The Half Life of Stars (23 page)

‘Annie’s Bar,’ says the waiter. ‘That’s what they called it. Annie is your mother’s name, right?’

Tess sees the look on my face.

‘No,’ she says, gently. ‘I think you’re mistaken. I really don’t think that it is.’

We walk back to the apartment along the beach. The moon is up and there’s a stillness in the air. It’s a sweet-smelling, beautiful night.

‘Ought to be fine for the rocket launch tomorrow.’

‘Yes. It ought to be good.’

‘Clear skies, warm weather. Nothing…problematic.’

‘No,’ I say. ‘Nothing problematic.’

Tess stops for a moment. She turns.

‘Did you ever suspect it?’

It didn’t even enter my head.

We rest on the sand for a moment; Huey chatting to Michael, me sitting quietly with Tess. She pulls a notebook from her pocket. She flicks through her bright yellow Post-its, underlining words and crossing some out.

‘I usually guess this stuff pretty early,’ she says. ‘I usually work out how it is, but I had this all wrong. Annie was your father’s girlfriend, not Daniel’s. She wrote that letter to
him
.’

I lie backwards with my head to the surf. I like how gentle it sounds.

‘My mother had affairs. All the time. Couldn’t keep her coochy in her pants. Went through men like dish cloths. Every man she met fell in love with her.’

‘Was she beautiful?’

‘No. Not so much. But she had this essence.’

‘Essence?’

‘Yeah…that’s what it was. It wasn’t always good but it drew people to her. It always made me and my sister feel so plain. Men were always leaving their wives and girlfriends to be with her. Maybe Annie was like that.’

‘Yes,’ I say. ‘Perhaps she was.’

‘You feel badly for your mum? You never knew your father was cheating on her?’

‘No, Tess. I didn’t.’

But I should have.

‘Well, maybe it wasn’t for long. Maybe is was something and nothing.’

The surf’s getting up. Rolling and crashing on the sand.

‘Why’d you think Daniel had the letter?’ she says. ‘Why do you think he kept it all this time?’

I shake my head. I don’t know. Tess sits upright and nods.

‘I know what you’re thinking.’

‘What am I thinking?’

‘You’re thinking, like father like son.’

Huey crouches down next to Tess.

‘You ready to go home?’ he says, reaching for her hand. ‘We ought to get some sleep. It’s going to be a tough day tomorrow.’

‘For all of us.’

‘I guess so, for all of us.’

All four of us are ready to go home.

‘You’re upset. I understand. That’s no reason for you to go up there without me.’

‘Michael, I want to go alone.’

‘It’s a long drive. Let me drive you. Come on, I know you hardly slept.’

‘I’m fine. I’m going to be fine. And someone needs to look after Harvey.’

‘You want me to stay behind because of the
snake
?’

I shrug.

‘I told Tess you’d do it. She wanted to be sure he was looked after.’

Michael looks at the floor. He shakes his head.

‘There’s food under the sink. Huey left him some mice. He doesn’t need many, it takes him a couple of days to digest them.’

‘Christ, that’s…it’s revolting.’

‘Really? I thought you might get a kick out of it.’

‘Come on…don’t be like that. What am I going to do out here all on my own? What am I going to do up here all day?’

‘Go and see your record producer friend. Tell him you’re free to work now. No commitments.’

‘Shorty, that’s not fair.’

‘You know what?’ I say, pushing his hand away. ‘Don’t call me that…I really hate it when you call me that.’

Our scruffy suitcase is slumped in the middle of the floor, exposing its soft baggy innards: crushed short-sleeved T-shirts, creased pairs of jeans, note paper, guide books, tubes of toothpaste. I make a start on repacking it. I turf Michael’s possessions from the case one by one, tossing them onto the mattress:
his socks, his underpants, his CDs; I feel like a dentist, pulling teeth.

‘Should I have missed out?’ he says, picking his pants up off the floor. ‘Should I have passed up on this chance? I would have come
anyway
. You don’t think I’d have come out here with you regardless?’

‘Honestly?’

‘Honestly.’

I turn round. I have his electric razor in my hand.

‘I think as long as I’d paid for it, you’d have gone pretty much anywhere I’d asked you to.’

Michael snatches the razor from me and removes the rest of his belongings himself. He’s furious now. He’s not having it. It deteriorates. We deteriorate.

‘You only
slept
with me because I’d been seeing other people.’

‘You only slept with
me
because you were bored?’

‘I wasn’t bored…I was lonely.’

‘Lonely, bored…it’s the same.’

‘No. It’s not.’

‘It was a one-night stand…for old times’ sake. You knew it, I knew it…we
both knew
. And I
was
jealous…you’re right. So what does that mean, Claire? Think about it. It means that I cared.’

‘It means your
ego
cared.’

‘No…it means that
I
cared.’

He stops. He tries to rub my shoulder.

‘Come on. This isn’t fair. Really, it’s not. We’ve had some great times together…I loved you. Don’t you think that I loved you?’

‘Michael. I don’t think you know how.’

He turns. He walks away. He mutters something under his breath.

‘What is it?’

‘Nothing.’

‘Come on, what did you say?’

He stops. He boils over.

‘You like it like
this
, Claire. This is what you like. It turns you
on, doesn’t it, the thrill? You like it that I’m open with you, you like that you can’t own me. You like it that I don’t hide this stuff from you. I never pretended to be something that I wasn’t. You’ve always known exactly what I’m like. You expected this, right? If you’re honest with yourself? You knew I’d have an angle. You
knew
.’

I pull on the case. Zip it shut.

‘You can’t blame me,’ he says. ‘You’ve always known where you stood. I never lied, I never made you any promises.’

I take a deep breath. I stare up at him.

‘I want someone who’ll make me promises. Promises are exactly what I want.’

Michael and I are sat alone on the bed; our legs are touching, and our arms. If I move I feel his skin rub against mine; if he breathes hard my body shifts with his.

‘I’m sorry.’

‘I know.’

‘I’m…selfish.’

‘I know.’

‘I love you.’

‘No, Michael. You don’t.’

He looks like me now, like he’s hurting. His face is sunken and tight.

‘We could make another go of it,’ he says, turning towards me. ‘We’ll rent somewhere, I’ll try harder. If I do this recording…I’ll have money.’

‘Send me a cheque then. You still owe me the best part of seven grand.’

‘Is that what this is all about…the
money
?’

I don’t bother to shake my head. I’m sorry that I said it; it wasn’t what I wanted to say.

‘I didn’t mean it.’

‘No,’ he says. ‘I know you didn’t.’

We sit in the quiet, breathing together, trying not to touch each other’s hands. I can smell him, his skin and his hair and
his warmth. I can hear his mind ticking inside his skull. If he asks me to stay one more time, I’ll say yes. But I know how he is, and he won’t.

‘That’s it, then?’

‘That’s it.’

‘You won’t let me drive you to the Cape?’

‘No…I don’t think so. I’d rather not.’

I pick up the suitcase and start for the door. He waits. He chases after me. We stop.

‘Shorty…
Claire
…good luck.’

‘You too, Michael. You too.’

And I turn around slowly. And I kiss him.

If I hadn’t halted at that moment: to look at him, to feel him, to be with him that last second, I would never have heard the phone. And it rang like an alarm. It
rings
like an alarm. I wonder if it’ll ever stop.

‘I’ll take it. Go, you’ll be late.’

‘It might be Kay.’

Michael picks up the phone. He ums and ahs and uh-huhs for what seems like minutes. Shit, he says. That’s not good, he says. Jesus
Christ
.

‘What is it?’

‘It’s for you.’

‘Who is it?’

‘It’s Huey.’

‘Is something wrong with Tess? Did something go wrong with the operation?’

‘Yeah,’ says, Michael strangely. ‘You could say that.’

‘Huey?’

‘No…no, it’s me,’ says Tess.

‘Are you OK?’

‘No, sweetie, we’re not. We’re in seven heaps of shit, here. It’s all gone…fuck, it’s all gone wrong.’

A muffled sound from behind her. Someone shouting. Someone trying to shout.

‘Are you at the hospital? Where are you?’

‘No. We’re not at the hospital.’

More muffled moans. I hear Huey talking in the background.

‘OK,’ he says. ‘So, just calm down man. There’s no need to be like that. We’re not going to hurt you.’

‘Grueghgh…
grueghghgh!
’

‘I just told you didn’t I? I’m not going to take the tape off your mouth until you calm down. You want me to take the tape off your mouth?’

‘Gruegh.’

‘OK. But you better keep quiet.’

‘Tess…what
is
it…what the
hell
is going on there?’

‘
Help…heeelp!
Help me,
help me.
He’s a
maniac
.’

‘No man. I’m not. I am not a maniac.’

‘That’s right, Huey. You
tell
him.’

It seems like Tess has put down the phone. As loud as I shout, as long as I call her, I can’t seem to get her to answer. All I can do is stay put and listen.

‘If it wasn’t for you…I would have been a success.’

‘
Maniac. Help me, maniac!
’

‘Huey, we’re going to have to shut him up. Someone might hear him.’

‘What’ll we do? I didn’t bring any more tape.’

‘You used up
all
that tape?’

‘Yeah. Wrapping him up to the chair. He’s a strong guy, he needed a lot of wrapping.’

‘
Help meeee…please…somebody help!
’

‘Should we…should we hit him?’

‘No. No way.’

‘You touch me I’ll
kill
you. I swear it. I’ll have the two of you fucking
killed
.’

‘Hey man, you know, you’re not exactly in the position to be handing out the threats here.’

‘Huey. What’ll we
do
?’

‘Tess, quick, go fetch the bag.’

‘What bag?’

‘The bag that’s full of the bum’s hair.’

‘What’ll we do with it?’

‘Just fetch it, Tess, it’s all we have.’

‘Huey…I don’t know.’

‘Tess, we don’t have time, just go get it.’

A struggle, a ruffle of paper bag.

‘Oh…no. Jesus, what
is
this…aghgh…aghghghgh…you’re choking me…
you’re choking me
. This stuff…what is it…it
stinks
…oh Christ it stinks of, it stinks of
shit
…stop…
STOP
…I’m going to throw up…what
is
it…what is
ghghghghghhg
.’

‘It’s hair, man. It’s
hair
. Pretty ironic, wouldn’t you say so?

‘Nghgh. Nghgh.’

‘Keep still, man. I still got some left in the bag here. I want you to chew down on this whole bag. Stop heaving. You’ll choke if you puke.’

‘Agh…bleghghghbleugh.’

‘One chance, that’s all I wanted. Would it have killed you to have given me that one chance?’

‘
Bleugh.
’

‘You’d never even met me. You didn’t even know how good I was. You can’t do that, man, it’s not right. You shouldn’t go around stepping on people’s lives like that. Actors are people too, man. You ought to
know
that.’

‘Hey, Huey
look
. He’s gone quiet.’

‘You think he can breathe OK?’

‘Yeah. I think so. He’s breathing.’

‘Maybe he’s thinking.’

‘He’s nodding. Huey, is he nodding?’

‘He’s looking at the kitchenette.’

‘What part of it?’

‘I don’t know, follow his eyes.’

‘The fridge, do you think he might be hungry?’

‘Maybe…no, wait. He’s not looking at the fridge.’

‘The frying pan. That’s what it is. Do you think he might want some pancakes or something?’

‘No, Tess. I don’t think he wants pancakes. I think he means we’re both going to fry.’

‘Agghghh, aghhghgh,
aghgh
!’

‘Fuck.’

‘I know, man. That isn’t…this isn’t so good.’

‘No, it’s
Claire
. I just remembered. I left her on the phone all this time…
Claire?
’

‘Tess?’

‘Uh…things are under control here. Everything’s under control.’

‘What’s going on…what have you
done
?’

‘I didn’t go for that boob job…that’s what. I took your advice…I mean, I think you were right…and Orla phoned me the day we got back from that reading; she thought she might have misread the cards. She said surgery wouldn’t sort out my problems, not for good…so we decided to spend the money…on something else.’

‘On what?
What
did you spend it on?’

‘Uh…duct tape, and, um, and…uh…paying for the suite next door to him. The Delano is pretty expensive.’

‘Tess, the suite next to
who
?’

She doesn’t need to answer. Michael has turned on the TV set. A svelte anchorwoman is narrowing her eyes and reading aloud from the newsflash on her teleprompter.

‘In other news today, renowned movie mogul Harvey Weinstein has gone missing from his hotel suite in Miami Beach. The news we have is sketchy right now, but police are not ruling out the possibility of kidnap. More on that story later, now news of the largest hot dog ever broiled in Dade county.’

‘Tess…did anybody see you? Does anyone know where you are?’

‘No…no. I don’t think so. But…I think…well, maybe we went too far. I’m not sure how we’re going to get out of this. Oh Christ…what’ll we do? Will we have to kill him? He knows what we look like, who we
are
. Claire…I’m worried. I’m starting to panic a little bit.’

‘Where are you?’

‘Should I say? Over the phone?’

‘Tess…where the
hell
are you? I’m coming to get you.’

‘Claire?’

‘What now?’

‘Can you bring me my Valium?’