The Healer's Kiss: Book Four of the Forced To Serve Series (37 page)

“Bragging, Warro?” Synar asked.

Ji laughed. “No—just making a point. The last couple hundred females have all had her face. Before, during, and after. I am with others, but I am thinking of her. My confidence in the Rylen healers is overshadowed by my simple desire to hold one naïve Ethosian and hear her sigh in welcome. Desire for her rules me. I tried many cures while she was on my ship. None worked.”

Synar nodded. “Aye. Some females do that to you.”

“My Siren nature makes me refuse to run. Also, I am arrogant enough to believe that over time I can erase her resistance to me,” Ji said.

“There is no room for another captain on my ship, and Jet would kill you before she’d let you have the commander’s job. I spent two years listening to her and Zade fight over her position. That leaves you being just another lieutenant, which comes with staggered shifts and bridge duty. It also puts you serving under me and a smart-ass Earthling with a vile temper and irreverent mouth,” Synar warned.

“I consider myself warned about the duties,” Ji said on a laugh.

“Keep laughing, and I’ll make you a fucking ensign,” Synar threatened, laughing himself.

“I see you favor your commander’s colorful language for oaths as well,” Ji observed dryly.

“Gwen’s vitriol is addicting,” Synar said. “Unfortunately.”

“As much as it rankles to admit it, I still want badly to stay,” Ji confessed.

Synar shook his head. “You probably need counseling.”

“Tell me, Synar, you are mated happily enough to a female who is a demon host. Does her possession of such a creature bother you?” It was the one question about his connection to the Ethosian that Ji hadn’t quite managed to think about clearly. Was Seta really Seta still? Or was she some hybrid creature? And which one of the entities did he want to mate? Nothing was clear to him.

“Mating was not in my plans at all until I met Ania Looren. Now I can’t imagine living without her,” Synar answered honestly. “Her possession has either given her a dark side or reawakened one she naturally had. I have to deal with that as much as she does. I do so willingly. It has not been without. . .challenges.”

Ji nodded. Synar’s answer had told him nothing he had not already imagined, but what did he expect? No one could tell him how his situation was going to work out. His future with Seta Trax was blocked from his intuition. He could only assume that it was because of the demon she carried.

“As irrational as it seems, I must still have her if I can,” Ji said.

“Head to Medical and request the implant then,
Lieutenant Warro
. Until it arrives, you are ordered to drink three rounds of Rylen ale every day. Do you concur?”

“Yes, Captain. Thank you for agreeing,” Ji said, greatly relieved to know he wasn’t going to have to leave Seta. Her near death had cemented his decision to put his relationship to her above all else, at least until he had come to some clear decision about it.

“Don’t make me regret this, Warro. You’re assigned to Engineering when you’re not serving on the bridge. I’ll tell Ensign Whun that you’re in charge of maintaining the shuttles and the Liberator’s power sources now. He’ll be relieved because he never wanted the responsibility.”

Warro nodded. “Do you require me to cut off my braid as a sign of my acceptance of my subservient role?”

“Your braid means nothing to me,” Synar said sharply, careful to keep his mouth from twitching. “I don’t care what you look like so long as you follow orders, work hard, and make yourself useful to the rest of us. The Liberator is not as formal as those Guardian level vessels you’re used to serving on, but I think you will find we have superior food.”

“Aye. I had actually noticed that already. How is that possible on a ship this size?”

“I rescued the ship’s food preparer along with an ambassador many years ago. He chose to stay with me. His hydroponic skills for growing our supplies are quite remarkable,” Synar supplied. “Also, it helps that his life mate is my bursar who can create articles of clothing from almost nothing.”

“Indeed,” Ji said on a laugh, heading to the conference room door. “That is good fortune.”

“Lose the Paladin uniform, Warro. Wear your personal clothes until the transfer is official,” Synar ordered.

“Aye, Captain. I will change immediately. . .well, perhaps I better visit your Lieutenant Zade first. I feel in need of some Rylen ale.”

Synar snorted and watched Warro walk out.

“Shades of Kellnor, I hope this isn’t a foolish decision.”

***

“Bend your knees. Yes, that’s it. Now run and use the fighting stick to vault your foot as you ki. . .” The words faded as Ania found herself on the mat looking up into Boca’s wide-eyed gaze.

“
Slaggika.
I am sorry, Ania. I thought you meant to do it immediately,” Boca said, reaching a hand down to help her trainer up.

“That’s quite a kick you have now. You’ve gotten quite a bit stronger since the last time we tried this,” Ania said, letting the tiny woman pull her up.

Maybe she was getting old, Ania thought. First Gwen bested her. Now Boca had done it. There was a time when no one would have caught her off-guard. She was getting soft.

“You think I am stronger?” Boca asked, her throat tightening. “How can this be?”

“I don’t know. Your energy is very different since you came back. I heard you had to kill several Lotharians. Did it soothe your spirit’s need for retribution?”

“No,” Boca said flatly. Killing had accomplished nothing but saving Chiang and her while they waited on the others.

“I also see you got another gift from the Creators,” Ania prompted, though she already knew the details. Boca was just loathe to discuss it which was only more reason for Ania to force her to do so.

“Do you always have to know everything about everyone?” Boca asked, then realized how rude the retort was. “Forgive me. I am not myself.”

“Really? Who are you then?” Ania asked, reaching out her hand and taking the fighting stick from a female who didn’t need to be armed with a weapon in her current state of mind.

“I am a warrior,” Boca said firmly. “I am going to the Rylen academy. I don’t care how many emissaries the Creators send to talk me out of it.”

“
Emissaries?
I thought you were worried about Chiang talking you out of it. Has he mentioned you not going?”

Boca shook her head. “No. I haven’t…no. Chiang has said nothing.”

“Your energy is erratic. Do the calming kata I taught you,” Ania ordered.

Boca took a deep breath and walked to the center of the mat. She started the motions of the kata, focusing on her breathing.

“So Chiang hasn’t said anything about you giving up your training? That’s a good sign, right? Perhaps your leaving won’t create the fight you fear to have with him about it,” Ania said, walking to hang up the sticks.

“I do not fear fighting with Chiang. I am going. There is nothing he can do to stop me,” Boca said.

“No, but. . .well, I guess it doesn’t matter to you that he will not be the same once you are gone. Loneliness and longing are hard burdens to bear for the spirit as well as the body.”

Boca snorted. “Chiang had lustful thoughts about Kefira. He will not be lonely in body for long.”

“Lust? I have such thoughts about every male I see these days,” Ania said with shrug, watching Boca tip and fall from her one-leg balance. She laughed as the female rolled and scrambled to her feet.

Boca straightened and started the kata again. “But you are the Captain’s mate.”

“Aye, that is true. And there is no other male for me, but oddly my libido rages enough for many men. It grows stronger all the time. Liam reaps the benefits of course. I think this is the natural state of most beings. We choose our bonding partner, but these physical forms are always perusing all the options.”

Ania shrugged and walked back to the mat.

“
I do not peruse
,” Boca declared. “It is just Chiang who. . .never mind.”

“I see this disturbs you, so let’s change the subject,” Ania said, crossing her arms. “It is my opinion that the Rylen academy training will not expand your skills much. Oh, you could devote yourself to some form of fighting that suits you best. Perhaps you could study it for years while you wait for enough time to pass for your promotion to Lieutenant to become a sure thing. That seems rather a waste of your time. Jurek could give you the same training or better here on the Liberator.”

Boca stopped completely then, staring at Ania. “I have exceeded you in skills?”

Ania snorted and then laughed. “No, Boca. But you have exceeded the academy’s training program. Staying and receiving Chiang’s mating gifts would be worth much more to you than what little you would get there.”

“But we are not mated—not officially,” Boca began, only to meet Ania’s disgusted gaze with a flushing face. “Okay. I claimed him. I claimed the Greggor. That doesn’t mean it has to be permanent. And as I have been informed, he has not claimed me.”

“I see I need to talk to Zade about giving you some lessons in honesty. You need some deep introspection,” Ania said, staring at her pupil. “Maybe then you can face your fears.”

“
I am not afraid of Chiang
,” Boca argued.

“You are either afraid of Chiang or afraid of that growing feeling inside you with his name on it. You know the one I speak of. It makes you want to throw yourself into his arms every time he comes into view. You never gave that much of your compassion to any male before him, did you?”

“Didn’t you hear me earlier? Chiang still has lustful thoughts about other females,” Boca said. “Everyone knows Greggors have voracious appetites. He would have bonded with both me and Kefira if I had so much as said the word. Then I would have had to kill the high ambassador’s daughter. But did he care that he raised my wrath by staring at her legs with longing? No—he did not.”

Ania laughed. “The emissary inside Kefira would never have allowed her physical body to come to harm. And you’re just using this silly excuse to distract yourself from your own fear. You have to choose this time, Boca. The Creators aren’t going to arrange your exact destiny with Chiang for you. There is a reason they call it ‘free will’.”

“Obviously, you haven’t met an emissary personally. They love to interfere and force you to do things,” Boca declared, huffing out breaths instead of calmly breathing.

She had to stop and start again more calmly.

“Well, I suppose that is truth. I have never interacted with an emissary personally,” Ania admitted, dropping her arms to shrug. “Still—I think it’s rather noble of Chiang not to have claimed you yet. Liam did it the first time we bonded. Zade repeats the process every chance he gets with Gwen. You don’t know how lucky you are that Chiang is patient enough to wait for your concession.”

Boca stopped, gave up her kata, and hung her head. “I never asked for mating gifts from him, never expected him to want me as he says he does. It was bad enough that I chose more healing over fighting gifts to save. . .” She stopped, shook her head. “I don’t know how to demand Chiang’s devotion. Sirens have an arrogance about physical fidelity that Sumerians lack.”

“It is unneeded in this case anyway. You don’t have to demand anything to have Chiang’s full compassion,” Ania said softly. “All you have to do is give in to your urges for your mate and see what grows between you. I know giving in to him exceeds your bravery. . .”

“
It does not
,” Boca interrupted, then stopped to stomp off the mat. “I’m just wary.”

“No one would blame any female for being so. Each time I rest in Liam’s arms, I am a little more his. The knowledge disturbs me as much as it soothes,” Ania said. “Only a foolish female would not be afraid of conceding that much control of her emotions.”

Ania turned to see Boca sitting on the bench feeling the indentations Chiang’s fingers had made in the metal.

“That’s evidence of what your mate fights inside himself,” Ania said as she walked off the mat.

Boca put her small fingers over where his large ones had been, curling them into the impressions. “Perhaps I am afraid of him, but not of his physical strength anymore. If Chiang asked me to give up my plans, I would have no choice but to comply. It is as you said. Each time we are together, I become more his to command. This is Sumerian programming, though Chiang professes to be unaware of it.”

Boca let go of the bench to finish the task of slipping on her shoes.

“I didn’t say mating wasn’t hard, but choices do not end when you commit yourself to a male. Hormonally driven females make hard decisions all the time. Look at Gwen. Besides, you’re making one every day you stay away from Chiang without committing. I agree keeping your distance is the safest course of action to protect yourself from what you fear. But a real warrior would take the risk and deal with what happens. . .good or bad,” Ania said.

“I resent that everything in my life conspires to push me into the Greggor’s bed. Why can I not choose to stay out of it? Females don’t have to be ruled by their own desires,” Boca insisted.

“Strong desire is not accidental. As irritating as I know you find it, the Creators often push us into making the decisions we need to make for our own good. I can’t tell you how many times my feet were unable to take me away from Liam’s door. However, I think being mated to him is a better existence than what Kefira has chosen,” Ania said with a smile. “Trust me. I lived chastely a long time. I’d rather have the warmth of my mate’s arms when I rest.”

“I never felt safe with any other. Chiang’s arms are the first that I have sincerely wanted to take rest in,” Boca said. “He is the only man I’ve desired so strongly. But I am ashamed of my desire and of wanting him to think I am above all others. It is petty and small and not worthy.”

“It is female and normal. Besides, all mating includes the same risk. The joys tend to be proportional,” Ania said.

“Then tomorrow I should be the happiest female you know,” Boca said dryly. “There really is no choice for me. But if I do end up killing him over another female, will you stand by me at my trial?”