The Gray Institute (The Gray Institute Trilogy Book 1) (23 page)

I feel a stab of envy at their contentment. I've never found someone to make me feel the way they do right now, and I'm doubtful I ever will. It seems to me that no matter where I am, who I'm with or what my mortality rate is, I always find myself pre-occupied with bigger and more important things than love.    

Tia spies me loitering in the doorway and frowns at my hesitation, beckoning me over. Upon spotting me, Richard smiles, not the slightest bit annoyed at my unfortunate timing.

'Hey, you.' Tia smiles as I reach them, but her eyes are worried. 

'Hey.' I force a smile, sitting down beside the two of them, embracing the hard stone beneath my thighs. There's an awkward pause and I avert my eyes as Tia silently mouths at Richard to make himself scarce.

'Well, doll, duty calls,' He takes the hint, sliding Tia from his lap and pecking her cheek. 'I'll meet you in the common room later,' He tells her, turning to me. 'See you later, Eve,' He smiles before hesitating. 'Chin up, eh?' He pats my shoulder, avoiding my eyes, and heads off the way I came.

I stare down at my knees, picking at invisible threads in my jeans as Tia watches me warily, trying to think of the right words to say. I'm in a state of unrest; I don't want to be alone, but I'm equally uncertain about being around others – even Tia. After what feels like an eternity, she takes a deep breath.

'What did he say?' She asks finally, her big eyes desperate for information.

'What?' I frown, panicked as I try to work out how Tia knows about Malachy. I relax when I realise she's talking about Sir Alec. 'Oh, nothing much,' I shrug. 'Just thanked me for making the first moves to help him with 'my task' and urged me to continue.'

'Oh,' Tia breathes a sigh of relief. 'That's good. I thought you were in some sort of trouble.' She pats my arm. 

Silence envelopes us as Tia processes this 'relieving' information and I try to push all thoughts of Lorna and Sir Alec Gray out of my mind. I realise that since Sir Alec set me this God forsaken task, Tia and I haven't really had much time to be... well, Tia and I.

'You two seem happy.' I nod in the general direction of Richard's departure, trying to make my voice sound light. Tia smiles – a small, secretive smile, just for herself – and hugs her chest.

'We are,' She swoons, her eyes big and glassy. 'It just happened. If you'd have told me last year that I'd end up dating Richard Miller, I'd have laughed in your face.' She grins.

'You're good together.' I smile, really meaning it.

'It certainly seems that way.' Even her voice is content, as though she and Richard have been an item for years, comfortable and happy.

'Have you ever felt this way about anyone before?' I ask her, realising in that moment how little I actually know about Tia's life, and how little she knows about mine, despite all the time we spend together. She shakes her head, frowning fiercely.

'No. My old life didn't allow time or energy for that sort of thing.' She replies, and I nod, understanding her words better than most. All of us students come from difficult backgrounds – we wouldn't be here if we didn't. People who had a family or friends – or any semblance of a normal life – didn't end up at the Institute; they'd be missed.

'What was your life like?' I ask her, not sure if it's a taboo question. I've never heard a student openly talk about their past life and I had wondered if it was simply too painful, or yet another unspoken rule.

'The most boring one on Earth,' She laughs, her eyes betraying her smile. 'And not particularly happy,' She adds. 'You know, some people who are brought to the Institutes and changed, they get mad about it. Mad about the fact that they didn't have a choice. Mad about the fact that they were thrown into this life against their will. But for me, it was the best thing that ever happened to me,' She smiles.

'I mean, we don't have a choice about being born do we? Or who our parents are? Or what country we come from? We're thrown into life against our will – this is just another life. And for me, a better one.'

'I agree,' I nod thoughtfully, knowing all too well how grateful I am for my second chance. 'Were you born in New York?' I ask, and she nods, her face grave.

'It's a beautiful city, but also dangerous... and lonely. If you don't know anybody, it can be hard to make friends. Everyone just kind of wanders around, their heads stuck in their laptops or phones, nobody notices anybody else. I imagine London is probably the same?' She asks. I nod.

'Big cities always are. I didn't get a particularly good start in life socially, so I was alone most of the time. Believe it or not, I was painfully shy.' She grins.

'I can't imagine that,' I laugh. 'Where are your parents?'

Tia snorts with contempt. 'What parents? I have no idea who my father is, and from the sound of my mother, she probably has no idea herself.'

'Who is your mother?' I frown, my own mum's face flashing across my mind – a searing pain. 

'I only know that her name is Christine. And she was sixteen when she had me,' Tia shrugs. 'She was a junkie. I was born addicted to heroin. Spent most of my childhood in a special hospital for addict babies.' Tia sighs and I feel a shiver of panic. Tia doesn't know about my past addiction, and now that I know about hers, I'm not so sure I'm willing to share my story.

'Jesus, I'm sorry.' I mumble uncomfortably, but Tia shakes her head.

'Don't be. I don't remember any of it. I have no recollection of my childhood until I was around seven. I was put into this foster home in the inner city, a real rough neighbourhood – I didn't fit in there at all.

I was always sick, in and out of hospitals. Because of the drugs, I was born with a weak immune system. The slightest cold for me could turn into pneumonia. Course, all my hospital bills were being paid for by the state so I wasn't given the best treatment. For five years all I could do was lay in my room, watching the other kids play out of the window.

I was home-schooled by my foster mother, Mrs Clayford. She was a real hard ass, I don't know why she fostered kids, she hated them. My guess is she was getting some kind of state handout for doing it.

Anyway, she was virtually illiterate herself so my education was basically non-existent. Not a great start for me.' She rolls her eyes. I'm fascinated by this sudden insight into Tia's life, but I try not to let it show. She might not want to tell me everything, and I could understand if she didn't.

'So what happened?' I ask gently, turning to face her. 

'When I was twelve I was moved. Mrs Clayford only fostered young children and by then I was almost a teenager. My new foster home was even worse; the kids there were from ages twelve to sixteen and the boys and girls were mixed. That was a seriously bad idea, I can't believe it was allowed to happen. Horny teenage boys and vulnerable – mostly abused – girls all being shoved into one house virtually unsupervised? Genius idea.'

'Oh my God, they didn't do anything to you?' I gasp, horrified at the thought of anyone hurting Tia, but she shakes her head firmly.

'No, no. I was a scrawny little thing with a constant cough, everybody was scared they'd catch something from me. It was lonely but in the long run, probably the best thing.

The other girls were developing, though, and I heard a few of them confide to our social workers about the boys pushing their luck. They didn't care, of course. Out of sight, out of mind was their policy.'

'So, what happened to you?' I frown, wondering how the timid, sickly little girl in Tia's story turned into the beautiful, confident woman before me.

'Well it was much the same as the first foster home; I stayed in my room, kept my head down until I was eighteen, got my high school diploma and got my first job. Child services helped me get a halfway house. That sounds like the worst part of the story but it was actually the best. I loved my job. I sold windows in an office with ten other girls. Most of them were friendly and for the first time in my life I had real people to talk to.

My apartment wasn't great but I made it my home, decorated it and felt comfortable there.' She smiles and I wait patiently for her to continue, but she doesn't.

'So, how did you end up here?' I frown, well aware that nobody with friends would be chosen by the Auctoritas.

'I fell ill again,' Tia's smile fades. 'I'd been ill a few times and had to stay off work. I was on thin ice with my boss and two weeks off with the flu was the last straw. He phoned to say he was letting me go. I pleaded with him; I was eighteen by that point and responsible for my own bills and rent. But he was a hard bastard and said enough was enough.

That was it really. I couldn't afford my medical bills, my gas and electricity were cut off and I caught hypothermia in the winter. By the time Seamus found me I was half dead with icicles dripping from my nose. The boring old thing took pity on me.' She smiles fondly.

'God, Tia,' I breath, not sure what the correct response is. 'I'm sorry.' I shrug helplessly.

'Don't be. Like I said, it was the best thing that ever happened to me.' She smiles, casting a glance at the Institute's walls. I realise that Sir Alec's training facility is Tia's first real home and, suddenly, I understand her gratitude to our headmaster.

And I realise how much she deserves her happiness with Richard.

'What about you?' She asks, cocking her head to one side.

'What about me?' I frown, knowing exactly what she's asking and feeling a panic rise in my chest.

'Your past? Life before the Institute?'

I don't want to share my past life with Tia. Not now I know about her involuntary addiction to heroin, how awkward it would be for me to have to explain my voluntary one.

'Oh, it was perfectly dull and boring.' I shrug, searching desperately for a change of subject.

'Come on, Miss Ryder, I told you mine.' Tia nudges me with her sharp elbow and I rack my brains for a distraction.

'I'm going to find Katy Branch.' I blurt out without thinking and instantly regret it. I'm not sure if I'd prefer the third degree about my old life, or this.

'What?!' Tia is instantly hysterical and I realise – too late – that I'd rather have shared my ex-addiction. 'What the hell are you talking about?'

'I'm going to find her, Tia, I need to.' I sigh, resigning myself to the fact that I'll simply have to spend the next hour or so justifying myself to, and fighting with, Tia.

'You need to!' It's not a question but a scoff of indignation. 'What do you mean,
you need to
? Eve, it is
forbidden
.' She emphasises the word and I roll my eyes.

'I'm well aware that it's
forbidden
,' I mock her. 'But how else do you expect me to get through this ridiculous task without being isolated myself?'

'Look, maybe we –
I –
jumped to conclusions about Katy's isolation. Maybe it wasn't because of what happened with Lorna. Perhaps it was something else entirely. We don't even know that it was definitely her – '

'Oh, please, Tia! Lorna herself told me there was a girl before me who attempted to sway her, and Katy warned me to stay away from Lorna in the flesh! What more proof do you need?'

'You don't understand,' Tia pleads. 'You mustn't go looking for her! You'll get into so much trouble, you'll be isolated yourself – '

'And if I
don't
find Katy, I'll be isolated anyway! Possibly worse. Lorna Gray will not change her mind. At least not easily. I have to find out what Katy did and try to avoid her mistakes.' I am resolute and Tia knows there's no point arguing with me, though she still tries.

'You don't even know where she's kept.' Tia realises with triumph and I almost smile smugly before realising that this is no laughing matter.

'I do, actually.' I reply, knowing without question that I shouldn't tell Tia that Malachy helped me. The number of repercussions would be too many to count; Meredith's reaction, Tia's big mouth, Lucrezia finding out. The list is endless.

'How?' Tia frowns, unconvinced.