The Grown-Up's Guide to Running Away from Home, Second Edition: Making a New Life Abroad (34 page)

Finally, the happy day arrives. You can hardly believe that you’re about to take off for an adventure overseas, free from daily constraints, prepared to explore old-world cities, relax on a beach, or visit every museum in the exotic locale you’ve picked for your destination.

So many new impressions pour over you that the days pass in a blur. You try to remember the details to tell the family and friends back home—the child tugging at his mother’s full cotton skirts in a local market, the sunset over a Romanesque chapel, the sound of cowbells in that mountain village. Soon you’ve got so many memories stored up, you’ll never remember them all. Make the time to keep a diary and jot down your impressions. They’ll bring the experiences back into focus for you later, and they form the base for wonderful letters home when you finally have time to write them.

This initial excitement can make you feel like a child again, eager to see every sight, taste every delicious-looking morsel. Remember, you’re here for more than a vacation, so there’s time. Pace yourself and enjoy the experience. Take the first few days to get settled into your new environment and start feeling comfortable. If you’ve planned well, you’ll already know what to expect in general. However, you’ll still be undergoing vast new changes in your way of life. Allow yourself some slack time to rest and take it all in.

As much as you planned before your adventure, do the reverse now. Don’t overplan or jam too much into each day. I guarantee that at first everything will take longer than you think it will because you’re feeling your way in a new culture. This is doubly true if you’re trying out a new language.

Just shopping for new socks, which might take you half an hour at a department store in the States, can take a day when you’re living your adventure—not necessarily due to inefficiencies in shopping, but because there’s so much to do along the way. You start out in the morning and see this funky little street with a charming coffee shop. One little cup wouldn’t
hurt, would it? Then you pass an interesting church and pop inside for “just a minute” to see the stained glass windows. You find a store, but they don’t carry socks or the style you want, so you head for another one. By now it’s lunchtime and the store you want is closed. After lunch you find the socks but spend forty-five minutes figuring out your size in the metric system. Once you do that, you get to pay with all that colorful “play money.”

One reason everything takes longer is that you’re having so much fun being sidetracked doing it.

Fun is fun, but unlike a vacation, moving overseas for any length of time will involve you in some chores to get settled. One of the first ones is to register with the local authorities for your long-stay visa, if you need one, and/or with the American embassy.

If you have a regular mailing address, go to the local post office and introduce yourself. In some locations overseas, the addresses can be rather ambiguous, using just a house name, not a street address. If so, let the local post office know that any mail addressed to Mr. and Mrs. America at the “House of the Two Lizards” belongs to you.

If you don’t already have names of recommended doctors, dentists, and hospitals, ask other expats or locals you meet. One good name leads to another. If you find a good doctor, he or she can often recommend specialists. If you are in need of a specialist for an existing condition, schedule a visit before it’s an emergency. The specialist will become familiar with you, and you’ll be more comfortable knowing who to call if the need arises.

Explore your new town and uncover the lowest price gasoline, the freshest food market, the handiest hardware store. Meet the local people, smile nicely, and get to know them. In many countries, services are provided on a more personalized basis than Americans may be used to. This goes for the baker, the butcher, the electrician, and other services.

The system can work for you or against you. When we first moved in, the power went out in our rental house on the Friday night of a long holiday weekend, and I couldn’t get an electrician to respond. Even
my tempting question about overtime pay didn’t elicit much interest. “But it’s the holiday.” Now that we’re more settled, we’ve located “our electrician,” and we’ve used him for numerous small jobs around the house, so he’s available at a moment’s notice.

This process is ongoing. As you live overseas longer, you’ll meet new friends who are more than willing to share their insights and recommendations.

Unless you’ve lived overseas before, you may be surprised how many Americans, Brits, and Australians have come before you. These form a ready-made group of English speakers just waiting for other English speakers to show up. They’ll ply you with information on everything from where to find the most mouthwatering pastries to the best real estate agent, plumber, and English-language bookstore. You’ll share tales of your voyages and find new places to try based on others’ recommendations.

The fact that there are so many English speakers looking for kindred souls makes your adventure easier. It also makes it more difficult, because it’s tempting to slip into a routine of socializing only with English speakers, a crutch that eventually becomes a barrier to meeting people of other nationalities. This is especially true if you limit yourself to other Americans, in which case sooner or later you’ll begin to feel like you haven’t lived an adventure, but instead are living in an American camp.

Becoming involved with local people adds to the charm of your stay overseas. Sometimes it’s a bit tougher than making English-speaking friends, but it can be done. The trick is to know enough of the language to start speaking with someone.

You don’t have to be proficient by any means. Often people overseas would like the opportunity to practice the English they learned in school. If you’re living in a small town, you can’t remain anonymous in any case. People will tell others about the Americans living down the street.

This resulted in one of our best friendships. One Sunday about six weeks after we had moved into our rented house, a couple and their two young sons knocked at the door. Rosa was going to visit her American father—whom she hadn’t seen in thirty-four years. He’d forgotten his French. She didn’t speak English. Would we make a phone call to ensure that the plans were correct for the rendezvous at the airport? Of course we did, sharing a bottle of wine at their house. The next time they needed a phone call, they insisted on fixing a five-course French meal. We are now involved in their lives, and they’ve been a wonderful help to us as well, providing tidbits of advice.

Don’t wait for people to knock on the door. Here are some ways you can hurry the integration into your new environment.

Some groups overseas are created and run for English speakers, so of course, you’ll meet lots of expats this way. To become involved with local people and practice your language skills, sign up for a community group. A little investigation will uncover art classes, music groups, cooking, tennis, swimming, hiking, biking. You name it.

John, who knew very little French, happened to pass by a small storefront art class and discovered an informal group that meets every Saturday. He signed up. Though he doesn’t understand all the teacher’s instructions, the group is convivial, and now he’s invited to social events and art shows with the students, the teacher, and their families.

It even led to his being invited to paint on Saturdays in the town square with other artists, which in turn led to meeting more friends of friends. And so the circle grows.

People overseas like to walk, hike, play tennis, ski, ride bikes, and take part in other sports you may enjoy. Ask at the local tourist bureau for information. Look for posters advertising group activities. Sometimes notes are posted on local church or grocery bulletin boards. If you see a sign posted for nature walks on Sunday morning, sign up. You’ll get exercise and meet people at the same time.