The Honor Trilogy: Books One, Two, and Three of the Honor Trilogy (6 page)

The clang of the period bell clashes with the cursing in my head. Mentally kicking myself for letting Ethan in on my feelings about Storm, I let the bell’s indication slip by me.

“Honor?” Tamlin’s voice is as soft as her hand is on my shoulder. I’m embarrassed to look at her, aware that my face is a wet mess. “Honey, are you okay?”

Nodding into my own palm of tears, Tamlin hands me a cloth to wipe my tears. I look at it when I take it from her and start cracking up in between sobs. It’s her gym shirt. “You’re crazy.” My half-hearted laugh makes her chuckle.

Tamlin straddles the bench alongside me. “What is it, honey?”

She wraps both her arms around me and hugs me. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry, because not twenty minutes ago Ethan was hugging me on this same bench. Where we shared our first kiss. Now my best friend is hugging me, because I’m crying over him. “Oh, Tamlin,” I sob into her shoulder, “I messed things up horribly.”

“Girls.” We glance up at the assistant principal. “You need to get to class.”

“Oh.” I scramble for my stuff and slap my purse over my shoulder.

“We’re sorry.” Tamlin offers, taking me by the elbow and scurrying us out of there. “Listen, sweetie. I’ll come to your house after school. K?”

“K.”

She hugs me and we get to class.

Seventh period math is challenging. Ethan and Storm are both in class with me. I contemplate going to the nurse, but I’ve been spending too much time in there as it is. Instead, I walk in with my head down and focus only on getting to my desk. Once there, my eyes remain on my books and I try to keep them there while Mrs. Johnson gives her lesson.

Acquiring any type of knowledge this period is a moot point, because I’m too busy taking on the emotions of the two boys I’m trying to avoid. The two gorgeous blondes who are causing this moment of despair for me - one who is hurt and angry because I succeeded in unintentionally making him jealous, and the other who is hurt and bemused because he knows he caused this whole ordeal. Sort of. I guess I’m to blame as well, since I can’t help but wonder why Storm is hurting so bad and that’s really the reason Ethan is upset. Crawling in a hole and dying would be better right now. Yeah, I know, it’s just teenage drama, but really, up until these past couple of months, I had zero drama in my life. Being a recluse and all. So, yeah. I deserve to be a little melodramatic right now.

I try hard not to look at Ethan, but being strong-willed is just not my strong suit. With my head down, eyelids up, eyes peering out of their corners, I see Ethan brooding. It doesn’t take an empath to know that. Even Mrs. Johnson takes a double-look at him every once in a while. Makes me wonder what
she’s
thinking.

Forgetting my eye focus is supposed to remain on my desk, I inadvertently glance at Storm. A wink from him lets me know he caught me. Wishing I felt nothing when Storm stares at me, I curse myself again. If he didn’t seem to be hurting so much, I probably wouldn’t be thinking about him. Well, he
is
gorgeous, so I might be thinking about
that.
But I digress. What is he hiding behind his haughty façade? And why am I so concerned with Storm when I’m heartbroken over the boy with whom I shared my first kiss? I know. Melodramatic. But I
am
heartbroken. I was falling hard for Ethan…what if he never talks to me again?

The period flies by. It’s already over, and I don’t recall Mrs. Johnson teaching us anything. Absorbed in my own thoughts, I hadn’t paid any attention to math. Certainly, I’m going to be
lost tomorrow. But I can’t think about that. More important matters persist. My new love life. Or what I thought existed of it anyway.

Tamlin pushes me into my bedroom. Playfully, of course. Like she had promised, she came ringing my doorbell mere seconds after I got home from school.

“So tell me what happened that you were bawlin’ your eyes out?” She begins, jumping on the edge of my bed with her bum.

Sitting
my
bum on my white beanbag chair across from her, I whine (I can’t help it, I get whiny when I’m depressed), “Oh, Tam. I made such a mess of things with Ethan.”

She raises an eyebrow at me. “Does this have anything to do with that new Sutherland boy…the
really
hot one?”

“Um…yeah. How’d you know that?”

“I see the way he looks at you. He practically gawks at you.”

“No he doesn’t.”

“Uh, yeah, he does. Anyway, so what about Storm ruined things for you and Ethan?”

What could I possibly say to Tamlin?  She doesn’t need to know about my new-found abilities. I’m not ready to divulge that to anyone.

“I don’t know,” I finally say. “Storm kinda asked me to hang with him afterschool…he asked me right in front of Ethan.”

“
Aah. But…unless you said yes to Storm, why would Ethan be mad at you? Unless…omg, did you say yes?”

“No. No, of course not.” I lean back on my bean bag and fidget with a string that had come loose from it. “Ethan got jealous anyway.” I sort of sigh, thinking how sad that makes me.

“So that’s good, right?” Tamlin reassures me. “If he’s jealous, that means he likes you.”

I yank at the string and make a big hole in my bean bag chair. “No. Not right. He got mad, and now he's not talking to me.”

Tamlin plops down on the floor and leans against the bed. “But what’s he mad at? I mean, why? You said no.”

“
Mmm. But I…kinda told him…well, that Storm’s not as bad as he wants everyone to think he is.”

“Honor…you like Storm,
don’tcha?”

“No. No, not at all. I don’t know.” I really couldn’t answer that question honestly. Not even to myself.

Stretching her crossed-at-the-ankle legs atop my bean bag, she whacks her heels right onto the hole I’d just made. Thousands of foam pellets fly up in a puffy white cloud. Tam slaps her hand over her mouth in apology. I crack up at the surprised look on her face.

“Tam, it’s okay.” I giggle. “I’m the one who made the hole…thanks for making me laugh though.”

“Glad I could help.”

Both of us have a good chuckle while cleaning up the mess.

After we calm down, Tamlin puts on her serious face. Though how can someone with bright blue hair
ever
look serious. “You going to see your mom today?” She asks, dumping a handful of pellets into my waste basket.

“Nah. Mom said stay home and study. I’ll call her later. She’s doing well, so Dad’s just
gonna go see her.” I tell Tam while I pick up the last of the pellets and throw them away.

“Cool. We can do homework together if you want.”

“Sure…want a soda?”

“Sure.”

Grabbing our backpacks off the floor, we dart for the kitchen. Tamlin takes a stool at the counter. I get two sodas out of the fridge.

“Honor?” Tam asks, snapping open her can of soda and taking a sip.

“Yes?” I take a sip of my soda and sit down on a stool across from her.

“You
gonna be okay? I mean with Ethan and all?”

Shrugging one of my shoulders, I answer as best I can. “I think so. I guess I just have to prove to him that it’s
him
I like…” I trail off, not sure if I believe that myself. I mean I’m really falling for Ethan. He’s terrific. And sensitive. But…there’s something about Storm that sets my heart to flutter. Maybe it’s just his bad-boy image. Maybe it’s just my empathetic feelings. I wish it were easier to tell.

“Yeah,” Tam says. “Good luck with that. Boys are thick.”

“Yeah.” I whisper so low she probably doesn’t hear me, but I’m having a problem agreeing with her. Ethan will not be hard to get through to. He’s pretty reasonable. What will be hard is hiding feelings from him. Recognizing emotions are something I’m guessing he’s very good at. I’ll just try extra hard to convince him I have absolutely no feelings for Storm.

But like Tamlin said. Good luck with that. I can’t even convince myself of that.

Though my bed is warm and cozy, my mood is cool. Hurt from Ethan’s cold shoulder yesterday and today, I can’t seem to find my smile. I don’t understand why he is so mad. It’s not like I can help it if Storm’s emotions enter my body. Ethan should never have told me what I was. It only makes me too aware of the people around me. Damn him for telling me.

And damn him for being so upset with me. He didn’t even say hello to me today. At lunch he was nowhere to be found, and in class he just kept his frowny face down. With my empathic awareness, I pick up sadness along with the anger or worry he carried over from yesterday. Anger should be an easy emotion to figure out, but because I’m not accustomed to bouts of it, I’m not sure if that’s exactly what he’s feeling. If he’d only open up with what he’s feeling. If he’d only open up and talk to me. I’m sure we’d both feel better. But since I’m also not accustomed to being in a boy-girl relationship, I’m too nervous to approach him first.

If only I hadn’t felt anything from Storm. For Storm? I wish I knew for sure.

Go,
from
Boys Like Girls,
is playing on my iPod. I close my eyes and let Martin Johnson’s voice pacify the hollowness in my chest. My rising anxiety.

Sleep must have found me after all, because when I wake to a tapping at my window,
Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
is playing
Cat and Mouse,
which is near the end of my playlist.

The tapping continues, and as I make my way across the room, it gets louder. In spite of the trembling, I still push aside my curtain. A rejected Ethan sits on a tree branch outside my window.

“Ethan.” I say, surprised to find him there.

He escalades the window sill and enters my bedroom – in the middle of the night.

“What are you doing here?”

Ethan sits on my bed. “Is this okay?” He motions with his finger to the mattress he’s already sitting on. I close the window and turn back towards him.

“Yeah it’s fine. Why are you here? It’s late.” I don’t want to sound callous, but all day I got the silent treatment. Now he shows up outside my window. Though I’m thrilled to see him, I don’t want him to think I’m some kind of pushover.

He falls back on my bed and rests the crook of his elbow across his forehead. “Oh, Honor. He worries me.” Ethan drops his arm to his side and looks at the ceiling. “And I’m scared for you.” He sits up again and holds his hand out for me to go to him. At first, I only allow my fingertips to graze his, but he grabs my hand and pulls me between his legs at the edge of the bed. He stands to embrace me. “I’m sorry, Honor,” he whispers in my ear. “I’m so sorry I’ve been ignoring you. It was so immature of me.”

“Why did you though?”

Ethan moves me to arm’s length to look me in the eye. “Because…I was upset about what you told me.”

“That I feel his pain?” I ask, though I know exactly what he means.

“Yes. You feel his pain…and soon enough, it will affect your feelings for him…and…that scares me.”

He’s perceptive. “Do you have feelings for everyone you…take on? I mean…do you….” I trail off, unable to form the sentences properly.

Ethan runs his hand through my hair, sending a tingle through my body. “Not in the way you think, but yes, when I’m not ignoring the pain…there’s no way to
not
build a bond with them.”

“So, what? You think I will
like
him-like him?”

Both his hands slip through my hair when he holds my head close to my neck. “I sure hope not.” He pauses. “Because
I’m
falling for
you
. Hard.”

Not only does my blood trickle through my veins like droplets of hot lava, but my knees are weak and unable to hold me up for long. Fortunately, Ethan pulls me close and presses his lips to mine. Warm and velvety, his mouth feels wonderful on mine and after making his way down my neck with his lips, he pulls me down to my bed, sits me on his lap, and stops kissing me. “Oh, Honor. I never expected this. When I came here looking for you, I never intended…to fall in love with you. It just…makes things so much more complicated.
Y’know what I mean?”

“No. Not exactly. What do you mean? How does…that…complicate things?”
And did he really just say he fell in love with me?

“Because we’re empaths. We take on too many bad things. When an empath falls in love with another empath, nothing good happens. They die. They do good for everyone else, and then…for each other…they die.” His explanation stops short.

“Why do we have to die?”

Ethan’s eyes pop out of his head. “Have you listened to
anything
I’ve said about being an empath, Honor?”

“Yes. Of course. But didn’t you say that we can
ignore
the pain?”

He springs up from the bed and begins pacing my room. His hands run through his hair in some nervous attempt to think things through. “That’s just it. The pain…the aches…the hurt…it’ll all be too much.” He stops pacing and kneels down in front of me, placing his hands on my knees. “I’ll absorb someone’s hurt, you’ll absorb someone’s hurt, and then we’ll feel each other’s pain. And not just our own heartaches and illnesses – everyone else’s too.” Ethan tilts his head to the side and continues speaking softly. “It’ll be too much to bear. We could never ignore it. It’s getting hard already.” He takes a deep breath, kisses my left hand, and continues. “Our only choice would be to heal everyone…then…we’d die within five, ten years. Just like our parents did.” A guttural sound escapes his lungs. He’s crying.

“That’s why they kill,” I whisper.

“Yes…that’s why they kill.”

By the weirded-out expression on Ethan’s face, he appears to have recalled something. “They were killing people. That’s what Hunter told me the day he called. I forgot about that. It wasn’t just to tell me to watch out for Storm. They’re after something.” He stands now and leans back against my bureau. “If they were
with
Storm…then we’re all in danger,” he realizes. “They’ll follow him out here. What if he’s part of this group? We could be in danger.”

“You know,
Eeth. The other day at the hospital, my mother told me that Hanna and Daniel had told them that if I had stayed with them, I’d be in danger.” A dire expression shadows Ethan’s face, but I ask anyway. “Could this be…related?”

Ethan slides down to the floor and slams the back of his head against the bureau. “Oh shit. I’m so
friggin’ stupid for coming here to find you. Now I’ve dragged you into something…after all your parents did to get you away from us.”

“Ethan, stop.” I go over and sit next to him. “I’m
glad
you’re here.” With my hand, I turn his face to look at me. “Because I’m falling in love with you, too.” And I realize that I really am. He’s so caring and kind. How can I
not
fall in love with him?

His long fingers caress my face, and then he pulls me close. With my head on his shoulder, I think to myself –
how natural this feels.