The Greatest Sheep in History (2 page)

‘Oh, and Maud? Superhero costume only,’ Valiant Vera said with a meaningful look at Maud’s beret.

‘Yes, Vera,’ said Maud meekly.

It wasn’t until they were back outside on High Street, about to go their separate ways, that Maud raised the subject of heroic sheep again. ‘Ernie,’ she said, ‘can you think of
any
great heroic sheep in history? Even one?’

‘No,’ Ernie had to admit. ‘But I’m sure there are some,’ he added, seeing the disappointment on Maud’s face.

As he watched Maud clip-clop slowly down High Street towards the park, Ernie was determined that he would find them.

Ernie woke bright and early on Saturday morning and immediately pulled on his fluorescent green one-piece suit with the gold lightning bolts on the sleeves, and fastened his matching cape around his neck. He had breakfast in front of the television, but switched it off even before seeing if The Daring Dynamo managed to escape the clutches of the dastardly Count Crustaceous. This was one morning when Ernie definitely did not want to be late. He brushed his teeth, said goodbye to his
parents, then picked up his school backpack, into which he’d packed his pyjamas and the library’s copy of
The Greatest Heroes in History.

As he jogged down the street, Ernie felt a bit anxious about the fact that he hadn’t yet found a single sheep hero in the book, even though he’d read two chapters already: ‘Excellent Explorers’ and ‘Super Sports Stars’.

But when he arrived at the Superheroes Society (Baxter Branch) headquarters at ten to nine, Ernie saw that he needn’t have worried. Maud, who was already there, was her usual good-humoured self.

‘Hi partner,’ she called happily, when she spotted Ernie. ‘Look at this—a van! I’ve never been in a van before!’

Sure enough, a white van was parked at the kerb. Standing beside it, each holding a small suitcase, were Super Whiz, Valiant Vera and Housecat Woman. Ernie thought he’d never
seen their costumes look so shiny and neatly pressed.

Super Whiz was looking at his watch and muttering impatiently. ‘What’s taking him so long? I’ve told him a thousand times how important it is that we are punctual.’

‘Don’t worry,’ Valiant Vera said soothingly. ‘I’m sure he’ll be out in a minute.’

She had barely finished her sentence when Amazing Desmond came bustling through
the shabby brown door with two enormous suitcases.

‘Goodness me,’ said Vera. ‘What on earth have you packed, Desmond? We’re only going for one night.’

‘Just a few essentials,’ Desmond assured her. ‘Tuxedo, in case of a ball. Snorkel and flippers, in case there’s a coral reef in Thomastown. Jodhpurs, in case we go horse riding …’

Super Whiz was turning purple. ‘This is a
serious
conference, Desmond, about important matters. We are there to learn from our colleagues, to study new—’

‘Keep your shirt on, Whiz,’ Desmond said mildly.

Valiant Vera gave Desmond a sharp nudge in the ribs with her elbow and whispered something that Ernie didn’t quite catch, though he thought he heard the words ‘nervous’ and ‘speech’.

Desmond nodded at what Vera was saying, then turned to the others and said, ‘Well, what are you standing around for? Let’s go!’

They all bustled forward to stow their suitcases, then Desmond slid open the side door of the van to reveal two rows of seats, three at the back and two at the front.

Housecat Woman, who could move surprisingly quickly when she was awake, was first in. She made straight for the back row,
stretched out along the three seats, and promptly fell asleep.

‘Ernie, you and Maud take the two seats there,’ Valiant Vera instructed. ‘I’ll sit up front between Super and Desmond.’ To keep the peace, Ernie suspected.

‘Ooh, Ernie, can I have the window seat? Please, please, please?’ Maud was hopping excitedly from hoof to hoof.

‘Of course you can, Maud,’ said Ernie generously. He’d ridden in a van many times.

After a bit of a struggle with Maud’s seatbelt—‘You’d almost think these were designed with no idea of the shape of a sheep,’ Maud complained—they were on their way.

‘Jingle bells, jingle bells,’ sang Amazing Desmond as he drove down High Street.

‘Could you please stop that infernal racket,’ grumbled Super Whiz. ‘How am I meant to concentrate on my maps with you caterwauling
like that—oops!’ He clapped a hand over his mouth and glanced at the back seat to see if Housecat Woman had taken offence, but she was snoring away in a dreamy doze.

‘Sorry, Whiz,’ said Desmond. He took one hand off the steering wheel and mimed buttoning up his lips.

‘And keep both hands on the steering wheel!’ Super Whiz yelped.

‘Sorry, Whiz,’ said Desmond again, though he didn’t really sound sorry.

‘And don’t call me Whiz,’ snapped Super Whiz.

‘Oops. Sorry, Whiz,’ said Desmond.

‘I
said—’

‘Could you show me Thomastown on the map?’ Vera asked Super Whiz. ‘I have no idea where it is.’

‘Of course,’ said Super Whiz, who liked it when people recognised his superior knowledge. ‘Now, we’re going to follow this road for another
fifty kilometres, then you see this highway here …’

‘Oh, show me, show me,’ begged Maud. ‘I’ve never seen a map before. Sheep don’t use maps.’

‘But how do you find your way?’ asked Super Whiz, puzzled.

‘You just follow the sheep in front of you,’ Maud said.

An hour later, they were on the highway. Ernie was reading chapter three of
The Greatest Heroes in History,
all about ‘Marvels of Medicine’ (still no mention of sheep), and Maud had her nose out the window. Ernie could just hear a faint ‘Wheeee!’ as Housecat Woman snored softly behind them. Amazing Desmond and Super Whiz were still arguing.

‘Please observe the speed limit, Desmond,’ Super Whiz was saying stiffly.

‘Sorry, Whiz,’ said Desmond.

‘And don’t call me Whiz,’ said Super Whiz through clenched teeth.

‘Oops. I can’t believe I did it again! Sorry, Whiz,’ said Desmond.

‘I
said—’

‘Why don’t I read you the conference program?’ broke in Valiant Vera, holding up a brochure. Ernie thought the back of her head looked weary.

‘Let’s see … Well, we’ll have a little while to settle in, then there’s going to be a welcome
address before dinner. After that we should aim to have an early night as we have a busy day tomorrow. Oh look—the closing address tomorrow afternoon will be given by The Daring Dynamo. How nice.’

Ernie sat bolt upright. ‘The Daring Dynamo?’ he gasped. ‘He’s—he’s my hero!’

‘That’s right,’ agreed Maud, whose fleece was looking a little windswept. ‘Ernie talks about him all the time.’

‘Dynamo?’ said Desmond. ‘He’s a good sort.’

‘I suppose he’s all right,’ conceded Super Whiz.

‘All right?’ squawked Ernie. ‘He’s the bravest, fastest, daringest, most heroic—Well, who’s
your
hero, Super Whiz?’

Super Whiz sniffed. ‘No one. Superheroes
are
heroes, they don’t
have
heroes.’

‘Oh, now, that’s not true, Super Whiz,’ Vera objected. ‘Superheroes have heroes too.’

‘Who’s your hero, Valiant Vera?’ Ernie asked curiously.

‘Hmm … Marie Curie,’ said Vera, after giving it some thought.

‘Is she brave and strong and fast like you?’ Ernie said.

‘Oh no!’ Vera laughed. ‘She was a famous scientist.’

‘What about you, Amazing Desmond?’ Ernie wanted to know. ‘Do you have a hero?’

‘Ronald,’ said Desmond promptly.

Super Whiz snorted.

‘Desmond,’ Vera chided, ‘the pizza delivery man is
not
heroic.’

‘But he can make a super-triple-supremo Supreme with extra cheese and pepperoni and deliver it to your door piping hot in thirteen and a half minutes!’ Desmond protested. ‘Speaking of which …’

With a screech of tyres he steered the van off the highway and into the car park of a roadside restaurant. ‘Lunchtime!’ he announced.