The Honor Trilogy: Books One, Two, and Three of the Honor Trilogy (51 page)

A drop of ice melts from my heart. “No.” I say softly, yet firmly. “I haven’t.”

“Then I guess I’ll be taking my things back to my apartment.”

I feel just a tiny twinge when I watch her walk out of my office.

Maybe it’s the guilt, maybe it’s those darn emotions trying to tear down my resolve, but I am not expecting to feel sad when Shelby reaches my elevator with a bag filled with her belongings.

“Shelby. I am sorry.” I stand there defenseless, watching her hold back her tears.
"Until tonight, and bringing her up, I had no idea that I still loved her. I mean, I guess I did, but…I hadn’t realized how much those feelings were holding me back from giving my all to you.”

Shelby laughs. “Really, Ethan? You didn’t even give me close to your all. You were mentally checked out for most of the moments we shared together.”

This actually surprises me. “Then why did you stay with me?”

“Convenience. It was nice to have someone to come home to after school and work. Plus, I’ve liked you since high school. I just thought,” she pauses to chuckle again, “you’d somehow forget about her.”

“I guess I thought I would too.”

“Don’t kid yourself. We were both blind. How could you
not
think of her, when your whole reality here is
because
of her?” Shelby reaches up to kiss me goodbye. “I know I’ll get over you, Eeth. I can tell. But I feel bad for you, because, truthfully, I don’t think you’ll ever get over her. And forever, specifically for an immortal like you, is one hell of a long time.”

When the door closes behind her, her words resonate throughout my entire body, sending chills and tremors from my neck to my toes. Forever is going to be one hell of a long time.

The Wedding

Ethan:

“Thanks for being my best man, Ethan. It means a lot to me.”

Storm’s changed
a lot
since I’ve seen him last. He’s not afraid to show his feelings anymore. “No problem.” I haven’t changed. Not in my compassion for Storm anyway. Though somewhere deep inside I have respect for the guy, the only reason I’m serving as his best man is because Honor asked me to.

“Is my tie straight?” he asks, shaking his head and grinning. “Look at me. I’m a nervous wreck. Me. Nothing used to get me flustered, and here I am a fumbling mess. And you. Since when have you become so in command of yourself?” He runs his hand up and down in front of me. “You wear a tuxedo like it was made for you.”

Smirking, I tell him that it
was
made for me.

“That’s right. You thought it was a bring-your-own.” He pauses. “What’s with you, Ethan? All week you’ve been cool and distant. Is this the real you now, or is it an act?”

“The real me
is
an act, brother.” I stick my hands into my expensive pockets and walk toward his dresser. “The real me died six years ago.”

My comment is met with nothing but a sigh from Storm.

When I turn, he’s sitting at the edge of his bed.

“I’m sorry,” he offers.

“Don’t be. I would have made the same choice even if she
had
chosen me. There was no way in the world I would have let the government come after her. She’d have never been able to build a wall to protect herself. Even if they had realized she was no longer an empath, they would have poked and prodded her just to make sure. So don’t be sorry, Storm. It wouldn’t have ended for me any differently.”

Storm lets out a humorless chuckle. “I don’t think your life does end, does it,
Eeth?”

My shoulders drop and I let out an involuntary emotional sigh. “Unfortunately…But it is what it is. I get to forever be eighteen years old, making more money than I know what to do with, and every twenty years or so, I’ll get to start all over in a new relationship as my own son, or grandson, great-grandson.”

I’m met with a pity smile.

“Don’t look at me like that. I don’t need your pity.”

“That’s not why I’m looking at you like that.” Storm stands and places his hands on my shoulders.

“We could always find Tom and have him
take care of you
. You know what I mean? I mean he can heal you. You can come back to life free from this. Start over again. With us.”

Now
I
laugh. And I haven’t laughed in a long time. “You want Tom to kill me, bring me back to life, so I can watch you and Honor live happily ever after? No thank you. After tomorrow, I’ll go back to my Secret Service life, watch out for the President, and worry about the future when it gets here.” I give Storm a reassuring pat on his arm. “Really, guy. I’m comfortable where I am. My life may always be in a state of irony…healing people I have no feelings for…but it’s a life I chose. I may not be good at showing it, but I’m content.”

Storm takes my hand in both of his, much like the President did, and says, “You’re a better man than I am, Ethan. Thank you. Thank you for sacrificing your life for her. I’ll owe you for the rest of my life.”

**

The dramatic timbre of the pipe organ announces Honor’s arrival. The beating of my underactive heart stalls once or twice before it kicks over and converts its dormant dust into tiny fireworks awakening those emotions I’d tried hard to entomb. Standing at the altar waiting for Honor to walk down the aisle, my mind replays the day, one week ago, when I saw Honor for the first time in six years.

She is beautiful.

Her long hair, no longer blonde, spills effortlessly over her shoulders and down her chest. The violet eyes I see every night in my dreams are now a dark blue. With a golden complexion, she’s nothing like I remember.

Yet she’s everything like I remember.

When she greets me with her dimpled smile, it takes all I have to not tell her I am still in love with her.

“Ethan,” she cries, running up to me with her arms wide open. “Oh my gosh, I am so happy you came.”

“Hey, angel,” I say with a smile, trying to maintain my dignity when all I want to do is pick her up in my arms and run away with her. “It’s been a long time.”
It’s been a long time. What an asshole thing to say.

She stares at me with a reluctance to believe I am standing in front of her.

It’s awkward. For both of us.

“I’ve missed you, Ethan,” she says quietly.

I nod, afraid to admit out loud that I’ve missed her every second of every day. If I open up now, I’m afraid my heart would break in two. “So you’re getting married?”
Another asshole comment. Of course she’s getting married. For someone so refined, I’m sure acting like an idiot.

She uses her hand to cover her smile.

“It’s okay to be happy about it in front of me. That’s why I’m here. To see you start the life you deserve.”

Wrapping me in a big hug again, Honor tempts my resolve.

Setting her back down on her feet, I detour our conversation. “So I hear you’re a school counselor?”

“Yeah.” Her smile still hasn’t left her face. She’s genuinely happy that I’m here.

“I think that’s terrific, angel.” I take her hand and lead her to her front steps. The front steps that adorn her new house. The house that she and Storm bought together. And though it’s a modest home in a modest town, it is so much more than my penthouse apartment in Washington D.C. “You finally get to go to elementary school,” I muse, sitting us down on the step.

“I know.” She beams. “Plus I get to help children. I’ve always liked that part of me,” she says humbly, her shoulder coming up to meet her neck. “My desire to help others. I just hated how much it hurt.” She shrugs again, smiles, and pats me on the knee. “Are you happy,
Eeth?”

How do I answer that truthfully? Happy without Honor? No. I’ll never be. But I am content with my decisions and the reason my life is what it is today. “Yes, Honor. I’m happy.” Truthful? No. The right answer? Yes.

“You never responded to any of my letters,” she whispers, removing her hand from my leg.

“No. I didn’t. I’m sorry.”

There’s an awkward silence for several minutes.

Until I decide to break it.

“Honor.” I clutch her hand in mind. “I didn’t even read your letters.” When she attempts to take her hand away, I grasp it harder. “I couldn’t.”

A tiny gasp escapes her throat before revelation sets in.

“It was too painful for me, Honor. I’m sorry.”

Her head drops to my shoulder. “I’m sorry, Ethan. I’m really sorry.”

I lift her chin from my shoulder. “I still have them you know. I’d never get rid of them.”

Nodding her head, she tries to smile. “Are you seeing anyone?”

“No.” I pull her in and let her head drop to my shoulder. I don’t think it’s the right time to tell her about Shelby. With no explanation, Shelby stopped keeping in touch with Honor when she transferred to Washington. No reason to bring Honor down by talking about Shelby.

“Are you lonely?” Honor asks.

“I keep busy, angel. Some days I’m working forty-eight hours straight. I’m too busy to be lonely.”

She looks up at me through lidded eyes. “I’m so sorry it didn’t work out between us, Ethan.”

Holding her chin in my hand, I look into her eyes and remember the day six years ago when she said the same exact thing to me. “It’s okay, sweetheart. It wasn’t meant to be.”

A sad smile is offered as my consolation prize.

Patting her swiftly on the knee, to drop this entire subject, I say, “Let’s go inside. I can’t wait to see this house of yours.”

She is every bit as beautiful as I’d imagined she’d be on her wedding day. Forgoing the traditional white for a pale pink taffeta gown, Honor is scintillating. Her hair, the color of butterscotch, sits high on her head, her bangs slicked back with a single pink pearl. The strapless neckline accentuates her long neck, while the pink gloves that reach her upper arms elongate her slim limbs. Honor is exquisite.

And she is Storm’s.

That fact hits me once again like a brick to my chest.

The reason I never opened her letters.

The reason I’ve become a master of indifference.

Honor is not mine.

But my heart is hers.

Tiny fragments of my heart crumble with each step Honor takes toward him. The glimmer in her eyes is for him and him alone. As her hand reaches for his and he takes it, her smile invites him home. From this moment on…they are bonded for life.

I close my eyes to absorb the pain, tucking my emotions deep within my heart. Because this is the last time I will allow them to escape. From this point forward, I will no longer feel. As I have for the past six years, my only concern is to do the job I was hired to do, and no more. When I open my eyes, I turn toward the guests, zeroing in on all the couples. Something I’ll never be part of. Even if things had worked out with Shelby, in twenty years or so, she’d have aged, and I wouldn’t have. The government would have me reintroducing myself to the Secret Service as Ethan Sutherland’s son. And so will go my life until it meets an unnatural end. But as I’d said before, this would have been my fate whether Honor chose me to love or not. And with the understanding that I chose this life because I loved her
so
much, I am okay with it. I have found peace, because I had acted out of love. That is more than I could have ever expected of myself.

**

“Looking good,
Eeth,” a familiar voice says from behind where I’m sitting at my table at The Brownstone House. “Boy, Washington DC sure looks good on you.”

“Cut it out, Tam.” I stand to give her a hug. “How’ve you been? Honor said you were coming in from London.”

Tamlin tosses her long honey blond hair behind her shoulder and nods. “Yeah, just got in this morning.”

“Nice. So is that your natural color or another one of your concoctions?” I ask, referring to her many hair color choices from the past.

“It’s natural. It’s darkened over the years.” She tugs at a couple strands. “Have to look professional in court. Could you see me with pink hair representing a client in front of the judge?” She laughs at her own joke.

“That’s right. You’re a big time lawyer now?”

“Not yet. When I’m finished with my degree I will be.”

“Oh. What were you doing in London?”

“Visiting.”

“Visiting?”

“Yeah. Your brother. Thank you,” she says to the server who hands her a glass of wine.

“Can I get you anything, sir?” she asks me.

“A glass of Bordeaux red, please.”

“Certainly, sir.”

“What brother?”

“Eli,” she says with a grin.

“Wait a minute,” I say, grabbing her wrist. “I thought no one knew where they were.”

Yanking her hand from me, she says, “Calm down, Ethan. It’s not common knowledge, but
we
all know,” she says confused. “Why wouldn’t we?”

I shake my head and stick my hands in my pockets. “I thought we didn’t want the government finding them, so they don’t end up puppets on a string, like I am.”

“Yeah, well, you weren’t around anymore and Tom took them out of the country, so what would be the harm, right?”

“Does Storm know?” Now I’m really annoyed.

“Yes, Storm knows. Geez, Eeth. You’re the one that wanted them to go into hiding, so maybe Storm thought better of telling you. What the hell? You’re just so…oh I don’t know, maybe you are just like you used to be. You never did know how to chill.”

I look at her straight-faced. “No. Chilling was never my strong suit.”

Tamlin throws back her head in laughter. “No. Guess not.” She pulls at my jacket sleeve until she’s slid it all the way off my arm.

“Excuse me?”

Pulling the rest of my tuxedo jacket off, she throws it across my chair. “I think it’s time you chill.”

Next thing I know, she’s yanked me onto the dance floor.

“I don’t dance, Tamlin.”

“Sure you do,” a soft voice says to my right.

“Honor.” As beautiful as she was when she first walked down the aisle, she’s even more exquisite with her face aglow from dancing.

“You dance. I remember.
The Wii game? My prom?”

So badly do I want to reach out and touch her. “Your prom.” I remember it well. “If I recall, though, we only slow danced.”

“That’s not a problem,” Tamlin says, running across the dance floor towards the deejay.

“In case no one has told you this today, you sure are beautiful, angel.”