head, she said. How've you been?
FIFTEEN
Kat woke with a jolt, aware that the vivid red of her childhood coat had dominated a whole string of dreams. They were dreams of velvet, blood, red ink, and anger. Her stomach was in knots.
She threw off the covers, sat on the edge of her bed, and turned on the light. She looked down and stared at her dangling bare feet. In her half-awake state they looked so strange hanging there in the air, fragile and translucent, the thin bones crushable and the skin easily cut. It suddenly struck her as odd that these were the only two feet she'd ever get. Like her two arms and two legs and one set of lungs, one heart, and this one life, just like everyone else. In fact, she was one person in a sea of billions, and she was making her way through this life holding two basketsone filled with her problems and another with her blessings. Just like everyone else did.
Kat wiggled her toes and breathed deep. It was a hard thing to admit, but she'd been an ass the day before. Riley was rightever since she'd shown up here looking to settle the score, it was all about how other people had wronged /her,/ what they owed /her/. And when you went through your days like that, you always wanted more and more from people. You were always keeping score, checking that nobody else ever got the bigger slice of cake.
She hopped off the bed and padded across the wood floor of her bedroom, wondering how she could have thought it was OK to beg for forgiveness out of one side of her mouth and deny forgiveness out of the other.
Kat ran a brush through her hair. Riley had chosen the only option he thought he had to save the clinic project. He'd made a stupid assumption that the state money would eventually reappear. But it wasn't like the millions were going to bankroll a life of extravagance. The money was used for examination tables, an X-ray machine, medical laboratory equipment, bandages, a playroom for children.
Riley's mistake had been withholding his plan from Matt. He was aware of that, and was doing a fine job beating himself up without Kat's help.
She'd asked Riley for the truth and he'd given it to her. It couldn't have been easy for him to admit that he was broke and wallowing in bad debt, but he'd told her anyway.
And now everything felt wrong.
She'd come to Persuasion to sort out her past, true. But the real reason she was here was Riley. She was here so they could learn about each other, see if there was a place for the two of them, in each other's lives and in the world. How were they going to discover that if they didn't talk to each other? She'd hopped out of his pickup at the construction site yesterday and walked the two miles back home, full of righteous indignation. She'd refused his phone calls all evening and into the night.
And it felt all wrong.
Still wearing her pajamas, Kat tied her sneakers, ran down the stairs, and reached for her fleece jacket. She was out the front door in seconds.
As her feet hit the sidewalk and the cold darkness rushed by in her peripheral vision, she knew which route she'd be taking. Kat made it down Laurel to Birch and then to Main. She ran past Forest Drive, passing her father's home without even a curious glance, and retraced the rhythm of her childhood.
Who lived in these houses now? She had no idea. But as she ran past them, the long-ago names floated into her brain like a forgotten languagethe Missonis, the Ballingers, the McClintocks, and finally the Wilmers, where she encountered the chain-link fence. Though a little winded, Kat had enough air to thoroughly laugh at herself. Once upon a time, she could vault this barricade without a second thought, hardly even slowing from a run. Tonight, she came to a full stop, grabbed the fence post, gingerly shoved the toe of her right shoe into a link, and prayed she could pull herself over. She felt a rush of pride when she hoisted her leg above and landed on the ground near the cedars. /The old girl still had it!/ Like always, Kat ran across the lawn to the side of the house, where she pulled herself onto the central air-conditioning unit to reach the porch railing. In her youth, this same railing had seemed as wide as a diving board. Tonight, under the porch light, it felt more like an emery board.
So she held her breath and raced across it with a quick tiptoe before she could lose her nerve. Kat gratefully found her way along the ledge of the dining room bay window, then held on to each of the three equally spaced window frames on the turret to reach the roof of the carport.
It was there she had second thoughts. She must be crazy! She was a thirty-seven-year-old woman with thirty-seven-year-old bones. What if she fell? And besides, it wasn't like Big Daddy was patrolling the premises anymore. She didn't have to sneak inside, did she?