The Heart Series: Complete Boxed Set (93 page)

He coughed and my eyes automatically lifted to meet his amused ones.

Yeah, caught out, but I was so not sorry.

“Do you fancy going to catch a film at the cinema sometime?” he mumbled awkwardly.

“Yeah, that would be good. I don’t share my popcorn though, but maybe with you I could make an exception.”

“Well I do feel special,” he teased.

I grinned at his playful tone. “I’ll maybe have to order an extra-large bucket just to be on the safe side.”

“Yeah, that would be wise.”

“So does your sister know you’re here?” I guessed she didn’t, or else we would have heard about it.

“Nope, she has no right to know what’s going on in my life. I certainly don’t take any interest in hers.” He frowned.

“So I’m taking you aren’t close then?” I chuckled trying to lighten the mood.

“Nope, even when we were smaller she would bully me despite the fact I’m the big brother. She always had to have her own way. She was a complete diva from the start.” He sighed. That sounded like a dreadful childhood. No fond memories there.

I snorted. “Now that doesn’t surprise me. I could imagine her as a child having a tantrum.” God, I bet she was like a more modern version of Veruca Salt, her way or the highway.

“Yep, she always had to have her own way, and my parents always gave into her, which just made it worse. I guess being the younger child she got all the privileges I never got.” He shrugged, staring down at the table.

“So they came down harder on you then?” I asked.

His eyes flicked up to meet mine. “Yeah, you could say that, little Miss Princess always got away with murder while if I made a step wrong they’d come down on me like a ton of bricks.”

“That’s harsh,” I added.

“I’ve never known any different so it really isn’t anything new.” I could feel his sadness radiate from him. His family really was despicable.

I grabbed his hand, and he flinched. He quickly pulled away, looking around nervously to check he hadn’t caught the attention of anyone around us. His reaction made me sad, I guess he was too ashamed to publically let me hold it. I always had a knack of liking those that were still firmly planted in the closet.

I closed my fist and felt the nails dig into my skin. I should be used to it now, guys acting like my touch tainted them. They were far too pre-occupied in wondering what everyone else was thinking to care about my own feelings.

“Sorry,” Ollie mumbled, picking at the table. His eyes wouldn’t look up to meet mine. I knew without seeing them there would be a mixture of fear and embarrassment, and that part hurt me. Why was it such a big deal for two guys to hold hands? To comfort each other. All I wanted to do was give him reassurance he was not alone, that I was here for him. It hurt to hear how much his family disapproved of everything he did. I guess this would be another to add to the list of disappointments.

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” I smiled, though it was forced. Rejection wasn’t something new to me, after all my dad had been the biggest one of all. Not able to love a son that was different. I could feel the tears forming.

Stop being such an idiot.

You hardly know the guy, so why did his reaction feel so harsh?

“I’m just going to . . .” I headed off towards the toilet, the lump growing in my throat too big now to say anymore.

Ollie’s eyes looked at me concerned as I turned to look back, but I couldn’t bear to look into them for long. After all, it was his reaction that had evoked such feelings inside.

I closed the door pressing my head against the wood. A tear rolled down my cheek as another closely followed after. Was I just being stupid for having feelings for a guy that I didn’t even know was interested? There were the odd signs that showed me there was a possibility of something more, but then he would clam up at the smallest things. Did I even want to consider trying to get him to open up about his sexuality? I had gone through it all and knew the hard road ahead for him, but did I have the strength to go through it with him? To lead him through it? What if he wasn’t strong enough, and I ended up getting my hopes up, only for them to fall flat when he walked away unable to be open about his sexuality?

I grabbed some tissue and dabbed my eyes, quickly blowing my nose before leaving the stall. I looked at myself in the mirror, I looked a little flushed but other than that there was no real telltale sign I’d been crying.

I took a few deep breaths and exited the toilets. Ollie looked relieved to see me, but I could see the concern there in his eyes.

“Hey, I need to go. I’ve forgotten about doing this thing for my mother, and she will go ape if I forget again. I’ll see you around.” I walked off without looking back. My words were a total lie. I was usually good that way. I often had my mother fooled, but this time I couldn’t masquerade the hurt I was feeling.

I swung open the door escaping into the cool spring air. Striding along just needing to put distance between him and myself when I heard his voice in the distance. I didn’t stop, feeling the tears burn my eyes but I would be damned if I’d let him see how much he had affected me. I heard his voice again, this time it was closer. A hand grabbed me and pulled me into a narrow alleyway. I tripped slightly over a cobble, landing hard against the brick wall, but before I even had chance to react a pair of lips crashed against mine.

I gasped in shock as they moved with mine, his tongue ran along the seam of my lips, and I willingly granted him entrance. Our bodies were pressed up tight, and I could feel him stirring. My hand clutched his arm as my other locked on the back of his head holding him in place. I didn’t want to let him go just yet. We were both panting hard, our need so strong, the air was electric, and I could feel my body becoming increasingly turned on. I never wanted the kiss to end. I wanted to savour this feeling forever, to feel my body become alive by his touch. He was my undoing, and I knew from this moment on he had changed everything with this one kiss. His thumb grazed my cheek, and my eyes slowly opened to find his beautiful blue staring intensely into mine. He pulled back much to my annoyance and rested his forehead against mine, his breath tickling lightly against my face. I was panting. The kiss had been so forceful it had taken all the breath from my body.

“Sorry I just—”

“Hey, don’t you dare apologise,” I cut in before he had chance to finish his sentence.

Oh god, was he regretting it already?

I could feel the lump growing again. What was this guy doing to me? He couldn’t just play me like that, kiss me with so much passion and then immediately regret it. I couldn’t take the disappointment so soon after experiencing one of the best kisses of my life.

“I don’t mean about the kiss, I mean about the way I reacted when you grabbed my hand, I was just scared,” he explained.

“I shouldn’t have even attempted something stupid like that. I know you’re still new to all of this and hesitant about showing any feelings. It was stupid of me to do it in a public place, out in the open, when you’re not ready. But I just wanted you to know I was there for you, so you know that you have someone on your side who is here to talk when you need it.”

“Thank you.” He pressed his lips against mine again and I sighed. I was lost again barely able to process any thoughts once his lips touched mine.

He pulled back moments later and I frowned. He smiled at my response. “I think we need to get going before anyone notices us.

And there it was, what it always came back to.

“Yeah, you’re right.” I pushed myself away from him to stride off, but he grabbed my arm and pulled me back around.

“Elijah, I need to take this slow. I’ve never been with a guy before, you’re my first. I’ve had feelings for a long time that I was different. I’ve slept with girls, but I’ve never felt like anything until that moment I met you, then it all fell into place. I know I’m gay, I’ve been denying it for far too long now, but you have to give me time. It’s all too much, it’s too overwhelming. I need to get my head around it first, but I wanted you to know that I like you . . . well, more than like you.”

“I could tell.” I grinned.

He blushed and I cursed myself for being so blunt. We had to take this slowly, or I’d scare him off before we even got started.

“I just need time . . .” he pleaded.

“Then that’s fine, I can go slow. I want this; I want you. I’ve known from the moment I laid eyes on you at the party. I haven’t felt like this before. Hell, I don’t even know you, but I trust what my body is telling me and right now in my heart, I want you. Shit, was that too much?”

Oh god, I was supposed to be backing off.

“No, it was what I needed. I felt it too. That moment you looked at me I knew you were different. I just wanted to talk to you, but I get so awkward around anyone new.”

“Hey, I love your sexy blush,” I teased. And right on cue he blushed again.

“Stop it, I’ll be like a tomato,” he moaned.

“A very sexy tomato,” I added.

His lips twitched. “So you think I’m sexy, huh?”

“Yeah, I think you’re more than sexy.”

“Good to know,” he breathed as we locked lips again. This time it was gentler, our lips softly brushed together almost teasing each other with each kiss.

“When can I see you again?” I asked in between kisses.

“You’re very eager.” He chuckled, looking completely amused.

I frowned. “When I know what I want, I make sure I get it,” I explained.

“Well I’m free tomorrow, do you want to go somewhere?”

I bit my lip in contemplation. “Do you mind if we stay in? You can come to mine, my mum will be working late. We can order pizza and watch a film and maybe do other stuff.”

“So you think I’m that easy?” he asked smiling.

“No . . . but I want to kiss you somewhere that isn’t an alleyway.” I frowned looking around at our current location, it was far from romantic.

“Yeah, not the best spot to pick for our first kiss.” He shrugged, looking a little deflated.

I grabbed him, pulling him against me. “Hey, it was my best first kiss ever. All of this melted away the moment your lips touched mine.” It was true.

“It was the same for me,” he replied, his eyes reflecting his honesty.

Did I hear him right?

He smiled at my look of doubt and gently kissed my lips before pulling back. “I’d love to come ’round to yours, just make sure you order enough pizza as I have a big appetite.”

I grinned at his attempt at being funny. “Me too, but on this occasion I might let you have the extra slice.” I winked.

“Wow, so generous.” He rolled his eyes mockingly.

“That’s me.”

“Make sure you order extra pepperoni,” he warned, narrowing his eyes in a mock display of humour.

“I can do that.”

He moved to walk away and I pulled him back into me. “What, no goodbye kiss?” I pouted.

God, I was already being needy.

“Okay, sorry. I guess it’s something I have to get used to. He leaned forward and his lips pressed against me. I sighed feeling complete bliss.

It was perfect.

“So what’s with the ginormous grin?” B asked as I strolled in, dropping my keys down onto the table. I flopped back into the chair and sighed.

“Oh come on, E, there is a reason behind that smile, and I want to know all the details, so please spill.” Her eyes were wide urging me to reveal all the gory details.

“He kissed me.”

“Shut up.” She bolted up right in her chair in surprise.

I nodded my head grinning. “Yep and it was not just a kiss. It was one of those film like kisses. You know the kind where the girl storms off, and the guy grabs her, spins her around and crashes his lips against her?”

“Holy shit,” she remarked looking thoroughly shocked.

“Exactly.” I was still in shock myself.

“So why were you storming off? Did he say something to offend you?”

I bit my lip before replying. “He just reacted when I tried to comfort him. He didn’t want me holding his hand in Starbucks, and well, it got to me. I got upset in the toilets and then rushed out, and he chased after me.”

Her eyes flashed in annoyance. “Fuck, E, he should be ecstatic that you’re paying him any attention.”

“He’s just—”

“What? Stuck in the closet,” she concluded.

I winced at her abrupt tone. “It’s his first relationship with a guy,” I protested. I didn’t want her to think all bad about him.

“Are you even sure that’s what he wants? He might just be experimenting with you. I don’t want to see you hurt.”

“B, it’s fine. I thought that too, that’s why I left. I can’t handle the rejection, not after my dad. But he came after me and kissed me and told me that he’s scared. We’re taking this slow, it’s what we both want,” I urged, giving her a look to not overreact. I didn’t want her spoiling this for me.

“Well he’d better not hurt you or I swear I will beat him,” she warned. I could tell from the look in her eye she meant business.

“Aww, I love when you get all protective, it’s so sweet,” I teased, trying to put a lighter spin on the situation. I didn’t want her putting a black cloud on a day that could be the start of something amazing.

“I love you, E, and no one hurts my family.” I knew her heart was in the right place. She was just too protective at times, and I needed her to back off a little.

“Don’t make me cry for the second time today, I can’t handle all of this emotion.” I could already feel my eyes beginning to fill up again.

“Here’s a Kleenex, just in case. I’m off to make a hot chocolate, do you want one?” she offered.

My eyes narrowed in confusion. “Are you feeling okay?” She never willingly made the drinks, I normally had to practically blackmail her into it.

“What? Can I not make my favourite cousin a drink without having an agenda?” She looked hurt by my accusation, but she was never normally this comforting.

“Hmmm I suppose, you don’t have anything to tell me do you?” Was she working her way up to giving me some bad news?

“No . . . it’s just, E, I want to see you happy and if Ollie is the one then I am happy for you, but please come to me if you ever need to talk, I’m here for you.”

I smiled in relief. “I know and the same applies to you to, if ever you need to discuss anything I’m all ears.” I wanted her to know I was always here for her too.

“Now I’m going to make the quickest hot chocolate because I want to know every single detail.” She made a sharp exit, staying true to her word.

“Okay, but don’t be long, I’m fit to burst,” I shouted after her. I literally was.

“Ooh that good, huh? I’d better hurry then,” she yelled back.

I sunk back into the chair. All of my thoughts going back to that perfect moment and I sighed.

Best kiss ever.

* * *

“Did you remember to order extra pepperoni? Ollie asked smiling, as I gave him a look.

“Errr hello, of course, I could never forget something as important as that.” I rolled my eyes at the fact he even had to ask.

“Good to know you remember all the little details.”  He smiled but he gave me a look like he was quite taken back I would have remembered something so small.

“I remember everything, now I have coke, is that okay? Please tell me you didn’t want diet, or else I’ll have to raid B’s diet coke, and she will go ape shit if I do.” Nothing was worth that kind of pain, but for Ollie, I’d make the exception.

“No, regular coke is fine, I’m sure I can handle the sugar,” he replied mockingly, shooting me a cheeky wink.

“I wouldn’t want to be the one blamed for you gaining extra pounds,” I retorted. But seriously there wasn’t a bit of fat on him, underneath his clothes I knew was the hint of a six-pack. I couldn’t wait for a closer inspection.

“I think the pizza will totally be to blame for that.”

“Well I could cancel . . .”

Ollie’s eyes flashed to mine. “Don’t you dare, I’ve been thinking about this all day. My mum doesn’t let us order takeout, so I have to get it while I can without her knowledge.”

“Ahh so you’re only here for the pizza then?” I teased. But I knew fine well it was far more than that.

“Well amongst other things.” Ollie’s eyes dropped down to my lips and I grinned. His eyes flicked up to meet my amused ones and he blushed.

“We have plenty of time for that later. Now choose which DVD you want.”

“Please tell me you have more than chick flicks.” He frowned scanning through my bookcase and then smiled when his finger rested against the Bourne trilogy. “Now this will be good. I haven’t seen them in ages.”

Thank you, B. She bought the boxset after she developed her Matt Damon crush. I hadn’t seen them myself but sitting here with Ollie would be reason enough.

“Plus if it’s a trilogy it means you have to come back again.” I winked and he grinned. Three times the fun, I could not have smiled harder.

“That goes without saying.”

Wow, I think I just fell a little deeper.

The doorbell rudely interrupted our moment. I flinched and wrenched my eyes from Ollie’s to get the door. I could have cursed the pizza guy, but as he was the one with the food, I ended up giving him a tip.

Ollie smiled when I walked back through, eyes eager to dive in. I placed the boxes down and headed into the kitchen for plates.

Walking back through I smiled watching Ollie tuck into his pizza, he grinned and shrugged at the same time and I laughed. “Help yourself, why don’t you.” I chuckled.

“Don’t worry, I will,” he replied, taking an even bigger bite. I smiled as I quickly began devouring mine.

* * *

“So do you have a crush on Matt Damon then? I asked innocently. I was more of a Channing Tatum guy, from Step Up I’d been hooked. God, the guy knew how to work his body, I was transfixed the whole time and the millions of repeats after.

“No, I think he’s a great actor and love this trilogy, but I’m not into him that way.”

“So what is your type?” I asked nonchalantly, eager to know.

He bit his lip looking hesitant, I guess he’d never been asked that kind of question before. I wonder if he’d say a guy if he was newly out then I suppose a girl would be his first choice.

“I don’t know.” He shrugged.

“It’s fine, sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.” I could have cursed myself for thinking that he might have said me. I was just being stupid.

“I would say right now I like sandy haired guys.”

My eyes flicked up to meet his, and I bit my lip to stop the huge smile spreading across my face.

“Really.” I quirked an eye brow and he smiled.

“Yep,” was all he replied, but he didn’t need to add anything else the look in his eyes told me everything.

I smiled feeling proud I was the one he was currently lusting after, it made me feel excited that he was reciprocating the feelings I felt inside. He was quite closed off with his emotions, I guess that was to do with his upbringing with his parents, but I hoped to slowly peel back all the layers so he’d let me inside.

“Well I’m particularly liking shy, blonde, blue eyed guys.”

He flushed at my reply, and I couldn’t help but smile at the sexy blush that always got me going. It was just a part of him I couldn’t help but love.

His hand dropped down from his lap so his fingers were less than an inch from mine. I stared at it willing him to make a move, to take my hand and hold it in his. I craved any kind of affection he threw my way, but I also knew that if I were too forward I would scare him off so I had to be careful, to take this slowly and let him lead the way in his own time. It would kill me to pull back and not take the lead as that had always been a specialty of being in control, but this time I knew it would drive him away. He was going through an array of emotions, and I didn’t want to add to the chaos that was probably inside. He had to do things in his own time. But I couldn’t help but feel a mixture of excitement for each little groundbreaking landmark. The kiss being the major one. I don’t think I’d ever felt that much passion in one kiss and trust me I had kissed a lot of boys, but this one had been something far different. It had stirred something inside that I had never experienced before, but I was certain that every part of me craved it to happen again.

I flinched slightly when I felt his little finger brush up against my skin. He quickly moved away, and I cursed myself at my reaction but it had been unexpected. I slid my hand over a little to break the distance while my eyes continued to watch the television. I couldn’t tell you what was on the screen; my mind was purely focused on willing him to touch me again. This time when he brushed against me, I stayed still, feeling his fingers slowly connect with mine. I opened my hand so his fingers could entwine with my own, and I sighed again at another huge landmark we had crossed.

We sat there in silence both staring at the screen. I softly caressed my fingers against his just relishing the feel of his hand. I didn’t care what was happening with Bourne, right now all I could concentrate was how perfect his hand felt in mine, like it always belonged there.