The Guardian of My Soul (Soul's Desire) (20 page)

It was long after midnight when we arrived home. The party had been a success and we were all pleased with how everything had turned out.

Exhausted, I made my way to my room, but Paola stopped me in my tracks as soon as Mom was out of sight.

“Tonight was fabulous!” She exclaimed. “Jake and I had so much fun!”

“Yeah, I noticed,” I replied sleepily.

“Did you notice Alec too? I did...”

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

My sleepy eyes widened as she got my full attention. “No, what about him?”

“He’s been staring at you all night.”

I pushed my braid over my shoulder, trying to act nonchalant. “Well, I believe keeping an eye on me and protecting me is his job.”

“No, you don’t understand. This was different. He was giving you the look, the one which means he’s interested. I think he likes you.” Her words and the wicked grin on her face unnerved me.

“Don’t be silly. You must have imagined it.”

“I’m telling you the truth. It’s up to you if you believe me or not.”

“Even if it were so...why would I care? He’s nothing but a bodyguard. Do you really think I’d lower myself to hang out with an employee? Seriously now...” I said the words in a cold, harsh tone in an attempt to be as convincing as possible, even though my heart ached. “Good night, Paola.” I scrambled into my room and leaned against my closed door, feeling the tears welling up in my eyes.

*  *  *

Saturday morning found me in a rough shape. My body was sore from all the dancing and my heart felt weird in my chest, desperately needing Alec’s presence to soothe me.

Strangely, I didn’t see him around the house all day, so I gathered all my courage and looked for him in his room after I made sure no one saw me approaching his door. My heart stopped in my chest when I saw the empty room, his belongings no longer there. I rushed to his closet but couldn’t find any of his clothes. I panicked and searched all of the drawers, but still couldn’t find anything. It was as if he’d never been here.

Desperate and startled, I directed myself to his father’s room and knocked on the door, shaking like a leaf in the wind, unable to control my quivering limbs.

He opened the door and blinked several times at the sight of me. “What is it, dear?”

“Where’s Alec, Ryan? I wanted to go out and went to look for him to let him know, but he’s not in his room and it looks like he’s taken all of his stuff,” I muttered, struggling with the tremors in my voice.

“Oh...um...he wanted to go home for a few days to visit his mother and sister. Mrs. Mancuso gave him permission to leave.”

“But...why didn’t he tell me anything?” I asked in a daze.

He glared at me mysteriously for a long moment before he finally spoke, and I began to worry that my erratic behavior was making me look suspicious. “I have no idea. Please excuse him. He only told me about it this morning as well. I didn’t know he was planning to visit them. I’ll talk to him.”

“What time did he leave?”

“His plane took off at eight. I drove him to the airport myself.”

“Why did he take everything? He’s not coming back?” I shivered at the mere thought of it.

“I believe he would have told me if he had no intention of returning.” He cocked his head slightly to one side, assessing me with those clever eyes.

“All right.” I turned to leave, but he stopped me.

“I can take you anywhere you need to go.”

“Thank you. I’ll let you know if I need you...” I took the stairs two at a time on my way back to my room, feeling as though I’d been kicked in the gut. I spent the rest of the day pacing frantically up and down the room, trying to contact him, but his cell phone was off and I couldn’t get in touch with him.
Why the hell would he leave like this? Why doesn’t he call? What is wrong with this damn phone?
Troubled and devastated, I spent a sleepless night, feeling my heart hammering against my chest. My tears started welling up and soon both of my eyes were full of water. I started to cry as if I were in the midst of an ugly nightmare, waiting to wake up.

At breakfast I tried to hide my sorrow and the terrible anxiety I was experiencing. Paola didn’t seem to notice, looking rather lost in thought. My guess was she was most likely thinking about Jake, so I was thankful I got her off my back. Mom didn’t speak much either, focused on her iPad as she scrolled through the news about last night’s event.

“Kristen, I’m going to New York tomorrow for a few days. I’ve got some meetings there and I would like you to come with me,” Mom said when she finally put the device aside.

Paola snapped out of her reverie all of a sudden. “New York? Oh, can I please come with you?” she asked excitedly.

“Sure, if you want. It would be nice to have you both with me.”

“Mom, I need to get away for a while. Do you mind if I go someplace with my friends? Actually, just Megan. I would love to spend some time alone with her. I promise I’ll be back by the time you return from New York,” I told her, then used the ace in my sleeve. “Remember when I helped you with the fashion show? You said you’d do anything for me, so I’m asking you this favor now.”

“But...Alec’s not here. Who’s going to go with you two?”

“Nobody. We’ll fly straight there and spend a few days together. I’ll choose a place where hopefully no one’s ever heard of me.”

“All right. There have been no more of those strange cards. So, I guess a promise is a promise,” she said, but didn’t sound really convincing. “I have to go to my office and get a few things for tomorrow. I’ll see you girls later.”

After breakfast I planted myself on the living room couch and waited patiently for Ryan and Mom to leave the house. As soon as he drove away I slipped unseen into his room and began a desperate search for Alec’s address in San Francisco. It took over thirty minutes until I finally found it written in one of his agendas. Relieved, I quickly wrote it down on a piece of paper and dashed to my room to pack a few clothes.

Fumbling through my suitcase, I dialed Megan’s number and put her on speakerphone. “Megan...I need your help,” I said as soon as I heard her voice on the other end of the line.

*  *  *

“I hope you girls will have a good time in Savannah,” Mom told me on Monday morning, right before hugging me and getting into the car to go to the airport. “Please call when you arrive there. I’ll be so worried knowing you’re alone.”

“Mom, I’ll be with Meg, but I promise to call. Have a safe trip.”

“Bye, Kris!” Paola grinned, overly enthusiastic about it.

I waved goodbye and returned inside once they were gone. “Gilda, take care of Fred for me, please.” I hugged him close.

“I will, dear. What time should you be at the airport?”

“In less than an hour, but I’m meeting Megan sooner so I’d better leave as well.” I put Fred down to grab my bag and headed out to my car after giving her a brief hug. I called Megan once I was near the main highway which led to San Francisco. “Hey. Where are you?”

“Hi. Matt and I are on our way to the airport. I’m worried about you, you know? Matt agreed to go with me to Savannah, but I wish you’d tell me what you’re really up to,” she complained.

“Look, I just need some time on my own. If Mom calls you, tell her it’s me with you, not Matt. I know you need some time with him to sort out your issues, so this is perfect timing. Your trip is on me, so please try and fix whatever is wrong. I want you two to be happy.”

“I’ll deal with Lillian, but please tell me where you’re going,” she said after a short pause.

“Meg, I’ll call you, okay? You have your own problems to solve, so don’t you worry about mine. I’ll stay out of trouble.”

“You’d better, Kristen. If anything happens to you, it will partly be my fault. Take care!”

I hung up and drove for over eight hours straight, desperate to get to him. It was about six in the evening when I arrived at the address. I exited the car hastily and entered the tall building, running up the stairs as fast as possible, taking two steps at a time all the way to his apartment. When I got to the door I took a deep breath to calm down my pounding heart and rang the doorbell.

Loud barking broke the silence. “Shut up, Rufus!” I heard Alec’s voice and my eyes filled with tears again. He opened the door and it was obvious he was surprised to see me. Alec regarded me with a stunned expression, as if he were trying to decide if it was really me standing before him. Behind him, a large Rottweiler stuck his head out to glance at me. “Kristen...” Alec’s voice was husky with emotion.

My first instinct was to launch myself into his arms, but I couldn’t bring my legs to move forward. I wiped the tears streaming down my face with the back of my hand.

“Kristen...” he repeated in a hushed voice.

“What the hell happened, Alec?” I asked through a hiccupped sob. “I’ve been calling you desperately for two days and your damn phone is off! How could you leave without saying a word to me? Didn’t I deserve to know your plans? What happened?” I asked hurt.

Continuing to just stare at me, he ran his fingers through his hair in agitation. “Kristen, how did you get here?”

“I drove! I found your address in your father’s agenda and tricked Mom so I could come here and ask you what happened. I thought everything was fine and then you were gone! How could—”

“Please come inside.” He cut me off and then ordered the dog away.

I willed my shaking body to move and he quickly locked the door behind me. “Are you alone?” I asked.

“Yes. My mother and sister went out,” he said, leading me to the living room couch.

The apartment was modest, but tastefully furnished and clean. I quickly abandoned my curious exploration of the room and locked my eyes on him, dying to hear his explanation.

“I can’t believe you’re here. How...how did you manage to get away?”

“Does it matter, Alec? Why did you take all your stuff? Aren’t you coming back?” An uneasy sensation washed over me as I stared at him worried and disappointed.

His face fell, growing shadowed. “I heard you...”

My heart nearly escaped from my chest. There seemed to be a huge lump in the back of my throat which was almost entirely blocking my windpipe. “What are you talking about?” I barely whispered.

“I heard you say how you’d never lower yourself to hang out with a mere bodyguard,” he muttered ruthlessly, his eyes red with grief.

My head reeled back as if I’d just been slapped. “Alec...you know that’s not true. How could you believe it after all we’ve been through?” I released a sob I’d been fighting to hold back. “Saying those words hurt like hell, but I had to do it to protect you. You don’t know Paola. I had to make sure she didn’t go to Mom with her ideas and have you kicked out of my life because she couldn’t keep her mouth shut!”

He sighed with a defeated look on his face. “But you’re right. Look around you. I have nothing to offer you. Nothing!” His voice went hoarse, triggering a desperate urge inside of me to pull him in my arms and show him just how much he meant to me.

Fresh tears spilled down my cheeks as I moved closer and took his hands in mine. “Alec, you have given me something I’ve never had before. You’ve given me affection, comfort and protection. There has never been anyone I wanted to have a relationship with, not until you came along. You gave me the strength and the courage I needed to open up and allow myself to feel. You made me trust you. Deep down I craved it, but I was afraid. So afraid...”

“Kris, I can’t do this...” he protested. “You don’t belong with me. I don’t fit into your world and you don’t fit into mine. You told me that a while ago and you were right. The way you looked at the party on Friday...you were so beautiful and so sophisticated. The way everybody reacted to your presence...all those hungry eyes locked on you...” He paused to take a deep breath before he said, “You could be with anyone. You could find someone rich and famous like you, and spare yourself more problems with your mom. That’s where you belong, Kris. You can have a brilliant career and I don’t want to stand in your way. I don’t want to hold you back from being who you should be.”

His words crashed into my consciousness like a bucket of ice-cold water being splashed in my face. “No!” I shook my head forcibly, refusing to relinquish my hold on him. “I don’t need nor want anyone else, Alec! How dare you say that to me? I didn’t drive all the way here for this! I’m not losing you, do you hear me?” I raised my voice in a desperate attempt to make myself understood. “Money has never brought me happiness! I don’t need it! I don’t expect anything from you. All I want is you. I need your arms around me. I need to look in your eyes and see that you feel the same way. We can make this work. I know we can! And I promise you we won’t have to hide forever. I will find a way to deal with Mom, but please...please don’t walk away from me,” I begged, broken.

He squeezed his eyes shut and gripped my hands tighter. “There are so many things about me you don’t know,” he whispered, and the pain in his voice was palpable. He still wouldn’t look at me as he continued to speak. “Five years ago...five years ago I lost the woman I loved in a car crash. She died in my arms and the world crumbled all around me.” Bitter tears fell down his face as he recalled the event. “It was late at night and we were coming back from visiting her grandparents. We were so happy and in love. She begged me to let her drive, so I did. How could I refuse her anything, I thought. Then a drunken idiot lost control of his car and smashed into ours, killing her instantly. I escaped with nothing but a deep cut in my right shoulder and smaller ones across my chest. It should have been me. I should have died! Not her!”

I shook with nerves, devastated as I remembered his chest, finally understanding what had caused the scars. His words drilled right into my heart, while my head felt like it was about to explode. “Go on, Alec. I want to know everything.”

“After that...I refused to fall in love again or allow anyone into my mind and heart. I was alone for a long time. Jenna was the first and only woman I accepted after losing my sweetheart, and I got involved with her mostly to please Mom and my sister. I couldn’t love her like she deserved. I was too afraid to let myself love again because I didn’t think I could survive losing someone else. I don’t ever want to hurt like that again. And then...then I met you. I arrived at your place determined not to like you. I envied you. I thought you were a spoiled girl with no worries or problems. And I resented my father living with you instead of being with his real family. I struggled to hate you. I know it sounds unreasonable, but it’s the truth. It didn’t work, though. The moment I saw you...I felt something I couldn’t explain. Soon I discovered everything I thought about you was wrong. You and I are very much alike. Two tormented souls afraid to love.”

“Alec, I...I’m so sorry about your loss,” I whispered horrified by his confession. Settling on his lap, I wrapped my arms around his neck after tenderly wiping the dampness off his beautiful face. I wanted to comfort him, and yet I knew how strong he was. “I know how much it hurts. I understand. It never goes away. It stays with you, maddening you, haunting you. That’s how it’s been for me ever since Dad passed away, but...then you came along and gave me hope. I don’t want to lose you, Alec,” I sobbed, leaning my forehead against his.

He returned my hug tightly, seeking out the comfort and security of my embrace. “When I realized my feelings for you were so strong I freaked out. I don’t want to lose you either, but it’s so hard for me to look at you and not be able to take you in my arms every second of the day. Nobody will accept our relationship and we’ll only end up hurting each other.”

My mouth found his with a need impossible to explain in words. “I won’t let anyone separate us, Alec. Not my mom, not your dad, not anybody else. If they won’t accept it, I’m leaving with you,” I said with heartfelt conviction.

His eyes widened, staring at me. “Kristen...”

“Alec, I’m serious.” I sighed, running my hand through his hair. “Look...I have a few days until I’m supposed to return home. Let’s go somewhere alone. Just you and me...”

“You really want that?” His face slowly brightened with hope and broke into a big smile which melted my heart.

“More than anything.” I assured him. “And I’m not going back home without you!”

He brought my hand to his mouth and kissed it. “I can’t leave without talking to my girls first.”

“Of course. Um...I’ll wait for you in my car. I don’t want them to see me yet,” I said timidly.

“All right, if you wish. But, just for now. I know I need to explain the situation to them, but I can’t wait for you to meet them. They will love you just like I do.”

I nodded in agreement. “All right. Is this your dog?” I smiled as he approached us with curiosity.

“Rufus is my sister’s pride and joy. I gave him to her three years ago on her birthday to protect her and keep her company,” he replied, caressing the dog’s head.

“He looks vicious.” I leaned into Alec’s chest and he chuckled. Kissing his cheek, I poured my heart out. “I missed your laughter. Don’t you ever scare me like that again. The last couple of days were horrible without you...”

“It wasn’t easy for me either. I still can’t believe you’re here in my arms.” His emerald eyes gazed into mine with a feverish glow. He turned his head and placed a quick kiss on my lips. I wanted more, groaning when he pulled away.