Read The Go-Between (The Nilaruna Cycles Book 1) Online
Authors: Andrea Ring
We stare at each other. Then Nili
turns abruptly, arms outstretched, and goes back into the cave.
“Nili?” I call. But she doesn’t
answer.
I put out the light and follow
her in. She’s sitting on her bed, looking at my corner of the cave.
“Nili?”
She shakes her head.
“Will you not at least look at
me?”
She shakes her head again. “I
cannot see you anyway. And you can see me.”
I conjure a torch and a slot on
the wall and hang it. The cave glows.
“Put it out!” she says.
“Nili, I thought this is what you
wanted. You wanted to live in the light.”
She whips her head around to face
me. “When I thought you were old! When I thought you were ugly!”
“And now you can’t bear to see me
looking halfway decent?”
She climbs to her feet. “Halfway
decent? You’re like looking at the sunrise. Like the most perfect rose
unfurling its petals. Like a dewdrop cradled in a blade of grass. Like a
— ”
“Nili.”
“And look at me!”
I feel her pain, but I’m also so
pleased with her reaction that I cannot acknowledge it. I take the few steps
between us and stand before her. “I see you,” I tell her. I reach out slowly
and caress her smooth cheek with the back of my hand.
She jerks her head from me.
“You’re blind.”
I take my hand from her unmarred
cheek and place it on her scarred one. “No, Nili. I see you.” I run my thumb
back and forth over the rough skin. “All of you. You are beautiful, inside and
out. A fire cannot burn that out of you. You shine so brightly I’ve sensed no
darkness since you came.”
Nili opens her mouth, but no
words come out.
It is my turn to pounce.
I lower my head, plaster my body
to hers, and place my lips upon her lips.
She doesn’t respond at first. Her
lips are wooden and her body rigid. I open my eyes and find her staring at me
with quiet horror until we lock gazes. For the first time, we are staring into
each other’s eyes. For the first time, she is looking at me, and I feel the
moment that she actually sees me.
Her lips soften. Her body molds
to mine. Her hands come up to my face and cradle my cheeks.
I press myself against her and
bring my arms around her. She fits perfectly. I feel the scars on her mouth,
rubbing on mine. I want to feel her everywhere, this creature who’s never been
touched, touching one who’s never been touched himself.
We’re both starving for contact.
I feel it, this hunger, this need to connect, and Nili feels it, too. She runs
a hand through my hair, down my back, and lower. My hands mirror hers. I thread
my fingers through her hair, massage her scalp, and pull back gently on the
strands. Her head tilts back and our kiss deepens. My hands flow down her back
and lower.
Pulling back from her lips, I
ask, “Do you want this, Nili? If you want to stop, it has to be now.”
“Don’t stop,” she says against my
mouth. I breathe her in. “Yes, this.”
I guide her to her bed and follow
her down. She stays with me every step of the way. I’m over three hundred
cycles old, and have no more experience than she does, but together, we fit. We
are whole.
We have each other.
After, as we lie tangled in each
other’s arms, I sense Nili stiffen.
“What is wrong?” I ask, breathing
in the damp skin of her neck. I lay a gentle kiss on her collarbone.
“I do not think I can bear this,”
she whispers.
“Turn over,” I ask her. She faces
me, head down. “Please look at me.”
“I cannot…do this,” she says.
“I know we’re not married, Nili,”
I start to say, but she holds a finger to my lips.
“You gave me such a wonderful
gift,” she says. “I will always be grateful.”
“Grateful?” I say, pulling away
from her. I sit up. “I do not want your gratitude.”
She smiles sadly. “But you have
it. I have not felt…I’ve never felt…you made me feel beautiful.”
“You are beautiful.”
She rolls her eyes. “Maja,
please. We needed each other. It was perfect for me, a perfect moment. But you
do not have to continue. I know how this ends. I…I’m telling you to end it. No
more compliments. No more endearments. It only cheapens the experience.”
“What in the seven hells are you
rambling about?” I say.
Her eyes harden and she sits up
opposite me. “You were lonely. I was available. I get it. Enough.”
“Lonely?” I say. “Available? You
think I just took what I needed without a care for you?”
Nili looks away. “What we both
needed,” she says. “I understand needing someone. I needed it, too. It’s okay.”
“Bloody, bloody hells, Nili, look
at me.” She doesn’t, so I grab her arm and spin her around. “Look at me! I was
lonely, yes, and you were here, yes, but
you
were here! You! Not just anyone. Nili, I love you. I’ve loved you since you
tried to kill me. Since you told me your name, since I felt you enter my lands,
maybe lifetimes before. This was not about a physical need. This was about you
and me and what I feel here, in my heart. I love you.”
Nili stares at me, pouty mouth
ajar, jade green eyes boring into mine. I hold her gaze as I climb to one knee
before her. I grasp her hands tight in mine.
“Nili, please. I love you. Tell
me you feel it, too. Marry me.”
She says nothing, but her hands
start to tremble in mine. I can see the tremors climb her body, until her lips
quiver and her temples pulse and a single tear shimmers at the corner of her
eye, then falls. Followed by another. And several more.
Until she’s sobbing in my arms.
And suddenly we are kissing again, and feeling each other again, and we make
love for hours in the perfect glowing light, until my strength gives out and I
know I can hold this form no longer.
“Nili,” I gasp. “Give me some
room. I have to change.”
She doesn’t move. She simply
places a hand on my shoulder. “I’m here.”
“I need room,” I say again, and I
crawl off the pallet to my corner.
“Maja,” she says, swallowing,
“prepare me.”
“No time. Just…do not be afraid.”
I meet her gaze. She nods. I nod
back. And I close my eyes and swiftly change back into a black dragon.
“You’re insufferable, and prince or no, I can strike you down without
breaking a sweat!”
I watch Shiva yell at me, and I
yawn. Just to let him know where we stand. Shiva only understands strength.
He grasps my neck with one
massive hand and lifts me from the ground. “You will learn your place, mortal,
or I will grind your bones to dust!”
I roll my eyes. “I get it. You’re
big and bad. Can you put me down so we can actually finish this?”
He throws me across the room, and
I land in a crumpled heap. My ankle feels like I twisted it, but I ignore the
pain, hop to my feet, and dust myself off.
“Thank you. Now, as I was
explaining to you, I’m in need of a wife.”
Shiva growls. “You summon me to
play matchmaker?”
“No, I summon you to help save
our kingdom. I am the last of the royal line. If I do not marry in the next
three moons, I forfeit the crown. There will be great unrest as every
power-hungry man alive fights for the title of king. Is that what you want to
happen?”
“I am destroyer,” Shiva says. “I
would revel in such a struggle.”
“You are also builder,” I say.
“Be King Builder this day, I ask you. I am your most faithful servant.”
I bow low to the ground, and
Shiva sighs loudly.
“Damn it, Kai, I don’t have time
for this shit.”
I laugh, straighten up, and put a
hand on his shoulder. “I know. Did I take you away from Lili again? I’m sorry.”
Shiva grins. “She’ll wait. She
always does. So you need a wife? I thought you had to marry in your
twenty-fifth cycle.”
“I’m in my twenty-fifth cycle,” I
remind him.
“Shit. I thought you were
twelve.”
“We went drinking and wenching a
cycle ago!” I say. “How could you think I was twelve?”
Shiva shrugs with a smile. “So I
haven’t been keeping track. Why didn’t you talk to me about this then?”
“I thought I had enough time,” I
say, “and I’ve been trying to summon you for several moons. My father has gone
completely crazy. He expects me to choose a bride from the peasant village!
He’s closed the ports to all visitors, including my prospective noble brides,
because he says you told him an assassin will arrive this cycle.”
“Hmm,” he says, thoughtfully
tapping his chin. “That sounds familiar.”
“Shiva,” I say.
He laughs. “Fine. Yes, an
assassin will arrive by boat this cycle. Your father will die. There’s nothing
that can prevent it.”
My knees give out, and I slide to
the floor. “My father is going to die?”
Shiva nods. “They want the
throne, Kai. They’ll try for you, too.”
I look up at him through my
tears. “Will they get me?”
“Not if you’re married. The
attempt will be thwarted.”
“How?” I demand.
“Your bride will take the poison
meant for you.”
I shake my head. “Impossible. I
have to lose my father, and then I have to decide whether to die myself or
sacrifice the woman I pledge my love and protection to? That is not a choice!
It is hell!”
“You summoned me and asked for
answers,” Shiva says. “I’m giving them to you.”
“You’re giving me nothing!” I
shout. “Give me something! Tell me what I can do to get out of this
predicament!”
Shiva lowers himself to the floor
beside me and picks his teeth. “You could marry a girl who’s sick, who’s going
to die anyway. Or you could pick a girl who’s evil, who deserves to die.”
I shudder thinking about tying
myself, however briefly, to either one of those.
“Or you could marry someone who
is willing to sacrifice herself, one who wants to do her duty for the kingdom
of Jatani.”
“I don’t think those kinds of
women exist,” I say. “Maybe in Indrapur, maybe there are two or three who
understand the implications, but I cannot pick someone from Indrapur. All I’ve
got is the lowly peasant village of Dabani…wait. The Protector is there! Maja
the Protector. Surely he can assist us.”
“He guards the pass, Kai,” Shiva
says. “His role is to protect Dabani in a land attack. He cannot interfere in
politics.”
“Then I’m done for,” I say,
hanging my head. “You finally get to destroy both me and Jatani, Shiva.”
Shiva sighs again, and for a
fleeting moment, I get the impression that maybe he doesn’t crave my
destruction.
“I can point you to a girl, one
from Dabani, who has the biggest heart and the greatest courage for this task.
She will not be what you want, nor what you expect, but she will be your savior
if you play it right.”
My eyes widen. “Of course, yes,
whatever is needful, I will do. But she…she is one who will sacrifice herself?”
Shiva nods. “But only for love.
While she understands her duty to her kingdom, she won’t marry you just to go
to her death. She must love you if she is going to die for you.”
I nod. I don’t like it, but this
girl may be the only way to both save myself and prevent a civil war. “Is she
in the barracks they built?” I ask. “What’s her name?”
“Her name is Nilaruna Nandal,” he
says, and I turn her name over in my mind.
Nilaruna
.
“I destroyed her and remade her, so I know she has been forged in the hottest
fires, tested beyond the limits of most mortal beings.”
I rise. “And she’s in the
barracks? I will go find her now.”
Shiva shakes his head. “She is
not in the barracks. She chose to volunteer to be the new Go-Between.”
I put my hands on my hips. “But
all eligible maidens were ordered to the barracks.”
He shrugs.
“Fine. I will pack a bag
immediately, but…tell me…how long does my father have?”
“I can only tell you that your
father will die before this cycle ends.”
I nod and turn to leave, but
Shiva calls me back.
“Kai. There is one more thing.
You must hurry. Nilaruna is planning to be married in less than a fortnight.”
Nili
stares up at me, awe and fear in her eyes.
“What do you think?” I ask her.
She gulps. “You’re a dragon?”
I incline my head to her.
“Dragons have been extinct for
two hundred cycles.”
“A few still exist,” I say, “in
these very mountains, but they’re extremely shy. And I am not a natural dragon
— I was born a man, remember? This is the form the gods forced on me.”
Nili climbs to her feet and
stares up at me. There is no self-consciousness about her, even though she’s
completely naked. And the view is so inspiring, I’m not about to remind her.
She takes a few tentative steps
toward me and stretches out a hand. “May I?”
“Please,” I say.
She rubs her hand down the length
of my left leg. I barely feel the touch — my dragon skin is hardened
leather, callused from flight and impervious to windburn and the occasional
tree branch I snag when I’m landing. I close my eyes and fight to feel her skin
against mine.
“You’re skin is like my scars,”
she says. “Rough and plated. It’s as if we both have built-in armor.”
I nod.
“You’re beautiful,” she says,
smiling up at me.
I settle down on my haunches.
“Come. Snuggle up against me. You must be cold.”
Nili looks down at her body and
laughs nervously. She covers herself with her hands. “Oh Maja, I’m naked! And
you’re not!”
“Technically I am,” I say. “I
like you naked.”
She laughs again. “You might, but
I’m a little uncomfortable.”
I wave my hand and conjure
clothing for her. She sighs in relief.
Then she nestles into my legs and
rests her head against my cheek. “So you want to marry me, huh?” she says.
The thought sets me afire. I blow
out a breath, and smoke curls from my nostrils. “I would care for you, Nili. I
would protect you and love you and cherish you as the precious gift you are.”
Nili shakes her head. “I never
thought I’d hear those words. I never thought I’d be close to a man. Half of me
longs to throw myself into your abyss and lose myself. How easy it would be!
But what about the rest?”
“You mean Larraj?”
“I don’t care about Larraj’s
feelings, but what of my parents? If they entered into a marriage agreement
with High Priest Sanji, what happens if I don’t fulfill it?”
“According to the law,” I say,
“your parents would have to pay a penalty for Larraj’s time and trouble. I
don’t see how Larraj or the high priest has suffered any damages, though.
Larraj is too young to marry, so it’s not as though he’s missed out on other offers
since the agreement was made. Your father will probably have to make an
offering to the temple. That seems most reasonable.”
Nili remains silent. I nuzzle her
cheek with mine.
“If your parents cannot afford
the penalty, whatever it is, I will pay it.”
“It’s not that,” she says. Then
she pulls back to look me in the eye. “Two things. One, someone is trying to
kill you, and they’re killing all your Go-Betweens, and we can’t ignore that.
They’re probably trying to get you out of the way so they can attack Indrapur.
We might be facing a war.”
I know my duties should be
foremost in my mind, but I can’t focus on anything except the tiny creature
cuddled up next to me. “What’s the second thing?”
“I have a duty also to my family.
If they are going to face consequences for my choices, I have to at least
prepare them. Maja, I have to go home.”
“No! No, Nili. If you walk out of
this cave, you might never return! I won’t risk you.”
“It’s not your choice,” Nili
says. “We know the dangers. I can keep an eye out. Most people believe that
since I am scarred, I am also simple. I can use that to my advantage.”
“No. I’ll just keep you here, in
my thrall. I won’t let you go.”
Nili stands and glares at me. “If
you love me, you won’t hold me here.”
I sigh and bow my head. She’s
right, but I won’t admit it out loud.
“Maja, we’ll never be safe if I
stay here. We’ll never figure out what’s going on. One of us needs to go to
Dabani and start poking around. Obviously, it has to be me.”
I don’t say anything.
Nili crouches down in front of
me. “Tell me more about the spell you’re under. What circumstances allow you to
enter the village?”
“The spell that binds me here
breaks if anyone enters or exits the Northern Pass. That’s it. It is designed
to protect Dabani from a land invasion. I doubt if the castle in Indrapur
itself were attacked that I’d be able to provide assistance.”
Anger crosses her face. “So for
your good deeds, you’ve been sentenced to this life in a cave, with no
companionship, no family, no way of ending this exile?”
There is a way, but meeting Nili
has changed everything. Perhaps I do not want out.
But I appreciate the anger on my
behalf.
“You’ve changed my fate,
Nili. I hope you see that. The gods have given me a gift. They’ve given me
you.”
***
“Try again.”
Nili wrinkles her nose, takes a
deep breath, and flicks her wrist at the feather I conjured. It twitches, but
it does not fly.
“This is a waste of time,” Nili
says. “I’ve never had one inkling that I’m able to do magic. It just feels
wrong.”
I raise an eyebrow at her. “It
feels wrong? You’ve never said that before.”
“I didn’t know I was supposed
to,” she snaps.
“Nili, magic is, in great part, a
feeling. Emotions can fuel it or hinder it. If it feels wrong, it is. Your
talents must lie elsewhere.”
“But where?” she says,
exasperated.
“Have you ever had a good
feeling? Something you thought or did that just felt right? Completely
natural?”
“Playing the flute,” she says. “I
could play any tune I heard, and I remembered tunes easily.”
“Okay,” I say. “That could be
music, or it could be magic with your hearing. Do either of those things sound
right?”
Nili smiles. “Sound. Ha. Actually…I’ve
always felt I could tell when people are lying. When we met, and you told me
you didn’t harm Nishta, I felt like you were telling the truth.”
“My eyes used to be blue.”
“No, they weren’t. You’re lying.”
I laugh. “You’re right. My eyes
were brown.”
“Nope,” she says.
“My eyes were green, like yours.”
Nili stares at me. “Show me.”
I change my eyes to their
original color. “Perfect,” she says, laying a kiss on my leathery cheek.
Damn the gods, I hate being a
dragon.
We continue to practice with Nili’s
hearing.
She can detect lies, which will
be extremely useful.
She can remember entire
conversations and minute details, as long as she is paying attention when she
hears them.
She can distinguish sounds that
occur at the same time, even when one is obscured by the other.
And one week to the day we met,
Nili prepares to walk back to the village of Dabani.
***
“Be safe. Take no chances. Come back
to me.”
“I will.”
We kiss.
I try to hold it in my mind, this
kiss, the feel of Nilaruna in my arms, the absolute joy and despair I feel all
at once. I am supposed to be Protector, and I cannot even protect the woman I
love.
I watch her walk down the stone
tunnel.
I have not cried for myself in
three hundred cycles.
But a tear silently glides down
my cheek.