The Grimscribe's Puppets (17 page)

They are holding her legs up to the hips, sprouts from the black scaffolding on which the Blue Star sits. I did not dare to tear them away because they drilled into her flesh within the fracture of a second and merged with her blood vessels. She screamed and cried in terror, tried to back away and struggled vainly against them. But she only kept on struggling for a short time. Then her body sank back into the bed of papers, and the horrible mutation took place. The Blue Star drained all energy from her. The Blue Star needs energy to shine so brightly throughout all these nights, and it left her shrunken like a mummy. I crouched in the rear corner of the attic and trembled with my fists stuffed into my mouth to prevent me from screaming until daybreak.

It wouldn’t be possible to remove the black cables from her body anyhow. But apart from that fact, I never dared to touch them. I am afraid of her, of the Blue Star, and of the alien and horrible thing she has become. I am guilty of Leila’s death. I have abandoned her like a coward. She is dead and yet not dead; her radiant eyes look at me with an ironic and accusing expression, as if they said: “Well then, great hero? Do you still know me? Do you remember how you slid your hand under my skirt and touched the secret spots that now belong to the Blue Star?” I cannot avoid that a tiny tear drips down upon her parchment cheek. I bend down to her and whisper in her ear: “So long. I will come back, next year on April 30th. I will never forget you.”

And then I leave the silent house and its secret and the old town with its brackish canals. I take the morning train southward, back home to my real life, my real existence. But I keep on looking for the Blue Star with longing eyes, full of nameless melancholy, and for the blue of her eyes at a new day’s dawning horizon.

By Jon Padgett

Being a ventriloquist is a lot of fun. Anyone from eight to eighty can learn the basic techniques of this craft with a little practice. If you really want to know about ventriloquism and what it can do for you, just follow these 20 easy steps, and one day you’ll find out just how much fun a ventriloquist can have.

STEP 1: 
“How to hold your mouth”

Always practice in front of a mirror. Close your mouth in a natural, relaxed way and part your lips slightly. Stare at your mouth closely in this position until you can see nothing else, as if your mouth were hovering in the midst of nothingness.

STEP 2: 
“Recite the beginner’s alphabet”

The first part of the beginner’s alphabet has 19 letters. The letters are: A, C, D, E, G, H, I, J, K, L, N, O, Q, R, S, T, U, X, and Z. With your mouth in the position described in STEP 1, recite this part of the alphabet over and over. You may have to do this hundreds or even thousands of times before you get it right. While you master this STEP, it may seem strange that these sounds are coming out of your mouth while it’s not moving and that it’s projecting noises from somewhere outside of you. Try not to focus on this phenomenon or your progress as a ventriloquist may be hindered.

STEP 3: 
“Your first sentence”

The second part of the alphabet has 7 letters: B, F, M, P, V, W, and Y. If you try to pronounce these letters the same way you did the others, you will find that you have to move your lips. So, for the time being, substitute another sound for these letters. For example, try this sentence: “The bad boy blew up the big jet by using his brain.” Only with your mouth in the position described in STEP 1, say: “The
d
ad
d
oy
d
lew up the
d
ig jet
d
y using his
d
rain.” Again, focus strictly on your technique, avoiding any other thoughts or perceptions you may have.

STEP 4: 
“You say one thing... and think another”

Think of the letter “B” while you are saying the letter “D.” If you sit in front of the mirror long enough and say the letter “D” while thinking “B,” you will soon have a sound clear enough so that, in normal conversation, no one will notice the difference. Even you may soon fail to notice that you are saying one thing and thinking another as this technique becomes second nature to you.

STEP 5: 
“Use ‘TH’ or ‘ETH’ instead of ‘F’”

Instead of saying “F” make it come out “eth” if it comes in the middle or end of a word. If it comes at the beginning of a word, just say “th.” Example: “Without any effort, I frankly feel like a trifle.” Now say “Without any e
th
ort, I
th
rankly
th
eel like a tri
th
le.” This is where the real challenge of ventriloquism begins as you practice over and over—many thousands of times—in front of a mirror. For a while you will sound as if you have a speech impediment and may not even recognize your own voice. But don’t give up. Later your voice will become your “dummy voice,” which will be nothing like the voice you recognize as your own.

STEP 6: 
“How to say the letters ‘M’, ‘P’, and ‘V’”

Instead of saying “M” say “N.” Try this sentence: “My mind made the mad rummy melt.” This is not difficult, for “N” is a combination of “M” and “N” as you say, “
N
y
n
ind
n
ade the
n
ad ru
nn
y
n
elt.” Even though most of us have never made a “mad rummy melt” with our mind, this is all part of the act of “dummy talk.” Do the same with “P”—using “T” in its place. For the sentence, “The proud professor put his pupil together,” say “The
t
roud
t
rofessor
t
ut his
t
util together.” For “V” use “The”—while you think “V.” For the sentence, “Not every ventriloquist is a Greater Ventriloquist,” say “Not e
th
ery
th
entriloquist is a Greater
Th
entriloquist.” Of course, you may think this is all complete nonsense to say, but a lot of things that people say—even most things—are complete nonsense. This is not the ventriloquist’s concern.

STEP 7: 
“‘W’ is tricky, but you can do it!”

If you say the letter “W” as it sounds, it will come out as “Dubble-you.” That’s fairly easy, isn’t it? But now take the word “Wish,” as in “I wish I was a Greater Ventriloquist,” which you can’t say without a flutter of the lips, not even if you say it many thousands of times. So here’s where you’ll need practice. Make a sound—something like “OHISH.” Say it over and over until it sounds enough like “WISH” so that it can pass for this word, just as so many things pass for other things in this world.

STEP 8: 
“Getting to know your dummy”

Sit down on a chair in front of a mirror and carefully put your ventriloquist dummy on your knee. Be sure to hold on to your dummy tightly with both hands. Your dummy is hollow inside. Insert your right or left hand into its back and find its controls. Practice moving his head and his mouth. Think about your dummy moving its head while
you
move its head. Think about his mouth opening and closing while
you
open and close it. Think about these things until you don’t have to think about them anymore. Soon you’ll be doing these things without having to put these actions together in your head. That’s how your dummy needs to move. Automatically. Its eyes must move around, scanning the room just like yours might. Its mouth must open and close in perfect concert with your unconscious voice throwing (see STEPS 1-7). This STEP may take more than hundreds or even thousands of
hours
to perfect as you stare at yourself and your dummy in the mirror. After enough practice, the dummy will move just as easily and as naturally as you do.

STEP 9: 
“They’re all dummies”

STEP 8 directed you to practice using your dummy until it moved “as naturally as you do.” But how can a block of wood, carved and painted in the likeness of a human being, ever hope to be “natural?” Before we explore the answer to this crucial question, you’re going to need to answer a question of a different but no less crucial sort.
What do you wish to achieve through the art of ventriloquism?
If your aim is simply to become a proficient showman, skilled enough to achieve some modicum of success through performing at children’s birthday parties, local variety shows and community theatre acts, do not read any further. Study and apply STEPS 1-8 but
do not read on.
Your tutelage is complete, and with enough practice you very well may become a competent, even an excellent show-business ventriloquist.
However
, if STEPS 1-8 do not satisfy you; if manipulating your dummy seems limited and simplistic and even frustrating; if you have an overwhelming desire—a hunger—to know what Greater Ventriloquism is and what it can do for you and your life, read on.
Again: you must continue reading only if you really want to know what the secret of Greater Ventriloquism has to offer.
Fine. Now that
that’s
out of the way — again: how can a block of wood, carved and painted in the likeness of a human being, ever hope to be “natural?” Easy. Have you ever had a pet? Many at-home animals are taught to behave using commands—which may be direct (like “stay” or “sit”) but which might also involve subtle gestures and sounds, all of which you may make without conscious thought. You “push their levers” and “pull their cords” so to speak, to make them do what you want them to do. We can control our pets without effort, without thinking about it. We do one thing and think another. And what about our relationships with other
human
animals? Can’t we “push their levers” and “pull their cords” just as well, just as automatically? Is this manipulation really all that different from making your ventriloquist dummy move and talk—just how you want it to move and saying just what you want it to say? If you practice STEPS 1-8 for very long, you will eventually learn all you need to know about controlling the animals around you—human or not—bar none. STEP 9 is your first
real
step towards becoming a Greater Ventriloquist, but it is quite a simple one. Just continuously remind yourself that the ventriloquist dummy, your pets, your family and friends all have one thing in common with each other: they’re
dummies
. With practice, you’ll be amazed at how they’ll dance to the tune of your voice.

STEP 10: 
“Don’t be discouraged”

As you work diligently to control all the animal-dummies around you as prescribed in STEP 9 (“They’re all dummies”), you will start to observe how artificial their thoughts and motivations appear, from their impulses to eat and sleep to the redundant static of their words. It may soon appear that the animal-dummies around you are not sentient at all. This is normal. The fact is this: no matter how meticulous or consistent your practice is, it’s practically impossible to make an animal-dummy move and speak just the way you want it to move and speak. And it’s painful and exhausting to try. But don’t be discouraged. Suffering and exhaustion are both key to your future mastery of Greater Ventriloquism.

STEP 11: 
“Remove yourself from animal-dummies”

Have you practiced STEPS 1-10? Have you practiced these STEPS every day, diligently? Have you spent uncountable hours in front of the mirror throwing your voice, lips never fluttering? Does your dummy have a life and a voice as real to you as any dummy—human or non-human—you’ve ever known? Can you do one thing while thinking about something else (or even nothing at all)? Have you at least
tried
to influence or control the so-called sentient beings around you? If not, don’t bother reading on—you’re not ready yet. However, if you
have
earnestly attempted to master STEPS 1-10 as described above,
it is imperative that you immediately remove yourself from daily contact with other animals—human or not—as much as is possible.
Since you’ve made the choice to pursue Greater Ventriloquism, you have likely discovered that managing your ventriloquism practice and “real world” activities and relationships simultaneously is a difficult if not impossible task. Are the basic instructions stated in STEP 10 (“They’re all dummies”) erroneous then? Not at all. On the contrary,
trying
to master STEP 10 is essential to your growth towards becoming a Greater Ventriloquist. Even if you ultimately fail after tens of thousands of attempts (and—believe me—you inevitably will), this practice and this practice alone will lead you to STEP 12... and beyond.

STEP 12: 
“Find a good place to work”

STEP 12 goes hand in hand with STEP 11: find yourself a good, isolated place to live without comfort and communication contraptions where you and your dummy can have all the time in the world unmolested. You may have to pull a few strings and put some things together to make this happen. The choices that must be made in the name of Greater Ventriloquism sometimes require sacrifices that come in all manner of forms. In fact, a potential Greater Ventriloquist at times must perform actions that the common herd of animal-dummies may find unsavory—even criminal—in nature. This is not your concern. Remember, the “people” you must deal with to survive are mere dummies serving a higher purpose—a kind of Ultimate Ventriloquism—that they cannot hope to comprehend. Animal-dummies must be treated at all times with false and/or unsympathetic regard. Believe me, they don’t feel a thing.

STEP 13: 
“Mirror-work”

Your most dramatic transition from lesser to Greater Ventriloquism begins now. Choose or otherwise attain a mirror, one in a space which can be made to be almost completely devoid of any natural light. Of course, you must have some form of light for your work, but it must be quite dim. Try a tiny lamp bulb wrapped in a dark blue gel of the sort used for dressing backstage without evident light leaking out to the audience’s eyes between scenes. It will need to be put together. The illumination must be sparse enough so that you can only just barely see yourself and your dummy in the mirror the first time you turn out your primary light source. If possible, procure a tape player or some such contraption and record the next STEP as if it were a meditation or relaxation exercise (even if you know that attempting to achieve Greater Ventriloquism is anything but meditative or relaxing). Replay this recording in the semi-darkness of your mirror-space until you achieve the desired results. It may take many attempts, literally
thousands
of attempts, to accomplish the ultimate goal of this most exciting and challenging STEP yet, but with enough practice you’ll do just fine.