The Heat Is On (7 page)

He was squatting beside the walker, talking to Lily. Tracy stood in the doorway, a rush of overwhelming emotion filling her. There was something so sweet about this big, confident catcher carrying on a conversation with her little daughter that she had to swallow hard to fight the tightness in her throat.

“She's adorable,” Connor said, and then rose, his eyes meeting hers with a question.

“Thanks.” Her heart seemed to pound right out of her body. “I see that you met Lily. The others are Mason, Chloe, and Ethan. And my friend Jillian answered the door.”

“So they're all yours?”

She nodded without hesitation. “Yes.”

Fear lurched inside her. Would he still want her now? Four kids were a lot to handle. She couldn't blame him if he bolted, but she desperately hoped he didn't. The renewed feelings she had experienced for him in the past few days were too intense, too raw to admit, and the thought of him walking out was devastating.

The heat was on…

But instead of making a lame excuse and heading for the door, he looked at her curiously. “Why didn't you tell me?”

She wasn't surprised at the question. She just didn't know how to answer in a way he would understand.

“I wanted to know if what was happening between us was real. Their father and I split up last year, right after he found out about Lily.” She glanced affectionately at her daughter, who cooed. “I haven't been involved with anyone since, so I wasn't quite sure how this worked.”

He seemed to consider that for a long moment, and she realized she was holding her breath. Jillian's words came back to her and she forced herself to exhale and hold up her head, returning his gaze. Her friend was right; she hadn't done anything wrong except lie by omission.

A big lie.

“Is that the only reason?” he asked softly, and she knew he had her cold.

“No,” she admitted, lowering her eyes. She couldn't keep tap dancing. She had to do it, she had to bare her soul, no matter what happened.

God help her.

“I wasn't sure how you would feel about this. About them. About me and them. I realize four kids are a lot to take on, and would send a lot of guys heading for the hills. I guess I was afraid of that, especially someone like you, who can get any woman he wants.”

Now she looked directly at him, bracing herself for whatever his reaction. “I should have found a way to tell you. I know that. I understand if you decide to move on, and hope we will stay friends.”

Something ignited in his gray eyes, and the whisper of a smile came to his lips. “Is that what you think we are? Friends?”

She shrugged, and he seemed to consider her response. But then she was in his arms and his mouth took hers in a devastating kiss.

Tracy gasped; this was the last reaction she'd expected. When he pulled her closer against him, his arm around the small of her back, she responded enthusiastically and kissed him back.

It was all there, that sexual attraction that had always been simmering between them. Red hot, and undeniably compelling, the heat threatened to burn out of control when he took the kiss deeper, his tongue scorching hers, letting her know in no uncertain terms that he wanted her as much as she wanted him.

She lost all track of time, of where she was and what she was doing. Her arms rose as if of their own accord, pulling him eagerly closer. He smelled amazing, male with a splash of cologne. His warmth burned her, and the combination was intoxicating.

“Ahem,” said a voice in the distance.

Connor reacted first and eased out of the embrace. Immediately Tracy looked up to see Jillian and three little children looking at her curiously.

“What are you doing?” Mason studied her with disapproval, his nose wrinkled as if smelling something bad. Ethan sucked his thumb while Chloe flopped on the floor as if watching a show.

“This is Mommy's friend,” she managed, still holding onto Connor as if afraid she would fall. “His name is Connor. Connor, I'd like you to meet Mason, Ethan, and Chloe.”

“Hi there,” he said, coming down in a squat to make eye contact on their level. “Nice to meet you. Your mother is right. She and I have known each other for a long time, and I would like to be friends with all of you.”

Jillian's eyes met Tracy's and widened hopefully. Tracy shrugged, biting her lip, aware that her children had just seen her thoroughly kissing the lanky ballplayer. Her mind was racing. What was Connor thinking?

She managed to clear her thoughts enough to address the children. “Can you say hello?”

Chloe batted her eyes and giggled. Mason frowned, while Ethan took his thumb out of his mouth and smiled at Connor. “You have a big nose.”

“Ethan!”

Jillian dissolved into laughter as Tracy looked mortified. But Connor joined her friend in chuckling, apparently finding the situation funny as well. “Yes, I've been told that.”

He got to his feet and turned to Tracy. “Listen, I've got to run. I just wanted to stop by and see if you were free later. But you have your hands full, so I'll give you a call.” His eyes shot to Jillian, who was still shaking with laughter. “Nice to meet you.” Then he was gone.

When he closed the door behind him, Jillian shrugged helplessly. “Oh, my God. I'm sorry. I can't stop laughing.” She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “But I see why you like this guy. He's really hot.”

“Yeah,” Tracy agreed, a little sadly, as she turned on the TV. “It's too bad I'll probably never see him again.”

She sighed as she actually verbalized the thought, and Jillian looked at her in surprise. “You really think that?”

“Don't you?” Settling the kids down, she waved her friend into the kitchen so she could start dinner. Jillian poured a glass of wine for each of them as Tracy got out the ground beef.

“No, I don't. I saw the way he looked at you. And can we talk about that kiss?” She did an eye roll. “I'm jealous.”

Tracy flushed, embarrassed to think that her best friend and her children had caught her necking with Connor Jackson. Her reaction caused Jillian to break into renewed hysterics, and she smacked her with a dish towel.

“Okay, okay. He
is
hot. But let's be real here.” Her eyes lifted from the bowl where she added a beaten egg and some spices, and then began to massage the meat into patties. “You know as well as me a guy like him can get that anywhere. His last girlfriend was an actress, and the one before that a model. Don't get me wrong; I think Connor is amazing. But I would be foolish not to realize he could have an easier deal just about anywhere else.”

“I think you're selling yourself short,” Jillian said, picking up the knife and slicing some tomatoes. “Yeah, if you had just met, would he be hesitant? The answer is yes. However, that's not the case here. You and he have history. And said history must have been pretty compelling for him to look you up as soon as he came back here.”

“I'd love to believe that I meant something to him.” Tracy sighed as she got out the dishes. “But he is a man who is in his late thirties, never married, a single child, and a professional athlete getting ready to retire. You know what he must be thinking: cruises, vacations in the Caribbean, traveling the world, and enjoying the rewards of an incredibly successful career. Where does a woman with four small children fit in?”

“I know. I'm not saying this will be easy.” Her eyes met Tracy's with a challenge. “But it can happen. He will need some convincing, of course. And he wouldn't be human if he didn't have doubts. But I think you need to take a good look in the mirror and see the woman I see: she is beautiful, smart, funny, and caring. Damn, I hate that
he
did this to you.”

“Connor?” Tracy put the burgers in a frying pan and looked at her in confusion.

“No, of course not.” She looked at her best friend as if she were an idiot. “Jeremy. He's the reason you doubt yourself. He made you feel like a second-class citizen, someone who is not good enough. He undermined you; meanwhile he's off doing his own thing, conveniently forgetting he already has a family. Prick.”

A shiver went through Tracy as she flipped the meat. “Did I tell you he called, that he's back and wants to see the kids?”

Jillian's eyes widened. “Isn't that a coincidence? I bet he found out that Connor Jackson is interested in you.”

Tracy looked at her in alarm as Jillian voiced her thoughts. But her friend continued, oblivious.

“When it comes to Jeremy, remember the agenda is all about him. But getting back to the main topic, I think you're crazy not to give this man a shot. All you need is a backbone.”

“Mommy, what's wrong with your bones?” Chloe asked in concern as she toddled into the room, her
Frozen
princess dress filthy.

“Nothing, sweetheart.” Tracy laughed. “My, we have to wash that dress. Who's ready for dinner?”

When Chloe's hand shot straight up, Tracy indicated the living room. “Why don't you be a good helper and tell Mason and Ethan it is dinnertime?”

She turned to Jillian. “You're staying, of course? It's the least I can do.”

Jillian grinned. “Homemade burgers and Pinot Noir? Honey, I'm there.”

Connor stepped up to the plate in a daze. He went through his pre-batting ritual, tapping the dirt three times before assuming his stance, but his ability to focus seemed long gone.

Four kids. Not one, not the baby he had feared, but four.

One, two, three, four
.

He fouled off the first pitch for a strike. Fuck!

He had to get his shit together. They were in the top of the ninth, playing Tampa Bay. And while the game wasn't critical—Florida wasn't battling for the division—a loss would be a setback.

Pete was looking at him in concern. The manager had noticed his distraction, his uncharacteristic inability to keep his head in the game.

He'd called his parents the previous night and casually asked if they had known that Tracy had children. Unfortunately, that only opened the door for them to register their disapproval. His father even went so far as to ask him why he wanted to take on someone else's problems…

He tried to shake off the thoughts, but when he stepped up to the plate once more, there they were.

Four kids. He pictured Tracy, her eyes closed with passion, looking so damned beautiful in a scrap of lace she called a panty.

That vision vanished, replaced by her floating sheets down the steps, playing a game with three little children giggling below.

“Strike two!”

Shit!

She hadn't told him. Connor pounded the plate in frustration. He believed her when she confessed that she had been afraid. Part of him was angry; four kids was a detail she shouldn't have kept from him. But he would be a liar if he said he didn't understand her motivation for keeping it a secret.

Forcing himself to concentrate on the game, he reminded himself that Jake was on third. The shortstop was inching away from the base, getting ready to run. Brian was on first. But there were two outs. They had runners on the corners, and even a base hit would drive Jake home…

He fouled off the next ball, and then the one after that.
Focus,
he told himself sternly, forcing the vision of a baby's wide eyes watching him out of his brain.

Thankfully, the pitcher must've decided he was no threat, for a fastball came right down the middle and he nailed it, sending it into the corner where the outfielder scrambled to contain it. Jake came home, Brian got to third, and he made it easily to second for a standup double.

But his heart thudded painfully. Carlos was right; this woman had gotten under his skin. Maybe she had always been there. But it wasn't just his Tracy from college now. She had a family, four little children who were depending on her.

They were a package deal. He couldn't have her all to himself. To get any more involved with her meant taking on an incredible responsibility. Could he do it? Did he want to?

Roger Adams popped up, and the game was over. But as he walked back to the dugout to get his gear, he realized he needed to get his head out of his ass. He had to think, had to make some difficult decisions. It wasn't fair to Tracy, or her kids, to continue his pursuit without the right intentions.

But now wasn't the time. He saw Pete looking at him as if puzzled, and he shook his head, reassuring him everything was fine. He needed to do his job to the best of his ability, to call the game and help bring home a win.

Otherwise, it was game over all around.

He hadn't called.

Or emailed.

Or sent a text.

Tracy stared at her phone sadly, aware there was no communication from Connor. She was at the playground, absently rocking Lily, while the children enjoyed the swings and the sandbox. Chloe had already made a friend and was showing off her newly washed princess dress, and Ethan followed Mason everywhere like an obedient puppy.

She shouldn't have been surprised at the lack of communication; after all, this is what she had been expecting all along. Yet she didn't anticipate the crushing disappointment that overwhelmed her.

It had been just two dates. Did she honestly believe a man like Connor would want her, considering that she came with complications, four of them, to be exact?

Maybe if she had been able to see him a few more times, develop the relationship, she might've had a chance. But this early in the game there wasn't a lot of emotional investment. It would be easy for him to cut and run, to find some gorgeous female he could dangle on his arm.

She couldn't stop the sadness that permeated her, and then chided herself for being ridiculous. Nothing had changed in their lives. It was she and the kids. Yet her heart ached, aware that nothing for her would ever be the same.

Her throat tightened as she watched her children play. She'd meant what she said to Connor: she was proud of them and would never regret any of them. But it was so hard to be given a glimpse of a different life, one where she could be a mother and a woman, too.

And then to have that snatched away…

The thought was unbearable. It actually felt as if someone had punched her stomach, and there wasn't enough of anything to fill that void.

“Look at me, Mommy!” Ethan cried enthusiastically from the swings as Mason gave him a big push.

“I see!” She shaded her eyes, hearing the undisguised pride in her little boy as he reached higher and higher.

“I think you're going to hit the sun!” she said in encouragement, and saw Ethan squint with pleasure.

“Mommy, are you crying?” Chloe stared at her, her eyes like quarters. Her own lips began to pucker as she tuned in empathetically to her mother's pain.

“No.” Tracy forced a smile and squatted down to her daughter's level. “I just got some dust in my eye. I'm fine.”

Chloe smiled, obviously relieved, and ran off to play with her brothers. Tracy sat down on the park bench to watch Lily.

It was true. She was fine. She had to be.

“That was a nice win,” Brian said in satisfaction as he shelved his helmet, brushing the dirt from his hands.

“About time,” Jimmy said, glancing across the room at Connor. “Seems like some of us showed up intending to play.”

Connor knew the dig was meant for him, and on any other occasion he would've ignored it. But something in the pitcher's tone got under his skin, and he slammed his locker.

“You got something to say?” He glared at Jimmy.

“Yeah, I do. Like Pete said, these games all count, and we need everybody's best effort. Not like the bullshit we saw from you today. What was with that at-bat?”

“You want to take this outside?” The fury inside of him had arced to a breaking point, and he would have been more than happy to take it out on his tormentor. He took a step closer to Jimmy, who appeared willing to fight.

“Whoa, whoa, what's going on here?” Pete said, appearing like magic even as Carlos and Chase inserted themselves between the pitcher and catcher.

“Nothing,” Chase said meaningfully, giving Jimmy a stare down. “We were just discussing strategy for tomorrow's game.”

“Okay. That's good. We need more of that. I've got some videos that I think everyone should take a look at before they leave. And then we should all talk.”

Jimmy backed away, returning to his locker, and Connor did the same. A moment later Pete approached him, putting his hand on his shoulder.

“Don't let him get to you,” he said evenly. “He's young, and a hothead.”

“I know,” Connor said, not looking happy about his own behavior. “I lost my temper. I just didn't feel like dealing with this crap today.”

They both knew that was unusual for Connor. He wasn't the type of guy easily riled, let alone ready to rumble when baited by a young teammate.

“You got anything on your mind you want to talk about?” Pete popped his gum, giving him a fatherly glance while Carlos looked on curiously.

“Nope.” He turned back to Pete. “But I want to talk to Jimmy. He and I have to get on the same page.”

“Agree.” The manager seemed relieved.

He returned to his office to construct the roster, and Connor approached Jimmy. Carlos rose, obviously planning to intervene, but Connor brushed past him and offered his hand to Jimmy.

“Listen, I'm sorry I overreacted. You were right. I was off my game today, and we can't afford that.”

The pitcher appeared taken aback by the apology. “Hey, look. I shouldn't have busted your stones.”

“Nah, I had it coming. I just have a lot on my mind, but that's no excuse. For us to go all the way this year, you and I need to be in sync. So if it's okay with you, let's start over. Okay?”

“Okay,” he said hesitantly. He accepted the handclasp, but seemed reluctant to let go of his grudge.

Connor headed back to his locker, unsurprised. He didn't expect to fix everything with Jimmy with one conversation. The man resented him from the get-go and was fiercely loyal to Cody. He got that.

But the incident made him realize they couldn't continue in a combative working relationship. Jimmy didn't have to like him, but they had to work together. Having the pitcher ignore his signs and attempt to undermine him didn't help anyone.

And he was ashamed of himself. He had been more than willing to take out his emotions on the young player. That wasn't cool, and he knew it. He was mature enough to know he had to be the bigger man, admit he was wrong, and try to meet the guy halfway.

So at least if he could sit down with Jimmy, work out their issues, and get some extra practice in, he would have a better chance of success.

At least when it came to baseball.

She saw a car in her driveway when she got home. For a moment, Tracy's heart fluttered as she thought of Connor, but the feeling quickly changed as she saw her ex-husband get out of the rental.

“Hello, Tracy.”

He looked the same, maybe a few pounds heavier, all muscle from his military job. Blond and good-looking, with deep-set eyes and a thin mouth, he approached her casually as if he had every right to be there. And there was something smug in his tone, as if he had the world by the ass. She didn't have time to analyze it as Chloe and Ethan ran toward him, screaming.

“Daddy!”

He stooped down and gathered the children into his arms. Mason stood by Tracy in what was almost a protective stance, while Lily simply stared at her father from the stroller. When he disengaged from the kids, he came to Mason and ruffled his hair.

“How's my little man?”

“Fine.” Mason wasn't rude, but he wasn't friendly, either. But Jeremy seemed unperturbed, and simply wrapped his arm around the boy as if nothing were wrong.

As if he hadn't cheated, had another family, another wife and kids, probably wondering where he was.

“You look good,” he said, his eyes taking a walk all over her. Dressed in sweats and a tank top, with a hoodie over it, she self-consciously zipped the lightweight jacket closed, and then reached for the baby.

“So I thought you were going to call?” She couldn't keep the edge from her voice.

“I happened to be in the neighborhood and thought I'd stop by to see the kids.”

“Mason, can you be a big helper and take Chloe and Ethan into the house? I'll be in in a second.”

Mason looked from his mother to his father, as if uncertain whether or not to leave. Tracy nodded at him reassuringly, and he reluctantly took his brother's and sister's hands and led them into the house.

“Are you coming, Daddy?” Chloe called out over her shoulder.

“Yes, I'll be right up.”

When he turned back to Tracy, his confidence was unmistakable. He thought he had her wedged into a corner. The children obviously wanted to see him, and she would be the bad guy to turn him away.

She never saw before how manipulative he was, how he always played the situation so that it benefited him. Anger flashed inside her, but she managed to reel in her emotions as she faced him.

“Jeremy, you and I need to get something straight. We aren't married anymore. You have no right to drop in here when you feel like it. If you want to see the kids, we need to set up a schedule. I have a right to my privacy, just as you do yours.”

“Oh, come on. Don't be like that.”

He actually tried to reach for her face, and she took a step back. “Don't touch me.” Her eyes flashed a warning.

“It's him, isn't it?” The jovial manner was gone, replaced by steel. “That's why you're being like this. If you think just because you hooked up with some ballplayer, I can't see my own children, you are sadly mistaken.”

“Connor Jackson has nothing to do with this. Or you. I know you'd like to believe otherwise, that the world revolves around you, but it doesn't. And although it isn't any of your business, I am not seeing him romantically. We are just friends.”

It hurt to say the words, even though she suspected they were true. But she hadn't heard from him since he found out about the children.

“Not surprised,” he said with a laugh, although he looked relieved. “Wasn't his last girlfriend some kind of model?”

Tracy took a deep breath, fighting to maintain control. “I understand the children want to see you. If you're going to be in town for a while, we can do weekends. During the week is too disruptive for their schedule. Does that work for you?”

“Sure.”

When she started to walk away, he grabbed her arm. The eyes were soft, cajoling. “Tracy, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. For the sake of the kids, we need to get along.”

She stared pointedly at his hand on her wrist and he let go, covering up the awkwardness with a laugh.

“I shouldn't have said that. About Connor.” His eyes met hers, and she saw a look she remembered from a long time ago. “It just really bothered me to think of you with him. I know I have no right, you can see whoever you want. But—”

“Stop there,” she said sternly. “You were correct the first time, you have no right. You have a wife and another family. Did you forget?”

“That's not exactly working out so well,” he admitted.

Tracy exhaled. So that was it. The bloom was off the rose at home, and he thought he could just pick up where he left off with her and the kids.

“I'm sorry to hear that, but your marital problems have nothing to do with me. I have to get the baby upstairs, and I don't like leaving the children alone. Is there anything else you need to say?”

He looked lost, and for a moment she almost felt sorry for him. Almost. He shook his head, and then looked up at the house. “Can I come up and see the kids for a few minutes?”

“I don't think that's a good idea. I'll tell them you will be picking them up Saturday morning. I'll see you around nine.”

She turned and walked away, refusing to look behind her. Part of her wanted to let bygones be bygones, and invite him to spend an hour with the children. Chloe and Ethan would love it, she knew that. But her inner instincts warned her not to give in. If she set a precedent that it was okay for him to drop by whenever he felt like it, she would always be uneasy.

“Where's Daddy?” Chloe looked up from the living room floor, where she, Ethan, and Mason were playing with blocks.

“He had to get going. But he's going to come on Saturday, to take you guys out for the day.”

“Yay!” Chloe said, while Ethan grinned.

Mason didn't look up but simply continued stacking blocks, putting a triangle on top of an impressive castle.

“Mace, you okay?” She put Lily in the walker, and then turned to her son.

Her oldest shrugged and went back to his game. Tracy bit her lip, hating her ex-husband all over again for hurting her children. But there was nothing she could do about it. Jeremy was their father, and he was legally entitled to see them.

But that didn't mean she had to like it.