Authors: Lily Baxter
Miranda licked her dry lips and swallowed hard. ‘I don’t know what to say. It’s absolutely fantastic.’
‘I’ll be flying my Hurricane again before you know it.’ Gil reached out to hold her hand and his smile faded. ‘What’s the matter, Miranda? Aren’t you pleased for me?’
The thought of Gil returning to active duty almost paralysed her with fear, but she could not tell him
so
. ‘Of course I am,’ she said, making an effort to sound enthusiastic. ‘But the war’s got to end soon, and they won’t need fighter pilots.’
‘I wouldn’t bet on it. But whatever happens now I’m on the mend, and I’m going to get away from this place soon, even if I have to tunnel my way out.’
‘You’ll have to tie him to the bed if he doesn’t do as he’s told,’ Miranda said, turning to Fliss with an anxious smile.
Gil chuckled. ‘That has different connotations now, girls.’
‘Don’t be naughty, Gil.’ Fliss frowned at him, but her lips twitched. ‘Anyway, I’ll leave you two to have a chat. I’ve got other patients to look after and some of them are really sick, not malingering like you, brother dear.’ She bustled out of the room.
‘She’s all starch and bossy as hell,’ Gil said fondly. ‘I never thought my big sister would become an angel of mercy.’
Miranda withdrew her hand gently. ‘Actually, I came to tell you something, Gil.’ She pulled up a chair and sat down beside him.
‘That sounds ominous.’
‘I’ve been wrong about so many things, Gil. I don’t quite know where to start.’
‘I told you once you’d make a rotten poker player.’ His smile faded. ‘I can tell by your face that it’s something important.’
‘It’s me. I’ve been a complete idiot.’ She took a
deep
breath. ‘You remember I told you that Raif had been killed?’
He eyed her warily. ‘Yes, of course.’
‘Well, he’s not dead. He’s been a prisoner of war all this time. When I heard about it something seemed to click in my brain. Everything’s different now, Gil. I don’t know how to put this but …’
He held up his hand. ‘It’s all right, Miranda. You told me on our first date that you’d had a thing for Raif Carstairs since you first met him.’
‘That was then, Gil. Things are quite different now.’
‘Yes,’ he said gently. ‘They are and I won’t hold you to anything. You’ve been absolutely marvellous, and I don’t think I could have kept going if you hadn’t written those wonderfully funny and charming letters. I’ve lived for your visits, but we’ve got to be realistic.’
She shuddered, chilled to the bone by his words. ‘No, you really don’t understand.’
He took her hand in his and squeezed it. ‘You don’t have to break it gently. I’d be a complete ass if I thought that things would work out between us now.’
‘I don’t know what you mean.’ Miranda felt that she was sinking in quicksand and the more she tried to explain her feelings the deeper she sank. If she could not make him understand, she would drown.
‘Let’s be practical. I’ve still got a long way to go before I’m back to something close to normal, if
ever
. What I said about flying again was balderdash. I’m held together with nuts and bolts and bits of wire.’
‘That doesn’t matter to me, Gil.’
‘I wouldn’t want to tie you to a semi-invalid. You deserve better, my darling.’
‘But I love you, Gil.’
He was silent for a moment, looking deeply into her eyes, and then he shook his head. ‘Don’t mistake pity for love, Miranda. If you’d said that to me before all this happened I’d have been the happiest man in the world, but I wouldn’t want you to stay because you were sorry for me, especially when I know there’s someone else in the background.’
She snatched her hand away. ‘How can you be so stupid? I don’t want Raif, I want you. How can I make you believe me?’
‘What’s going on?’ Fliss erupted into the room. ‘I could hear you from down the corridor.’
‘He won’t listen to me.’ Miranda leapt to her feet. ‘Your brother is a stubborn idiot.’
‘You should go,’ Fliss said, frowning. ‘You need to calm down; you’re upsetting him.’
Miranda dashed her hand across her eyes. ‘I am calm. It’s Gil who’s being difficult.’
He had paled alarmingly and as he made an unsuccessful attempt to stand Fliss abandoned Miranda and hurried to his side. ‘I don’t know what’s gone on between you two but this isn’t doing him any good. Please leave now, Miranda.’
She hesitated in the doorway. ‘Gil?’
He leaned back in the chair, closing his eyes. ‘Do as Fliss says, please.’
‘All right, but I’ll come again as soon as I get another day off.’
‘Better not,’ he said softly. ‘Don’t feel bad about it. I do understand.’
Fliss gazed down at her fob watch as she took his pulse. ‘I’d better get Sister to take a look at you, Gil.’ She turned a stony face to Miranda. ‘I have no idea what this is all about but his pulse is racing.’
‘I’ve simply been trying to tell him that I love him and I want to be with him.’
Fliss took her by the shoulders and ejected her from the room. ‘Give him some time to get himself together, Miranda,’ she said, moderating her tone. ‘I’m not unsympathetic but I must put his needs first. He’s still got a long way to go and he’s being sent to a rehabilitation centre next week.’
‘But I can’t just leave things as they are.’
‘I can’t talk now. I’ll let you know his new address and you can write to him.’ Fliss hurried off, leaving Miranda staring after her. She wanted desperately to make things right with Gil but she could not risk upsetting him again, and, with the greatest reluctance, she left the hospital.
She had plenty of time to think during the journey home and she went over their conversation again and again in her mind, blaming herself entirely for
her
failure to convince Gil that she meant every word she had said. She had told him that she loved him but he had chosen to believe that she still harboured feelings for Raif. If only she had left those few lines out of her last letter to him. The words kept repeating in her head to the rhythm of the iron wheels going over the points, until she wanted to put her hands over her ears and scream. She had won the battle with his mother only to lose Gil over a stupid misunderstanding.
She stumbled off the train at the end of the line barely conscious of her movements. The only taxi had already been taken and she was forced to walk to the seafront to wait for a bus to take her back to Highcliffe. She was only dimly aware of the activity in the bay, which was packed with military vessels. The town was heaving with soldiers, both British and American, but she was oblivious to it all. She arrived home to find the front door wide open and she hurried inside. She hesitated, looking round and half expecting to see the doctor with his black Gladstone bag coming down the stairs, or a police officer manhandling a burglar, but all was quiet. She took off her hat and hung it on the hallstand but in the process she knocked over the umbrella stand. The sound echoed through the house, and as she picked it up she heard her grandmother’s voice calling her name. ‘If that’s you, Miranda, we’re in the drawing room. Come in here, darling. I’ve got a surprise for you.’
The sight that met her eyes as she entered the room completely took her breath away. She came to a sudden halt. ‘Maman!’
Jeanne Beddoes crossed the floor to fling her arms around her daughter. ‘Ma chère Miranda. I’ve missed you so much.’
‘It really is you, Maman.’ Miranda held her at arm’s length, taking in her mother’s changed appearance. She was thinner than before and lines of fatigue were etched on her fine features, but her dark eyes were bright with emotion and she was smiling.
‘It’s me all right,’ Jeanne said, gazing at her fondly. ‘But you’ve changed, Miranda. You were just a girl when I left and now you’re a beautiful young woman.’
Miranda threw her arms around her mother, holding her as though she would never let her go. ‘I thought I’d never see you again. I couldn’t believe it when Granny told me you might be coming home.’
Jeanne stroked Miranda’s hair back from her forehead. ‘There were times when I thought I wouldn’t make it, but I’m here now, chérie. I’ll never leave you again, I promise.’ She pulled a hanky from her pocket and dabbed her eyes.
‘Don’t get weepy,’ Maggie said, rising from the sofa. ‘You’ll start us all off if you do, and this is a day for celebrations.’ She turned to her husband who had been sitting quietly in his usual chair.
‘George
, surely we’ve got a bottle of something hidden away somewhere. We must celebrate.’
‘I might have a tot of brandy in my study,’ he said, rising from his seat by the open window. ‘I’ll have a look.’
‘You could always ask Annie,’ Maggie said with a wry smile. ‘I’m sure she’s got some cooking sherry tucked away in the pantry.’
‘I’ll see what I can do.’ George said, making for the doorway. ‘Perhaps I should get Annie in to share the moment.’
Maggie nodded emphatically. ‘Of course.’ She turned to Miranda. ‘And how did it go with your young man?’
‘What’s all this about?’ Jeanne asked, smiling. ‘I’ve missed so much. You must tell me everything.’
‘He sent me away. I couldn’t make him understand.’ The iron self-control that Miranda had been exerting since she left the hospital suddenly deserted her. Tears flooded down her cheeks and she sobbed against her mother’s shoulder. ‘First Dad and now Gil; they’re both gone.’
‘I’d better leave you to it, Jeanne.’ Maggie headed for the doorway, almost colliding with her husband. She shooed him out of the room. ‘Not now, George. Let’s give them a bit of privacy. Time for celebrations later.’
Gradually and in between hiccuping sobs, Miranda managed to tell her mother everything. Jeanne held
her
hand, exerting a gentle pressure when needed and passing a clean hanky when Miranda’s was too wet to absorb any more salty tears.
‘I’m sorry,’ Miranda said, wiping her eyes. ‘I shouldn’t be burdening you with my troubles when you’ve just arrived. God knows what you went through in France, and you must miss Dad terribly.’
‘Of course I do, Miranda. He was the love of my life and I don’t expect to find that again, but you mustn’t apologise, chérie. I’m just glad to be here now and my story will wait. Anyway, tomorrow I’ve got to go up to London for a debriefing at the War Office, although it’s just a formality.’
‘And I’ve got to go back to the aerodrome.’ Miranda moved to the mantelpiece and took down the photograph of her father. She held it out to her mother. ‘I kept this safe for you.’
Jeanne’s dark eyes filled with tears as she took the photo frame and she held it to her lips. ‘Mon cher Ronnie, you will always be in my heart.’
Miranda cleared her throat. ‘What will you do after the debriefing? Will you come back here?’
Jeanne shook her head. ‘I’ve talked it through with your grandmother, Miranda. I need to stay in London for a while and find out what help we can get to rebuild the house, if that’s at all possible. I’ll stay with friends until everything is sorted and then I’ll decide what to do.’
‘I hadn’t thought how people would manage after
the
war,’ Miranda said thoughtfully. ‘Although it’s not over yet.’
‘The Allies have liberated Rome, and judging by the number of ships and landing craft in the bay I think it’s safe to say that something momentous is about to happen.’
‘I know. The town was heaving with soldiers and the streets are lined with tanks, but I didn’t give it much thought.’
‘The end is in sight, chérie, and I think you should take the first opportunity to go and see your young man again. You need to put him straight on a few matters.’ Jean subsided gracefully onto the sofa, still clutching the photograph of her late husband. ‘He is the one, isn’t he, Miranda? You aren’t still harbouring feelings for Raif Carstairs?’ She smiled ruefully. ‘Your grandmother told me what’s been going on in my absence. I can understand your dilemma.’
‘I know my own mind. Why won’t anyone believe me?’ Miranda went to stand by the French windows, staring out at the incredible scene in the bay.
‘You have to believe it yourself, ma chère. You’re the only one who knows exactly how you feel, and you can’t blame Gil for being worried when a man like Raif Carstairs is his rival.’
‘You don’t know Raif, Maman.’
‘No, but I met his father once at a cocktail party in London. Now I know the full story I can understand how he managed to sweep Maggie off
her
feet, and if his son is anything like him, then I can see why you were so smitten. Sometimes it’s hard to get over one’s first love.’
‘It was just a crush.’
‘It’s yourself you need to convince, chérie.’
Chapter Twenty-Three
JEANNE LEFT FOR
London next day and Miranda returned to Warmwell to find the aerodrome on full alert with all leave cancelled. No one knew exactly what was planned, but it was obviously going to be a major push to liberate France.
That night the incessant drone of planes filled the skies and next morning the airfield was deserted. The girls crowded round the wireless in the mess later that day to hear the news that the Allies had landed in France and beaten the Germans back, but the war was far from over.
Once again Miranda had to force herself to settle into a daily routine, putting her personal problems aside. She had written to Gil in the hope of making him believe that she had been sincere in her feelings for him. She sent the letter to the address that Fliss had given her, but she had so far not received a reply. Rita was sympathetic but advised her to wait and be patient. ‘Give him time to recuperate,’ she said one night when she discovered Miranda downstairs in the kitchen in the early hours of the morning, drinking tea. She sat down at the table and poured a cup for herself. ‘Give him a chance to
get
back on his feet, Manda.’ She lit a cigarette in the flame of the paraffin lamp, inhaling deeply and blowing smoke rings into the beamed ceiling. ‘How would you feel if you were a bloke and hardly able to totter around on your pins, and you thought that your girl was stuck on a handsome flyboy who was still in a POW camp? You’d be pretty sick about it, if you ask me.’