The Heart That Lies (10 page)

“Now you really are talking like a fool. Very well, I shall get to know her for your sake.”

“Thank you, Mother.”

A servant knocked and entered.

“My lord, dinner is served.”

“Then, please excuse me, Mother. I shall go and eat with Miss Smith.”

Anna was soon able to join Meldon and his mother at meal times.
The meals were quiet affairs, with the countess doing most of the talking. Anna answered her questions as best she could without giving away too much about herself, or about her history in London. Meldon was a confident liar, but she was unpractised and kept to the truth as much as possible. She could not account for Meldon’s quietness at these times. He did not strike her as a man to be cowed by his mother’s interest in her and his ability to lie would have been very useful to fill in the gaps in the conversation where she could not come up with a lie quickly enough. Instead he seemed to take some amusement from the tales she wove to keep the countess happy. She wondered what he would do if she made a mistake and began to tell the truth, all the while knowing that she would not, for Meldon could no more learn the truth than his mother.

She saw surprisingly little of
the earl, for his estates kept him busy, he said. The countess, on the other hand, seemed determined to spend time with her. Anna did not object; her poems were full of darkness and writing them did not help. She was not even worried by the countess’ antipathy towards her; it was easy enough to imagine being the same herself if their rôles had been reversed. The countess’ object seemed to be to expose Anna to Meldon as some kind of fortune seeker and it took less than a day for Anna to understand that the older woman believed that her guest intended to marry her son. Even this Anna took in her stride. It probably explained why she saw so little of Meldon and she was grateful.

Two weeks after her arrival Anna found her way into the library. It was larger and more complete than James’ had been and she spent a happy hour wandering round the room, touching the spines of books she had heard of, but never seen.

“Ah, this is where you’re hiding.”

“My lord, I didn’t hear you come in. I am not hiding.”

“No, perhaps not.
” Meldon smiled his gentle smile, which she had learned preceded an act of kindness. “Take any of the books you want to your room. I won’t miss anything and if I do, I’ll know where to find it.”

“Your lordship is very kind.”

“Do you have enough paper and ink? I can send to Southampton for anything special that you need.”

“You have been generous enough, as it is.”

“Then you do need more supplies. Please ask for what you need. I want you to be comfortable.”

“Then please let Jonas Smith leave here tomorrow.”

“You find your imprisonment impossible to bear?”

“No. I find my imprisonment tolerable. It is the prospect of being a governess or a wife that is unbearable.”
Anna bit her lip at the foolishness of revealing her heart in this way.

“They were your own suggestions.”
Absently, he took a book from a shelf and began to leaf through it, raising his eyes to look at her from time to time.

“They are the only options for a woman. Jonas Smith can be a poet or a gambler or an official in the government
, Anna Smith cannot.”

Meldon was silent
as he continued to turn the pages. Anna had expected him to object that she was a woman and could have no other role than to marry and bear children. Finally he gave her his full attention.

“I had not thought before how limited a woman’s life might be. My mother and my sister were both happy to marry and to manage their houses and families.
You said you were in love...?”

He stopped and Anna could see him struggling to follow the thought.
Horrified at what he might be thinking she stepped closer to him, so that they could not be overheard by anyone passing outside.

“You suspect that I lived as a man because I loved a woman?”

Reluctantly, he nodded. “You told me that you loved a woman with fine hands and of good character.”

A smile hovered over her lips and then was gone. “I’m surprised you remembered, but it was you that said I loved a woman. I just said that the object of my affections had fine hands and a good character.”

“You were in love with a man.” He seemed relieved.

“Jonas Smith could hardly have told you that.”

“No. And now?”

“Now?”

“Do you still love him?”

Anna nodded.

“So you lied when you said you had nowhere to go.”

“No. I told you that he did not see me or my situation clearly.”

“Surely because you were disguised as a man. Could... could he not marry you now? Oh, he is married already. No, you told me he wasn’t...”

Tears sprang into Anna’s eyes and Meldon
wiped them away with his fingertips. Anna trembled at his touch and almost pulled away so that she would not betray herself, but she didn’t move; his touch was so comforting.

“You are always so kind, Lord Meldon. Yes, he could marry me, but he chooses not to.”

“Then he must be a fool.” The anger in his voice was unexpected and inexplicable.

“No. It is simply that he doesn’t love me
, has never loved me. I can admit that now.”

Meldon hesitated. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

“You see? You are always so kind, but no, there’s nothing you can do.” She sighed. “In some ways things were easier when I was Jonas Smith. I lived as a man solely to get close to you, but I came to enjoy it. Jonas Smith could go out alone whenever he chose. He could drink whisky and play cards. He could be alone with men. He could even be alone with the man... with the man I love. I cannot do those things.”

“Miss Smith, while you are in my house you may drink as much whisky as you wish. I will even have a decanter put in your room. You have only to say the word and I will play cards with you.
I’m very sorry that I can’t arrange for you to be alone with any man, except myself. As for going out alone... well, I’m afraid that would not be proper, to say nothing of dangerous.”

Anna sighed; he had not understood at all. Her disappointment was mirrored in his face and she wondered, again, what it was he hoped for her.

“Damn it, Miss Smith. It is dangerous for a young woman to go out unaccompanied. Did you never wonder why my story about finding you assaulted and wounded in the streets was so easily accepted?”

“You are concerned about my safety, then?” Her voice was cool and she allowed her disbelief to show.

“Above all else.”

His sincerity was almost overpowering.

“Things would be so much easier for you if I had died.”

She did not wait to see the effect of her words, but turned and left him in the library.

One
morning Anna rose early. The pain in her shoulder was little more than a dull ache and she longed to be outdoors. All of her belongings that had been taken to Finch’s house had arrived, including Jonas Smith’s clothes. The maid had blushed when she had taken them from the trunk, but Anna had instructed her to put them away with her new clothes.

Now she
put them on. If Meldon would not allow her to leave the house, Jonas Smith would do it on her behalf.

True to his word, the earl had arranged for
a decanter of whisky and a glass to be put in her bedroom along with a pack of cards. Now she poured a small measure of whisky into the glass and drank it down in one go. He had also invited her to his suite each evening after the countess had retired to play cards. They weren’t quite alone, as Perkins was always in attendance. Anna wondered what kind of valet it was who waited on his master, rather than a footman. She also wondered where he had picked up his medical training.  These questions did not occupy her for long, however. Their evening meetings became something that she looked forward to during the day and she began to be more at ease in Meldon’s company. It seemed to her that he became easier, too.

Now s
he dressed quickly and ran down to the stables. To her surprise it was already a hive of activity.

“Are you intending to leave us, Miss Smith?”

Meldon’s voice was more amused than it should have been given that she was disobeying his order not to leave the house alone.

“No. I just wanted to ride for a bit.”

“You only had to mention it and I would have arranged it.”

Of course he would, how stupid she had been not to ask him. He would even have accompanied her
if she had requested it.

“I don’t know how to ride
side saddle,” she said, as if challenging him. This, of course, was not true; her father would never have allowed her to ride astride. She had only learned after her arrival in London.

“Tom,” called Meldon, “saddle a horse for Miss Smith. She doesn’t ride side saddle.
”

They stood in awkward silence for a while.

“It’s a lie that I can’t ride saddle,” she admitted at last.

“I know,” said Meldon drily.

“Do you have any idea how restrictive it is, how dangerous?”

“And do you know how to ride astride?”

“Of course. I hired a horse for a whole day just to find out how to do it. It was wonderful. I can drive, as well,” she added in the hope of shocking him.

“So can Caro, although I prefer not to be with her when she does.”

Deciding that Meldon was determined not to be shocked, Anna gave her attention to the other activities in the yard. She had never been allowed into the stable yard at home; her mounts had always been brought to her ready prepared by the groom who had to help her on and off and ride with her in case anything should happen to her. It had been a revelation to discover that she was capable of mounting and dismounting without the assistance of someone else and that she could ride out alone.

Meldon must keep many horses
, she knew. Some would be work horses for the home farm, but there would be his horses for riding, probably a couple kept for company, at least one would be for Lady Caroline. Then there would be horses for the carriages.

Two horses were lead out and
Meldon indicated which horse was hers and Anna felt a moment of fear. Meldon had taken her at her word and the horse that was intended for her was almost as big as his. Feeling Meldon’s eyes on her, she refused to show her fear, but pretended to be appraising the horse, whilst she was wondering how she was going to get onto him.

“He’s a magnificent beast, isn’t he?” said Meldon.

It was certainly true that the horse was magnificent. He stood more quietly than Meldon’s own mount, but Anna could see that he was ready to be away and would not tolerate any uncertainty in his rider.

“If you don’t think you can handle him, I can ask Joe to bring another. Perhaps the mare we keep for Caro; she’s very quiet.”

“No, my lord, thank you. You need not fear for my safety.” She doubted Joe would have made ready a horse that he knew would kill his master’s guest.

Without another word, Meldon swung himself up
onto the back of his horse with surprising ease for a man with his injuries.  There he waited while she pulled herself into the saddle. Anna knew that she had not mounted with any of the grace he had shown, but she was on the back of her horse and she was secure.

“You get half your wish,” he said, “for you may not go alone.”

“No,” she said, “I get my whole wish. I wanted only to ride; I didn’t care whether I was alone or not.”

In
truth, though, she would rather ride with Meldon than alone. He sat the horse as if he and the horse were one, despite the pain it must cause him. Watching him ride would surely be a lesson in itself.

“Do you ride well?” he asked.

“And fast.” She grinned at him. He did not smile back, but urged his horse into a trot. As soon as they were clear of the house, he began to gallop, without looking back to see whether Anna kept up or not. She laughed as she pressed her own horse to keep up and was still with him when he reached his objective. He dismounted and draped his horse’s reins around the gatepost.

“You will do,” he said as he waited by her horse in case she should need his help in dismounting.
Anna needed no help, but swung herself easily from the saddle to stand beside him.

Meldon was carrying out an inspection of some tenants’ cottages that were being repaired. He seemed not the least
bit embarrassed to introduce what looked to his tenants like a young man as Miss Smith who was staying at the Hall with him for the moment.

His inspection
of the cottages was thorough and knowledgeable. Anna occupied herself with the women and children, who were transfixed by a young woman in breeches. This was a world in which she was at ease. James had spent so long away from home that she had run the estate with his steward. Like Meldon she had known all the tenants and their children. There had been mutual sadness when she had taken her leave of them to go to London.