The Governess Was Wicked (8 page)

“She keeps an expensive table, but at least she knows how to entertain. I’m surprised you haven’t gotten yourself one yet.”

He frowned. “A table?”

“A wife.”

He took a full swallow of wine. “I’ve never had any interest in taking a wife.”

He understood science and medicine. He didn’t understand women. Every one he’d ever encountered in his adult life wanted something from him he couldn’t give. They’d pushed and cajoled, angling for him as though they could somehow persuade him to marry. And then he met Elizabeth, who never once asked him for anything. All she wanted was to trust him with her body and her mind.

Menser chuckled. “Don’t tell Mrs. Menser you’re not planning to marry. She’s got it into her head that you and Margaret should wed.”

He tried to think of a tactful way to put his feelings, but finally gave up with a shrug. “Miss Dunn is not for me.”

“No,” said Menser. “I should think not. She’s rather silly even if she is pretty in a harmless sort of way.”

“Quite.”

The room fell into silence as the two men sipped their port. Finally, Menser fixed him with a hard look and asked, “Are you still planning to make this mad journey to New York?”

Edward nodded with more conviction than he felt. “I am.”

It was hard to describe what had come over him during the last few months, but what had once seemed like such an easy decision was no longer so simple.

“You’ve a talent for doctoring,” said Menser as though reading his thoughts. “It would be a shame to lose that to single-minded research.”

“The circulatory system is something we must learn more about. The heart itself is still full of mystery.”

Menser tipped his glass in a sort of mock toast. “I don’t disagree, but I wonder if you couldn’t do as much good here in London.”

Something in his mentor’s tone made him pause. “Do you know of an opportunity?”

“I do, but I don’t want to tempt you if you’ve already got your trunks packed.”

He’d wanted to research in New York for so long, and yet he couldn’t ignore the promise of a new opportunity—one that would allow him to be closer to a woman he’d admired for years. A woman who finally was within his reach because, even if he’d never before considered taking a wife, he couldn’t shake Elizabeth from his thoughts.

“Tell me.”

“St. Thomas’s Hospital Medical School is looking for a lecturer.” Menser pulled a letter out of a stack of papers sitting on a low table next to his chair. “You’d be able to continue your practice while teaching. The surgical facilities would be yours to use at your discretion, of course. And if at some point you wanted to start your own research, I’m sure that could be arranged.”

Practicality told him that he should stick with his plan. He already had every detail in place save his passage on a ship to America. And yet . . .

“That would be an incredible opportunity,” he said.

Menser looked at him over the rims of his glasses. “One that you’d want to take advantage of?”

That was a question that would bear some contemplation.

He set his glass down and steepled his fingers. “When would I have to make this decision?”

Menser shrugged. “When would you like to make this decision? The position is not open as of yet.”

“Then how do you know about it?”

The man’s pale blue eyes sparkled as he sipped his port. “I’ve just been named the head of St. Thomas’s.”

Stunned, Edward started laughing. “Congratulations are in order, then.” He stretched out a hand. His mentor clasped it and pumped it hard once. To head up such a prestigious teaching hospital before the age of fifty was a great honor indeed.

“Now it’s my job to make sure that I recruit the best and brightest to fill out lecture halls. So think about my offer.”

“I’ll consider it,” he promised.

“And do consider finding yourself a wife,” said Menser as he tipped his glass to his lips again. “It would make mine so much happier.”

Chapter Six

A governess has a responsibility to be selfless, controlled, and discreet above all else.

—Miss Carrington’s Guide for Governesses

Elizabeth couldn’t help but smile when she heard the doorbell jangle after supper Thursday. Cassandra’s fever had broken overnight, and although she was weak, the girl was already taking a little broth.

Juliana showed signs of being back to her normal impish, demanding self. That afternoon she’d insisted Elizabeth read to her for hours from
The Fairy Ring
. It had taken two cups of Cook’s licorice-root tea before supper to soothe Elizabeth’s aching throat and left her wishing that Mary or Jane would come again to ease the burden a little bit.

And then there was Edward. Outside of her concern for the girls, she’d thought of little other than the curious, brilliant man who had brought her such pleasure without asking for anything in return. If anything, the little snatches of time between her bustling around made the memory of him sweeter and left her more anxious than ever to see him that night.

In the last day, she’d reminded herself time and time again that she was just an enjoyable distraction before he left for America. She told herself she was reconciled to that, yet the brittle, hard coating that built up over her heart to protect it over the years showed signs of cracking. She supposed that this was what feeling loved did to a woman.

He didn’t love her—she knew that—but he was so tender that she wanted to believe it was possible. Like a child with its eyes squeezed shut against all that is ugly in the world, she would cling with all of her strength to the fantasy playing out before her. He wouldn’t know that her eyes followed him whenever he walked into a room, just as he wouldn’t understand why she stared at the clock, waiting for him to return. She hadn’t lied to her friends when she told them that it was a comfort to have Edward by her side. She simply hadn’t told them the truth she’d only just admitted to herself—that she loved him fiercely and had for years.

A governess in love. It was almost laughable.

But for now, she had him, and she’d enjoy the few precious moments she could steal with him, knowing how quickly their time together would end.

A shuffling outside the nursery door roused her. She stood as Crane opened it to let Edward in. Their eyes met, his gaze holding a dark, seductive promise.

He gave her a half bow, his hands clutching the omnipresent medical bag behind his back this time. “Miss Porter,” he murmured. “I hope you’re well.”

“I am,” she said with a nod, surprised at how much strength it took not to launch herself at him. She wanted to wrap her body around him once again and lose herself. “The girls seem to be making a good recovery, though Cassandra still shows some signs of illness.”

Edward nodded before addressing Crane. “I’d like to see how well the children are taking to a new tonic I’ve prepared. I shall stay for some time.”

Crane frowned. “I’ll be needing to lock the house up.”

“I’d be happy to see Dr. Fellows out, Mr. Crane,” she offered.

“I would greatly appreciate it,” Edward said with a smile at the hesitant butler.

Finally Crane relented, no doubt swayed by the fact that no one would expect him to do anything. “See that you throw the bolt on the door afterward.”

“I will.”

Both sets of eyes watched Crane leave the room, listening as he shuffled across the hallway carpet. She didn’t realize that she’d been holding her breath until she heard the telltale creak of the door to the servants’ stairs down the hall.

In a flash, she was in Edward’s arms. He kissed her hard and swift, holding her close. “I’ve missed you,” he said in a hushed voice.

“The children are still awake,” she whispered. Then, after a beat, she added, “I’ve missed you too.”

“Let me check on the girls and then I have something for you.” The twinkle in his eye made her very suspicious that he was up to something—something she guessed she would enjoy.

Moving at his usual gentle yet frenetic pace, Edward examined each of the girls to see how their health was progressing. After he’d finished with Juliana, who had just snuggled under the covers for bed, he straightened. “They’re both healing as well as can be hoped. There’s always the risk of relapse, but I believe that they’re out of the very worst of danger.”

“I wrote to Mrs. Norton today to tell her of their progress. I’d hoped that there would be some word from her or Mr. Norton.”

He frowned. “They haven’t come to visit at all?”

“I believe they fear for the baby.”

When his expression did not lighten, she suspected he felt the same way about the Nortons’ neglect as she did.

Edward hung back in the room as she went through the nightly routine of putting the girls to bed. Even though they were ill, she had continued to read to them in hopes that it gave them some comfort. After a chapter was done, she tucked each of them in and dimmed the lights.

Outside in the nursery everything was quiet. A few lamps still burned, but a chambermaid had been in to turn them low. With the door to the girls’ room closed and the door to the hallway shut as well, Elizabeth and Edward were in as much privacy as they were likely to get in the nursery.

He caught up her hand in his and pressed a kiss to her knuckles. She smiled at the sweetness of the gesture. “You were saying you missed me?”

He laughed low. “I’ve thought of nothing else. You seem to have cast some sort of spell on me in these last days, but then I remember that you’ve had me in your thrall for a long time.”

There it was. Another crack, another fissure in the wall around her heart. What she wasn’t prepared for this time, however, was the rolling swell of emotion that swept over her until she could hardly breathe.

He was leaving London, but it didn’t matter. Her heart was already full enough that it threatened to burst. There was no stepping back from this. She was his, even if he would never know.

“You said you brought something for me?” she asked, trying to speak around the thickness in her throat.

“Ah, yes.” He dove into his medical bag and pulled out a book. “This is for you.”

She took the cream-colored volume with its blue binding and held it up in the dim light. The gold script on the spine read,
North and South
.

“Oh, Edward. I’ve wanted to read Mrs. Gaskell’s book since it appeared in
Household Words
, but I’ve not had the chance to borrow it.”

He cleared his throat. “I saw that you had
Mary Barton
on the table in your room. I thought perhaps . . .” His words tapered off as though he did not really want to say what had gone through his mind when he made the trip to the bookseller.

Without another word, she put the book down and slipped her hand in his, pulling him out of the nursery door. It wouldn’t do to kiss him in her bedroom—not tonight when they risked one of the girls’ hearing them.

“Where are we going?” he asked in a low tone.

She shook her head rather than answer as they turned a corner down the long hallway to the little-used library. With most of the household on its night off, the fires wouldn’t be lit and it would be chilly, but privacy was what she sought.

She put her hand on the doorknob and twisted. “It seems fitting, doesn’t it?” she asked as she pulled him through the open door.

Edward didn’t seem to notice the shelves and shelves of books that lined the rather grand room, because as soon as the door was shut, he fell on her, kissing her with an ardor that she matched. She wanted to feel him on every inch of her skin. She wanted to drink him in, letting the sweet taste of him intoxicate her until she could almost believe that this meant as much for him as it did for her. For one evening, she wanted to pretend she wasn’t a governess. That she deserved such passion from this man.

Edward fumbled with the hooks on her dress as she ripped at his clothes—neither of them caring to undress each other with such slow attention again. That had been erotic. This was urgent.

Elizabeth helped him cast aside his shirt as he tugged at her corset. She yanked her underclothes off, and he made quick work of the tabs holding his trousers closed. She stopped only when she was completely naked and vulnerable—just as he was.

The sight of him bare stilled her. He was so beautiful to look at, all hard planes of sinewy muscle and smooth skin. She could also now see for the very first time what she’d only felt before. His erection stood straight and proud, ready for her. Just the sight of it made her even more conscious of the wetness between her legs. She wanted this man’s body, mind, and heart, but if she could just have his body, that would be enough for tonight.

“You’re so beautiful,” he said as he cupped his hands along the curve of her breasts. She leaned into him as his palms smoothed over her nipples before rolling them between his fingers. Her back arched into the tease of it, and he growled low in his throat. “You are also very, very bad.”

“Only with you,” she gasped out as he bent to put his mouth on her nipple. He roughed the taut little bud with his teeth, and her fingers dug into the flesh of his naked shoulder.

When he let go, he cooled her wet skin with his breath. Another bolt of heat coursed through her body and hit her straight between her thighs. He brushed his lips over her nipple and whispered, “Then I am a very lucky man.”

Edward so far had done nothing more than put his hands on her hips to hold her in place and toy with her breasts, but she wanted more. She reached down between them and circled his hard cock with her hand. His whole body shuddered.

“You undo me, Elizabeth.”

She wondered if he knew what those words did to her, burrowing deep inside her chest and staying with her even when he was gone.

Biting her lip, she tried her best to pull herself back to what was happening in that moment. She let her fingers graze over his hard cock. He sucked in a breath.

“Do you like this?” she asked.

His body trembled again, and his fingers dug harder into her hips. “I like that very much.”

Her fingers splayed out, haltingly, before wrapping around him. He gasped this time as she ran her hand over the length of him, testing his hardness. “I’m just learning, you know.”

“You learn very quickly.”

He stiffened in her hand. It gave her a rush of power to see that she had this kind of effect on him. This was where they were on equal footing. He was no longer a gentleman and she was no longer a lady fortune had forgotten. When he groaned and squeezed his eyes shut at her touch, she felt as though she could have him trembling at her feet if she wanted.

“I want you to show me how it can feel,” she whispered. “I want to know.”

He rested his forehead against hers as he sucked in a couple of breaths. “If we do this, there is no going back.”

She stilled, letting the meaning of his words sink in. Her virginity would be gone. She’d be a maid no longer. Her prospects for marriage were so slim they were laughable, and she’d have to accept that she would be no closer to a marriage bed after their night together. This had to be enough for her.

She was torn between what her body wanted and what common sense dictated. Then he lifted those hazel eyes to hers and she fell a little harder.

“Please, Edward.”

Whatever had been holding him back vanished. He swept her up, cradling her against his chest, and carried her to one of the soft couches along the far wall. He laid her down gently and then went back to retrieve her chemise. Folding it, he tucked it beneath her.

“This is probably going to hurt,” he explained. “You might bleed.”

She nodded. She’d heard the stories before and, although she did not wish for the pain, she trusted him.

“I’m going to tell you each and every thing I want to do to you,” he said. His hands skimmed over her breasts and then her hips. “Then I’m going to do each and every one slowly until you can’t think straight.”

Her sex throbbed at his words. This was every illicit thing she’d dreamed of, every wicked thought that ran through her head when she squeezed her legs together because the pressure of the pleasure there was simply too much to bear. Now, when he touched her knees, her legs fell open, welcoming him.

His fingers ran up the slope of her thigh. “First I’m going to kiss you here.” He planted a soft kiss just inside her knee.

“And then here.” His lips brushed the skin of her inner thigh, the stubble on his chin grazing her. She hissed in a breath and tried to focus on nothing but the man between her legs.

“I’m going to touch you, Elizabeth,” he said, “and you’re going to like it.”

Her head tipped forward, and with hooded eyes she watched as he angled two of his fingers to slide into her. A gasp rose on her lips as he stretched her. Her muscles clamped around his fingers, and her legs shook with the effort of holding on to that delicious feeling.

“Christ, you’re wet,” he murmured into the delicate skin of her thigh.

She managed to gasp out, “No one else makes me wet, Edward.”

He groaned and nipped at her, sending sparks exploding through her body. His wet fingers slid out of her, but he didn’t stop his attentions. Instead, he let them slide up so that he rubbed over the most sensitive spot between her legs, making her hips dance up with each pass.

“You’re a siren,” he growled. “A minx. You’ve been sent by fairies to enchant me and make me forget everything else.”

Her back arched. “I’m just a governess.”

He stopped all of a sudden, pulling away from her. His absence left her cold, exposed, but when she opened her eyes, she found that he’d shifted to sit back on his haunches. Slowly, with the utmost care, he took up her hand and pressed a kiss to her palm. “You are a queen, Elizabeth. You are
my
queen.”

She tried to speak, but it came out as a whisper. “I don’t know what to say when you tell me these things.”

On his knees now, he leaned over her until his lips were a fraction of an inch from hers. “Say that you’ll let me adore you.”

His tongue darted out, running along her bottom lip. Her body shivered in delight. “Yes.”