Authors: Aimée Carter
“There,” I whisper as I break the kiss. “You’ll have that as
long as you want it, as well. I may love others, but if you let me, you will
always be my home.”
He smiles and kisses me again. “I’d like nothing more.”
I try to move closer, as close to him as possible, but I
accidentally knock down the block tower Eros has created instead. “Mama!” he
cries, indignant, and I laugh.
“I’m sorry,” I say, settling back down and pulling him into my
lap. “Let’s build another one together, okay?”
He huffs, but as Hephaestus begins to form the foundation,
Eros’s anger is forgotten, and he gleefully reaches out to help. Together the
three of us start to build, and as I watch Hephaestus’s steady hands set each
block into place, I know I’ve made the right choice.
* * * * *
Goddess of the Underworld
Part One
For the first sixteen years of my life, Mother told me
my wedding day would be one of the happiest in my eternal existence. That the
birds would sing, the air would smell like flowers and the sun would shine.
Every last detail would be perfect.
Like an idiot, I’d believed her.
The sun didn’t shine in hell, and unless bats counted, there
weren’t any birds in the endless Underworld palace, either. To make things
worse, the infinite rock surrounding the cavern weighed down on me, growing
heavier with every passing second. I was trapped, literally and figuratively.
And I had no idea how to dig myself out of this one.
Mother did manage to keep her word about the flowers, though.
As I paced from one end of the chamber to the other, eleven steps in each
direction, I had to zigzag my way around the endless bunches of wildflowers that
covered every available surface. The perfume was strong enough to knock out
Cerberus, but at least it didn’t smell like death.
“Persephone?” Mother poked her head into the room. Given the
way she glowed, I would’ve guessed this was her wedding, not mine. “It’s time.
How are you feeling?”
She knew exactly how I felt about all of this. She didn’t want
the truth—she wanted false affirmation that I was as happy as she was. “I don’t
want to do this,” I said. No use holding back now.
“Sweetheart,” said Mother in a tone she must have thought was
understanding, but was really the same one she’d used to convince me to do this
in the first place. She stepped inside the chamber and closed the door behind
her. “What’s wrong?”
“What’s wrong is that I don’t want to marry Hades.” Searching
for a place to sit, I spotted a chair in the flowered jungle, but a bouquet of
purple blossoms already claimed it. I huffed and sank to the floor instead. “You
told me the Underworld wasn’t so bad.”
“It isn’t.” She knelt beside me. “You’ve only seen the palace.
There’s an entire world out there—”
“It feels like a cage. It’s heavy and unnatural and—I want to
stay in Olympus with
you
.” My voice hitched, and I
blinked rapidly. Breaking into tears would’ve been a surefire way to make Mother
believe I was simply too emotional to think clearly. I’d never thought more
clearly in my life, though.
Mother wrapped her arms around me, and for a moment I allowed
myself to lean against her. “You’ve known this was coming for a long time, my
darling. I would never allow this if I wasn’t absolutely certain you would love
him.”
“But I don’t.” Didn’t she understand that?
“You will, in time.”
“What if I never do?”
“Persephone, look at me.” She tilted my head upward, and my
eyes met hers. “You will. Trust me.” Her confidence should’ve sparked the same
in me, but I was empty. “I’ll come visit you all the time. This is the beginning
of the rest of your life, not the end.”
She was wrong—it was the end of everything that mattered. The
end of days picking flowers and soaking in the sunlight, the end of nights
sitting in her lap as she told me stories. A deep ache filled me, and I
swallowed hard. No crying. Not today.
“I am so proud to call you my daughter,” she murmured.
“Eventually you will understand why I asked this of you. In time, you will be
happier here with Hades than you could ever be with me in Olympus.”
Mother had never been so wrong so many times in a row before. I
couldn’t be happy, not in this underground cavern. Not without the sun. Not
without her.
“Hades loves you already, my darling. He is quiet, and he
doesn’t love out loud like you may be used to, but that doesn’t make his love
any less strong. You’ve seen the way he looks at you.”
Reluctantly I nodded. I’d seen it, that piercing stare when he
thought I wouldn’t notice. The way his eyes seemed to follow me as I moved
across the room. Not in a predatory way, but as if he was concerned. As if he
cared. Maybe he secretly wasn’t crazy about this whole thing, either.
“Do you trust me not to hurt you?” she murmured. “Do you trust
me to want only the best for you?”
I loved her. I trusted her. And her pride filled me in a way I
was certain Hades’s so-called love never could. But maybe she was right—maybe in
time I would love him. Maybe if this wasn’t an arranged marriage, I would’ve
loved him anyway. But she and my father had stolen that chance from me.
“You’ll find happiness here,” she said. “You’ll find your
purpose, and I will never be far. We all have roles in our lives,
Persephone—roles we may not initially enjoy, but roles we soon realize are
necessary. You were born to do this, my darling, and Hades loves you. Trust me
when I say that. I love you too much to ever allow anyone to hurt you, including
myself.”
I swallowed. She did love me. Out of everything in the world,
that was the one thing I knew to be completely, unequivocally true. And because
of that, I let her help me up, my legs unsteady beneath me.
“My beautiful girl. The love of my life.” She plucked a purple
blossom from the bouquet in the chair and secured it in my curls.
Strawberry-blond now, as autumn set in. “You are perfect.”
I ached to believe her, but as she led me into an antechamber,
a melody from the strings of Apollo’s lute filtered through the air. And instead
of reminding me of harmony and love, the notes were mournful to my ear, fitting
perfectly with the bleakness of this realm.
This wasn’t my wedding. It was my funeral.
She looped her arm in mine, and a pair of double doors opened,
revealing the throne room of the Underworld. With its obsidian pillars and
curtains of black-and-gold that hung from high windows, it was nothing like the
throne room of Olympus. Nothing like my home.
Mother stayed with me until we reached the front of the throne
room, where Hades stood between a pair of diamond thrones. His, a black one I’d
seen countless times during council meetings, and mine. White diamond—a present
from Hades, welcoming me to the Underworld. And from the council, welcoming me
as their equal.
But I would never be their equal, and they knew it as well as I
did. An equal would’ve been allowed to make her own decisions, not pawned off in
an arranged marriage at sixteen. If they thought I would lie down and take it,
they were dead wrong.
“I love you,” whispered Mother. I stayed silent. Taking my
hand, she placed it in Hades’s, his skin warmer than I expected. His silver eyes
met mine, and a shiver ran down my spine.
I was his for eternity now.
* * *
I couldn’t hide behind the wedding forever. The other
members of the council seemed to enjoy themselves, dancing and drinking well
into the night. Hera remained close, eyeing me every so often, but she didn’t
speak to me. Could she sense the mountain of anxiety forming in my chest? Could
she see my fear growing with every moment I remained inside my stone cage? More
than the rest of us, she cared about marriages being successful. Could she tell
how much I hated mine already? Did she regret giving her blessing?
I wished she hadn’t. Maybe then my parents would’ve never
forced me into this. I was hours into my marriage, and already I felt weighed
down by rock and invisible chains. Not exactly an auspicious start.
At last only Hades, me and Mother remained, and after Hades
excused himself for his chambers—our chambers now—she pulled me into a tight
hug. “He loves you,” she murmured. “I know it may not feel like it, but he would
have never married you if he didn’t.”
I buried my face in her shoulder. It wasn’t his love I was
concerned about. It was mine. For as long as I’d been aware of what marriage
was, I’d known I was promised to Hades, and I’d been absolutely certain I would
love him by now. Enough to be content, at least, if not thrilled. And while I
tried to grab on to the single wisp of love I may or may not have felt for him,
it was beyond my reach.
But it would come closer the more time I spent with him, the
more smiles and words and touches we shared. It had to. Aphrodite hadn’t chosen
her husband either, after all, and now she’d spent the entire day cuddling up to
him. And Hera, who
had
chosen hers, was completely
miserable.
So maybe Mother was right. Maybe love was in that room, waiting
for me, and all I had to do was go in there and get it.
“You’ll come visit me?” I said. “Or I could come visit
you.”
“Both,” she said, kissing my cheek. “All the time, as much as
you want. Just make sure you don’t neglect your duties down here, darling. And
remember—happiness is a choice, but so is misery. Choose wisely.”
She let me go, and I reluctantly dropped my arms. Giving me a
reassuring smile, she turned to go, but before she reached the door, I blurted,
“It’ll be okay, right?”
Mother looked over her shoulder. “It already is. Go to your
husband, Persephone. Give him a chance to make you happy.”
She left, the door closing behind her, and I exhaled. Hades was
really my husband. My king. I was married now, and things would never go back to
the way they’d been. This was my life now.
Time to face it.
The door into Hades’s chambers opened easily. I stepped inside,
expecting it to be dark and dank, like the rest of the Underworld, but instead
the large room was lit with dozens of floating candles. They cast a soft glow on
the plush bed, where Hades sat waiting for me, and a fist wrapped around my
guts. This was it.
“Persephone.” He rose and offered me his hand, his silver eyes
searching mine. I didn’t know what else to do, so I threaded my fingers through
his. We were friends, sort of. Growing up knowing who I was going to marry took
the choice out of it, sure, but it’d also given me a lifetime of getting to
study him. Mother was right—he was a good man. He did love me. And being here
with him wasn’t the worst thing I’d ever experienced.
I stared at him for the space of several heartbeats, and at
last I whispered, “I’m sorry, I’m not—I’m not really sure what to say.”
He smiled, crinkles appearing around his eyes. “Then allow me
to break the silence by saying how lovely you look tonight. You always do, of
course.” He touched one of my curls. They would change with the seasons, auburn
in the coming months before turning black for the winter solstice, and then as
spring came, they would lighten to brown. Finally, in the summer, I would be
blond. It’d never served a purpose before, but now I would never lose track of
the seasons in the Underworld.
I sank onto the edge of the bed. It was strange being alone
with him—despite Mother’s insistence that he and I get to know each other, she’d
always been present. He felt older somehow, and power radiated effortlessly from
him. As he sat down beside me, however, he gently cupped my hand in both of
his.
“You’re nervous,” he said. It wasn’t a question, and he didn’t
wait for me to answer. “I am, too.”
I scoffed. “You’re King of the Underworld. What do you possibly
have to be nervous about?”
He hesitated, brushing his thumb against my knuckles. The
gesture was almost intimate in its simplicity, and a shiver ran through me. “I
am nervous that I cannot give you everything you deserve.”
“What do you mean?”
He squeezed my hands. “You could do so many things with your
existence, yet you are down here with me. I cannot tell you what that means to
me. No one…” He paused, and the cords in his neck stood out. “No one has chosen
me before, not because of who I am. Not for pure reasons. That you are willing
to try is everything I have never had before.”
Warmth filled me, and I inched closer to him. It wasn’t so hard
to see his life through his eyes, all those eons of loneliness. “I’m going to
try,” I promised. “I want—I want to be with you.”
I wasn’t sure I did, really, but I also wasn’t sure I didn’t. I
would’ve liked the choice, but that had always been out of my control. This—the
here and now, how good we were together, that was at least half in my control.
And knowing Hades was willing to try to make this work made all the
difference.
“I know that this marriage will take time to settle for both of
us, but we will grow together. We will learn together,” he said, raising my hand
to his lips.
Yes, we would. Underneath his piercing gaze, I relaxed. It
would be all right. Mother knew what she was doing, and she would’ve never
married me off to Hades if she wasn’t absolutely sure we would work. But even as
I thought it, I grew painfully aware of the stone surrounding me. No matter how
I felt about it, I was still trapped down here. Fooling myself into being happy
wouldn’t change that. It wouldn’t give me my choice and freedom back.
I straightened and took a deep breath. Yes, it would. Happiness
was a choice, exactly as Mother had said. And this was a choice I could
make.
I didn’t ask. I didn’t hesitate. Instead I leaned in and kissed
him full on the mouth, the kind of kiss I’d never given anyone before. The kind
of kiss Aphrodite gave to Hephaestus. The kind of kiss I wanted Hades to give to
me.
It was warm and wet and not what I expected, not at all. It
didn’t sizzle or sparkle or make me love him. It didn’t open up a whole new
world of possibilities. It was just that—lips against lips, a soft mouth against
my own. And to make matters worse, Hades didn’t kiss me back.
I opened my eyes. His were open as well, cloudy with questions,
but I didn’t give him the chance to speak. I knew what he would say if I did—was
I sure I wanted to do this now? Did I want to wait until we knew each other
better?
But I wanted that love. I
needed
that love to make the rock melt away, to make everything not so bad. And if I
could make myself love him as much as he loved me…maybe it would all be okay.
Maybe this wouldn’t be a prison.
So I kept kissing him. My hands fumbled down his front, pushing
away his clothes and brushing against his warm skin. I could do this. I
would
do this, and once we were together in the most
intimate way possible, it would all click. We would be happy, and it wouldn’t be
an illusion. It would be my choice.