The Girls' Revenge (14 page)

Caroline walked thoughtfully back home, realizing how close she had come to disaster. If Wally had not returned the box—if he had not said anything at all— and if the secretary had called Caroline's father, things would have been in an even grander mess than they were already. She shivered in spite of her coat and mittens.

I will never tease Wally Hatford again,
she vowed silently.
I will stop hating the Hatfords.
Actually, she'd never really hated them in the first place. They'd disgusted
her and teased her, but she didn't hate them. In fact, when and if her dad decided to go back to Ohio with the family, she realized she would miss all the fun she'd had with them very much.

When she walked into the house, however, and smelled the comforting fragrance of the cookies Beth was baking, there sat Peter Hatford, a chocolate chip cookie in one hand, a lemon square in the other.

“Guess what, Caroline?” he said happily. “I've got two jobs!”

“Really?” said Caroline pleasantly, in her new role as friend to the Hatfords. “What are they?”

“I'm cookie taster for Beth. I have to taste one cookie from every batch she makes and see if she forgot the sugar or anything.”

“Hey, how lucky can you get?” said Eddie darkly, raising her eyebrows at Caroline. “Tell Caroline what your other job is. Tell her who hired you.”

“I'm a spy for Jake and Josh and Wally,” said Peter. “I'm supposed to report everything you're doing here.”

Caroline stared at Peter. “Then why did you tell us?”

“Because Beth said I could have all the cookies I could eat if I'd tell her why Jake sent me over here. She said it wouldn't make any difference, I could still tell them what you're doing.”

“Great!” said Caroline, exchanging looks with Beth and Eddie and trying not to laugh. “And what will you tell them we're doing?”

“Making cookies,” said Peter.

“And what else will you tell them?” prodded Beth. “Remember that little poem I taught you? What are little girls made of?”

“ 'Sugar and spice, and all that's nice,' ” said Peter. “You got it!” said Eddie. “Tell your brothers that, and watch them go ballistic.”

Twenty
The Worst Christmas Ever

W
ally knew it was going to be an awful Christmas. Three uncles and one aunt arrived on Christmas Eve and, as always, they brought an armload of presents. That was the nice part.

Mother roasted the big turkey for Christmas Eve dinner, one of the ones all the workers had received from their boss at the hardware store, and that was nice too. Especially the mince pies and chocolate cake.

It was even nice when Tom Hatford and his three brothers stood around the old upright piano after dinner, and while Aunt Vivian played, formed a quartet and sang carols. With his stomach full of turkey and rolls and mashed potatoes and chocolate cake, with a heap of presents waiting to be opened beneath the tree, how could anyone not feel cheerful? Wally asked himself.

Easy
, he answered as the carols seemed to go on and
on. Wally, who did not sing, began to grow tired. He could not even go to bed because he and his brothers were sleeping on the living room floor that night in their sleeping bags, so until the uncles stopped singing, there was no sleep for anyone, not even Peter.

“God rest ye merry, gentlemen,
Let nothing you dismay,…”

The uncles sang, but as Wally's eyes began to close, as Christmas seemed to drift farther and farther away and Miss Applebaum seemed to float closer and closer, the words seemed to change:

God rest ye, little Hatford boy,
For much to your dismay,
Remember what Miss Applebaum
Will open Christmas Day….

He put his hands over his ears to drown out the singing and was glad, when he crawled into his sleeping bag at last around eleven, that he felt himself finally drifting off into sleep.

Miss Applebaum was the biggest thing on his mind Christmas morning, however. He got the Pittsburgh Steelers sweatshirt that he wanted, and the Nikes, the computer game, and the book about vampire bats, but he knew that as soon as Christmas vacation was over, he would still have to go back to school and face both Caroline and his teacher.

He wasn't sure which would be worse. He had expected
that Caroline would have put something really, really gross in the box she gave him, and it turned out to be a box for letters.
Love
letters, probably. Caroline Malloy was actually in
love
with him? Now he
knew
she was crazy.

Wally had given the box back, of course, but what if she wrote love letters to him anyway? Was he supposed to keep them? What if the other guys found out? He wasn't
ready
for love! He wasn't
ready
for a girlfriend—least of all Caroline.

“Dad,” he said later after all the company had gone and he and his father were picking up the wrapping paper. “Have you ever thought about living somewhere else?”

“Where did you have in mind, Wally?” asked his father. “You want me to move down the block, maybe?”

“No, I mean all of us. I mean…well, the Ben-sons moved to Georgia and the Malloys moved here, and I just wondered if
we
might ever go live somewhere else.”

“Can't see any reason to,” his father replied. “I have a perfectly good job with the post office, your mother works in the hardware store, Buckman seems like a fine place to raise boys, and we have a lot of friends here. No, we don't have any plans to move.”

It was when Wally thought of facing his teacher, however, that he thought of running away.

Not only had he never given a girl a Christmas present, he was not a boy who gave teachers presents either. It was not just the thought of what Miss Applebaum would think when she opened the present
Mom had delivered and found Wally's underpants, it was what she would
do.

What if he walked into Miss Applebaum's class the first day after Christmas vacation and she had all her gifts lined up on her desk—a new coffee mug, a paperweight, a pencil holder, a vase… And what if she thanked each person out loud and showed the gift to the class? What if, at the very end, she said, “And then, from Wally Hatford, I received this very strange present …” and held up his underpants for all the class to see? Underpants with a happy face drawn on the seat?

Wally didn't think he could stand it.

He even tried calling his teacher to explain, but there was no Applebaum listed in the phone book. Maybe she didn't live in Buckman. Or maybe she was unlisted so that boys who went around giving their teachers underpants couldn't bother them over school vacations.

In the days that followed Christmas, Wally—who was usually happiest by himself, just lying on his back studying a spiderweb, or dragging a stick in the river—found he was happiest
not
being alone, because when he was alone, he started to think, and when he thought, there was only one thing that came to mind. Two, actually: Caroline and Miss Applebaum.

On one of the days, when Jake and Josh were busy doing other things and even Peter was busy playing with the toys he got for Christmas, Wally walked downtown, where shoppers were busy returning presents they didn't want or looking for after-Christmas bargains.

He strolled through the five-and-dime, wandered through the drugstore, and was looking through the paperbacks on a rack in Oldakers' Bookstore when he looked up to see Caroline Malloy standing on the other side of the rack, looking straight at him.

Caroline spun the rack to the left and picked up a paperback. Wally spun the rack to the right. He didn't walk away just then or she'd know she'd scared him away, and Wally couldn't bear for her to think that.

Why
did she move here anyway? Why did she have to be in his class? Why did she have to be precocious?

Wally realized, however, that she was going to be here eight more months at least—eight months, perhaps, before he knew if the Bensons were coming back or not. And if he didn't make peace with her soon, no telling what might happen.

Both he and Caroline opened their mouths at the same time.

“I shouldn't…,” said Wally.

“I didn't…,” said Caroline.

They each stopped.

“What?” said Wally. He saw Caroline swallow.

“I didn't mean to give you that box,” said Caroline. “It was supposed to go to Dad's secretary.”

“He's giving his secretary a box for love letters?” asked Wally.

“Not
his
love letters. She's engaged to be married, and Mom picked the present out, and I got the boxes mixed up.”

Wally thought that over. Well,
that
was a relief. “What
did
you mean to give me?”

“Uh…well, that was a mistake too. The secretary got it.”

“What was it?”

“You don't want to know.”

Was Caroline laughing? Wally wondered. He found that he was starting to smile himself. “Yes I do,” he said.

“Cat puke,” said Caroline. “With a big fat hairball in it and undigested mouse feet.”

Wally's eyes opened wide. “That went to your dad's secretary?”

“Yep.”

Wally laughed out loud. Then he thought of Miss Applebaum opening the present intended for Caroline, and he stopped.

“Miss Applebaum got yours, and I'm in big trouble,” he said.

Now Caroline looked curious. “What was it?” she asked.

“Those underpants you wore to give your report.” He grinned again. “With the happy face on the seat of the pants. And a note saying, 'Since you liked them so much, you can have them.' ”

And suddenly Wally and Caroline were both laughing.
Together.

“Do you think she's opened it yet?” asked Caroline.

“Of course. It's after Christmas.”

“What are you going to do?”

Wally shrugged. “Catch the first Greyhound out of town. Oh, man, that first day back at school I'm gonna be dead meat.”

Caroline moved around the paperback rack until she was beside Wally. Looking right into his eyes, in fact.

“Why don't I go get them back?” she asked.

“What?”

“When vacation's over, I'll go up to her desk and just ask for them back.”

“You will?”

“Sure. I'll tell her they were meant for me.”

“Okay,” said Wally. “Thanks.”

As he walked home later, Wally could not quite believe what had just happened. He didn't tell anyone at home about it, Jake in particular. Peter, of course, liked the girls. Josh—he wasn't sure. But Jake? No way. Nevertheless, he began to think that maybe it had been a pretty good Christmas after all.

When Monday came, Wally walked into his classroom and hung up his jacket. He sat down at his desk and got out his math book and pencil. But when he looked up, there was Miss Applebaum looking at him, her gray eyes staring right through him. Wally felt his backbone folding like an accordion. He seemed to be sinking lower and lower in his seat.

And then, before he could say a word—explain or apologize—he heard Caroline rise from her seat behind him and saw her walk to the front of the room. While the other kids were still hanging up their jackets and milling around, Caroline faced the teacher and said, “Miss Applebaum, I think you got a present meant for me. It was from Wally Hatford. I wondered if I could have it.”

She did it. Caroline actually did it! She
liked
doing things like this. Liked going up to the front of the room and doing something a little bit brave or dramatic or wild.

“Oh?” said Miss Applebaum. “And what would that be, I wonder?”

“Well, actually, it was a pair of underpants,” Caroline said.

“Yes?” said Miss Applebaum.

“With a happy face drawn on the seat.”

Was Miss Applebaum smiling? Wally wondered. She was certainly trying not to.

“And a note that said, 'Since you liked them so much, you can have them,' ” added Caroline.

Wally swallowed.

“And he really meant this weird little present for you?” asked Miss Applebaum, looking surprised.