The Green Knight (28 page)

‘How outrageous, about Lucas trying to kill Clement, the man is crazy, it's just a mad dream, like Louise said.'

‘He may be covering up something else. Perhaps he's an impostor, not that man at all, but a blackmailer, someone who simply wants money.'

‘You mean a crook, who read about the case in the paper – after all, Lucas hardly saw the man.'

‘What did he mean about “talking to other people” – does that mean the press?'

‘Or the police. If this goes on we may have to sue him.'

‘Lucas is one of us, we must close ranks.'

‘Where's Clement?'

‘He's washing his face in the bathroom.'

‘No, he's down in the kitchen helping the girls.'

‘What do you think, Tessa, you were the one who made it all spill out?'

‘I don't know what to think – there's something bogus about him.'

‘Yes, he
admitted
he was confused and can't remember, he even forgot your name – '

‘Oh anyone might! No, it's – '

‘He's ill,' said Louise, ‘poor thing, they must have let him out of hospital too early, he needs looking after.'

‘But fancy inventing all that stuff about Lucas, it's
libellous
! I think he's really a mugger and he's putting all this out to defend himself.'

‘I think Joan is too suspicious,' said Tessa, ‘actually there is something naive about him – '

‘Yes,' said Louise, ‘something childish – '

‘It's certainly odd – and
very
interesting.'

‘Interesting!' cried Joan. ‘When he dares to attack Lucas
and
Clement in that rotten way! Louise thinks he's ill. What does Clement think? Is he ill or wicked?'

Harvey and Aleph had been listening to this conversation. Clement had just returned from the kitchen with Sefton and Moy.

Clement said, ‘He's certainly not wicked – '

‘What do you young people think, what does my son think, that profound student of human nature?'

‘I don't know,' said Harvey, ‘I believe there's something more behind it all, something
quite strange
. Of course he may be mad, but – '

‘Mad, yes, what Louise calls ill. That's why Clement kept trying to stop him talking, he didn't want the mad stuff to come out – there's something
awful
about him.'

Harvey, who was also standing, leaning on his stick and holding a glass of sherry, had been observing Aleph. He could see that she was excited, her eyes were bright, her lips parted in a strange dazed smile. Now she kept looking at Clement.

‘And what does Sefton think?' cried Joan. ‘Speak up, Sefton, you sober sibyl!'

Sefton said, ‘The main thing he said was that Lucas wanted to murder Clement, and that just can't be true.'

‘Of course it can't be true, that goes without saying, but is it mad, or vindictive –
why
did he say those weird things?'

‘Sefton is right,' said Tessa, ‘it's
that
, the impossibility, that suggests it's all an elaborate lie to conceal the fact that he really is a thief and a mugger, didn't the police talk about an offensive weapon – but I don't see – '

‘Yes, that's what's important,' said Joan, ‘that he's a thief, he was after Lucas's wallet, no wonder Lucas fought back, he
would
! What do you think, Moy, you funny little oracle?'

‘Well – ' said Moy slowly, ‘I don't know – he seems to me to be – dead.'

Joan and Tessa laughed. The others looked worried.

‘Really!' said Joan. ‘And what about Alethea, goddess of truth and beauty?'

‘Oh – ' said Aleph, ‘I think he's
an absolute pet.
' There was now some, rather uneasy, laughter.

‘And Bellamy? Where's Bellamy?' But Bellamy had gone.

‘I must be off', said Clement. ‘Louise,
thanks
, it was jolly kind of you to – I'm very sorry it all turned out so – '

‘Clement, darling, don't grieve – let the others go, stay here with me – '

But Clement was anxious to go, and ran away quickly down the stairs.

Moy had gone up to her room, Sefton was already downstairs finishing the washing up. Tessa had telephoned for a taxi for herself and Joan, and had offered to take Harvey too.

On the landing, in the doorway of Aleph's room, Aleph said to Harvey, ‘Go with them, dear Harvey.'

Harvey said, ‘There's something I want to tell you – '

‘Not now. Whatever it is, don't worry.
Whatever
it is – oh Harvey, how
strange
that was – '

‘Yes, wasn't it. Aleph, I love you.'

‘I love you too. There's the taxi. Goodbye.'

 

 

 

 

‘Wait, please! Please let me talk to you!'

Bellamy had sat for a moment, stunned by Mir's sudden exit. Then, as everyone, recovering from their surprise, had jumped up and began talking, he had pushed his way past and out of the door, colliding apologetically with Louise upon the stairs. He was delayed at the front door because, although he had so often passed through it, he had never discovered, or could not remember, how it opened. He opened it at last, nearly forgetting his overcoat, pausing to seize it, and rushed out, stumbling down the two steps outside. Inhaling the keen cold, he looked wildly, desperately up and down the road. The pavements were glinting with speckles of frost. The fuzzy foggy night air had assembled the lamplight into thick localised yellow globes. He glimpsed a tall figure disappearing into a remoter dark. Slipping, nearly falling, upon the frosty surface he ran. Reaching out his hand he pawed, trying to seize hold of a sleeve.

Mir stepped back quickly, gripping his umbrella, startled, even alarmed, peering closely at Bellamy. Then he walked on with Bellamy hurrying beside him. After a short silence he said, ‘Now you are the one who said nothing.'

‘Yes, I'm sorry, I'm Bellamy James – '

‘You're the man with the dog.'

‘No, not now, I've given the dog away. He now lives with
them
.'

‘Why? I liked the look of that dog. What was his name?'

‘Anax. I have to live alone – I'll explain – I'll explain
everything
– I do so much want to talk to you, to ask you – '

‘What do you want to ask? Would you mind walking a little faster?'

‘Yes, yes, I want to, oh so many things – is there somewhere where we can talk?'

‘Let us walk on please.'

‘How did you know I had a dog?'

‘I observed you, as a friend of Professor Graffe, when I was waiting for him. I thought he might visit you. Never mind, those days are over. What do you want?'

‘You said such extraordinary things. Surely you must be mistaken, I mean it can't possibly be – all the others thought – '

‘Never mind what they thought, what did you think?'

‘I don't know. I think it is impossible, what you said. But somehow I believed, I had to, I believed in
you.
So you must be mistaken. I think I see how it is, how it must be, how it happened – look, here's The Raven, can't we go in, it seems to be quiet – '

‘I think not. It's too near to – let us walk on, if you don't mind going some distance. I like London walking. There's a pub called The Castle. So you doubt the truth of what I said?'

‘Well, no, I mean I don't think you – '

‘Never mind, we can talk later. Let us walk now in silence. Hmm, a little mild rain. I'm sorry I cannot accommodate you under my umbrella, perhaps you should put on your overcoat.'

The Castle turned out to be a very quiet almost invisible little pub in a cul-de-sac. Mir seemed to know the host. Bellamy obediently sat in a corner letting Mir buy the drinks. With some difficulty he pulled off his damp overcoat. The well-lighted little bar was indeed quiet and almost empty. The transactions (he suddenly thought of them as transactions) taking place at the bar were conducted in murmurs. He thought, it's all so bright and clean and empty, it's like science fiction, it's like in a spaceship, loss of gravity, all movements slow, like swimming. He felt the dampness of the rain which had fallen on him before he put on his coat and the aching of his body within his damp clothes. He was
so tired
. He could not remember when he had last eaten anything. He had spent the day sitting on his bed waiting for the time to go to
see the show
. What had he seen? Something terrible – a
conjuring trick
. He felt his eyes closing. He thought, it's a dream, it's a dream place, like the dream Louise said
he
had when he was unconscious. Mir arrived with the drinks. Bellamy had asked for a lager, only when it appeared he remembered that he had given up alcohol. He seized it and drank some. It tasted wonderful. Mir was drinking what looked like lemonade.

Mir began the conversation. ‘What do you do?'

‘Well, I used to do various things, I was a social worker, a civil servant, now I do nothing.'

‘I congratulate you.'

‘I'm waiting to go into a religious order.'

‘I congratulate you even more.'

‘Only I don't know whether they'll accept me. I want to be a hermit, I want to wall myself up. But of course I'm not worthy. I just can't live an ordinary life, I can't
pass the time
. I can't organise myself, I don't have ordinary
motives
any more. I can't even manage my body, when I go to bed I don't know where to put my arms.'

‘That can be a problem.'

‘Don't laugh at me.'

‘I'm not laughing.'

‘You see, I'm not mad, I suffer from depression. It's not like ordinary misery. It's like dying of boredom. It's
black
. But you must know all about this being an analyst. Really – it just occurs to me – I think that you could help me – '

‘I have given up my work, as I said, I can't do it any more. I just live from day to day, I value every day that I see the light of the sun.'

‘But you
could
help me, if you just talk to me. I sometimes see a priest, a monk, I write letters to him, but it's not the same. I have a feeling about you.'

‘But you have friends – '

‘Yes, but they can't help me, they can't
understand
, they haven't got what you have.'

‘This is most gratifying, Mr James. I wonder if you would like something to eat, a sandwich for instance?'

‘No, no. I'm so glad just to be with you, it's like being with a king. With you I can always tell the truth, I will
have
to tell it. Please do something for me, I want to bare my breast to God and let Him smite me, please enter my life, you can, like a great beating of wings, like an angel – oh send me a sign, send me a significant dream – let me be with you – I need help – '

‘I am very touched, I am sorry, perhaps once I could do such things, perform such miracles, but now I cannot do them any more. Perhaps rather there is something that you can do for me. Tell me, how well do you know Lucas Graffe, let us call him the Professor.'

‘I know him well, indeed very well.'

‘And do you believe he is capable of intending to murder his brother?'

Bellamy swallowed some more lager. He said after a pause. ‘Actually I think he is capable of anything.'

‘So if he is capable of anything he is capable of that.'

Many things which Bellamy had seen and heard over many years seemed now to be rushing together. He said carefully, ‘No,
that's
impossible – I mean – Lucas, the Professor if you like, is a very strange man. He is the
bravest
person I know – '

‘You like him.'

‘I admire him. I love him. He lives absolutely outside ordinary conventions.'

‘Including ordinary morality.'

‘He is very truthful – '

‘But prepared to deceive.'

‘I mean he's
honest
, he
sees
the terrible things, he doesn't try to cover them up or imagine them away – the evil of the world, the senselessness of it all, the rottenness of us ordinary people, our fantasy life, our selfishness – '

‘You seem to want to see him as a saint.'

‘In a way I do – I mean a sort of counter-saint – I mean he's above, beyond – '

‘Beyond good and evil.'

‘You are a psychoanalyst, you must have met – '

‘You know the circumstances of his childhood?'

‘Being adopted and – yes, of course.'

‘Do you not think it
possible
that such circumstances might lead a man to build up a murderous hatred for his brother?'

‘He loves his brother! Of course it is conceivable – '

‘That he also hates him.'

‘No, I
meant
in the case of some
other
person this might be conceivable, but not in
this
case! He is a very unusual man.'

‘I think you believe what you said was impossible.'

‘Look,' said Bellamy, who was beginning to feel a little estranged from himself by the lager, ‘it's not
like
that! You are bringing in this
dream
of yours that Lucas tried to murder Clement! All this psychological stuff is simply
irrelevant
– he happens to love Clement but even if he hated him it would be
irrelevant
– Clement
wasn't there!
'